I (22F) don’t have a problem with alcohol. I don’t even drink. My boyfriend (30M) has an alcohol problem though.
What’s helped/is helping you to not drink if you struggle with alcohol?
Men who have struggled with alcohol, what’s helped you?
r/AskMen
I (22F) don’t have a problem with alcohol. I don’t even drink. My boyfriend (30M) has an alcohol problem though.
What’s helped/is helping you to not drink if you struggle with alcohol?
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I (22F) don’t have a problem with alcohol. I don’t even drink. My boyfriend (30M) has an alcohol problem though.
What’s helped/is helping you to not drink if you struggle with alcohol?
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Like drinks in the morning… or binge drinks a few times a week?
A very stern conversation from ppl i loved. It was the metaphorical kick in the ass i needed
Honestly I hated who I had become. Tried quitting a few times before I hit that point but never lasted more than 8 months. One day I decided it was enough and just quit. I found myself doing more hiking that summer, it seemed to help. Will be 5yrs without it at the end of this month. I also became more interested in my plant hobby since being sober so that probably helped too.
What helps me is staying out of environments that will cause me to drink.
I’ve found I’m the type of drinker that is all or none. I can either have zero drinks OR have 10+. I can’t do 1-2 drinks responsibly.
The ideal is healthy obsessions, but I know several alcoholics who haven’t had a drop in several years because they switched to pot. It’s not perfect, can be abused too, and the risk is that someone just picks up pot in addition to drinking or see-saws between them.
Key imo is seeing/knowing someone who has struggled or been worse off from alcohol and recognizing that’s what happens without getting it under control. Which is why AA helps so many.
My cousin just drank himself to death a few months ago, was in his mid-40s having a few bottles of wine a day and never even tried to quit. his mom literally snuck wine into hospice for him so he could die drunk. That really shifted my perspective on drinking.
My liver started hurting. I wasn’t rock bottom or anything, but my life has improved since I quit, no doubt. I have known alcohol wasn’t doing me any favors since I was early 20s, and dabbled with sobriety a bit in my late 20s-early 30s. thought I had a handle on it and could drink like a normal person… here we are ten years later… I cannot drink like anyone else but me, an alcoholic.
Don’t let it in the house.
Using a bottle opener. I’m not a fancy guy, I’m used to twist offs and couldn’t figure out why it was so tough.
I don’t know if I’d technically be considered an alcoholic but I am very much an “if I have it, I’ll use it” addictive/obsessive type of personality so I just try not to buy it. I switched to pot, which is its own thing. When I quit pot I got really into building Lego. 😂
The big things for me were recognizing that it was making me feel gross, affecting my quality of life, and replacing it with a new, less harmful addiction. These days I ride bikes and other exercise. Staying clear of toxic relationships and environments is big too, I mostly got wasted to tolerate life at the time.
My wife had trouble stopping once she started. It was hard for her to stop at one, and could easily get drunk if someone else wasn’t with her to help her stop having too many
What helped her was getting on Strattera, an ADHD med. She says after a few weeks on it, her urge to drink and her urge to keep drinking drastically decreased. She barely drinks at all now, and if she does, never has too much
I was a horrible binge drinker for 39 years. Raked up six alcohol related arrests along the way. Lost jobs, friends, lovers, and countless opportunities. I finally stopped after spending a few years barely employed and depressed. I lucked into a great job paying more than I’d ever before but required keeping a cdl. I brought my drinking down to occasional days off so I’d never go in still drunk. I also started meditating and took a round of cbt. Therapy not oil. Five years ago I had two weeks vacation and a fridge full of beer. Out of nowhere, still depressed but improved, I decided to drink it all and stop. See how long I could go. I would never drink again now because of how much my life has improved. I wish I’d done this years ago but I’m good now and that’s okay. Never did 12 step programs unless ordered by a judge. Not for me anyway. Again, I’m good now. Therapy helped in a delayed way though and I’m going to go back go another round of that.
What is the problem? Missing work and family functions to stay in and get hammered? He needs AA and to not drink.
He has a glass of wine with dinner? Not a problem at all.
In my line of work we have bars in our place of work and a huge drinking culture. I am a straight up power drinking alcoholic. I joined a program through work, and now just avoid any work events with booze. I also volunteer to dd when I can’t avoid a work event so others make sure I don’t drink as I’m their ride home.
Support from my wife is what really enabled me to quit though. If it wasn’t for her calling me on my bullshit I’d probably be dead.
I was a death spiral alcoholic, would have seizures and need hospitalization whenever i tried stopping.
Took a lot of fucking work, many relapses, many hospital visits, rehab and lots of therapy before it stuck.
I moderated my drinking by realizing it wasn’t a physical addiction as much as it was a ritualistic one. I didn’t need the alcohol, I needed the process that symbolized the end of the workday, the time to relax, etc. I started mixing complex, interesting, NA drinks in lieu of booze. I still drink alcohol sometimes but I no longer drink it ever day – or even every week.
Start with making shrubs – https://www.liquor.com/making-shrubs-5077967 and mix them with soda water, no booze.
Watching my father go through addiction problems was the first thing, and I just got tired of waking up in the morning head pounding dizzy and light headed barely able to breathe, not knowing what happened and have to be told a story that’s embarrassing.
Usually it’s the reasons driving you to drink being managed. If the think you’re trying to use alcohol to escape from isn’t there anymore, then there is no need. You can still do it for fun but it won’t be a problem
THC edibles.
