This shit always pop up in this sort of discussions. People that basically – rightly – say if someone that is a friend turns aggressive or argumentative for having feelings not reciprocated is such an asshole for acting entitled to a relationship. But on the next breath the person will also say that people that do nothing besides politely distancing themselves after getting advances rejected are assholes – they now act like people are owed friendships and there is nothing uncomfortable about having to closely interact with someone you have deeper feelings for as a friend, specially after being rejected.
People are not owed relationships.
And people are not owed friendships.
Get over it.
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People are also allowed to be sad about things they understand to be fair enough.
I think this is kind of complicated, because it kind of is an asshole stance to cut people off for not reciprocating your feelings when you have been developing a friendship, but you’re not wrong that you owe people nothing. I think that’s where the position becomes “it’s not the illegal, but you’re still an asshole”.
Like, I can understand distancing yourself to cool the feelings, but completely cutting somebody you actually care for enough to develop feelings for just feels like you cared more about possessing them over appreciating them as a person in your life.
I dunno, I think I’d just rather be in a relationship with somebody who values our friendship over whether or not that friendship develops into something more.
Oh like romantic feelings or in general?
A lot of friendships are an unreciprocated tug and pull and very rare to find someone who is game for anything anytime for you, especially later in life. Like even family members drift off because of one thing or another and people progress differently things boil over, resentment sets in. Relationships are complicated and you should try and accept as many allies as possible rather than ride or die friends that are few and far between.
Most friendships I would say you are going to naturally encounter is communicating every couple days to weeks, months, and hanging out sporadically.
It’s pretty brutal for the uninitiated with little contact to begin with. So you automatically assume people that don’t talk to you every day don’t like you.
It’s a learning process that needed to be developed earlier in life but still can be learned at any age.
Yeah 100%
Idk why the internet generations glamorized friendships so much. Like, because relationship patterns etc changed everyone’s now obsessed with the chosen family concept, and has all these rules and expectations
Whereas the reality, described by generations of people before, is that friendships can exist for a reason or a season. The lifetime connections are rare, require hard work, reciprocity and a lot of forgiveness. Just like romantic relationships do. And length of time doesn’t change the depth or importance of a connection
And politely distancing oneself from people who don’t feed our soul is legit. And if circumstances change and we find each other in our lives again, that’s fine too. Being so connected through the internet and frequent travel has changed up our notions of how important some humans are in our lives or how important we are in their lives. When in reality, it may not matter as much 🤣🤣🤣
Mostly agree that no one owes another friendship or relationship.
However if someone becomes aggressive or argumentative because they think they don’t owe anyone anything… well I think there is a lack of compassion or Empathy for others. There can be honesty with kindness. No one has to be an asshole about it.
You can distance yourself from the person but there is no need to be an asshole. Be firm and kind. Appreciate what there was and show it in the way you are ending whatever it is.
So I have a female best friend (I’m a guy). About a year ago, I moved out of town and we kept in touch over the phone. Out of the blue, she said she had once considered a relationship with me, and a few other things in various conversations that led me to believe she wanted to try a relationship. After a few months, I spoke up and said I cared about her and she was attractive, but that I wouldn’t make a good partner and anyway she shouldn’t wait for me. Her response was shock, saying basically what the he’ll are you talking about? We realized she had meant just hypothetically, but that she never felt that way about me.
I thought we’d cleared the air and moved on, but a few days ago she revealed that she’d had a boyfriend for the past six months without telling me, and she was only telling me now because a gift I’d sent had made him uncomfortable. I was really hurt, we argued a bit, she basically said she’d been afraid to tell me and that I was reacting exactly how she expected ( I admit I was probably a bit jealous ), I apologized and said I’d try to do better, we hung up on what I thought was a good note. I texted a little follow-up, just like thanks for being my friend I’ll try to do better etc…she still hasn’t opened the text. That was 5 days ago.
Are we done? Did I fuck this up? Were we doomed from the start?