I got divorced 60 days ago. It’s my first time in 14 years being single and alone.
It was an amicable divorce, we have no kids, and there are no fights over how to split our stuff.
But I find myself depressed, lonely, and with no plan whatsover. I feel like every single plan I ever had was based on what my wife wanted to do. All I want to do seems to be playing video games and eating fast food; which I’m aware is bad for me if it’s the only thing I do.
So, my question for you guys is… how to deal with this properly to become a better person and have a better life?
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I got divorced 60 days ago. It’s my first time in 14 years being single and alone.
It was an amicable divorce, we have no kids, and there are no fights over how to split our stuff.
But I find myself depressed, lonely, and with no plan whatsover. I feel like every single plan I ever had was based on what my wife wanted to do. All I want to do seems to be playing video games and eating fast food; which I’m aware is bad for me if it’s the only thing I do.
So, my question for you guys is… how to deal with this properly to become a better person and have a better life?
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You’re never too far from a leg workout at your local gym. Just saying..
Go to therapy, start some sort of regular exercise, and find a way to spend some social time with other people.
Realize that divorce is a gift. Your life after it will be the envy of those who are married. And you will never believe how much joy you will have as you build yourself again and experience life as a single free person. Having no kids means you will absolutely be able to realize and envision the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Get married.
>I feel like every single plan I ever had was based on what my wife wanted to do. All I want to do seems to be playing video games and eating fast food; which I’m aware is bad for me if it’s the only thing I do.
Seems like you never had any purpose outside of your relationship. Look at it this way man: I know it sucks right now and losing someone you care about is never easy but you tried and got out at 33 years old. You got no kids, you’re still young, you’re not getting divorce graped in court, compared to a lot of guys you got off pretty easy. Take some time off, find a new hobby, maybe consider moving and starting over. I promise you at your age it’s not too late to turn things around.
Divorce is like a death of a beloved family member. The death of a marriage, a dream, ideal, and a way of living. It’s going to take some time, you need to go through the stages of grief just as you would with the death of a loved one. Don’t rush it.
I will say this, after being married 18+ years and getting divorced nearly 4 years ago now… I am way happier than I was before. New relationship, new life.
If you find yourself getting really down, you might think about seeing a therapist.
You’re going to have to rediscover who you are now. Try to avoid bad habits and to get your basic life in order (living arrangements, job, relationships, etc). You will also learn who your -real- friends are. None of this is going to be easy but I promise you’ll come out on the other side where the sun shines a little brighter and your outlook is going to be great.
Keep moving forward.
I got divorced a year and a half ago.
At first, for weeks I was a wreck. I was sleeping in my house with almost none of the furniture. I couldn’t afford to turn on the heat in the house with minimal insulation in the middle of winter. I struggled to put food on my table. My two dogs were what I was living for. I was grossly in debt. Bills were greater than my monthly income before food and electricity.
I let my sorrows get to me for a few weeks, maybe a month. I drank a lot. I thought about everything I missed. I hated myself for a bit.
Then one day, I looked at myself, and hated what I had become over that month. I started small. Making my bed everyday. Then cleaning more and more each day. That rolled into meal prepping and started eating healthier. Which then turned into me really grinding at work. I also had a small side business, but I started putting more time and energy into that.
One small step snowballed into me being more successful than ever before. I have an incredible girlfriend who I get along great with. But it was hard. It sucked. It does get better.
I got divorced at around the same age in a similar situation. You have to really do your own thing mate, get out there experience and live life. Men do allow their relationship to carry the weight of most of their emotional needs and it can be hard when it’s gone.
I mean if you want to play video games then play video games. I’d recommend against gorging out on fast food. If you’re 33 then you should try to stay in shape. As for dating? Good luck the scene is a mess and it might not actually be worth it.
My suggestion is find a hobby or set of hobbies you enjoy. Whatever happens afterwards is what happens.
I was divorced at 29 years old. It sounds cliche but having yourself a “hoe”/man whore phase does wonders for you. Especially given how long you were in a relationship.
I got divorced at 33 as well, basically exactly what you have, except for the duration of the marriage. I was only married for about 8 months or so and the relationship only lasted about 3 years.
But my friend it’s time for reinvention. If you have the time and money I’d strongly suggest therapy. Depression and feeling lost are completely normal for what you just went through. It eats a giant bag of dicks right now, but it’ll get better. I restarted at 33 with $700-ish dollars in liquid cash and am now remarried (15 years) with 2 wonderful children.