It was fun in my twenties. Could drink a fifth of whiskey until 3 in the morning and then go play basketball at 8am. Now I’m 34 and if I drink enough to feel much my body hates me for three days. Also discovered I am allergic to a lot of stuff, including wheat, so a lot of alcohol has been cut out due to that.
This is the saddest part of the disease but at least you’re seeing it at an early age and not decades into a marriage.
My MIL has been married for over forty years and only in the last few weeks has she started to realize that her husband may have a drinking problem. For years it’s been a string of excuses from her for his behavior.
The person with the problem has to 100% own it and face it. They have to witness and atone for all the lives they’ve dragged down in the process, and the alcoholic must never touch alcohol again. None. No flirting with kombucha, drinking a little on new years, or when their favorite sportsball team wins the concussion championships. It must be total abstinence with zero excuses.
You’re young and I’ll be real with you, unless your partner is fully on board and committed to a life of sobriety it’s time to leave because it will only get worse.
AA and NA. If you are in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict – Alanon or Naranon.
The only thing that helped me was quitting, I tried all kinds of different moderation techniques, and each time I’d end up back where I started, so I quit altogether 28 years ago and am still stopped
You may want to consider your options
The r/stopdrinking community has been helpful but the only thing that really helps me is not having it anywhere in the house and not going out.
The only time I can ever control it is at work functions because I’ve seen people get totally fucked and lost their jobs. Three guys took out a group of clients, got all fucked up and let them run up a $15,000 tab because they were too drunk to realize it.
None of this probably helps you but I can tell you it definitely got worse as I got older. I had more disposable income than in my 20s and I can always find an excuse to drink.
Getting out of whatever root you’re in. For my when my kids mom got married (not even sure why I cared since I have no feelings, she cheated on me so it made it pretty easy to move on) and kinda started drinking (like 3-8 drinks a night when I don’t have the kids which is 50% of the time), this was around 8 months ago and I’m finally out of whatever root I was in.
One is too many and a thousand never enough. If that fits, you might have the disease. If so, get to a meeting and be around like minded people. They will show you the way that worked for them.
I knew I had a problem by the time I turned 23. I’d always drink to the point of physical illness, and the hangovers were brutal brutal nausea, vomiting. I sometimes would quit for a few weeks here and there, but I kept drinking and struggling until I was 28, when I on Christmas eve/wee hours of Christmas day while hurling into my kitchen sink my perspective shifted and I literally saw myself from the 3rd person, like a movie camera. It was pretty weird. My drinking buddy Kyle was with me. I gave him the rest of my beer and booze that night and I haven’t had a drink since December 25, 2014.
What helped? Online groups helped me quite a bit. Also, professional counseling. worth every penny. I’m sorry your’re the partner to someone with alcohol problems. I hope he finds that deep down clarity some day. People have to really, really, really want to quit, and even then for some of us it’s still a struggle. There isn’t much you can do, aside from reading information from Al-Anon.
Lift with your knees.
Mushrooms snapped me out of addiction more than once.
I’ll get roasted for this by the AA crowd. But weed. Weed is so much better tolerated, you can’t od on it. I have abused weed to the maximum possible during the hardest times in life, and the worst it got was I ate snacks and did sodoku in my underwear with my phone ringer on silent for a few weeks
Working out. Following a fitness routine made it a lot easier.
The thing I valued more than self walked away from me, citing self-preservation as her main purpose.
I was devastated.
We celebrated 10 years together last month, and I’ve been sober for 9 of them.
Don’t do what I did. Don’t even think about doing what I did.
>!I tried offing myself via crossbow to the head!<
There’s a lot that goes into that story but short version is I was on a lot of drugs and alcohol and hated myself because of it. I survived and decided to make a change so I’d be happier with myself. I do still drink, and I smoke weed for my phantom pains of that event, but it’s much more limited now. Generally like 2 shots of some good whiskey, maybe more if it’s a special event (or sometimes when I’m having a rough time, which I do not suggest. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism.) But even then most I’ll do is like 5 shots.
I decided I was done being unhealthy and fat. I tried a lot of things, but I think one thing stuck.
Tracking my calories with an app. It was how I was able to get my diet under control, and creating that habit, and reinforcement feedback loop kind of replaced the alcohol habit for me.
Tracking turned to abstaining, lead to dramatic weight loss, led to paying attention to fitness data that was coming in too, turned to a gym obsession. I just wish I had started when I was younger, not in my 40s.
I enjoy kava as a substitute, but honestly the only way to kick it is to decide you’re done and do it it imo.
It’s hard to quit alcohol when you’re around people who drink, because social drinking makes quitting next to impossible. Going cold turkey helped me, but I had to show restraint during the initial few months. Then, automatically after six months, my body felt repulsed by alcohol.
Also embracing fitness and healthy lifestyle helps 🙂
My problem was not quitting, it was staying quit. After I hit my rock bottom, I decided to get help – a friend suggested AA. AA provided me the solution to stay stopped and to live a life free from addiction.
It sounds stupid but the first step is stop buying it.
However, if your boyfriend doesn’t admit that he has a problem, nothing is going to solve this problem. Even if he quits for a month or two he’ll just go back to it. He’s your boyfriend, not husband, and if you’re afraid for yourself then you need to get away from him. And remember, if he hasn’t admitted the issue, and taken real steps to stop, when he tries to get you back after not drinking for a month or two, he’ll return to it as soon as you’re back in his life.