So I sometimes use twitter and there was some trending tweet about dating single mothers.
I was just scrolling through, then saw my boyfriend’s profile picture. I didn’t even know he had twitter. He wrote in the comment section “yea man, they’re for recreational use only 😂”
I found it so disrespectful and dehumanizing. Especially because irl he seems like someone who respects everyone. I’m not a single mother but still, I just find it disgusting to say that about a fellow human being. How can anyone be for “recreational use only”? If they’re not your type, just leave them alone…
I haven’t talked to him about it yet but I can’t lie, I feel very disappointed. My last ex was also quite misogynistic and I hate that my current bf potentially is too.
What should I do?
Comments
This is what he thinks of women, I think it’s telling enough. I’m sorry. 🙁
Me personally, I can’t stay in a relationship with someone who said something like that. If they wrote it, they believe it even if it’s some subliminal bull shit.
You ask what you should do. Let me ask you first: What do you want?
Do you still want him or do you want advice/ validation for your decision to break up?
Do you want him – but only on the condition that he shows himself to be capable of change – and do you need advice on how to talk?
Umm… yuck. 🤮
>What should I do?
I’m sorry, but I hope this man swiftly becomes your EX-boyfriend.
While you’re not getting the brunt of his misogyny (yet), these kinds of men don’t really keep a lid on that shit for very long. Please don’t wait around to find out what other zingers he can pull out of the vast, empty space he calls a brain.
Sounds like you are dating a misogynist.
Stop doing that.
Sounds like you already know what to do
You should tell him he was for recreational use only and break up with your misogynistic boyfriend!
I would dump but that’s easy for me to say because I’m not in love with said person
Are you 100% sure it’s his profile and not just a bot using his picture? If so, dump him. I know, I know, Reddit always jumps to that blah blah, and I’m sure he has good qualities, but if he’s publicly posting such horrid opinions, imagine what he’s keeping to himself.
And you deserve better than that!
Don’t try to change his mind, don’t try to educate him. He’ll just say what you want to hear, delete his profile, and create a new one with a different profile pic.
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That is misogyny.
If that’s what he posts publicly, I shudder to think what he posts privately.
Either he really believes that or he’s trying to get approval from other men who believe it. Either way he’s a p*ssy and you need to show him the screen shot of it and say “what the fuck is up with this?”
P.S. I know you have your heart invested in this man, but don’t make the same mistake that I am making by giving him a pass on any and all behavior, especially misogynistic behavior.
Leave this man
The only way you don’t dump him is if somehow this isn’t him. My guess would be that he knows you wouldn’t like what he posts, so he never told you about the account. He knows it’s trash, but he wants to post it anyway.
Run
Yea, his “true colors” are terrible and disappointing. I’m sorry; nevertheless, thank God you know now. My advice is to not waste anymore time/effort dating him; break up with him. There is someone better out there for you.
He’s showing you who he really is. A misogynist. You should listen to him.
Also please don’t correct him on his mistake. Just leave. Otherwise he’ll know to hide that type of language with the next girl.
He dropped his mask for a second.
As others stated this is who he is
Well first thing I’d do is go to his profile and read every single damn comment he’s made and go from there. How many times has he made comments like that? Is there a pattern of his online behaviour being grossly misogynistic?
Tell him you had a nice time, but dating him was only recreational and you’re looking for something more fulfilling…
Dump him, I honestly don’t understand the issue here
>What should I do?
This cannot be a real question.
On the tiny tiny off chance this isn’t just rage bait: leave him immediately, don’t waste your time explaining why, and (if it’s safe) warn any of his future partners.
This is a good warning before you have a pregnancy scare. I think you know what you need to do. If not, make sure you’re on BC.
You cannot possibly stay with a man who thinks like this. I’d rather die alone and be eaten by my cats.
Bad Red Flag. Dump, Ghost and move on. That is a really bad red flag.
He’s not potentially misogynistic—he is misogynistic.
Either you wait for him to start treating you according to his misogynistic views or you protect yourself.
He doesn’t respect women. He doesn’t respect you.
I’d FBI his other comments on twitter just to see how bad he really is.
I’m sorry he’s like this and that you had to see what you did, but I’m glad that you did before you were in deeper with him.
