Throwaway account because my bf follows my other account.
I (26f) have been with my (28m) boyfriend for a year and a half and we live together as of four months ago. I have been so happy living with him and feel like it’s made our connection so much stronger. We have so much fun together.
Moving on to the problem. My ex (30m) Joe, (fake J name) has been requesting to follow/message me on everything the past month. When I ended things with him over two years ago, I blocked Joe on EVERYTHING. (Snapchat, IG, and iMessage because those were the platforms we had each other on) He was awful to me and the way things ended was really messy. It took me so long to be open to dating again and to start things with my current boyfriend out of fear of being hurt so badly again.
At the start of this April, Joe sent me a friend request on Facebook. It genuinely shocked me to see, causing me to have an anxiety attack, because we have had no contact and I have desired no contact for my wellbeing. I deleted it immediately. Two weeks ago, he sends me a LinkedIn request. Yes, you read that right. LINKEDIN. Yesterday, he sends me a Snapchat request. He created a second Snapchat. His original one is still blocked.
On top of that, numerous of my best friends that he has met has had to block him in the past six months because he’s tried to follow them on IG, like them on a dating app, or add them on Snapchat. The most recent instance was also this weekend when he tried to send a message to my friend on hinge.
At this point, I’m genuinely just bothered and annoyed. I don’t know if I should just send him one final message asking him to leave me alone. I just do not appreciate having my peace disturbed and it causes almost like a trauma response each time I see his name.
I haven’t told my current bf any of the times Joe has reached out because I normally just delete them and move on but this third time has genuinely disturbed me. If I send a message to him, I feel like I should let my boyfriend know beforehand I contact him but I’m not even sure I should reach out. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Additional info: I don’t even live in the same city anymore of when we dated. He doesn’t really have a way of finding me in person.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Throwaway account because my bf follows my other account.
I (26f) have been with my (28m) boyfriend for a year and a half and we live together as of four months ago. I have been so happy living with him and feel like it’s made our connection so much stronger. We have so much fun together.
Moving on to the problem. My ex (30m) Joe, (fake J name) has been requesting to follow/message me on everything the past month. When I ended things with him over two years ago, I blocked Joe on EVERYTHING. (Snapchat, IG, and iMessage because those were the platforms we had each other on) He was awful to me and the way things ended was really messy. It took me so long to be open to dating again and to start things with my current boyfriend out of fear of being hurt so badly again.
At the start of this April, Joe sent me a friend request on Facebook. It genuinely shocked me to see, causing me to have an anxiety attack, because we have had no contact and I have desired no contact for my wellbeing. I deleted it immediately. Two weeks ago, he sends me a LinkedIn request. Yes, you read that right. LINKEDIN. Yesterday, he sends me a Snapchat request. He created a second Snapchat. His original one is still blocked.
On top of that, numerous of my best friends that he has met has had to block him in the past six months because he’s tried to follow them on IG, like them on a dating app, or add them on Snapchat. The most recent instance was also this weekend when he tried to send a message to my friend on hinge.
At this point, I’m genuinely just bothered and annoyed. I don’t know if I should just send him one final message asking him to leave me alone. I just do not appreciate having my peace disturbed and it causes almost like a trauma response each time I see his name.
I haven’t told my current bf any of the times Joe has reached out because I normally just delete them and move on but this third time has genuinely disturbed me. If I send a message to him, I feel like I should let my boyfriend know beforehand I contact him but I’m not even sure I should reach out. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Additional info: I don’t even live in the same city anymore of when we dated. He doesn’t really have a way of finding me in person.
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not trying to blame you but have you blocked him on anything? how does he still have access to you
I say tell your current bf. It can build trust in your relationship and not keep secrets between you two. Keep blocking Joe on everything like you have been. I am not sure but maybe take screenshots of all the attempts with dates and times because if it escalated, it can be used to make a harassment case against him.
Consider a restraining order. Document EVERYTHING. Accept one message that clearly identifies him, and respond saying you feel extremely unsafe and disturbed that he not only takes the hint that being blocked means no contact, the fact you are in a new relationship and he also has been basically harassing your friends. Say this is the final warning to never contact you or get through to you through friends again, or you will contact law enforcement. If he tries again and / or just responds to that with more BS, go to the cops with all of this and his information so you can get a restraining order
Why did the two of you break up? You should definitely tell your boyfriend that your ex is desperately trying to reach out to you so that way the two of you can come up with a way to deal with your ex’s stalkerish behaviour 🥴