Taking my glasses off when stuck in a situation where someone won’t shut up, I might have to listen to your voice, but all I can see is a blurry face – so easy to tune out.
Going to the door naked and holding a Katana, throw it open and calmly say, “May I help you?” To the salespersons who knock on my door at 0600 on a Saturday.
Picking your nose at a red light, and, just to add to the drama for the happenstance audience of others who can see you, looking at it long enough that they start to suspect you are considering eating it. Time it just right so that they will never know as you drive away on the green light.
You can promise bone marrow donation and then, at the last moment, back off.
The intended recipient will die, as their own bone marrow has been thoroughly destroyed by medications in preparation to the transplantation. But no one can force you to help them. You have a right to change your mind, even in the morning of the planned operation. You can revoke your consent anytime.
But you will look like a total psychopath, if look is the correct word.
Walking around grocery stores without a cart or basket just carrying way too many items in my arms while refusing help from concerned employees. I know I look unhinged but at this point it’s become a personal challenge.
Using your phone, in public, without earbuds or headphones to:
-have a conversation on speakerphone
-play music
-watch a video
-play a game with sound effects
*Extra psycho if it’s somewhere where people are stuck listening for an extended time, like on a plane.
Edit to add: Unless you’re outside in an area where a conversation on speakerphone wouldn’t be disturbing others. Also, for the record, I live in a suburb.
Promise a bunch of young kids that you’ll pay for their college education on the assumption you will be a millionaire by the time they are going to college. Then proceed to give them a bunch of laptop batteries.
Overtaking an old person on a pavement- I always feel like a mugger. To compensate, I cough loudly so they’re not surprised, and I give them about a metre berth, so step into the road to overtake. And, I’m a lady, so god knows how big burly men try to make themselves look safe.
Collecting your own fingernails and toenails in a jar, labeling them by date, and displaying them on a shelf in your living room. It’s not illegal to keep your own clippings, but anyone who sees that collection is going to think you’re one step away from making a skin suit 🙃
Bringing a suitcase to a picnic. Not saying a word. Laying out a single framed photo of Nicolas Cage, then slowly eating hard-boiled eggs one by one while maintaining eye contact with everyone.
Sometimes I like to sit outside on the grass and just take in the world around me, being happy with the earth and its gifts.
I’ve gotten so many dirty looks and people asking me why I do this in a judging manner, some claiming I was mentally deranged or weird for it.
God forbid I sit with my girl mother nature and enjoy the wind blowing and the birds chirping. Truthfully, It makes me feel bad for the many others who genuinely believe they aren’t allowed to sit and breathe under a tree.
Removing people’s healthcare and condemning them to die to teach them “a lesson.” Removing food aid from children and letting them starve to death to reduce “inefficiency.”
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Having your bed stand in the middle of the room at an odd angle.
If you don’t pet dogs or cats, or pets in general, but pat them instead.
Looking at someone’s phone
Being a death row executioner.
Carrying one of those giant water bottles everywhere you go, the ones foe the dispenser machines
I tend not to brush off the brambles or other things I get in my hair, while working outdoors. Until I get home to wash myself properly, of course.
Consider I’m going home either cycling, either with the train. Lots of people looking mildly terrified.
Rehearsing conversation I never plan to have, nailing every comeback
Listen to the same song on repeat for more than 30 minutes.
Eating Doritos at a funeral
Serial cheating
Never take the first item off the shelf
Taking my glasses off when stuck in a situation where someone won’t shut up, I might have to listen to your voice, but all I can see is a blurry face – so easy to tune out.
Cleaning your garage at 2am.
Going to the door naked and holding a Katana, throw it open and calmly say, “May I help you?” To the salespersons who knock on my door at 0600 on a Saturday.
Wearing pyjamas out to a restaurant for dinner
Picking your nose at a red light, and, just to add to the drama for the happenstance audience of others who can see you, looking at it long enough that they start to suspect you are considering eating it. Time it just right so that they will never know as you drive away on the green light.
Waiting a moment before you join in laughing when you are in a group.
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Eating a gallon sized container of mayonnaise
I feel this kind of way walking into a 24/7 supermarket at like 3 AM to buy groceries (being a night owl to the extreme)
Mouthing words to songs that I have an ear worm for in public.
Thinking it’s ok to keep your socks on during sex. What. The. Hell.
Denying lifesaving coverage to people who will die
You can promise bone marrow donation and then, at the last moment, back off.