I think when people show you who they are (especially when they think you’re not looking), it’s wise to believe them.
I don’t recommend explaining why. Men are learning to hide this about themselves. Also he might try to “explain.”
I would break up with him.
That reveals that doesn’t think of women as humans. He probably doesn’t think of people as human.
This is a non-starter. That’s the kid of guy who will cheat on your or treat you like shit.
That’s a man who hates women right there….
The thought of imagining such message being spoken about some of the mothers I know in my life, who are awesome people, is fucking revolting
I was raised by a man who was not my bio dad and the fact that he was the kind of man who was willing to raise me as his own changed the entire direction of my life (and my mom’s).
So I have a very strong opinion on this. Anyone who says something like this or thinks this is not worth my time.
Take a deeper dive and see what else shows up as well.
Leave. Immediately. Without a word. And safely.
Screenshot that shit. Dump him. When he asks why, show him. Or block him and let him wonder.
I am sorry that he did this, but I’m not sorry that you found out.
I can’t imagine dating or marrying someone that thinks so little of women, in addition to being so callous toward mothers. Take care.
Wow. What an ass.
I would be highly unimpressed, and just tell him that’s the end. I wouldn’t tell him why (about the comment) as this would allow him to try and defend himself and come up with all sorts of excuses.
I would just say “I’ve been thinking on this and feel we are misaligned, so before we go any further or deeper into this, I think we should break up.”
If you go down this path, and he asks why – say you have different values, and you’re going in different directions.
Look at your soon to be ex bf with fondness, smile and thank him in your mind that he showed you who he is, what he thinks of women and that you won’t have to waste more time with him. It was very nice of him.
He would probably say it’s just a joke, and I’m sure that to him it is. The problem is that when he’s making a joke like this, he’s not seeing single mothers as actual human people, and that’s pretty gross. It’s easy to joke about other people if you’ve dehumanized them first, and I’m not sure I could be with someone who dehumanizes human beings.
I was with a guy for 2 years before finding out in his game chat groups that I was ‘a temporary fuck toy’ he frequently joked about treating poorly. Sucks to find out but it’s better to know what someone really thinks.
Double check that it’s actually him.
If it is, you know what to do.
For me, that’s grounds for dismissal.
I feel contempt for him and I don’t even know him.
That’s just evil. Especially talking about “using” women for fun. I think you know what you need to do.
dump this fucking loser. don’t waste another second with this scum?
Now you know how he’ll feel towards you after you have a baby too.
Sorry but your bf is gross. I wonder what he says about women in private.
Make him your ex-boyfriend
Sigh…if I abandon my kids I’m a piece of shit and if I stay and take care of them I’m for “recreational use only”
Men just hates us I swear.
I’m proud of you for knowing what to accept and what is not okay. Don’t forget, men (and anyone, really) will tell you right away who they really are, if you listen. This is exactly who he is when he doesn’t think you’re looking. There’s no excuse.
Here’s the good news: you’re not married to and hopefully will not marry this loser
Bad news: this is likely the least misogynistic take he has if you go digging.
He probably voted Trump. Am I right or right?
Anyway, this would be with real quickness my EX. Never understood the “mean to everyone except me” trope. Total turnoff.
I’m so sorry. Please don’t let this slide if he claims “it was a joke”. Jokes are supposed to be funny.
Personally, I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who thinks about women like that. Single parents are the parents who stayed, or their significant other passed away. Him saying their “recreational use” is disgusting and begs to question, what are his other thoughts on women and are you willing to put up with that?
I’ve certainly had to unlearn certain biases in my life. But never have I ever thought something so foul as what your BF posted to twitter. I’m sorry that it turned out he’s not a good guy.
Would definitely encourage you to make him an ex. He doesn’t respect women.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
There’s no potentially, he IS misogynistic. And he views women by their worth for sex vs relationships. That is beyond gross. Did you scroll back in his account? I guarantee this was not the only sexist comment. Take a look if you need more reasons to walk away from him, but that comment should be enough. Yuck.
If you don’t immediately drop him due to this, no one can help you 🤦♀️. Sounds like it’s a pattern with you not to see how misogynistic your BFS are before getting involved with them. Why do you think that is? Maybe you move too fast? It’s worth figuring this out. You deserve better!
