So this is something that happened just before my boyfriend and I started dating, but it’s been playing on my mind ever since I found out.
This girl he knew was posting pictures of her abs and muscles on her Instagram.
He messaged this girl he knew (who was 14, he was 16 almost 17) and told her that she shouldn’t have abs because they’re “unhealthy for women.” His reasoning was that if she ever got pregnant, it would somehow be dangerous for the baby, and that it will damage her organs.
He has bragged about this multiple times to me, about how she argued back and didn’t listen, and about how he read and knows “loads of scientific evidence about women’s bodies” (??)
Who says that to a teenage girl? Why would you give unsolicited “advice” about that?
That not only is not correct scientifically, but it just feels so unnecessarily weird and potentially slightly misogynistic. Especially considering the unsolicited nature of the comment.
And it was a girl he knew from school, she obviously blocked him, because he said he told her a few times and she just argued back before blocking him.
I haven’t said anything about this to him before, but I actually had abs before we were together but since we have been together in a weird way I have felt like I shouldn’t because he would start to comment on them.
Anyway, I was just unsure of what to think of this situation and was wondering whether it is actually weird or I am just overthinking about it.
But I do think I should bring this up again, and tell him that this behavior is odd, and I wouldn’t want him to think/say that about me.
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Backup of the post’s body: So this is something that happened just before my boyfriend and I started dating, but it’s been playing on my mind ever since I found out.
This girl he knew was posting pictures of her abs and muscles on her Instagram.
He messaged this girl he knew (who was 14, he was 16 almost 17) and told her that she shouldn’t have abs because they’re “unhealthy for women.” His reasoning was that if she ever got pregnant, it would somehow be dangerous for the baby, and that it will damage her organs.
He has bragged about this multiple times to me, about how she argued back and didn’t listen, and about how he read and knows “loads of scientific evidence about women’s bodies” (??)
Who says that to a teenage girl? Why would you give unsolicited “advice” about that?
That not only is not correct scientifically, but it just feels so unnecessarily weird and potentially slightly misogynistic. Especially considering the unsolicited nature of the comment.
And it was a girl he knew from school, she obviously blocked him, because he said he told her a few times and she just argued back before blocking him.
I haven’t said anything about this to him before, but I actually had abs before we were together but since we have been together in a weird way I have felt like I shouldn’t because he would start to comment on them.
Anyway, I was just unsure of what to think of this situation and was wondering whether it is actually weird or I am just overthinking about it.
But I do think I should bring this up again, and tell him that this behavior is odd, and I wouldn’t want him to think that about me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You aren’t overthinking it. Your boyfriend is sexist, and not above making shit up to make women feel bad about perfectly healthy choices. You do something he disapproves of, he will make shit up to your face to shame you for it too.
Your BF is stupid as hell.
Whether they’re visible or not, all women have abdominal muscles. All people, in fact, have abdominal muscles. Visible abs are a sign of muscular development accompanied by a lower body fat percentage.
>Who says that to a teenage girl? Why would you give unsolicited “advice” about that?
A teenage boy. Because they’re dumb and teenagers.
Super duper weird, inaccurate and especially strange that he still brags about it to this day. I would definitely say something. He’ll probably react pretty poorly if he’s still proud of his judgmental and baseless way of thinking.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he had other opinions on women’s bodies. Abs are healthy on women. Ask yourself, why am I with a man who makes me feel like I have to look a certain way?
Sounds like he feels very comfortable making unsolicited comments about women’s bodies. Red flag.
Seriously… people say stupid stuff when they are young but if he’s still defending that and unable to see scientific evidence and reason with logic, run for the hills
Yeah, so, you are very young and you just found out your boyfriend is a misogynist and a bit of an egoist. Honestly, well done for spotting the red flag behavior and accurately analyzing why it is problematic.
The next step is up to you. Do you want to have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel about it and see how he responds, or do you just want to break up and move on with your life? Those seem like the viable options.
If you’re a teenager, you have so many good years ahead of you. Please don’t spend them tied to Captain Mansplainy McDouchepants.
