I am dreading this day, I’ve only seen her once since her saying I was going to be a bad mom and she didn’t acknowledge me at all during conversations last visit.
The biggest reason I want to get out of this is because next month is my IVF transfer and I’ll be doing my shots again, last time she came over was the day after my retrieval… she doesn’t know we’re doing IVF cause she’s crazy and would blame me for the infertility. (Which she shouldn’t blame anyone but she’s a looney). And because she doesn’t know I have to IVF proof my apartment which was really stressful last time. I have a sign in my living room that has our results, my medication tackle box… these two are easy to store away but I have medication that has to go in the fridge. Also, i don’t know the times of day my shot is suppose to be administrated yet but would prefer she was not over when happening.
I did a nosy test the last time she was here because DH said she wouldn’t go through our fridge (my medication is in a tub so you would have to take it out to see what it is and open it, it’s also branded on only one said for “privacy” so if she saw and did a quick google). In our bathroom I have a pocket mirror that my FIL gifted me (they’re divorced) and I had it upside down where you can see my name engraved on it. You have to grab it out of our vanity, you can see it, but it’s tucked into a shelf. She went to the bathroom right when she came over and I went in after her eventually and saw the mirror turned over and out from where it was. Yes, it’s just a pocket mirror but I couldn’t get over the fact that she had to dig it out of our vanity. She didn’t need to use it because she’s in front of a large ass mirror.
She has also disrespected me in our house before which I’ve posted about but she asked if she could smoke her ecig in the living room, and I just said no and she did it anyways. Safe to say she’s not respectful when she’s over.
Also, she use to send DH Instagram reels of “annoying wife” content but hasn’t sent in a long while, but recently sent a MIL one and said to DH “Tell OP that there’s worse MILs out there lol” I watched the video and it’s literally everything she does… I was baffled.
The plan (she made) was for the girls to come over, swim and meet our dog (the same dog she said we shouldn’t get and would break up over??? lol). If the plans were to stay in the apartment and I could have eyes on where she was going… I think it would be ok but if she needs to go inside am I going to go with her every single time???
I prefaced to DH that if I didn’t feel well because of the shots could he just go up to her and hangout with the girls, he was happy to do that. I don’t know how I’ll feel, I don’t lie about my health because I believe in karma lol then I’d get sick for lying.
I kinda just want to tell DH maybe not to have them over??? And partially my fault for saying yes. I felt bad because we love his cousins and I’d love to see them but not at the expense of stress from my MIL. Someone mentioned before for me to just have the girls over but they’re young and don’t drive, and it’s MILs brothers kids so she’s responsible for them when they’re here.
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Other posts from /u/Weary_Literature8962:
MIL inviting herself over more lately, 1 week ago
Oh the wonders of Mothers Day…, 3 weeks ago
Passive “notes” to me from JNMIL, 1 month ago
Forgot to text JNMIL for holiday., 1 month ago
Pregnancy and MIL, 2 months ago
Ugh I’m back again so soon., 2 months ago
Another Visit from Hell <3, 2 months ago
Another MIL visit prep session, 6 months ago
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You don’t need to lie. You should be able up tell your husband you feel uncomfortable and stressed about having his mom in your home and you want to be able up relax and stay calm before your IVF retrieval. You have a huge husband problem if he doesn’t respect your need for privacy and peace and is more concerned with other relatives than you. He should go to them and let you stay out of it.
Also, definitely start telling him no to having his mom over. Start now because when you have a baby, she is going to look for every excuse to come over and you’re going to eventually need to stand up for your peace and privacy and not fear how MIL or your husband will react to your boundaries. Set the precedent now. Pull back on time over until you’re comfortable. If you can’t trust her not to go through your medication, you shouldn’t have to have her in your house, period. Only see her in public or at her house so you can choose when to leave.
You wouldn’t be lying if you say you don’t feel well. Just think of how all that stress makes you feel. You deserve your privacy during the IVF process. You should also feel safe in your own home. I hope IVF is a success for you and your husband.
I think it’s important to remember that you don’t owe your MIL anything and that includes explanations. You, or ideally your husband, could tell her that day no longer works for you and you will let her know when you’re free to reschedule. If she pushes for a reason, you can repeat what you said end the conversation.
Put little sticky notes everywhere she shouldn’t be snooping with a few words like “ private” or “ gotcha “ better yet, write, if your reading this then your invading my privacy and know that I know. Should clear up any issues pretty fast!
IVF is complicated and I imagine staying as comfortable and stress free will help the process be successful. So please don’t let this woman into your home. She’s stressing you and she hasn’t even arrived. Protect your peace.
Stims for IVF are no joke. I was a hormonal mess on them. I would want to keep my house as my sanctuary as much as possible and change the visit. It sounds like you like to keep everything organized in a particular way. It’s a lot to keep track of! and personally I wouldn’t compromise that for her nosey ass.
Maybe meet up in a neutral location for lunch or something?
And the next time she uses her e cig, show her the door or take it out of her mouth and throw it out the window.