I 24F, him 26M have been hooking up now for about two weeks. We had talked previously for about a month before we started hooking up. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I said I wasn’t either but that we both liked talking to each other and wanted to be friends with benefits. Fast forward to now, I don’t know whether I’m allowed to call him and talk like a friend or if we are just purely the benefits. I’m not sure how to approach the conversation and could use some guidance. And we don’t ever really text mostly just call before we started hooking up. And he did bail on me twice when we were supposed to have dates. And help or advice would be nice.
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Backup of the post’s body: I 24F, him 26M have been hooking up now for about two weeks. We had talked previously for about a month before we started hooking up. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I said I wasn’t either but that we both liked talking to each other and wanted to be friends with benefits. Fast forward to now, I don’t know whether I’m allowed to call him and talk like a friend or if we are just purely the benefits. I’m not sure how to approach the conversation and could use some guidance. And we don’t ever really text mostly just call before we started hooking up. And he did bail on me twice when we were supposed to have dates. And help or advice would be nice.
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You two need to sit down and talk about the ground rules. Are you F buddies or FWB? Can you chat and hang out? Or is this really just sex and not hanging out as friends?
Friends with benefits relationships are not for everybody. It takes a certain kind of person to take emotion out of intimate relationships and most people have a hard time separating the two.
hi! i think you should just approach the conversation casually – and by this i don’t mean try being “cool” about it, they’re your thoughts and emotions and they deserve to be heard! i don’t find it a big deal to just ask him what the boundaries are and express your desires/wants out of the fwb type relationship as well 🙂 hopefully you can come to a happy medium
If you guys weren’t actual friends before you started hooking up then you’re not friends now. Meaning this is probably not who you’ll want to call up to talk. I mean, has he ever called you up just to talk since you started sleeping with him? It doesn’t matter that you were talking a little in the month before the hook ups started. He was clearly interested in sleeping with you so that would have been his main motivation at that time. Guys don’t seek women out for friendship they seek them out for sex or for relationships. (This is not to say guys can’t have platonic female friends but the lead up and circumstances surrounding how and when that happens are complex and that’s not your situation here). He’s told you he’ll do the sex with you. He has not shown you the friendship part and has already told you a relationship is off the table.
Fwb means friends with benefits. You’re not really friends. You two are f* buddies.
If you want to keep the upper hand in a friends-with-benefits situation, you can’t be the one constantly initiating contact. Don’t always respond right away when he reaches out-stay cool, keep your emotions in check, and don’t do anything that makes him feel like he’s special or different bc he’s not. Boundaries matter.
Decide what you want them conceive a strategy to achieve that.
Friends with benefits means exactly what it says. You guys are friends first and foremost, who occasionally have sex. If he’s only interested in having sex with you and not in being a friend otherwise, you don’t have a fwb, you have a person who views you as a sex object.
And I say this as a guy who has had one fwb before. She was (and still is) a very dear friend to me and even when we were in the fwb, we spent hours talking about non-sexual stuff because we were friends first, and I love her company. We ended it because she developed feelings and I didn’t, but that didn’t change the fact that she knew she could call me whenever and I’d be there for her as a friend. Whether it’s a family issue, some stress in her life, just a panic attack, if you can’t be there for your friends when they need it the most, then don’t call hooking up with them fwb. It’s you having a human fleshlight.
So sit down with him and have a serious talk about your expectations from the fwb. If he’s not interested in being friends outside sex, you have to decide whether the sex is enough for you or if you want to end it. Either way, communicate, firmly and stick to your boundaries
Hate to say it but these never end well
It sounds like you two are not friends. If you’re happy with the arrangement and you’re just using him for sex, great. If you’re not happy with the arrangement, end it. I wouldn’t suggest trying to get more out of him. If he wanted to, he would. Just move on.
Call him bro and dude instead of any cute nicknames. Friends are bros. Girlfriends are nicknames. That’s basically the only difference between the two in all my relationships.
How about you talk with him and figure out how you two want to act and treat it and what boundaries to set?
That’s the only way to let them know what you’re thinking, crazy thought I know
FWB means non exclusive and no expectation of dates or stuff like that. Talk talk talk then fuck
It sounds like you actually want a boyfriend or relationship. Find yourself a boyfriend and forget about this guy. He is just using you. This is a learning experience.