I know that sounds awful and trust me I feel awful so please hear me out. My (17F) mom (54F) went blind about three years ago and has been dealing with it like a champ. She’s always had such a bubbly, uplifting, optimistic energy about everything and this was no different. She is genuinely one of the most positive and loving people I know. Since going blind she has found a community of blind people to support her, went to the blind school, and relearned how to live her life.
I’ve tried my best to treat her as normal as possible since then, but I’ve noticed something. Because she is blind, she walks slower than the average person, is a little confused at times when me or someone else tells her where to go (she likes walking on her own with her cane instead of holding on someone’s arm, so we direct her vocally if needed), and needs assistance to do certain activities. And I just, am so short tempered for some reason? Like I don’t know but it makes me not want to do stuff with her, and I feel awful. If she asks to go to an amusement park I decline, or an escape room, or hell even ax throwing or shopping. I’ve been declining because I know I’d have to help her to do things at certain times and I feel awful because I know she just wants to bond, and live her life to the fullest. I try my best to do as much as I can with her like go out to the farmers market or restaurants. I guess I just want advice on how do I become more patient and less short tempered so I can do all this stuff with her?
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Give yourself some grace. It’s a big transition. I’ve felt the same way with my Dad. He’s getting older and forgetful. He asks me the same question multiple times and I find myself snapping like, I just told you… anyway, take it one day at a time. If you find yourself being short tempered try to reel it in and do better next time. It’s ok. You’re just a human like the rest of us
Think about what you would need and feel if you suddenly lost your sight. Take a bandana and wrap it around your eyes and just sit on your bed for a few minutes and then stand up.
Maybe if you look for a support group for caregivers for blind people? I’m sure they have very helpful tips you may not have thought of. I know you mentioned she prepared herself by going to blind school for her new life but you also need to adjust to her new life and I feel there is definitely something out there to help with that. Also, talk to her about it. Tell her (if you end up going/finding something) that you’re going your part to adjust to the change also and apologize (since you seem guilty/remorseful about it) so she can understand that you didn’t expect it to affect your time with her. She’ll very much appreciate it and be more patient back at you
Appreciate her while she’s still here pal
I don’t want to make assumptions. Do you think maybe there’s some part of you that’s mourning the loss of a mom who can see? It could be that you’re angry about the situation and haven’t had the chance to properly process so it’s coming out AT your mom instead.
How does a blind woman go axe throwing? I know that is not the point of this post, but that’s what I’m stuck on
Just stop being an asshole to your mom. Simple as that. She’s your mom. She gave birth to you. Without her, you don’t exist.
One day, she’s not gonna be here & you’ll wish you could have done things differently. Treat her better. Be better. 🤗
How do you not take her axe throwing? That would be my first stop!
This is bait. Come on people. Look at the events she wants to do…
I guess I’d say just be in the moment. Do you really need to rush her? If you are somewhere and you have to help her, what’s the big deal?! What else would you be doing? Sometimes we spend so much time rushing from event to event, we overlook/forget to focus on the journey.
I wouldn’t go ax throwing either!
Put yourself in her shoes. Then you’ll feel her frustrations and limitations.
You’re seventeen. This is a totally normal feeling. No seventeen year old wants to be around their parents, let alone a primary care giver. You are a superstar. Give yourself a break. You can be kind and caring in your twenties.
Just print out your post hang it on your wall and read it DAILY 🙏
If you pray then pray for strength and guidance if you don’t know how to pray it’s just talking to the universe with belief there’s a powerful source listening who you believe that to be is your choice. Not everyone believes in God but certainly there is some universal power that connects everything ❤️🩹
Good luck
There are service animals for blind people. See if you could get one for your mom. Most of the time, these service animals are dogs, so as long as she has no dog allergies, she should be ok. There are some blind people on TikTok and YouTube who you can check out and see how they live their lives. For example, there is this blind surfer who is also a voice actor. Things like these could help your mom learn to be self-sufficient.
Keep being an asshole, just don’t let her see you doing it. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
Hey, give yourself a break. Accompanying a newly blind relative must be quite similar to parenting a headstrong toddler. They think they can do anything, but can’t. At least not as well as you can. I’m picturing taking a blind woman to an amusement park, and/or taking a poorly behaved 4 year old to the amusement park. In both cases, the parent (you’ve switched roles to some degree, whether you/she likes that or not) wants to make sure the toddler is safe, so that adds some pressure. You also want to get where you are going, but have a person with you that moves at a snail’s pace, which is frustrating. It’s just hard. And what you are doing is hard. I’d say, plan your visits carefully. If you live with her, plan your OUTINGS carefully. Don’t go when you’re exhausted from work or school or whatever. Take a deep breath before you go, and have a concise plan so you know when it’s going to be over and you get a break. That may sound cruel- knowing “when it’s going to be over,” – but I’m suggesting that you’ll adjust to this better in small doses, and won’t burn any bridges in the meantime by blowing up at your mom. But give yourself (and your mom) a break- this can’t possibly be an easy situation for either of you. Good luck.