I think you know
When someone wants something from you, like a relationship, they can pretend to be all kinds of things.
But also, I’d make sure it’s his Twitter and not some rando who got his pic off other social media.
Two issues 1.) he’s sexist 2.) if he’s wanting to use them “recreationally”, he’s a potential cheater and not ready for a serious relationship. So sorry.
I’d break up with him.
I don’t tolerate any of this disgusting garbage from them anymore.
Single mothers are struggling and some of the strongest people I know, they aren’t for these pieces of shit to just use.
It makes me sick, and no I’m not a single mother before the mouth breathers come out and start frothing at the mouth
You know that moment where you have thought in prior relationships that hindsight is 20/20, and you could clearly identify the red flags?
Well, you have the opportunity to interrupt your fate of disappointment.
Believe him when he says shit like that. None of us are exempt – a leopard will eventually come for our faces
Misogynists should not have partners. Period. Everyone else wins when they don’t. And yes that includes you , if your partner is a dismissive POS, walk.
Your boyfriend does not see women as people. They fulfill a use for him. You should ask yourself what use category you fit into for him.
Watch what he does, especially if it doesn’t match what he says.
yeah no dump that guy the fuck
Leave before you wind up a single mother with his offspring. Make sure he knows that attitude about single moms is why
Take a screenshot and approach him about it
I would be going down the rabbit hole and reading all his social media to see what else he says when he thinks you’re not paying attention. If this is what he thinks this isn’t his only shitty post.
Former boyfriend, surely?
This is your chance to stop being someone who dates misogynists.
His comment revealed that he approves of deceiving a woman to obtain sex, he sees sex is an act where a man can “use” a woman (instead of a mutual experience), he thinks a woman who has had a child is worthless, and he sees children as a burden. He holds these misogynistic beliefs, and he believes them about YOU too. Do not waste another day of your short life with this person.
Tell him he’s of no use at all and move on if he can’t justify his little joke.
Ewww.
I’d screenshot it and then go to the profile and screenshot some stuff from there so that I had some evidence before speaking to him about it. I’m really sorry, what an awful thing to write. I wouldn’t be able to feel good in my body around him after that 🙁
Yup he doesn’t respect women at all.
Print it out and put it on the fridge. Then when he starts backpedaling, give it to him good. Ask him WTF that’s supposed to mean? If he’s “Just kidding” Ask him why it’s funny? Have him explain the details and watch him squirm. If this is how he truly is when you’re not around, this is how he truly is. I’m sorry. Most men suck, the code switching is off the charts for even the most average guy.
Source: I work with a lot of them.
Run for your life. Like people have opinions on single people with kids but RECREATIONAL USE ONLY? WHAT THE FUCK. That is sick, utterly horrific.
I mean the first thing you should do is confirm that it’s actually him, especially because bots will scrape whatever they can to “look real”. But if it is him, I’m just not sure how you could come back from this.
Sooner or later that misogyny will be turned towards you. Dump him while you still have your freedom.
I know this is the most boilerplate reddit take of all time, but ditch him. Tell him why. He’s saying this shit because he feels safe, because he thinks you’re not looking. It shows who he is.
Dude so many men these days have just learned how to mask their misogyny enough to get dates and lock down a partner because the type of women they want to date lean more progressive. Its gross.
I’m glad you are seeing this now before you are potentially trapped in a marriage or children situation.
He sounds so cruel and unempathetic
Screenshot it, show it to him, ask “this you?”, wait for the confirmation or bullshit story, and then dump him regardless of how he answers. He’s not fucking good enough for you. Bonus points if show his mother and any sisters he might have.
He hates women. Do with that what you will.
This usually doesn’t happen alone, chances are his other tweets are going to be shit too
I say this with love-
Not only should you leave this person (things won’t get better from here), you should also consider taking a break from relationships until you can get to the bottom of what it is about these men that attracts you in the first place. When we have patterns, like misogynistic boyfriends, we likely have some subconscious reason for choosing them over others. What was your family, esp. your dad/male role model like? What sort of culture do you participate in, and are the values of your peers the same as yours? Where do you meet your friends/romantic partners? What’s the source of the commonality and how can you address it to communicate to yourself that you deserve better?