Your bf is full of hot bologna. Abs are fine and healthy. What’s actually found to be detrimental to a woman’s pregnancy experience is the health of the man who impregnated her. Maybe he should get some abs instead and learn to be less insufferable
I think that deep down you already know what an incel he really is. Is this the type of man you want to build a future with?
Do yourself a favor and lose his phone number.
Why is he your boyfriend!
Why are you dating someone so stupid?
ew ew ew EW, he is a weirdo girl. Even if what he was spewing was true (it isn’t) that is so insane to be DMing people that unprompted & exchanging in a whole back & forth resulting in him being rightfully blocked. And then he bragged about it?? YIKES. That is so fucking embarrassing & he’s totally a misogynist.
I’d be telling him to ask his school for his money back if he thinks he did a science. There have been serious errors in his education.
It is unsettling that he thinks his opinion should matter so much that nothing short of blocking gets him to stop pushing it onto people who aren’t interested in hearing it.
And you’re already self-policing so that you yourself don’t get that kind of reaction from him.
All of this says that he doesn’t really respect women’s opinions, and that he might become rude or even aggressive if you try to tell him he was out of line.
Assuming you’re both still young and not really thinking about this yet, it’s worth bearing in mind that if he remains this misinformed about women’s bodies and his own place in discourse about them, he will not be a good long-term partner. So it’s probably worth having the conversation with him about where he is getting his info about women’s abdominal organs, and why he thinks he shouldn’t listen when someone tells him he’s wrong.
And if he’s not receptive to discussing that with appropriate listening and consideration, then he’s just not long term partner material.
This boy has a full-blown case of correctile dysfunction, and you’re still wondering if you should have abs?
This behaviour is weird, sexist and also shows that your BF is prone to believing any nonsense he reads online. Forget relationship, this would be a deal breaker for me even in friendship.
If it’s still bothering you and you see that he hasn’t changed, you’re absolutely not wrong for bringing it up. Misogyny SHOULD be a deal breaker.
That kind of ish needs to be addressed right away.
For one the unsolicited and wrong advice to a total stranger. It’s not his place, especially telling that to a 14 year old.
Two, just how wrong his advice is. I don’t know where he got it from but abdominal muscles help support the baby. What a dumbass.
He needs a thorough educating – if not, for me, there would be no future there.
It’s weird af, and it’s also weird that you chose to appease him when you know his “scientific knowledge” is wrong. I bet you’ve been justifying more inappropriate behavior in him “because you love him”.
Why are you still calling this tool your boyfriend?!
First off, he’s a misogynistic ass
Second, he knows nothing about human bodies, let alone female bodies.
Third off, you may be minors now, but him messaging middle schoolers is weird.
Ditch him before you start dealing with consequences of his actions. Like pedophile charges
A 10-second Google disproves this. Strengthening your core is super important before pregnancy to avoid abdominal separation. If you think your boyfriend wouldn’t treat you like this if you made a stance about women’s bodies, you’re wrong. His “research” is a playboy magazine.
Why would you stay with someone who you already know is misogynistic, mansplains unsolicited advice, tries to bully women into submission using blatantly false information, spouts conspiracy theories about how women’s bodies work, and repeatedly brags about it?!
And you’re already making yourself smaller to placate his bullshit! Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you think he’s the only man left on the planet? More importantly, do you really think this is the end of it and he’s not going to keep trying to control women’s (your) bodies with his BS?
“Abs are unhealthy for women”?
Umm…. not to be mean (ok, maybe a little), but is your bf dumb?
Here, I’d like to educate your boyfriend in some anatomy. And yes, I’m aware that he probably means having like a 6-pack. But either way.
Abs, or abdominal muscles are crucial for a few things when it comes to the body.
They hold our internal organs in place
They allow movement
They cover and protect the internal organs
They stabilize the spine
They assist in breathing and other processes
They provide structural support to the front and sides of the abdomen
So please, I’d love to know how your boyfriend thinks women would be able to function and live without having abs. Because even if we don’t have visible abs like a 6-pack, we still have abs. And those are the same thing.
