Hey, everyone. I (19F) have been asked by my parents to get a job or start volunteering. I want more than anything to work, have my own income, and be doing something more with my day.
However I’ve been trying to manage my bipolar disorder and at times it causes pretty bad depressive spells. When depressed, I feel like I will die anyway and that there’s no point, causing me to most likely lose my job. (I have a history of calling out because of this.)
I wanted to get a little more stabilized on my meds first (I started taking lithium about 2 weeks ago) so that if I get a job, I will have higher chances of being able to commit to it. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I’m thinking of asking about antidepressants as well.
Right now I’m actively re-learning how to drive, trying to establish a routine for myself (such as waking up/going to sleep at a certain time, taking care of myself, going to the gym, eating better, etc.), and just generally trying to better myself in different areas, as these are things I struggle with, despite being so simple.
My parents keep “pushing” me to get a job because they think it will be beneficial for me. I don’t necessarily disagree with them (after all, all i want is to be able TO work) but I cant help but feel a little frustrated and upset because it feels like they don’t see anything I’m actively working towards as an accomplishment and are only worried about the job aspect.
Am I crazy for feeling this way? How should I approach this situation?
P.S. I know my parents are 100% valid for wanting me to work. I know I’m 19 and should already have a job. I just struggle a lot with mental health and sometimes them giving me ultimatums with the job feels like a lot of pressure. I don’t mean to come off as a lazy person who doesn’t want to work, I just don’t know If i’m valid for feeling so frustrated at times. Any advice or suggestions would be nice. Thank you for reading this.
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Is it possible for you to enroll in a self paced class to get certifications in something that will help you? Beyond that start volunteering one day a week. Knowing you just have to keep it together for one day and can recover the next may help.
I would talk to your parents about your worries. But as someone who’s dealt with depression and lithium (which, while I’m not on now, was okay tho) I do think they’re right anything with a routine will help.
I would basically discuss that job hunting takes time and is hard, and you’re not sure your ready for a full time job but part time will have additional struggles. (A LOT easier to work every day same time then jump around constantly)
Find out from the doctor what the suggested timeline is to adjust to meds, and speak with parents about plans for when your struggling to get to work and safety nets. You want to employ plans like ‘beg sibling to do your laundry because you can’t and get frozen food cause your too depressed to cook’ before it gets horrible. Also I invested in taxis when super depressed instead of bussing. If you can afford it, use whatever to get to work.
Volunteering can be a struggle with work with minimum commitments but can be very useful.
Tbh my first thing would be find something where time isn’t entirely needed. Do you have neighbours with pets? I would suggest talking to them about dog walking over lunch for free or very low cost. Alternatively, if your not in school can you jump in the car with your parents when they go to work and get off at the library on the way and bus home after a bit? Just for the routine.
Work from home jobs are both good and bad. You might be able to find one via a temp agency, but I’ve found while working outside the house is much better long term WFH helps a ton when I’m depressed to just exist.
Also look, if your job sucks and makes you feel bad. Keep looking for another one. It’s very easy to find a shitty job at 19 and your job should suck because it’s work, not because your manager is abusive or sexually harassing everyone or whatever. If this job sucks more then school did, find another job. Preferably stay employed while searching if possible. Unless it’s that bad.
Your worries are valid, but sadly working is kinda expected and routine is very important for depression.
It’s fair for them to ask them, but it’s also fair for you to take your time and evaluate your treatment. Ask your doctor about Lamictal- it was the only med that worked with my bipolar disorder. It should take one or two weeks to to kick in.
Talk to your psychiatrist about that. Ask them to make you a plan. Make sure to put some extra time in there to account for unexpected changes and stuff. Then talk to your parents and share the plan. If they don’t believe you, have your parents talk to your psychiatrist about how getting a job right now is not yet in your best interest. Then stick to the plan.
Btw lithium is already an antidepressant. It just takes a few weeks to start working.
Make that plan and stick to it, and you’ll probably be able to get a small job with half shifts in a few months 🙂
There’s two issues.
One is that your feelings are completely valid about your parents not seeing or acknowledging the efforts that you are making. They’re focusing on just one thing, and not giving you credit for everything else, which can be discouraging. You can try talking to them about it, but you might also have to accept that your parents aren’t going to give you the validation that you need. You know you are doing your best and dealing with a lot of things, and you can validate yourself. Although parental approval is nice, as you become an adult it’s important to learn to validate yourself and have confidence in your choices regardless of what your parents think.
The second issue of the job is completely separate. Try not to conflate the two when talking with your parents because your parents are right that finding a job is important. (Maybe they’re insistent because they’re looking for you to validate that they’re right?) Having employment or volunteer work, even if it’s just 1-2 short shifts a week will actually help you stabilize your mental health. You want to find something that you can commit to, so it should be something easy or interesting to you and low stakes.
To give you some ideas, when I was dealing with mental health issues, I got a volunteer job with the Rotary Club as a host for a small information center. All I really had to do was show up, unlock the door, and hang around while people wandered around. If I was in a good headspace, I could interact with people, but if I was having a bad day I was still able to show up because it was low pressure.
My brother also has mental health issues. He’s struggled with keeping a job his whole life. He seems to have settled into a career as a truck driver because even on bad days he can drive.
My cousin has found success at McDonald’s. The work itself is routine, so once he got the hang of it, he didn’t have issues. On bad days, he’s still able to go to work because he loves his coworkers. He looks forward to seeing them and that’s enough to drag him out of bed.
Maybe none of that will work for you, but I hope it helps you brain storm ideas about what kinds of things might be manageable for you.