Basically the best part of being at the bottom is there no where else to go but up.
Start with hobbies to be honest. And if video games bring you joy, why tf not. Tell me which genre you like, I’ll give you some recommendations maybe even join you.
I’m 33 and divorced also. First thing for sure you gotta give yourself a break. That’s a long time to be married it’s gonna take more than two months to get used to it. Play video games eat food do you wanna go out go out don’t don’t take as long as you need. That age, especially is when people tend to stop wanting to go out anyway so it’s not just your situation It’s also normal.
Give it some time I did the same thing and video games got boring but only after about a year haha
You don’t need to have a plan right now and the plan will come naturally
Stop eating fast food and start picking up life skills. Fast food will kill your energy and pull you deeper into your depression, all for just that momentary dopamine hit.
Start reading, meditating and working out in addition to playing games. You don’t have to stop gaming, but don’t let it take over your life or that will pull you further into depression. Treat life like a game where your goal is to level up in all areas of your character. This includes spirituality which involves self reflection and moral compass building.
Start making a list and reflecting on what you want out of life. Since your divorce, do you know what areas in your life you need to improve upon?
Your goal should be how you can be a happy single person. Only then will you meet and attract a happy single partner, which shouldn’t be the goal but a life bonus. Don’t force it. Be yourself and learn how to be self sufficient and content in your life. You have the time and youth to start your journey fresh.
My man, it’s time to hit the gym
Playing video games all day and eating fast food ?
Wow i’m a bit younger than you but that’s my dream life right there lmao
My mid 30s were my most successful dating phase, much better than college. If you’re in decent shape, financially stable and present yourself well women will be interested in you. There are plenty of single women out there and the older you get the more they value a stable sane partner over someone frivolous. If you want to play video games go for it but make time to exercise and start eating healthier.
workout, do whatever it is you want to do, hang out with your friends
Find something fun to do. Never enjoyed hiking, but I got into RC crawlers (1/24, 1/18, and 1/10) and now I take them with me and just drive until I’ve gone through a few batteries. Usually lasts a couple miles and I get my exercise in
Do not underestimate the importance of real friendships. The kind that will be there before and after any relationship. It also gives you a big confidence boost to know you have people that support you. Throwing yourself right back in to dating might not be the best move, but making (and putting in the work/ effort to keep) friends is always worth it.
Go make some friends. Talk to strangers.
What’s there to be sad about? You’ve got a second chance at life , at love, at life post divorce.
Why not be happy and count your blessings?
You don’t even have kids to hold you down. Unlike myself, I’d kill to be in your position starting over again and armed with knowledge of how relationships that last the distance work and what doesn’t. Far too many people go in blind to their next relationship.
Dating will be on easy mode now, I’m a couple years older than you and have never been chased by women ever before like I have the last few years.
Get some hobbies going on so you have something to do other than video games. Workout, make moves to become wealthy. There’s so much you can do now.
Watch david Goggins videos 🫡
This is the time to reach out to the homies. Strengthen those bonds and experience life together. Catch up with the lads that you used to hangout with. Plan some boys trips for later this year.
Great time to discover yourself. I was divorced at 32, but my ex wife cheated on me so it was less amicable.
You can figure out your hobbies, your habits, and what you really want in life. Remember everyone takes things at their own pace. I threw myself into dating and took breaks to figure myself out. My early dates were completely rubbish on my part and I have to admit that. The only plus side is that I gained self confidence knowing that I could actually go on dates.
Being alone after a divorce may seem depressing or lonely, but sometimes you need this moment to grow. I discovered hobbies that I enjoyed and didn’t have a financial block.
I did find someone that was understanding and fun and supportive. I got married last year at 36.
Read the books The Rational Make by Rollo Tomassi and the Unplugged Alpha by Rich Cooper.
You now have the opportunity to figure out who you really are and what you like. Show yourself grace and mercy through all of this. Have fun and treat people well!
Divorced at 33 just like you. I buried myself in hobbies. Picked up running. Within a year I finished a half marathon at 7:30mile. Travelled quite a bit.
After about 2 years of working on myself I dipped my toe in dating. Seriously, it was like shooting a fish in a barrel. Life turned the switch to easy mode.
Your main objective is to find out who you are, and where you want to go.
It’s going to take sometime to get over it, if at all. Find a goal or hobby, workout, and it’s cool to visit a strip club every once in awhile to communicate with the other spieces. Set a budget beforehand though.
