So recently I been on two dates with a really cute and nerdy guy. He’s very sweet and gentlemanly. We’ve talked about so many things like politics, pop culture, our career goals, relationship expectations etc. On our first date we went axe throwing, we ate dinner, and after we just yapped sitting on a bench outside. The conversations were really stimulating and I didn’t want the night to end. When he held my hand while walking my heart I felt a feeling like a safe feeling?
A few days ago we had our second date and the same thing. It lasted almost five hours and we just talked and when it end I couldn’t stop thinking about him ? As we were walking downtown I asked if we can hold hands and he said yes and again my heart or stomach fluttered and I felt a safe cozy feeling. We sat on a bench and talked near the end of our date. I rested my head on him and I lowkey felt his heart beating and it made me feel warm. Even when he only kissed me on the cheek it made me blush …When he asked me again if I had a good time and asked me out again I just felt warm…
My next question is if this is a spark? The times where I felt or I thought I felt a “spark” with a man I feel an IMMEDIATE connection and that ended badly….and lowkey became toxic. Is this a romantic spark ? Sorry if this post sounds juvenile or kiddish
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The thing with “sparks” is that they’re often imaginary. Your brain fixates one feature of the other person and then you end up building an image of them that doesn’t correspond with the reality of their character. Which is why they can turn toxic.
What you’re describing sounds like something more solid on which to potentially start building a relationship. Shared values and hobbies, intellectual stimulation. So who cares whether it’s a “spark” in the way romcoms might present it?
As we grow up different things become important and then they can become meaningless in the future, teen love can be more intense and volatile, emotions are more uncontrolled. Adult romance will be different. Everything in life is different and it will be different on every romance you will have in life.
So is this a “spark”? It can be. Does it really matter if you seem to be having a good time and he seems a good person?
I don’t see no red flags on what you are relating, in hope others can help you more.
It’s usually not the Hollywood description, but that safe warm feeling you just described
In my opinion, if you are looking for something quick and hot and lusty, immediate spark is a good indicator. If you are looking for something stable, long term, and deep, I think a slow burn is the shit. Realizing you like each other and can really see something together. Exploring that and continuing to find out that the pieces fall together. Realizing what that could mean. And then accepting it… man I wish I could go back and bottle that time when I was first seeing my husband. Don’t get me wrong. I love where we are today and it has also taken work but that time was so special and unique and I remember thinking “oh this is what they talk about”.
Maybe most importantly, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to figure out all of your feelings for someone within a short amount of time, such as two dates. If you like him, feel good around him, enjoy your time with him (and it sounds like you do), keep spending time together, see if things build, and listen to your gut. If you are looking for a long term partner, you should be looking at lots of factors, many that don’t come up or emerge in the first few dates.
Don’t convince yourself to like someone because they check certain boxes or only because they are safe. But also don’t confuse safety, accessibility, and an equal playing field as a lack of spark.
Trust your gut, have fun, and see where things go!
One of the things I only recently realized was that a lot of the “spark” and “love at first sight” and “you just know” and “the one” things that we believe, stemmed from shorthand in movies because of the time limit on the length of the film. There isn’t a way to portray a slow-grow, healthy, collaborative relationship in a short amount of time. Plus a lot of the little important moments look boring on-screen.
This ported over to TV because although the runs might be longer, each individual episode had to be an hour or so long. And again, not a lot of time for slow development.
Real life has more of what you are describing where there is a build over time. Plus, you need a solid few months for that first dopamine rush to subside – we’re all idiots in those early days, like chemically through no fault of our own. Not to mention clearing the love bombing hurdle.
It sounds like you have had two lovely and amazing dates and that’s a fantastic place to start. You have all the time in the world and you can trust your gut and take your time, and you don’t need to hunt for answers or dig for a word. You don’t have to lock anything in right now.
This is how good connections start. It’s some of the most fun parts of the beginning of a relationship. Turning toxic sometimes happens. Just shrug them off and try again.
An electric discharge that occurs when an electric field overcomes an insulating medium