My dad had a heart attack and I couldn’t care less

When I (20M) was young (about 7 if I’m counting years correctly), I moved to a different country with my mom while my dad stayed in the US to work. Their marriage had already been on the rocks long before I was born (result of my mom rushing into marriage thinking that time was ticking and she needed to have a family asap) but even at a young age they’d constantly fight, whether it was in front of me or after I was sent to bed.

My mom and I moved when I was at an age where I still wasn’t allowed to have gadgets like a phone or tablet. Communication with my dad heavily relied on him calling mom, and mom handing me her phone to talk to him. My mom was always willing to let me talk to him when he wanted to talk to me. They’d talk as well about things like divorce settlement and child support, but for the most part, it’d be my call with my dad.

As months turned into years, the calls became less frequent. Eventually, I was given my own device, but even then, he wouldn’t call very often. Mom would usually ask every now and again “did your dad call you?” ‘whens the last time you guys talked on call?” and I’d normally give her excuses that he was probably busy at work or asleep because of timezones. The longer I waited, the more excuses I gave for him.

Every summer since moving, I’d come back to the US, sometimes with my mom, sometimes not. I’d usually spend time with him as a form of his custody time with me. Every summer, it was the same. It always felt like our conversations were like those of strangers making small talk. He didn’t know about what was happening in school, who my friends were, my interests, anything. In turn, I knew nothing about him. At the end of my stay in the states, I’d get the same speech from him as I was about to go to my gate: “call me when you want to talk. I miss talking to you when you’re there”. Over the years, I started realizing why it upset me. Why did I have to initiate? Why was I getting the pressure to maintain communication when he was the one that had the time and capability first and foremost?

Years passed and I became more disconnected with him, but stayed civil and played the role of his daughter (I’m trans, but like most things, he didn’t bother to know). At the start of pandemic, I found out he had a fiance. I won’t go into detail of how I found out, but let’s just say it wasn’t from his own mouth. I confronted him about it and told him my point of view. I told him that he can do what he wants, but it would have been nice to know considering she’d legally be my step-mom and I’d even have a step-sibling. I told him I didn’t even think I’d call her mom, since she’d basically be a stranger to me. He accepted and we left it at that.

I graduated highschool over 2 years ago, and he made the trip here to celebrate with me. The plan was to go with him back to his hometown so I could spend time with his side of the family. He came over to where my mom and I live, and I started putting the bags I packed into his car. I notice a woman in the back, and it takes him having to spell it out for me to realize that this is his fiance. Before I can get my last bag, my mom and dad start arguing. It starts off being about me, then their issues with each other, then back to me. I got triggered into a panic attack from all the yelling, and I end up locking myself in a room. From what my mom tells me, and from the physical evidence that was left, she tried getting my luggages out of his car since it was obvious I didn’t want to go anymore. My dad slammed the car door on my mom’s hand, slammed it shut, threw her onto the ground, and drove off, nearly hitting her.

Since that say, I’ve cut all contact with him, though he does still try to extend olive branches like sending Christmas presents through my family members, but my anger towards him extends far beyond what he thinks.

All this to say that recently I received a text from a number that wasn’t saved. “Hi [OP] just want to inform you that your dad had a Mild Heart Attack and his in the hospital right now your Daddy loves you so much”. Even though the sender introduced themselves, I had trouble putting a face to the name. I have a big family, it happens a lot. It only hit me that this was my dad’s fiance (now wife) after I talked about how badly receiving the text had triggered me. I’ve thought about it for a while, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t feel bad. I don’t care that it was a heart attack. I don’t care that he’s my biological dad. I don’t feel bad for him. I’ve completely let him go, and I don’t care what happens to him. He’s already dead to me.