I’m 29, i’ll be 30 in August and i’m tired of feeling lonely. Loneliness is really the only thing in my life that kind of sucks. If it stops being a problem, things will be pretty good. I don’t have an interest in socializing or making friends so i really don’t see it being resolved that way any time in the future. I’m already in therapy so i don’t wanna hear about that either lol. Any advice or insight would be cool. Thanks
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The very definition of loneliness is rooted in social isolation, but you want to escape this isolation without seeking social connection? Do you really not see the paradox here?
Accept it and stop seeking validation in other people
Join a class! Anything where people are forced to be together. I read once that the formula for making friends is something like shared experiences and forced closeness. Just like school. Everyone hated it and we had to be together every day. Then you find your people and a lot of people are still friends from that age.
I feel blessed to be an alcoholic. I’ll never have trouble finding someone to help me move! If I had one thing to sell AA on, that’d be it.
But I also joined a muay thai and bjj gym. Made a bunch of friends there. And I’m a rock climber and you can’t do that alone unless you’re a psycho like Alex Honnold. Some of my best friends to this day are my climbing partners. Something about depending on each other to NOT DIE really brings you together. Lol.
Those are some ideas. Get creative and see if you can find something like that that fits who you are.
Cheers!
Good on you for asking this. Socializing is a huge part of mental health and aging gracefully. I hope you make it a priority!
>I don’t have an interest in socializing or making friends
>i’m tired of feeling lonely
These two things cannot simultaneously be true.
Time to turn on the arrogance😂I don’t socialize outside of work. I pretty much just stick to my wife and parents. Here’s where the arrogance comes in, I love my own company. There isn’t an on/off switch, but I am comfortable alone and like it that way. The only problem with this is, I never have anyone to blame but myself. So there’s a bit of a hit to the ego, but if things go well, the credit all goes to me.😂
You have to change your perspective about being alone. Don’t see yourself as a victim. I spent 7 years alone with my only verbal human contact being the cashier at the supermarket. I suffered at the beginning as well. I started researching about monks, hermits and other groups that spend a considerable amount of time alone by choice. I had an epiphany. The way I was feeling was because of my perspective of my current situation. I thought a lot about it and decided that I would turn my solitude into something constructive and that I would view it as a choice from now on. It changed my life. I was no longer lonely, I was empowered. I spent my time doing what I wanted, improving myself and generally being a happy person. There were a lot of good side effects. Number one amongst those was the ability to be happy in my own company. I didn’t need relationships to feel fulfilled. I didn’t latch onto partners so I wouldn’t feel alone. This method might not be for everyone, but it helped me immensely.
Hmm. I think you’ll have to socialize somewhat. Sometimes social media “can help” because you don’t have to actually see the people to socialize, but then it becomes very basic socializing.
Try taking a class.
Is there a reason you don’t want to socialize tho?
Seems like you simply haven’t found like minded people with your interests.
A soft way of socialising can be to play online games with people.
Why is it you can’t/ don’t want to socialise?
What do you do for work? Is there anyone you can hang out with there outside of it?
It’s usually the easiest way at that age if you have no local friends.
I played sports growing up & in new places, I’ll try to join a beer kickball league or something as a single. Then make friends that way. Can do similar based on ur interests
I.e. If you’re into board/card games, get into magic or something, go to the local card shop meetups