I don’t know how to start this post, especially since it’s the first time I’ve sought help from someone whom I don’t know personally. As the title says I’m looking for help on my friendship and if it can transform into a romantic relationship.
Me (24M) and her (23F) met in college. She was the one who started the friendship, since I wasn’t particularly a loner but didn’t socialize that much. We started talking more, worked on projects together, and even went out a few times, that’s when I started to really te like her. I already thought she had a kind soul because it’s not every day you get approached by someone who sees you alone.
Fast forward a few months (like 3-4) it’s her birthday and at that party, I learn that she just got into a relationship. I didn’t mind that and kept up the friendship and started getting closer, her meeting my family and me meeting hers (all the while she was still with her boyfriend). I set my boundaries and don’t go out, that much, with her, just to respect the relationship she has, but still getting closer and closer to the point where she asks for my advice. I keep it impartial and even recommend she talk to a professional for some advice or guidance.
Fast forward a few years (up to 3-4 weeks ago) she breaks up with her boyfriend (he was an a*hole but didn’t have the whole context up until now) they had problems, especially on his side but she says that what prompted her to end it was that some other guy had told her she was pretty and she didn’t stop him from making those remarks.
She tells me all of this as some sort of confidant and also says she’s taking some time out of dating and that she is blocking the other guy I mentioned before; however, this doesn’t happen, in fact, she still talks with this other guy (the guy that told her she’s pretty).
I haven’t told her how I feel especially since we are in most group projects together. I’m thinking of throwing care to the wind and yolo” ing” it hahaha but I feel there is too much at risk and I actually really like her friendship but my feelings are too strong.
Also, the second thing that is stopping me is the fact that she said she was taking time off from dating. I’m trying to accept her boundaries, but then I learn that she goes out with this other guy (from ig stories, etc) and I go down into a whole of sadness and self-loathing and I cannot keep taking periods where I’m not productive.
Truly, I don’t know what to do. We finish school in a few months and was thinking of telling her by then but it feels like I’m losing an opportunity because she doesn’t seem to care if the other asks her out.
Thank for any advice, it is truly appreciated.
P.S. I’m writing this as it comes out maybe the context might be missing a few parts but bear with me 🙂
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I completely understand this. If you really want a shot with this girl you’re going to have to make a move, yea she’s going to say she’s taking a break from dating but that’s only until she finds the right guy or the right guy finds her, then you’re back where you started.
Don’t directly tell her you have feelings but ask her to hang out more and do stuff with her that both of you guys genuinely enjoy. Through these hangouts you’re going to get a vibe from her and there will be a moment where you can get personal with her and ask her on a genuine date. From a girls perspective, sometimes we have feelings for a guy but don’t make the first move just to see if he has any initiative or not.
this obviously could go either way but at the end of the day it’s better than never knowing since that will eat away at you. If it doesn’t work out then I suggest moving on and focusing on yourself and not letting this bring you down because you deserve better than that and she might even come around the less you focus on her and more on improving yourself.