How do I tell if a man I’m interested in is a genuinely good guy?
Finding love is basically one of my greatest desires in life. I desperately want to find a man who genuinely loves me that I am attracted to in terms of both physical appearance and personality. I should also specify that I have never had any experience with dating or anything, as I’m 18 and have autism and bad social skills. (Also, I’m not asking to be told “You don’t need a relationship to be happy”.)
However, the posts on here and places like whenwomenrefuse are making me feel hopeless and nervous. There are so many horror stories. It can be anything from leaving his wife when she gets diagnosed with cancer to murdering a woman after she politely rejects him. People talk about how their boyfriend or husband was so sweet and loving during the first months or even years of their relationship, but now does things like berate and scream at them over every little inconvenience or break things. It might be confirmation bias, since these are subs where people come to talk about their bad experiences, but it just seems so common. Hell, I even witness this dynamic with my own parents.
How am I supposed to know if the man I’m talking to is a bad one? It isn’t obvious, like so many people claim. Horrible men don’t make their intentions clear. They hide it. They don’t loudly proclaim how much they’d love to beat up their future wife to everyone at the grocery store, like people seem to think. They can come across as genuinely good people, with everyone who knows them thinking they could never do anything wrong. They can even hold out for years, only showing their true colors once they have you trapped in a marriage with kids.
Yeah, sure, not all men, but how are you even supposed to tell the bad ones from the good ones?
Comments
Don’t approach dating with desperation you will just ignore red flags to try and make it work. My experience with dating men is that it’s like finding a needle in a garbage pile you will have to search a lot so don’t commit to the first dude that shows interest.
Pay attention how they show interest and how they treat you, have standards they have to meet or walk away. Pay attention to who they vote for, what media content they consume. If they have well rounded hobbies and friend groups.
Since you are young I will give you the advice my mom gave me. NEVER give up your career for a man. Be independent and have your own source of income. If they get bad you can leave. I have found that being successful and independent naturally pushs the dudes who want to use and control you away. They are looking for an easy victim.
I have multiple friends who have found sweet wholesome guys that treat them like a partner. So its possible but hard. I haven’t found that yet but I started dating in my early 30s and most of my friends met their partners in their 20s and grew together.