What does he mean that abs are “unhealthy for women”? Where is his actual scientific evidence for his(bullshit) medical claim? And why on earth is he messaging a teenager to comment on her body??
He’s sexist and thinks he’s better than everyone. In reality, he’s kind of an idiot. Screw that.
Why are you still with him? Actually, since some of this happened before you started dating, whyyyyy did you start dating him at all?
See this is the problem. What he did was horribly misogynistic. You know it, he knows it, the girl knows it.
But you’re trying to sugarcoat it and you’re saying it’s “potentially misogynistic”.
On top of that, apparently this wasn’t a deal breaker for you and you’re probably going to stay with him.
That says a LOT about you.
He’s ignorant and misogynistic.
Why does he think he has the right to comment to women about their bodies?
Honey thst’s called “mansplaining”… when a man pulls his opinion out of his asshole and presents it to women as if he is some kind of expert and what he is saying is real… when obviously it isnt.
Just dump him. And anyone who ever reminds you of him.
I’ll tell you what you do. You break up with this dumbass, and go work on your abs. Problem solved.
So his approach was rude, that is important to say.
From a more scientific standpoint he isn’t as far off as you or most the comments seem to think, though not for the reason HE thinks.
Women, in general, have more subcutaneous fat than men, at the age the girl in the post is they actually have what could be thought as a ‘pouch’ of extra fat that sits on the lower stomach. This is helps keep the girl healthier and bounce back faster from illnesses.
This is also why female fitness trainers I know will have girls do general strength training and, if possible, avoid completely working abs to the point of being well defined and visible, until they are more into their 20’s when this layer of fat moves away. It is also why the female medical professionals I know advise the same to young female athletes.
It is also important to realize that while this is optimal for health, some girls are slimmer, and some want to commit fully to sports. This can be to the detriment of health for BOTH genders ie: male bodybuilders generally aren’t healthy and, on the female side, some female athletes push themselves to the point where they disrupt their menstrual cycles. Every person is a bit different and their goals can influence them to do things that aren’t optimal. For example, for us adults, it isn’t optimal to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, but we do it, or drinking a 6 pack of alcohol in a night, though some still choose to do this. So even if working off that beneficial layer of fat might not be OPTIMAL or Recommended for a preteen/early teen girl, if they want to, that is still fine.
hugs you aren’t over thinking but damn he isn’t a doctor and needs to shut his trap with his red pill theories. Personally I would dump him.
First off every single person’s body is different and “gender” is not in any way sufficient as a way to categorize people and prevent overgeneralization. Second off, visible abs usually take an unhealthily low fat percentage, true. That’s not unique to women in any way however. It’s true that the lower abdomen usually stores fat slightly different in women compared to men, but that still varies from person to person. And in no way. Did anyone. Ask for this man’s advice. On anything.
What he said is weird and misogynistic for sure.
He sounds like a clown 🤡
God I hate AI posts.
You need to get down to between 14-15 percent body fat to have ab definition. Under 12 percent is where it’s problematic for women, including menstrual irregularities and higher risk for stress fractures. So there is a margin where it’s safe for women to have abs.
Either way, there’s no reason for him to give a stranger health advice unprovoked. And at 12 percent, it’s so obvious the person has disordered eating, the concern at that point would be are they eating enough to sustain life, not about whether or not a 14 year old can have babies
Your boyfriend is both incredibly stupid and a misogynist.
Your boyfriend friend is a dildo
Clearly, jealousy is making him stupid.
On a serious note; the whole thing is creepy, weird, misinformed and just all over wrong. He shouldn’t be making comments about a young woman’s body at all, and it makes me sad that you felt uncomfortable about your body/abs because of his idiotic opinion. OP, you should reconsider how healthy this relationship is because you are not overthinking on this matter at all.
Why are you staying he’s
Why is he messaging a 14 year old?
What a strange, sexist man.
Your boyfriend is both sexist and stupid. I’m certain you can do better.
Does your boyfriend have abs? Do you tell him he’s not man enough because he doesn’t have abs?
Oh my god, he’s so stupid.