Sorry the title doesn’t give much information but I’m at such a loss here. I’m open to advice and anything that’ll help.. so I (22F) just got a job out of schooling I’m barely getting by at all I don’t even have enough for bills and have been crying myself to sleep at night over it basically… on top of that I found out I am pregnant a few weeks back so I want to save and CANNOT… here’s the actual problem my husband (24m) will ask me on a date take me out… then expect me to pay last minute, I’m quite literally being pushed over the edge at this point. He did it today for the 3rd time in the past 2 months. Asked me to go get dinner when it was time to pay looked at me to pull out my card. I did not have the money… at all, I had to use the money for my car insurance to pay for the dinner… mind you he’s done this in the past so I DID ask if he had the funds to pay for dinner and he said it would be fine. I don’t know what to do at all I’ve told him in the past this is NOT okay under any circumstance and he has yet to listen. He’s very aware of my financial worries I’ve said aloud for weeks my next paycheck won’t cover the bills I have coming up and his thing is “don’t worry” we haven’t been married for more than a few months but I already want to end it at this point. All in all, what do I do?
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Backup of the post’s body: Sorry the title doesn’t give much information but I’m at such a loss here. I’m open to advice and anything that’ll help.. so I (22F) just got a job out of schooling I’m barely getting by at all I don’t even have enough for bills and have been crying myself to sleep at night over it basically… on top of that I found out I am pregnant a few weeks back so I want to save and CANNOT… here’s the actual problem my husband (24m) will ask me on a date take me out… then expect me to pay last minute, I’m quite literally being pushed over the edge at this point. He did it today for the 3rd time in the past 2 months. Asked me to go get dinner when it was time to pay looked at me to pull out my card. I did not have the money… at all, I had to use the money for my car insurance to pay for the dinner… mind you he’s done this in the past so I DID ask if he had the funds to pay for dinner and he said it would be fine. I don’t know what to do at all I’ve told him in the past this is NOT okay under any circumstance and he has yet to listen. He’s very aware of my financial worries I’ve said aloud for weeks my next paycheck won’t cover the bills I have coming up and his thing is “don’t worry” we haven’t been married for more than a few months but I already want to end it at this point. All in all, what do I do?
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First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You are so young, you have much to look forward to in life. There is a lot to unpack here.
The most immediate answer is stop letting him “take you out” on dates. If it’s become a pattern, then just stop it in its tracks. That’s simply not fair, especially when he knows your financial situation. Tell him exactly what you told us here. You can’t afford to go out of it means you will have to pay for both of you. Offer to split 50/50 at the VERY least.
Second of all — and this is going to sound harsh —reconsider having kids with this man. I will never tell anyone what to do with their body, but he is not going to help you raise that child. Besides the financial aspect, which is HUGE, he does not seem to care about your wellbeing. Much less the wellbeing of a child. Please weigh your options. I truly hope you have other support to lean on outside of him.
Wishing you the best, OP.
Sidenote: he’s not asking you out on dates if he’s expecting you to pay every time.
Have a discussion with your husband about the way hearing, don’t worry about it, makes you feel. And how it’s not a real response and means nothing and just demonstrates how he has no plan.
Stop going out for dinner.
Ask who is going to pay for dinner before leaving the house.
Stop taking your wallet with you when you go out for dinner.
Tell him you didn’t bring your wallet even if you actually did bring it and let your husband figure out the bill.
Leave. He’s immature. He won’t help much.
You need help, so keep asking him for help, yet get help from as many other sources as you can.
I hope he’s not abusive, however domestic abuse hotline can also point you to some resources.
Raising a child as a single parent is very difficult.
Social Services in the USA is very stingy.
The food stamps, the childcare svcs, SNAP, housing vouchers, etc is barely enough money to live on. And you need $$ for transportation.
Do you want the child? Talk w Planned Parenthood counselors. They can talk w you abt alternatives: abortion, full pregnancy, adoption. They will not pressure you to have an abortion but can refer you to a MD who does them if you ask. Beware of pregnancy counseling agencies (church or private) that pressure you to have the child or not.
Get counseling. Call *Crisis Line to get ideas where to get help. Some cities have 311 telephone for social services referrals.
Keep a notebook or date book of all the contacts you make. Your notebook is valuable & you will keep referring back to it. Resources will pop-up and maybe later disappear. Be flexible. Life is full of challenges and changes.
You must ask for help. No one can read your mind.
Send simple thank you notes to people you meet who are esp helpful.
I’m am a 75yo lady who had an abortion (I was on the Pill that was only 60% effective back then), was unmarried, still in college. I did not want children so I later had a hysterectomy. I knew if I changed my mind, I would adopt.
I hope this helps. Good luck. 🌹🌿