Hey THT fam,
I first want to say thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. I had some very good advice and it was really appreciated so thank you again. I will also try to link my original post for thoes who have not yet seen it.
So on to the update….
My boyfriend and I sat down at the weekend and had a very long conversation. I told him all of my concerns and how I have been feeling. He apologised and said making me feel like that was never his intention and that he was just so pumped about his new bike and got carried away with excitement but did agree that it was silly. He told me that they were only riding on familiar roads and knew the appropriate moments when he could go fast. He also admitted that he does understand the consequences that comes with taking risks like that even on roads he knows but adrenaline got the better of him.
I told him that I understood his excitement and desire to ride fast, but all it takes is one mistake and he agreed. He said he’d been reflecting on our initial conversation and admitted that coming home safely to me is more important than a moment of adrenaline. We talked of our future and the family we would love to have one day and he assured me that those are his true priorities. We discussed different resolutions, he even suggested selling the bike, but I told him that I do not want him to give up something he loves because of me. I want him to enjoy his hobby without taking unnecessary risks and expressed that if anything were to happen, I would find comfort in knowing it was not his fault.
He said he’d like to take me out on the bike to demonstrate that he is indeed careful and promised to be much more sensible moving forward. He said that if I continued to have concerns, he would also allow me to monitor his speeds for my piece of mind. He even mentioned that he would love for me to share his hobby and would support me in acquiring my own bike so we could ride and enjoy it together but mutually agreed that when the time comes to have children the bikes will be sold.
So yeah, that’s the update. Thank you all again for your help and support.
I’m now going to go back to trolling the internet for my own bike… wish me luck.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hey THT fam,
I first want to say thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. I had some very good advice and it was really appreciated so thank you again. I will also try to link my original post for thoes who have not yet seen it.
So on to the update….
My boyfriend and I sat down at the weekend and had a very long conversation. I told him all of my concerns and how I have been feeling. He apologised and said making me feel like that was never his intention and that he was just so pumped about his new bike and got carried away with excitement but did agree that it was silly. He told me that they were only riding on familiar roads and knew the appropriate moments when he could go fast. He also admitted that he does understand the consequences that comes with taking risks like that even on roads he knows but adrenaline got the better of him.
I told him that I understood his excitement and desire to ride fast, but all it takes is one mistake and he agreed. He said he’d been reflecting on our initial conversation and admitted that coming home safely to me is more important than a moment of adrenaline. We talked of our future and the family we would love to have one day and he assured me that those are his true priorities. We discussed different resolutions, he even suggested selling the bike, but I told him that I do not want him to give up something he loves because of me. I want him to enjoy his hobby without taking unnecessary risks and expressed that if anything were to happen, I would find comfort in knowing it was not his fault.
He said he’d like to take me out on the bike to demonstrate that he is indeed careful and promised to be much more sensible moving forward. He said that if I continued to have concerns, he would also allow me to monitor his speeds for my piece of mind. He even mentioned that he would love for me to share his hobby and would support me in acquiring my own bike so we could ride and enjoy it together but mutually agreed that when the time comes to have children the bikes will be sold.
So yeah, that’s the update. Thank you all again for your help and support.
I’m now going to go back to trolling the internet for my own bike… wish me luck.
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Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/WRgjXxaB4S
Yay I love a good ending where the couple actually talks it out like adults, yall seem great for each other and I wish you the best in your future <3
Go to the track for the adrenaline rides. So he doesn’t hurt himself or anyone else.
Thanks for the update. I remember the OP and thinking how crazy it was to think you have any say in another person’s actions. Especially someone who is not related to you, obligated to you, or beholden to you. At least now we know you bf is a liar and you are going to fall for what he tells you. He basically gaslit you into believing he was going to change. You even believed his suggestion about monitoring his speed.
Just so you know. It will happen again. He isn’t going to sell the bike for a gf. And there isn’t really anything you can do about it. What needs to happen, but won’t, is that you need to set boundaries for yourself when it happens again. You, and him, should already know what the consequences are and you should know what you are willing to do when it happens again. The conversation you had with him is pointless without boundaries.
This comment will likely get buried but I would recommend you suggest that he gets into trackdays/WERA racing. It will give him the opportunity to use the bike for what it was made for AND as a bonus street riding will become so boring he will hardly do it anymore.
Riding comes with so many risks but a lot can be mitigated if you stay aware of your surroundings and don’t do stupid things. I’ve always been told that no matter what, when you get on the bike, you gotta stay humble.
As a nurse I can’t tell you how many injuries I’ve seen from motorcycles. I can understand both sides… the freedom in riding is addicting as is going fast. But you have to be as safe as possible.
It sounds like you guys came to a good conclusion. Make sure he’s wearing full gear too when he goes out. It’s crazy how in the US it’s not illegal to ride without a helmet.
I ride a bike and feel your concern. Reading this update made me feel happy for you and realize all in the same that I’ve made a good choice by giving up street riding. He has great hobby that he loves, but he isn’t blind I believe. HE obviously knows what the real priority is, but I don’t believe you do. He is seeing space in the argument and making room by selling the fantasy that is you, him, and riding together. He doesn’t want to give it up, but is having a hard time committing to take action. If I were you, I’d harp on him to either afford a sizable life insurance policy or sell the bike soon. If he can’t afford that then the luxury that is riding a motorcycle and insuring his to be family, then this should be put on the back burner. Like I said I’m a bike rider, I’m engaged, and the 2nd or 3rd time my girl showed any worry for my life and my ability to fulfill what I was selling I parked it and listed it for sale. I hope you and him realize the weight of ensuring you both come home safe to a future, or gambling that you will. Have you considered dirt bikes? Also, I’d like to add that I’m aware you two aren’t engaged or married, but there is nothing wrong with approaching plans or commitment to one another when it’s required.
Download life 360 if you haven’t already – my girlfriend’s condition for me riding is #1, be traceable and have some way of letting her know if I’m in an accident (life 360 does crash notifications automatically). You can view his drives and GPS data, and will go a long way in building trust.
It’s good that they had a talk and agreed to be sensible. OP should be careful though, that the boyfriend doesn’t get too excited about doing other unsafe things and can’t stop himself. As you are in the UK then you should know that speed limits are in place because of fatalities in that stretch of road and those drivers also likely thought they knew the road so well that they could go fast. Track days are surely a better and safer option, you can even watch.
Blood stains, speed kills!
Just talked to my neighbor who went to a funeral this morning for his buddy’s 20 yo daughter who died in a motorcycle accident – her husband who was driving survived.
I also know personally two friends that have died on motorcycles. One of them didn’t do anything wrong either – he was coming down the left lane when a car in the right lane decided to try a u-turn, and he hit the side of the car dead on. The end.
Everything you said to him about driving motorcycles is correct.