The intended recipient will die, as their own bone marrow has been thoroughly destroyed by medications in preparation to the transplantation. But no one can force you to help them. You have a right to change your mind, even in the morning of the planned operation. You can revoke your consent anytime.
But you will look like a total psychopath, if look is the correct word.
Sock, shoe, sock, shoe.
Stuffing aluminium foil into your mouth and chewing it
Wearing ski mask I got reported twice for wearing a ski mask it’s cold outside Karen Damn 😂
not turning around when you get on an elevator
Walking around grocery stores without a cart or basket just carrying way too many items in my arms while refusing help from concerned employees. I know I look unhinged but at this point it’s become a personal challenge.
Facing the wall in the elevator instead of turning around to face the doors.
Going over your lawn with a vacuum cleaner instead of a lawn mower.
Lots of states are open carry. You can dress up like billy the kid, guns and all and walk where its legal and not be breaking any laws
It’s legal to photograph and video random people in public places but doing it is weird and creepy.
Marrying your cousin.
Regular clothes while working out (jeans, khakis etc)
Water in your cereal instead of milk.
Collecting broken Barbie’s and displaying them in my windows
Using your phone, in public, without earbuds or headphones to:
-have a conversation on speakerphone
-play music
-watch a video
-play a game with sound effects
*Extra psycho if it’s somewhere where people are stuck listening for an extended time, like on a plane.
Edit to add: Unless you’re outside in an area where a conversation on speakerphone wouldn’t be disturbing others. Also, for the record, I live in a suburb.
Pouring milk first, then cereal
Staring at people.
Leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
Insulting everyone everywhere, both online and IRL.
Boasting about billions in profits while your full time workers have to get government assistance due to slave wages
Digging a hole in your back yard at night
Taking pictures of someone’s house with high powered zoom from a public area
Promise a bunch of young kids that you’ll pay for their college education on the assumption you will be a millionaire by the time they are going to college. Then proceed to give them a bunch of laptop batteries.
Buying bleach, rope,zip ties,kitchen knives an axe, surgical gloves, bin bags and a ski mask at the same time.
When people put the TP roll on, in such a way, that you have to pull from the bottom instead of the top. Absolute serial killer shit.
Not actually, but when I drive my Jeep with the doors off I always think of how wild it is that it’s legal, lol.
For real… recording yourself a lot and putting it in social media.
Or you could take your pet to a taxidermist after they pass and then take them with you everywhere you go. Er… their skin.
Biting an ice cream (like a UK ice cream cone).
Not snapping Kit Kat fingers apart when eating them. Straight up psychotic type activities.
Showering with your socks on.
Overtaking an old person on a pavement- I always feel like a mugger. To compensate, I cough loudly so they’re not surprised, and I give them about a metre berth, so step into the road to overtake. And, I’m a lady, so god knows how big burly men try to make themselves look safe.
Collecting your own fingernails and toenails in a jar, labeling them by date, and displaying them on a shelf in your living room. It’s not illegal to keep your own clippings, but anyone who sees that collection is going to think you’re one step away from making a skin suit 🙃
Bringing a suitcase to a picnic. Not saying a word. Laying out a single framed photo of Nicolas Cage, then slowly eating hard-boiled eggs one by one while maintaining eye contact with everyone.
Starting a jigsaw puzzle from the center and leaving the border till the end.
Drinking from a glass/mug while walking in the street.
Not casually outside a bar or a café, you have to actually walk, and it can’t be a recyclable cup.
Owning a flamethrower. I own one and it’s awesome lol
Sniffing someone’s chair right after they get up from it
Clean out an opaque condiment bottle and fill it with water.
Take a sip from your ketchup bottle as you walk down the street.
Sometimes I like to sit outside on the grass and just take in the world around me, being happy with the earth and its gifts.
I’ve gotten so many dirty looks and people asking me why I do this in a judging manner, some claiming I was mentally deranged or weird for it.
God forbid I sit with my girl mother nature and enjoy the wind blowing and the birds chirping. Truthfully, It makes me feel bad for the many others who genuinely believe they aren’t allowed to sit and breathe under a tree.
Walking around fully dressed, shirt tucked into your pants, shoes tied neatly, but you leave your belt unbuckled just hanging in the loops.
Eating a whole lemon like an apple
Removing people’s healthcare and condemning them to die to teach them “a lesson.” Removing food aid from children and letting them starve to death to reduce “inefficiency.”