Hi, I’m 18f. To be honest, im not sure I would call it SA but I don’t know what else I would call it. This hangs over my head and honestly I don’t think I’ve gotten over it. A lot of my friends are obviously having sex and I can’t fathom ever being in that situation, it makes me feel disgusting and ashamed.
When I was 12, a boy a year older than me used to make up nicknames about my boobs and spread them around the school. He used to make moaning noises and touch the inside of my upper thighs in assembly and this happened multiple times. I just feel disgusting when I think about it. And I don’t know what to do, dwelling on it doesnt bring me peace but I really cant suppress this any longer. I told somebody once and he laughed at me. I just feel like I’m a discarded part of society now, it literally happened 7 years ago yet im still somehow dwelling on it. I’m so embarrassed. I check this man’s instagram often just to make myself feel like shit. How do I move on?
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I was SAd multiple times between the ages of 5 and 14. Im 19 now. I dont want to make you feel worse, but I dont know if the gross feeling ever completely goes away. But for me, going to talk therapy helped a lot. Writing poetry and word dumping too. Dont be afraid to let it out. If you ever need someone to talk to message me I can drop one of my socials. It gets easier with time, but for me there’s usually triggers. What you explained is sexual harassment at the very least. And you did not deserve it.
A counselor would be a really great place to start. Might help you reframe things in your head. Besides your obvious disgust, it seems like you’re dealing with a loss of power and control and I believe a good therapist could help you gain that back.
You will find peace but find a good therapist first. Read about ways to cope and move on. By holding on to the rage of what happened you are basically allowing that person to rule over your life now. They dont deserve that, you dont deserve that. You need to find ways to love yourself and to build a self esteem. If u cant afford therapy now, read and listen to good online sources, there are many. And know that most women around you have gone through something similar or worse. You are not alone or damaged by any means.
Talking to someone is definitely the way to go. It will help.
You should talk to a counselor. Things affect everyone differently. I’ve also read about people who have undiagnosed ocd becoming hyper fixated on something such as this so if you find yourself not being able to think of anything else you may uncover other things going on by seeking help.
As another commentor stated, that’s sexual harassment, not sexual assault. Both are terrible, and both are really hard to just “move on” from. I’d suggest therapy, and I hope you get better from this experience
Hey there
That’s not all that uncommon if you developed early and are at all attractive.
Juvenile people tend to have a juvenile attitude towards sex and poor boundaries.
If it doesn’t feel like assault it’s still not cool but it’s not a problem unless it’s a problem for you.
Sex should be beautiful and not humiliating but a lot of men and women have shamed themselves or been shamed in early experiences.
I’m not going to weigh in on how you feel or whether you should get help with this emotional/ mental block but I bet you will sort it out in your college years.
Try and hang out with more mature and caring guys if you’re interested in that type at all and when you find a person or situation that makes it feel good and that you’re comfortable with then just go for it.
Do as much or as little as you want.
As long as you feel like a person and that the situation is cool and you can just go into it.
Sex is a thing that puts us in a very vulnerable state and we have to feel safe and respected.
Once it’s like that and you’re curious, you can just try some stuff and talk about it with your partner afterwards.
Don’t overthink it, it’ll happen when you don’t look at it too hard but it’s gotta feel right.
Lots of young women have a hard time relating with their young male counterparts – don’t worry.
I was SA’d when I was 10-12. I participated too. I was messed up for years over this plus my family was Christian so I felt guilty too. I think what helped me was to talk about it and realize that these inappropriate sexual things happen a lot and we are works in progress.
I hope you get some help or support and get to a place where you can enjoy your sexuality and feel good about yourself.
Counseling should help. It may also help to consider that something highly inappropriate had likely been done to him prior to this. That is abnormal behavior even for a 13 year old boy.
I think you should speak to someone in person about this. Being sexually harassed at that young age and having nobody to talk to is a shitty thing to go thru and it’s really not something that you should be going thru alone.
Everyone reacts differently to these situations. I was molested my whole childhood by my step dad and I used to feel a bit confused about it in my teenage years. Fast forward to now I don’t even think about it, at all. Like it has no impact on my life because I refuse to give people that power over my life. I am happy and my past experiences don’t define me but build my character and make me stronger. I worked on myself, I showed myself love and I also don’t hate men because of one man’s poor decisions. I am still able to have relationships with men, because one man doesn’t define all men. You should work on yourself, get therapy if you can’t do it yourself.
I would first tell someone who can trust, and if possible, have them report the person to the police so at last there is a file of this happening and if possible, try to get some therapy help.
When i was im the 6th grade a boy in my grade would do the same to me. I tried to tell a teacher and talk to admin, but they sort of blamed me and told me to stay away from him. They never spoke to him about his actions and how they were wrong. It’s irritating that guys can get away with so much and I hate how a lot of stuff like this is normalized. It’s degrading and really puts you down. I’m sorry all of that happened, it would be best to speak to someone about it. I went to therapy for the longest and spoke about everything in my life and it really did help.
Something I don’t think most people consistently consider is that NO ONE has the right to touch you ANYWHERE on your body without your consent. Your body is yours alone. The inside of your upper thighs is damn close to your genitals, and I would say is objectively an erogenous and/or sexualized zone of the body – especially a girl’s body. Fuck whoever just said “actually☝️ it’s harassment, not assault” – it’s SA. That boy was out of line and he traumatized you. If it is negatively affecting you today and you don’t feel able to participate in parts of your life bc of it – that’s trauma. Get thee to a trauma-informed, feminist therapy-based counselor who believes in creating agency and empowerment, especially around your own sexuality, with maybe a little bit of exposure therapy which might help you create a new narrative about yourself and sexuality in general. Check out the author/sexuality educator Emily Nagoski (among others I’m sure you’ll find along the way). You can get through this!
His touching your inner thighs is assault, his moaning and saying things about your breasts means it is sexual harassment, so so together, probably constitutes sexual assault? Therapy, Therapy, Therapy. Unresolved issues like this can ruin adult relationships. You didn’t ask for any of this. This is not on you, but the cretin who treated you like this and his parents for not raising a better young man..
The Best thing is keep moving forward. Everyone no matter who you are was dealt bad cards, unfortunately we can’t get better ones. I am sorry you had to experience that and I wish someone would have stopped it. Try to think about something else, even if something similar happens and you start remembering it again.
I’m gonna give some advice that may help you move on. The reason is still bothers you is because you felt so helpless. So I’m gonna tell you you should find a local tae kwon do school and take a self-defense course so this way you do not feel so weak. Tae kwon do is a very good martial art to study, especially if you have a smaller frame.
You can only do what you’re comfortable with, I hope you meet the best guy out there. Hope he can help you
Nicknames and kids making inappropriate noises even touching. Wow this is unimaginable i think you are the first person I’ve heard go through something like this. I have no idea how to help you. Therapy maybe? Find a real connection with someone you can trust? Improve other aspect of your life so you gain confidence for self love and know you are enough: but idk your situation is so unique you may require a method truly special that you might never find in this lifetime.