So my sister in law is dating a new guy and I just met her new boyfriend. We all got drunk and he flat out told me has a cocaine problem. I normally don’t judge, but I’ve had friends in the past who self destructed via coke, and especially coming to someone new like me and telling me this was shocking. After a few days of thinking things out, I decided to share my thoughts with my wife without mentioning the cocaine stuff and she told her sister this information. Now I’m looking like the bad guy for not telling them full story, and being sus about this whole conversation. What do I do from this point out?
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So my sister in law is dating a new guy and I just met her new boyfriend. We all got drunk and he flat out told me has a cocaine problem. I normally don’t judge, but I’ve had friends in the past who self destructed via coke, and especially coming to someone new like me and telling me this was shocking. After a few days of thinking things out, I decided to share my thoughts with my wife without mentioning the cocaine stuff and she told her sister this information. Now I’m looking like the bad guy for not telling them full story, and being sus about this whole conversation. What do I do from this point out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife that the new boyfriend might not be great person, and essentially I stirred up fears in them by not giving them the direct information about the substance issue. It’s a deeply personal matter he told me, and I wanted to keep that to myself until maybe something else happened. I feel like an asshole because I maybe ruining a good relationship by bringing this up.
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> Now, they may be right, he might just be a chill person and I might just be asshole.
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YTA for not being forthcoming with your wife. If you would have just communicated effectively and openly with your wife, you wouldn’t be in this situation.
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N T A for telling your wife but YTA! For telling a half baked story. If you are really concerned by this, you should have told your wife or better yet your sister in law, who is dating this guy the entire story. Your title is misleading. You did not directly tell your SIL, it was your wife.
With you not telling the entire story to your wife or SIL, this is going to turn into a game of he said, she said, especially when your SIL decides to confront her BF.
YTA for not including the valid reason for concern. Without that, it just sounds like you don’t like the guy’s vibes which doesn’t mean much.
You’ll only be TA if you don’t tell them the whole story now. Your SIL should know everything, so she can make an informed decision. Fess up for holding back & come clean. I sure would want to know if I was dating a drug addict!!
You’re only the AH for not telling them the full story. Tell them about the coke problem, it’s a very legitimate issue and concern. You’re an AH for withholding that information from a family member. I honestly dont understand why you didn’t lead with that.
NTA- it’s for the best. Coke is a very serious addiction and you only want the best for your SIL.
You owe a stranger nothing just because he recently started dating your sister. Drugs like coke rarely are conducive to healthy relationships and your sister is blood. She may already know, but this doesn’t bar you from being honest about your opinion in anyway. I mean that, or just rack up a few rails a blow lines on his dime till he goes broke then move on?