This is happening to me right now and I’m wondering how common it is. When I tell you I would have bet my life that these people were end game, I am not joking.
This is happening to me right now and I’m wondering how common it is. When I tell you I would have bet my life that these people were end game, I am not joking.
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Not yet, but I’m still in my mid 30s. I hear the divorce floodgates open in the 40s
My friends were shocked when I announced mine. I only ever talked very highly of him and thought we were really happy!
No, because most of married friends have confided to me how difficult their relationship is.
Like from outside looking in I thought it was perfect but numerous times I’ve learned that there was more going on.
Hi OP, when I told people about my divorce/separation, every single person was visibly incredibly shocked. You just never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Yes, a few years ago but in retrospect I understand
Yes
No, not shocked. I am a great predictor of these things. I also don’t have a roaring social circle because I can see right thru ppl. Call it intuition or just being exposed to lots of toxic personalities at a young age
No, I’m never shocked. I always make sure to congratulate them too.
Yep. 20+ years they’ve been together, married for 15 probably. I thought they were good for life because they were best friends. He’s turned into a completely different person in the last year. They were both like family and now I don’t think I could be in the same room with him.
Yes I have been, even though I knew they were going through a tough time. The one I was closer to would tell stories of their disagreements with the idea that “we’re working through it”. I think if I had been closer to his wife, I probably would have realized it was coming sooner. She was the one who initiated. They’re both now much happier with other people, so it was definitely for the best.
As a longterm single person, I always assumed most couples were happy. My mom got divorced after 35 years and really stressed that it’s easier to stay married even if you’re unhappy.
People used to always say that to me when I got divorced. Like you really never know what’s going on inside someone’s marriage.
Now that I am divorced and have gone through it myself, I can see when a couple is going to get divorced in advance almost every time. There are signs of toxicity that you can see in public interactions but if you haven’t been through it, you probably wouldn’t see it. It’s not that hard to put on a show in public, your friends are just good at doing that. I’m saying that because I did it too.
That was my relationship when we told people; We were definitely a “power couple”, so it did cause a bit of waves.
It was a couple me and my bf at the time hanged out often. They invited us over for a game night as usual and when they said they want to tell us something, we 100% thought they’re gonna say a baby. It was an amicable split over an incompatibility rather than some deep resentmenr/betrayal.
I think this is just a naivety that wears off as you get more experience in life. When you find out how very ordinary everyone is. It’s comforting and depressing in about equal measures 🙂
You never know what’s going on in someone else’s relationship. Optics are just one element.
Yeah, but that was because he was constantly saying he was going to make his marriage work. That was why he was going to relationship therapy. Then one day left his wife and moved in with his 15 years younger girlfriend before the week was over.
In hindsight not all that shocking.
We’re no longer friends.
You never know what’s happening at home.
Was the shock because they’re making overt grand gestures and declarations of love, or what was it?
My friends and family were blown away.
my friends were shocked and we weren’t even married. i had helped him keep it covered that he was an addict and always kept him looking good in public. we didn’t air our dirty laundry and i always made sure to only say good things about him. but he left me in serious debt, had at minimum an emotional affair and never helped with shit without me harping on him
I think most marriages people talk up about their spouse because they’re considered a “team” or “united front” however what a lot of people don’t realise that there’s a lot that goes on in a marriage just like a regular relationship but when you’re in a relationship it’s easy to end things, being married it isn’t easy to end it especially when you’re female. So a lot of people think marriage is this superior status when actually it’s just a boyfriend and girlfriend legally and financially tied to each other.
I knew a couple from high school that had been together since 3rd grade. Never split up once. Got married at 18 after we graduated.
Two years back in their early thirties they got divorced. I really thought they would be the ones to make it.
Most people as they age get very good at public appearances. That said… No. Reading people well is a nice skill that also brings on the realization of just how “fake” everyone can be.
Yeah, I kept my concerns and our issues to myself except for my best friend, and she didn’t even know most of it. She wasn’t surprised, but everyone else was.
It wasn’t a divorce as they ended up staying together, but I was absolutely shook when I learned a while back that a friend’s husband was having an affair with her (former) best friend. They’d been married for over a decade and always seemed loving and happy.
Up until that point, I had actually been kind of envious of how completely devoted that he was (or appeared to be) to her.
I’m shocked some of my friends aren’t divorced. 🤷🏻♀️
No. My parents hated me for my entire life but people, on the outside, thought I was “living the dream” so I never look at people and try to guess what their private lives are like.
No, I actually experience the opposite where I am shocked people have made it so long lol. We never know what goes on behind closed doors. I have noticed the people who are always raving about their relationship other spouses or pretend that everything is always great are usually the ones with the most shit going on.
i don’t think i have ever been shocked about a divorce announcement
I’ve been surprised to learn they were having problems, but the divorces were never a surprise.
There was this couple I met that had been together for 30 years and were 20 years older then me. Two creative souls, I look up to them as an example of what my husband and I could look like when we hit their age (bilingual couple, we’re also bilingual as a couple). They had moved countries at 40 together to live in a country where both could speak their language on a daily basis and live one grand adventure, which I thought was romantic as hell.
Well turns out that she cheated on him for 5 years with a work colleague and they only divorced when she was caught red-handed. I did not see that one coming.
Long-term coupling when you have no kids seem hard, people fall out of love. It made me a bit disappointed.
Not really, no. I guess at a certain age we know that a lot of people’s relationships won’t stand the test of time.
I was a bit shocked by the divorce, but mostly shocked to learn how long their relationship had been on the rocks before that.
They had apparently been living more like roomates than a couple for more than a year before they even got married.
My friend didn’t say anything about this to me until after they had decided to get divorced. She had confessed it to another friend a couple of months before iirc.
Looking back I think she tried to give us hints in the last year, hoping we would ask her how the relationship was going. She’s never been one to share from her personal life very openly, even with us, her closest friends. But we missed them or ignored them because they were the “perfect couple” and we could never imagine they would ever break up.
My friends are shocked as I’m announcing mine, but also it’s because of the circumstances, my ex husband serially cheated on me with strippers and had a whole double life.
If your friend wasn’t a type of “sharing information” type of person then it would shock everyone anyway cuz they didn’t prepare for the news. I honestly feel like over sharing is bad but sometimes women should take advantage of their benefits from sharing and getting help from their circle. Of course,only with people who actually care about them,not people who are just there for the drama and being nosy.
My now-partner and his ex-wife were one of those couples — when they broke up, their friend group basically fell apart and everyone was really shocked. My partner really felt he let a bunch of people down by not living up to their image of him. But clearly they weren’t as happy as they seemed.