For now, play video games and eat fast food. When you’re feeling down, remember the reasons why you separated. Future, look for a partner that has common interests.
I was divorced around that age. And much like you my life revolved around my marriage. When the separation happened and I moved out of the house. I was scared. Very scared. Scared I lost my chance at a normal traditional life. Scared I would be single for the rest of my life. Scared no one would ever find me attractive and willing to start a relationship with me again. The circumstances of my divorce were on my mind what felt like 24/7. Literally. For a long time. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I struggled bad. And full mask off it still pops into my head from time to time and I get a little depressed but it passes.
Everyone is different and everyone will find their way to find peace and a way to move forward. Be it therapy, friendships, family, physical activity, dating or whatever. As for me? I found that physical activity really started getting me out of my funk. Mostly going to the gym and mountain biking. Reconnecting with friends also helped a lot. I did give therapy an honest try but I felt like it just wasn’t working for me. I feel like I made more progress mentally with self reflection, thinking about how and why it went wrong and being honest with myself and holding myself accountable for the part I played in my failed marriage and trying to improve those traits I found myself lacking in.
I’m not going to sit here and lie to you. Years later I’m still not at 100 percent. Every now and then I get a little depressed and think about the past. But what’s different now is that I’m able to recognize what I’m feeling and am able to move past it and forward quickly while in the past I would just lay in bed crying for weeks. Obviously my healing process had more layers, ups and downs, and there’s a lot more to my story but this is the best I can summarize for now. Hang in there man and find your outlets. Given time things will slowly and eventually shift towards the positive
I divorced at 33 after 9 years of marriage. I went to live on Airbnbs for some months, and I think that’s the only period in my life that I cried several days in a row and actually felt depressed.
Today, three years has passed, and I can say that getting divorced was one of the best moves in my life. My life improved so much, and it was thanks to my divorce. I gave up one apartment, two cars, and the half of a house, left the country, quit my job and went back to university at age 33. My life definitely improved because of that. Today I am in a different career path, on a much better country, and I have had the opportunity to date amazing women. My current girlfriend is so sweet with me. I may have a couple of tips for you if you send me a message.
Remember why you separated and work on being better so that it doesn’t happen again. Make that your motivation.
Being single in my 30s was the best.
Find hobbies, enjoy life.
You need to make it a point to get out of the house, develop a hobby or two & be social.
“Every single plan I ever had was based on what my wife wanted to do.” That’s not healthy and probably played a factor in your divorce.
I know it’s hard man, but it’s time to start putting yourself first again.
All the best.
It sounds like you have to put down the fantasy of video games and learn how to live an actual life. Learn how to cook. Develop some actual hobbies. Coach a kids baseball team. Volunteer at the food bank. Make new friends and hang out together. Concerts, shows, movies outside of the house. You most likely sat in your ass in front of the by set and Thats probably why she wanted out of the marriage.
I hope you realize that you have a gift. 33 single and no kids. You can do anything. Elevate your mind, your body, their resources and your finances, and you can literally do anything you want.
Books: The art of not giving an f*** / atomic habits/ the art of war/ money master the game/ … and for your body youtube videos. Enjoy your life.
You’ve got a gift! As a 33-year-old single man, you are the prize.
Never married and never divorced but to me it sounds like you get to put yourself first again. You get to ReDiscover who You are and what you enjoy. You can sit and think about what you really want and not what you want to do to help her get where she wants. It’s not about her anymore, so start acting like it. That’s about all you can do, at least in the humble opinion of this single guy. After all, aside from the legal aspect, I can’t imagine a divorce is much different than the ending of any long-term relationship.
Give yourself time! Dont rush into building new relationships or sign up for every new activity just for the sake of doing so, etc. take your time to process, take long walks, pack your house, do whatever to just enjoy the moment for what it is! Time to look relook at everything that you’ve always wanted to do but never got to doing it and actually doing it!
You can do this! If you have too, find a community interest and start from there! Better than wallowing in video games and fast food.
I work with divorced guys managing the transition… here’s some insight..
Pain can define you or refine you. Your choice.
You spent 14 years losing yourself… you should take no less than 14 months to find yourself again. No serious relationships. This is your time to reconnect with yourself and what you want in this next phase.
Change your perception. This isn’t a negative thing. If anything, this is a blessing. Learn from your mistakes of losing yourself in a relationship and fight to never do it again. We are sold a Disney fairy tale from a young age and that life/marriage is anything but. This is your chance to regain agency and build the life you want.
