I’ve been working in this office for about a year now. It’s small office with about 10 total employees, each with their own specialized desk work. So my desk work is different from the person next to me, but we are cross trained to be able to help each other.
The woman next to me, let’s call her Susan, is very much a “wear your heart on your sleeve” type of person. She likes to tell you about all of her issues, all her personal struggles, and keep you updated on her life. These updates come very randomly, unwarranted, and tend to throw off my whole game.
For example, I’ll be in the zone doing my work with a headphone in and listening to a podcast or something. Suddenly you’ll hear “oh! I forgot to tell you! I dyed my son’s hair!” And I’m like “….okay… cool?” She has even told me about her personal issues, such as an anal fissure she had, or her 16 year old son’s medical issues that pertain to his private parts. I filed a complaint about this because it felt extremely weird and uncomfortable.
Well, apparently her emotions are also a major issue she’s had trouble with. A slight inconvenience can leave her bawling. If someone hands her more work to do, she will cry. If you correct her, she will cry. One time, she wrote an error letter to a customer and instead of stating the customer owed “$20” she wrote it as “20$” and management told her to correct it. She cried for hours. And I don’t mean just a few tears, I mean a full tantrum. Huffing, puffing, slamming stuff on her desk. Something like this happens multiple times a week.
Here’s the problem: I’ve let my manager know that it makes me really uncomfortable when she does this and I’d like for something to be addressed. My entire day, as well as my coworkers, is upended when Susan does this. We are all walking on eggshells, trying not to make eye contact like she’s a toddler who you’re avoiding. Management told me that I should “show some compassion.”
Unfortunately, I’m fresh out.
Susan sits directly next to me, and on the other side of her is a wall, so I’m the only person who is directly affected by her tantrums. My manager sits next to me on the other side, so I’m kind of just the middle man. Management sees her crying all the time but won’t do anything about it other than avoid it. I’ve gone to HR and I’ve seen management and HR have a meeting, but nothing after that.
I understand that sometimes life is hard and you can’t help but break. I get it. But to cry at your desk multiple times a week is extremely excessive and honestly, I don’t know how she’s not dehydrated. She won’t walk away while she’s crying. She makes an odd point to stay at her desk and continue to answer customer phone calls and work while she is crying.
I guess I just need some idea on if I’m being a jerk by thinking this is weird and unprofessional. I hate public emotion already so I can’t tell if I’m being heartless or if she really is crossing a line.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’ve been working in this office for about a year now. It’s small office with about 10 total employees, each with their own specialized desk work. So my desk work is different from the person next to me, but we are cross trained to be able to help each other.
The woman next to me, let’s call her Susan, is very much a “wear your heart on your sleeve” type of person. She likes to tell you about all of her issues, all her personal struggles, and keep you updated on her life. These updates come very randomly, unwarranted, and tend to throw off my whole game.
For example, I’ll be in the zone doing my work with a headphone in and listening to a podcast or something. Suddenly you’ll hear “oh! I forgot to tell you! I dyed my son’s hair!” And I’m like “….okay… cool?” She has even told me about her personal issues, such as an anal fissure she had, or her 16 year old son’s medical issues that pertain to his private parts. I filed a complaint about this because it felt extremely weird and uncomfortable.
Well, apparently her emotions are also a major issue she’s had trouble with. A slight inconvenience can leave her bawling. If someone hands her more work to do, she will cry. If you correct her, she will cry. One time, she wrote an error letter to a customer and instead of stating the customer owed “$20” she wrote it as “20$” and management told her to correct it. She cried for hours. And I don’t mean just a few tears, I mean a full tantrum. Huffing, puffing, slamming stuff on her desk. Something like this happens multiple times a week.
Here’s the problem: I’ve let my manager know that it makes me really uncomfortable when she does this and I’d like for something to be addressed. My entire day, as well as my coworkers, is upended when Susan does this. We are all walking on eggshells, trying not to make eye contact like she’s a toddler who you’re avoiding. Management told me that I should “show some compassion.”
Unfortunately, I’m fresh out.
