I (31F) and my husband (30M) had our first baby last year. He’s now 1 year and 4 months old. He’s an incredibly sweet boy, and we love him so much. That said—he’s very rambunctious. He keeps us on our toes 24/7. If there’s an outlet, he’s got a finger ready for it. If there’s a table, he’s climbing it (and probably falling off). A rock, sock fuzz, a caterpillar—straight into the mouth. You get the idea.
He’s been walking for about 5 months now and is naturally a little clumsy, so he gets hurt a lot. It’s a wonderful milestone, but my anxiety is through the roof. The booboos just keep coming, and I’m constantly on edge.
So, my husband and I are planning to attend his cousin’s wedding at the end of June. It’s an adults-only wedding, about 20 minutes from both our house and my parents’ house. Since all of my husband’s family will be at the wedding, I asked my parents months ago if they could watch our son overnight. They agreed, and it felt like one big thing checked off my to-do list.
Then, about a month ago, my stepmom texted me saying they’d just received an invitation to a graduation party on the same day they were supposed to have our son. The party is for my stepmom’s nephew’s half-brother (same dad), and since her nephew lives with them, they pretty much have to take him.
Here’s the issue: the party is two hours away. I don’t know many people who will be there. I don’t even know the exact location details just the general area—could be a house, could be a pool party. Who knows if it’s toddler-proofed at all? My son isn’t great on long car rides, and two 2-hour trips in one day feels like a lot. He also doesn’t nap easily and fights sleep, so I was concerned about him getting proper rest and being overstimulated.
More importantly, I was deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being two hours away from him in case something happened. It’s not about not trusting my parents—it’s that the unknowns and the distance made me feel sick with anxiety. I’ve only ever been away from him for two separate weekends just a few months ago, but in both cases, he was at home—and still managed to get hurt one of those times.
So I texted my stepmom (it was late and I didn’t want to call) and said I wouldn’t be comfortable with them taking him to the party. I added that if they had to go, it’s totally okay—I would make other arrangements.
I wasn’t surprised she was upset, but I was surprised by how upset. She ignored me for two days, and then when we finally talked, she blew up at me on the phone, hung up, and then sent angry texts afterward. She told my dad her side, and then he called to blow up at me too.
The main thing they both said was that I didn’t “trust” them. That’s not true at all. I do trust them. They are awesome grandparents. I’m just a nervous first-time parent trying to make the safest choices for my baby.
They both said some really hurtful things I can’t shake. Honestly, the whole situation hit a nerve. It started to feel like a weird co-parenting custody dispute—which brought up a lot of childhood trauma for me, since my parents fought over me growing up. I always swore I wouldn’t live like that as an adult, and definitely wouldn’t put my kids through it.
At the end of the day, my son is my child. I get that they were disappointed, and that’s fair—but the way they reacted felt completely disproportionate.
Now I have absolutely no idea who would watch him for the night. Their house is one of the few I felt completely comfortable with him sleeping at. I’m not even sure if we can make it to this wedding now which is concerning as it’s a month away!
It would’ve been easier to just say yes and let them go to the party—but how could I, after all that? And my concerns haven’t changed. 😔
AITA for saying no?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (31F) and my husband (30M) had our first baby last year. He’s now 1 year and 4 months old. He’s an incredibly sweet boy, and we love him so much. That said—he’s very rambunctious. He keeps us on our toes 24/7. If there’s an outlet, he’s got a finger ready for it. If there’s a table, he’s climbing it (and probably falling off). A rock, sock fuzz, a caterpillar—straight into the mouth. You get the idea.
He’s been walking for about 5 months now and is naturally a little clumsy, so he gets hurt a lot. It’s a wonderful milestone, but my anxiety is through the roof. The booboos just keep coming, and I’m constantly on edge.
So, my husband and I are planning to attend his cousin’s wedding at the end of June. It’s an adults-only wedding, about 20 minutes from both our house and my parents’ house. Since all of my husband’s family will be at the wedding, I asked my parents months ago if they could watch our son overnight. They agreed, and it felt like one big thing checked off my to-do list.
Then, about a month ago, my stepmom texted me saying they’d just received an invitation to a graduation party on the same day they were supposed to have our son. The party is for my stepmom’s nephew’s half-brother (same dad), and since her nephew lives with them, they pretty much have to take him.
Here’s the issue: the party is two hours away. I don’t know many people who will be there. I don’t even know the exact location details just the general area—could be a house, could be a pool party. Who knows if it’s toddler-proofed at all? My son isn’t great on long car rides, and two 2-hour trips in one day feels like a lot. He also doesn’t nap easily and fights sleep, so I was concerned about him getting proper rest and being overstimulated.
More importantly, I was deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being two hours away from him in case something happened. It’s not about not trusting my parents—it’s that the unknowns and the distance made me feel sick with anxiety. I’ve only ever been away from him for two separate weekends just a few months ago, but in both cases, he was at home—and still managed to get hurt one of those times.
So I texted my stepmom (it was late and I didn’t want to call) and said I wouldn’t be comfortable with them taking him to the party. I added that if they had to go, it’s totally okay—I would make other arrangements.
I wasn’t surprised she was upset, but I was surprised by how upset. She ignored me for two days, and then when we finally talked, she blew up at me on the phone, hung up, and then sent angry texts afterward. She told my dad her side, and then he called to blow up at me too.
The main thing they both said was that I didn’t “trust” them. That’s not true at all. I do trust them. They are awesome grandparents. I’m just a nervous first-time parent trying to make the safest choices for my baby.
They both said some really hurtful things I can’t shake. Honestly, the whole situation hit a nerve. It started to feel like a weird co-parenting custody dispute—which brought up a lot of childhood trauma for me, since my parents fought over me growing up. I always swore I wouldn’t live like that as an adult, and definitely wouldn’t put my kids through it.
At the end of the day, my son is my child. I get that they were disappointed, and that’s fair—but the way they reacted felt completely disproportionate.
Now I have absolutely no idea who would watch him for the night. Their house is one of the few I felt completely comfortable with him sleeping at. I’m not even sure if we can make it to this wedding now which is concerning as it’s a month away!
It would’ve been easier to just say yes and let them go to the party—but how could I, after all that? And my concerns haven’t changed. 😔
AITA for saying no?
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Your child your rules. NTA
The wedding is only 20 minutes from your house. Find a trustworthy friend to babysit for you at your house and be home that night.
>my stepmom texted me saying they’d just received an invitation to a graduation party on the same day they were supposed to have our son. The party is for my stepmom’s nephew’s half-brother (same dad), and since her nephew lives with them, they pretty much have to take him.
Terrible idea. A toddler has to be watched the whole time, and your parents are not going to be able to do that at a party.
NTA. If I were you, I would just skip the wedding and stay home with my son. You won’t have a good time, because more than likely they will lie to you to appease you, but still carry through with their initial plan of going out.
Where does the entitlement from the step mom come in? “You won’t let me do what I want with your child” then she throws a tantrum and your father takes her side. That situation alone would make me uncomfortable leaving my child with them. They for some reason think they get to dictate baby choices. I’d be skipping the wedding so I knew my baby wasn’t with those people. Yes everyone needs a night out especially after becoming new parents but you’ll be stressed the whole time you’re away.