Disappear for a few days with no screens. Just you and a notebook. Write down all the things you like and want. No plan yet… just bring what you want and enjoy to the surface.
After you marinate in that for a few days, start to prioritize what’s on the list. Once you have completed the prioritization, take the top 20% and invest 80% of your time, attention, and focus in those areas. Build plans around those areas.
A relationship should not be something on the list. The good relationship will come when you stop seeking it. When you are pushing toward the stuff you want, people will enter your life that could be a good addition to what you are trying to accomplish for yourself.
Embrace being alone. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is healing in being by yourself and you learn to listen and appreciate yourself more without the distractions of other people, especially females. Have some fun here and there, but be ok with being alone.
It’s a tough transition, but seeing this as a reboot instead of an end of the world scenario can be one of the most empowering things ever.
Most of all, don’t make the same mistake again. There is no reason to invite the state into your relationship. There is also no advantage getting married brings that a good lawyer and accountant can’t provide.
I’m 30, broke up with my gf of 4 years. Was really hard the first month. I thought to myself, how can I be a better person, how can I be better for the next person. Avoid talking to your ex, focus on finding yourself and working on healthy habits that a single woman would appreciate like cooking for example. Do some self reflection about past mistakes. Be better. Work out, eat healthy, Gain your confidence again.
I was like you at 35. 10 year relationship which happened right after a 6 year relationship. I’m turning 37 this month and just spent my first year being single since I was 18-19 years old.
I had so much anger in me, so much hate and self loathing. So much pain. So much self destructive tendencies.
And for about 4 months I let it consume me. Then I figured I did not want to die and washed up. So I channeled it in to gym. In to reading, in to listening better.
I became a better son, friend, brother, stranger… I just focused on myself and being a better person.
It’s still a struggle if I’m honest. Some days. But hey! It’s infinitely better now.
Just find the fuel to your fire and then do something good with it.
I’m in a similar boat. Was engaged for 4 years, left her, and immediately (and unintentionally) jumped into the next relationship. We got pregnant within a few months, married within a year. 8 years after meeting her, we have 3 kids together and owned a home. She filed for divorce because we no longer had any communication or connection. I was blindsided because while I felt the distance, I figured it was just because we were both working a lot and busy with having 3 kids under the age of 8. I figured we’d push through it and reconnect.
Anyways. She filed in March, and the divorce was finalized last week. I live alone and have the kids every other week. I’ve been on medication and in therapy, which have helped a lot. I’m not religious at all but I’ve joined a church to meet friends and get involved with my community. I work out, eat better, and am learning to enjoy things again on my own. I’ve rebuilt my friendship with several old friends, and I talk to my parents and sisters every day now after years of maybe talking to them once a month.
I’m in a great place emotionally and mentally. I’m still angry and sad about how things happened, and I’m still madly in love with my ex wife, but I do see joy in things again and it gets better every day. My kids are my best friends and they ground me, letting me feel more responsible. Things will get better.
I think we as humans never fully get over this kind of pain, but we do learn from it and adapt. You simply have to choose the positive changes over the negative ones.
Hit the gym, or at least start walking around the block regularly
It doesn’t matter the age, divorce sucks. Find a hobby..gym, running, video games etc. work on you and making yourself better (not saying this is your fault) and heal. Right now now just focus on you
It may be hard, but remind yourself that 33 is still young.
Also, don’t expect to get right back up on it. Depression sucks, but it serves a purpose. Feel it, let it work it’s way through. Even very negative feelings are good and serve a purpose as long as you don’t sink into them too long and can’t get back out. What is the appropriate amount of time to be depressed in your situation? I’m not really sure, but a couple months doesn’t seem too long.
When you start to feel like you’re on the back side of the depression, but maybe not full ready to re-enter the world, start a routine habit that involves being active. Some hobby or activity that isn’t being on your couch. It can be working out, but doesn’t have to be. Hiking, metal detecting, pick up basket ball or pickleball, jogging, whatever, really doesn’t matter, as long as it’s physically demanding and requires you to leave your house several times a week.
When you’re fully ready to re-enter the world, don’t just immediately start dating. Rebuild your social calendar. Join a club, a pub night, revitalize old friendships, get yourself an active social life. This is for two reasons. 1- It’s good for you. 2- It’s not fair and is probably setting yourself up for failure, to come from a situation of social isolation and immediately start dating a woman who suddenly becomes your sole outlet for socializing and emotional needs.