Susan sits directly next to me, and on the other side of her is a wall, so I’m the only person who is directly affected by her tantrums. My manager sits next to me on the other side, so I’m kind of just the middle man. Management sees her crying all the time but won’t do anything about it other than avoid it. I’ve gone to HR and I’ve seen management and HR have a meeting, but nothing after that.
I understand that sometimes life is hard and you can’t help but break. I get it. But to cry at your desk multiple times a week is extremely excessive and honestly, I don’t know how she’s not dehydrated. She won’t walk away while she’s crying. She makes an odd point to stay at her desk and continue to answer customer phone calls and work while she is crying.
I guess I just need some idea on if I’m being a jerk by thinking this is weird and unprofessional. I hate public emotion already so I can’t tell if I’m being heartless or if she really is crossing a line.
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Colin Robinson.
Absolutely wild that she still takes calls while crying, I’m shocked management doesn’t have an issue with that
Agree this is beyond annoying. She has the reactions of a 5 year old.
Wear noise cancelling headphones if possible. Don’t engage when she talks. Keep complaining and make sure you include specifics.
This just sounds bizarre and she needs to be fired.
Let your manager swap places with you so they are right next to her.
Tell the manager to switch desks with you. Ask them who they would rather keep and who they would rather replace because you’re over it. Someone needs to go.
Had an anal fissure once . Did not share that with anyone for years.
Honestly it sounds like she needs a medical evaluation. She could benefit from some sort of SSRI or even beta blockers. But no one can tell her that obviously.
So I am a woman with adhd, and my emotional regulation has always been an issue for me especially if I faced any perceived criticism or rejection. It was really hard, especially before I was diagnosed when I thought everyone had these problems and I was just handling it worse than everyone else.
The thing is though, as real and difficult to deal with as those mental health issues are, they are MY problem and my responsibility to address. If you are so disregulated you are crying at work, you go to the bathroom, you pull yourself together for a few minutes, wash your face and then GET YOUR ASS TO A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL to find out why you’re constantly crying at work. It’s a professional environment and if your boss addresses issues of unprofessional behaviour then you need to be able to say yes I’m aware of the issue and I’m taking steps to address it.
You need to go to HR and unequivocally tell them you cannot be effective at work in your current position and you need a different desk. You don’t want to lose your job because you’re being distracted and can’t get your work done and honestly that’s the only step you can take at this point. If she takes that personally then maybe it will help HR to get her to see that her coworkers can’t be expected to put up with this forever. If she was in some personal crisis it may be understandable but currently it’s all the time and she needs to get help.
Keep a calendar of the frequency of non-job and exaggerated response disturbances, and ask your manager to swap a day with you. If he suggests compassion again, show how it’s affecting your productivity on a regular basis. Perhaps if he sits closer to the cause, he would have some suggestions.
I marked out half a day weekly (when I wasn’t traveling) to sit among teams to get a temperature reading, be visible, and keep morale steady. Your manager might get some idea of how impactful this is after walking in your shoes.
I used to work in a female dominated field. Usually no one cried. But even I have before after getting sweared out from a mistake. Anyway, usually when someone was crying I would go in the other room and ask someone better equipped to comfort them. But I’m better at it now. But It’s still not exactly in my comfort zone.
3 times a week is excessive and sounds exhausting.
Oh I get it, so when it’s your anal cavity that ruptures you want to discuss ALL the details with your doctor, but suddenly you’re too good to do the same for Susan’s anus? Some people man…
i have bipolar 2 and BPD, both of which make my emotions extremely volatile. I also cry at work but i always go in the bathroom and ive only ever cried in front of my coworkers when my manager was coming down on me extremely hard for a small mistake. It’s not hard to be considerate even if you have very volatile emotions
I can’t tolerate manipulative crying. I’d give notice and get another job before I put up with that nonsense.
What is the possibility of you moving away from her and sit at a different desk? That’s the very least HR should provide for you.
“Apologies dearest manager I am unable to do any work at all whilst this ruckus is occurring … I’m sure that you will show me some compassion and understanding in this matter”