Hii! Never really thought I would actually do this but here I am. I honestly just need a little bit of advice, I guess? I’m a 20 years old girl, scared shitless of intimacy because of a freaking scar. About 2y ago I had a breast reduction and even though I don’t regret doing it, I had a complication that left me with a scar. I had a partial necrosis of my right areola (just one side and didn’t get the nipple), which by now looks practically normal (it’s a scar tissue). It’s not really that bad, but that combined with the fact that my surgery scar has not lighten yet, makes me really insecure and scared of intimacy. I know I should love myself and if a guy doesn’t like me because of something so superficial then I should just leave him, but regardless of that, there’s a part of me that cares what a guy would think. I want to feel wanted and beautiful. What I’m trying to get out of this, I guess, is just an opinion whether this scar would be a problem or if I’m just being paranoid?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hii! Never really thought I would actually do this but here I am. I honestly just need a little bit of advice, I guess? I’m a 20 years old girl, scared shitless of intimacy because of a freaking scar. About 2y ago I had a breast reduction and even though I don’t regret doing it, I had a complication that left me with a scar. I had a partial necrosis of my right areola (just one side and didn’t get the nipple), which by now looks practically normal (it’s a scar tissue). It’s not really that bad, but that combined with the fact that my surgery scar has not lighten yet, makes me really insecure and scared of intimacy. I know I should love myself and if a guy doesn’t like me because of something so superficial then I should just leave him, but regardless of that, there’s a part of me that cares what a guy would think. I want to feel wanted and beautiful. What I’m trying to get out of this, I guess, is just an opinion whether this scar would be a problem or if I’m just being paranoid?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I highly doubt it ever would be, but like you said. If it did become a problem then that’s a good reason NOT to date/see them again. I dated a woman that was pretty self conscious about some Cancer scars she had on her neck, arm and chest. I didn’t care, if anything I found some of them cute and attractive. I’m pretty sure you are over thinking it, but if its a legitimate fear, you might want to speak to a professional about it.
The right person will not care. I have many scars, they are part of me and my partner loves all of me. Find a partner that loves all of you and that insecurity will fade, it may not vanish overnight but if you have someone that consistently shows you you don’t need to be insecure with them it will go away eventually I promise. It took years for me, but I don’t even remember I have scars when I’m with him now. Choose someone that you can work towards feeling like that with, don’t expect it to come overnight, but never settle for anyone who adds to your insecurity ❤️
I totally understand what you mean! At age 15 I was left with a huge scare on my booty (I am woman btw) – a round scare, size of a bigger coin. I felt super insecure even though I also knew I should care. Well turned out none of the guys I have been with noticed. When I pointed the scar out they didn’t know what I was talking about and once they saw it, they didn’t care at all. I couldn’t believe as to me it was so so visible. So, please don’t worry. You are beautiful with your scars. If a guy would really not like it he doesn’t deserve to be with you anyway.
Guys will just be happy to see your boobs. I used to be scared of the same thing because of a surgery removing a cancerous tumour as a child resulting in a large scar across the right side of my butt. Trust me, there’s never been any complaints, only compliments.
I had the same surgery at 18 and has similar concerns. I can promise that men DO NOT CARE. If they do, they’re a jackass and you shouldn’t be sleeping with them anyways. But honestly, in the 23 years since, no man has ever cared and has just been stoked I’m naked. Enjoy your life!
I have a scar from exploratory surgery (decades ago) and there are 18 stitches. When I was intimate with my then bf, now husband, he kissed every stitch to show me he didn’t care. Good partners don’t.
I just want to ask one question that helps me when I feel insecure – would you care?
If you met a person you really liked, you were excited to go to bed with them, then you see they have a scar. Would you judge that person? Would you be less attracted to them? Would it make you want to do anything but ask what happened and kiss it and love them just the same, knowing they healed from something?
You deserve that same love, and people who see through those eyes won’t want you less. And even superficial attraction which can deepen, we see our own flaws much more than somebody who is attracted to us ever will.
Consider owning a few of the cutest or sexy-ist sheer tops. Something that would enhance. I’m not saying it would never come off, but perhaps to cut the ice a little, if that makes sense?