If you work through this process over the course of say, 1-2 years, then you’ll find yourself in your mid 30s, a whole and robust man with an active social life and good mental/physical health ready to rock and roll with whatever comes next.
If you find yourself stuck at any point, and just can’t mentally or emotionally move forward to the next step, then consider seeing a shrink. Some people move on easier than others.
Been there myself at 35. Take some time to decompress, reconnect with friends and family, and enjoy your life for a bit. It can be as good as you make it. It took me about 3 years to get back into dating, and be happy, but it was worth it. My new lady is 10x the person my ex was. Major upgrade.
I’m the same age and also got divorced at the same time. It was the worst period of my life sitting alone in that apartment, especially with a gun in the house. I decided to put everything in storage and travel, visited friends in Europe, currently in Chile, found a new love interest, a loving family, working on an album, life is good. I find change to be the best medicine.
Find a hobby that involves the outdoors, natural sunlight and some level of physical activity.
This is a perfect time to work on yourself. Focus on getting a hobby, lots of exercise, journal and practice self care.
Learn to enjoy your time and plan things for yourself. Find your own happiness in the simple things 🙂
Basing a life on what your wife wanted to do is probably why you’re divorced.
That is not a mean or fu statement, and I do not say it negatively. It is however likely a fair appraisal.
Too many men have been sold on the happy wife, happy life statement and it’s bullshit. Unless you are dealing with a truly amazing and self aware woman then they tend to equate drama and excitement with happiness and create problems for you to fix and lose respect for you when you’re easily manipulators into doing whatever they want. Then they fall out of love with you or fall in love with someone else.
You need your own life man.
Figure that out first.
Find a purpose and drive.
Hopefully at 33 you have you’re career sorted out and can now either excel at it or coast and look for simmering rise that motivates you. Make it a life, and if it’s cool and you focus on it someone else may want to join you. Now here’s the thing… don’t give it up for someone else. Or you’ll be back where you started. They will likely lose interest when they become the focus of your life and move on. That is simply nature.
I got divorced later ar at 48. I set goal of sleeping with 15 women all 20 or more years younger than me between when she separated and when divorced was final. This ended up being a 6 1/2 month stretch and I notched #15 with three days to spare. I saw no reason to stop just because the divorce was final and continued to drown my sorrows in a sea of pointless pussy (and ass) for the next 5 years racking up over 125 (134 is my best estimate) total ranging from 20-34 years younger than me, another seven who were 10-20 years younger and one that was only 5 years younger. This includes sisters, half sisters, many sets of roommates, friends and sorority sisters and the cherry on top 21-year-old and her 31-year-old stepmother. I then declared myself fully healed and got married again
I can only say from the perspective of a child of divorce:
My parents broke up in their mid 20’s – they had me at 18 and it just didn’t last. For my father in particular, he would have another lng term relationship [about 12 years I believe] split from her and is now remarried to his wife of currently another 10+ years.
It sucks in the moment for sure, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try again.
When I divorced in my 30s, a buddy of mine who divorced a couple of years earlier gave me this advice: “You’re going to want to drink all the whiskey and fuck all the women. You should drink some of the whiskey and fuck some of the women.” Pretty succinct.
let’s go out bro
I was divorced @ 29
3 things
1 pick 1 thing you always wanted to do
(mine was scuba diving)
2 decide if you want to do that with someone, or for you.
3 go do it………I learned to dive, went diving a few times… no huge revelations or life altering moments of clarity… but I did meet my current wife of 26 years
Definitely take time for yourself. Do things that you may not have been able to do during the marriage. I picked up a bunch of hobbies that I’d given up, started regularly going to restaurants that I liked to eat at, buying clothes I liked, getting in shape, etc. You have more time now. Basically, take time to rediscover who you are and why you like yourself, and don’t be afraid to make mistakes, especially since you basically got married out of high school. It’s going to feel weird sometimes.
And if you need to just eat junk food and play video games for a month or two, that’s also okay! Grief is weird and marinating in it is sometimes what helps.
I did a divorce in my late 30s, these choices regarding video games and fast food are your decisions by themselves. Why not go join a gym, get outside and get some sunshine. Throw away the game machine
Unfortunately, that’s what happens when you make a woman the focus of your life instead of just an addition to it.
Get out of the house. Hit the gym. Go for a walk. Make some new friends. Run through a bunch of women. It will all help.