I just had a triple whammy of a TIFU and I feel like I’m in a sitcom episode now. I was walking in the woods a few days ago, exploring some trails behind a high school with my dog. I was suddenly overcome with the overwhelming urge to take a shit. I ran a ways off trail to make sure nobody would see me and I drop trou and unleash my sin upon the world. I grabbed a couple broad leaves that were climbing up a tree to wipe up and as soon as I finish and pull my pants up I spotted a trail cam 30 feet away pointing in my relative direction. Fuckin great, you can’t even shit deep in the woods anymore. I approach the trail cam hoping for some sign that tells me it might not be active and it has a note on it “This trail cam is used by the students of this high school for science projects…” So GREAT I’m probably on a list now. Might even become some local meme in the high school or something, or worse, end up on Tiktok. I try to push this out of my mind and finish the hike. At the end I come across an info board about poison ivy… Lo and behold the leaves I had used to wipe were in fact a form of poison ivy I’d never seen before. I book it home and wash my butthole til it sparkles. Well apparently I didn’t wash well enough or soon enough cause my whole ass is covered in poison ivy blisters now and I am suffering.
I hope those students could at least tell I grabbed poison ivy to wipe with. Hopefully their joy is proportional to my suffering so something good came of this misadventure.
Tl;dr: shit in the woods, maybe caught on a high school trail cam, ended up with an ass full of poison ivy.
Comments
I would reach out to the school and try to explain the situation. It’s a lot better to have a teacher scrub/delete the footage than to have a bunch of kids go through it looking for data.
Oh, your poor sweet soul. Sit on a bag of frozen something wrapped in a towel