Any man who isn’t thrilled to see you naked, scars, lumps, hair, stretch marks, all of it, doesn’t deserve to see you naked.
Your feelings are normal – I still sometimes get insecure despite being with someone that loves me a ridiculous amount.
But think of it this way: imagine a woman you love and admire – your sister, mother, grandmother, best friend. Imagine they wrote what you just wrote, read it and then respond to them.
You’d never say the things you’re saying in your head to a woman you love. Be a woman you love.
You may never love those scars, but at least find a way to be neutral. It’s just some scar tissue – it’s not a big deal, right?
I am in my 40s and for various reasons have always been very, very self-conscious about my chest. Part of it was because I was rather busty and it seemed like it was all anyone ever looked at. As a young woman who was also large-chested, you are probably used to people focusing on your boobs all the freaking time. But I’m going to be honest, no matter the awful scenarios I ran in my head, no one ever reacted badly to seeing my breasts. I think once you get to the point where clothes are coming off, most men are just totally stoked they get to see boobs, and specifically your boobs.
You did something for yourself that made your body feel better. You bear the scars as evidence that you chose yourself and your own wellbeing. Anyone who would shame you for that is a loser who doesn’t deserve your time.
It’s not a big deal. Our insecurities are so much bigger to ourselves and generally don’t affect others. Also, you’re a woman, not a girl.
Hi. I’d say you’re just being a little self conscious. Every body is different, and I’m sure yours is just as beautiful with or without a scar. Embrace it. The right person will love you for you, scar included!
Imho, men don’t care/aren’t bothered by such things. If you mean just hookup with some random dude, some guy, he may be an idiot in some way but it wouldn’t stop him from the deed. But an “actual man” regardless of age, that cares about you, it won’t matter at all…zip zero.
You are overstressing, likely from all the bs filtered images on internet, but real life is very different. You are truly stressing for no reason imho.
Some guys are shallow assholes who would probably shame you about it. But a decent guy wouldn’t. So maybe think of it as a sort of filter? If a guy reacts badly, that’s his way of telling you right away that he’s an asshole who isn’t worth your time. Less time you have to spend getting to know him just to find out later.
I know it still hurts to be judged like that. You deserve respect. But no decent person is going to judge you or insult you over this. And there are plenty of decent people out there. If you care about someone, you get used to their flaws, and even learn to love them.
Look any person you are in a position to be intimate with will, at the point of seeing your breasts, be far too thankful and awestruck to take any such minor flaws into consideration.
It’s a part of you and they will be enamored with totality of your beauty.
The right person will not worry about it that, try lingerie if that will help YOU develop confidence for yourself. Buy the lingerie for yourself and try it out before considering a relationship ❤️
You’re being paranoid. For the majority of guys, they are just excited to get naked with someone. Seriously. They are excited to have sex. If you feel comfortable, talk about it beforehand but don’t make a huge deal about it.
I have scars and have been very paranoid and self conscious about them so I understand. It will be okay.
Any man that cares, you do not need in your life
My fiancé has multiple scars and because of that is highly self conscious of her body. I feel like as a man, it’s my job to make sure she looks beautiful no matter the situation.
Not wanting to be judged is okay and it’s normal and it makes you human. But please remember you’re beautiful inside and out and I think that your scar is just more to love about you! You’re not paranoid, you’re being normal, but learn to love the beauty of yourself
E+C vitamin oil and massage the scar tissue helps.
Honestly, a person that really loves you probably won’t even notice your scar, but if you want to do something for you, then try the oil.
When i was way too young I read an “ask a man” advice column in a women’s magazine. There was a piece of advice that has stuck with me for decades. ‘When a man sees you naked, hes not thinking about any of your imperfections, hes literally thinking “woohoo, I’m about to have sex”. ‘
I swear that has been the source of my confidence in the bedroom my entire adult life.
When my husband and I began to be intimate, I had a c-section scar, so many stretch marks, and scarring to my genitalia. He didn’t mind one bit and has made a point of showing that I’m beautiful to him for right about 30 years now. Fwiw, I’ve since had multiple surgeries, some with significant scars, lots of body changes, and even more stretch marks. Find partners who love you for all of you!