Take your time. Get to know you. Figure out your hard boundaries and go over them early in a relationship. Pay attention to who he has in his life – his friends, co workers, family.
Know your worth! And remember it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person
Well, the good part is you found out now before you could’ve married him and had kids with him. You know what they say about when people tell you who they are. I’m so sorry OP.
If he’s bold enough to say that with his photo attached to it, he means it.
>>my last ex was also quite misogynistic
>>potentially is too
Potentially? Your BF is misogynistic and cruel. He might hide it in public or when he is with you, but the internet lets people take off the mask.
I can’t think of a way to explain what he wrote in a way that I could ever find to be affirming to women.
You 👏 should 👏 dump 👏 his 👏 sorry 👏 ass.
Guh-bye boy.
I was raised by a single mother. She gave me an awesome childhood and she’s the strongest, most wonderful woman I know.
I’d be showing this guy the door.
>that my current bf potentially is too.
Nothing potential about it.
The words mentioned are simply dehumanizing, there’s no beating around this bush. Personally wouldn’t even spend time with a person spewing this kind of shit, let alone date them.
Be careful about gaslighting, this type loves it.
This man is not who he says he is. If I found out my husband was posting stuff like this online it would shake the foundations of our relationship because it would show that he is intentionally hiding his values from me.
Dehumanizing language is always a deal breaker for me in all relationships.
As a single mom, I wouldn’t touch your nasty (hopefully ex) boyfriend with a ten foot pole! Not sure who he thinks he is, but I promise no self respecting woman with kids would let him near them. Have a bit of respect for yourself and do yourself a favor and cut your losses with this loser. This type of man does not respect women-you included. How women continue to stay with men that are blatantly using them is beyond me. Don’t be ignorant
You know what you have to do now. If you stay with him, he will say bad stuff about you and possibly leave you with a child alone. Good luck
That’s very messed up.
You mean ex-bf….
He showed you who he was, you should believe it.
Are you certain it’s his profile? People steal photos from other social media sites. If you’re sure, show him the post and ask him to explain himself.
Don’t confront him. He will gaslight you and try to talk you out of breaking up. Just think about if you’re willing to stay or not and move accordingly.
He doesn’t respect women at all. You deserve better.
If he claims it’s a joke, it’s still horrible because it’s still degrading that anyone would find it funny.
You mean your ex?
Sounds extremely Handmaid’s Tale to me.
Quite unfortunate hope things work out for OP
Ooooh, I’m going to be downvoted to hell for this, but here goes: assuming you’ve been together for more than a few months, I don’t think you should end an otherwise happy relationship over a tweet that he doesn’t know you read. There, I said it.
Some men don’t want kids, or don’t want the responsibility of kids right now, and they shouldn’t be blamed for that. Maybe that’s what your bf meant, and he tried to be funny about it (and failed). That kind of thinking isn’t necessarily problematic – some single moms want to keep their sex lives totally discrete from the rest of their lives. They want to have the occasional FWB or ONS and go back to motherhood.
If it were me, I would look at his behavior as a whole. How does he talk about other women? How does he act toward them, particularly women in customer service oriented positions? Has he done or said anything that supports the idea that he’s a misogynistic shithead? If yes, then yeah. Time to go. But if not, I would (novel idea here) ask him about the tweet and see what he says. Do it face to face so you can see body language. If his response gives you the ick, get outta there. Otherwise, listen and decide what to do next.
I had an ex that used to tell me how liked dating single mums because there was proof they put out. 🤮
It was a snide comment about me not putting out, but what was he expecting with dating a virgin anyway. Glad I dumped him.
He’s disgusting.
No one is required to date a single parent if they don’t want to.
But he went out of his way to say something awful implying that women were activities “recreational use only” rather than people.
And he thinks he is being clever. He thinks he’s funny. He thinks that others agree with him and it’s okay to say.
So consider, not only is this man appalling and hiding it from you but at some point he won’t feel the need to hide it anymore. Then you will be dealing with his disgusting side.
If you were my friend and I knew this about your boyfriend.. you’d stop being my friend. If you stay with someone who thinks like that, I would think that you agree with his beliefs.
Ex-BF you mean
Now you know how he’ll feel about you if you ever have his children and then break up.