The right person won’t care. I have a lot of chronic, progressive and terminal illnesses that have affected me in many ways. One is that my stomach is paralyzed and I’m on a feeding tube for nutrition and I have severe acid reflux which would back up my esophagus when I slept and destroyed my teeth and they all had to be pulled and I wear dentures. I was really self conscious about it but have found men who overlook all that and have still wanted to date me and be intimate regardless.
Don’t let something like this keep you from trying to have a relationship. The right men won’t think twice about it and care for you for the person that you are.
Girl, I have a birthmark on my hooha that looks like a poop stain. My partner has acne scarring that keloided so it looks burn scars all over his chest and back. Both of us are self-conscious, but for both of us literally no potential sexual partner gave a damn. (Besides very rarely some curiosity that wasn’t judgmental or disgusted.) . We are much more critical and less kind to ourselves than anyone else is.
Anxiety is the worst and tells us the most horrible things, but hopefully this community can boost you up enough to give you some confidence to get there. You deserve intimacy and care.
anyone you want to be intimate should be excited to see your boobs in the first place regardless of size, scars, nipple color, etc.
Oh sweetheart, a real man won’t care! They will like you and your boobs the way you are. For your scar to help reduce coloring/appearance Vitamin E oil everyday can help and you can get this silicon scar tape stuff that does help to soften it, you just need to be consistent!
O had a reduction a year ago. I do feel strange about the scars. My incision opened up and it’s a huge scar. I think this self conscious feeling is normal. The right partner would help you cope and not make it worse. You can always buy a pretty bra and keep it on. I’d explain that you’re working on your self image. And with the- a therapist may help.
I’ve had the same surgery and scar didn’t heal great so it’s very large and a different color. I can tell you from experience NO guy I have been with or have seen them care at all. Not just like they say they don’t care but it truly doesn’t bother them at all. Any person getting the chance to hookup with you has won the lottery. They won’t be bothered by it. If they are RUN
Speaking as a 46 year old woman.. A very large majority of men don’t care about stretch marks or a little extra skin or scars.. If they like you, they will be so stoked to be in a position to see your body laid bare, that they won’t give a shit!!
In their mind, they are thinking, “Oh my god, is my dick big enough?? Did I last long enough?? Did she enjoy that as much as I did?? God, I hope I don’t upset her or perform badly or go soft from anxiety!!!”
We are all so overly focused on ourselves and whether or not someone that we like or love, likes, or loves us back.. All of us are in our own heads, just trying to be good enough.. I do it too!!
But, trust me.. A good man who just wants to be near you and touch you and please you.. He won’t give a fuck about anything but whether or not he’s pleasing to you as well..
Guys are so thrilled to get to be intimate with you, they won’t care at all. Or keep the lights off. Or keep your bra on. I promise you they won’t care!
I have a scare in a . . .sensitive place, and it messed with me for a little while, but then I got over it cause its going to be there forever, I cant get any scar removal in this place without possibly losing sensations I just dont think are worth giving up for vanity lol. I can either live with it, comfortably, or live with it uncomfortably. I chose to love all of myself and move on. I hope you can do the same. ♡
Would you care if the guy you were crushing on and attracted to had a similar scar? Or would it just make you love them a little bit more?
If you’re hooking up with shallow ass men, yeah you might get that reaction but it’s no different than any other shallow ass shit that might come out of their mouth.
Nobody had a perfect body. If you’re expecting yourself to be perfect might as well start getting used to the fact that you’re not, even though you are actually perfect exactly how you are.
Never in the history of boobs has a person turned down the boobs.
The scar is unimportant to any person that cares for you. That is the only type of person you should be intimate with. That being said, there are tattoos that can cover scars, if it is something that you do for yourself to feel more confident. It’s not necessary at all, but our insecurities don’t always agree with the logical answer.
Would it be possible to tattoo? Not sure if it’s an option but it could help mentally…
I have a large burn scar across my groin and down my hip. I felt the same. However my now partner says he over it as part of me. My hand is scarred too- it looks old, he makes the joke my other hand will look like that soon! lol
Boobs already come in all shapes and sizes, a scar is just a neutral difference along with all the others that are already there. Men are normally stoked to see you naked regardless of what body you have and anyone who isn’t is wrong for you 🤷🏼♀️ you got this!