Recently, my wife (40F) and I (45M) are having a disagreement about an upcoming vacation. For a bit of a backstory, about a year ago we went on a vacation to Mexico for a week and left my children (16F & 12F) at home with my parents. At the time, my wife indicated that she wanted to spend some alone time with me to really connect. My daughters were a bit annoyed they weren’t invited, but I explained that sometimes it is important for adults to vacation alone.
Recently, my older daughter brought up the idea of a skiing holiday, which I am completely open to. However, she explained that she would prefer if it was just “our” family (i.e. my two daughters and myself), as it would give us time to connect and I wouldn’t have to focus ony wife. To be honest, I kind of agree with her. My daughter’s and I are relatively advanced skiers (think black diamonds and double blacks all day), while my wife is a beginner. Also, my wife will want to take days off for shopping and exploring, which my girls just aren’t interested in, they are there to ski. I agreed to this trip, as I feel it is important for me to connect with my kids as they are getting older.
While, I informed my wife of this decision (we do not share finances, so it is not a financial issue), and she completely lost it when she realized she wasn’t being included. I reminded her that she did not include my girls in our previous trip and she just doubled down and couldn’t understand why my daughters’ may want some one-on-one time with their dad.
Well Reddit, AITA?
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Recently, my wife (40F) and I (45M) are having a disagreement about an upcoming vacation. For a bit of a backstory, about a year ago we went on a vacation to Mexico for a week and left my children (16F & 12F) at home with my parents. At the time, my wife indicated that she wanted to spend some alone time with me to really connect. My daughters were a bit annoyed they weren’t invited, but I explained that sometimes it is important for adults to vacation alone.
Recently, my older daughter brought up the idea of a skiing holiday, which I am completely open to. However, she explained that she would prefer if it was just "our" family (i.e. my two daughters and myself), as it would give us time to connect and I wouldn’t have to focus ony wife. To be honest, I kind of agree with her. My daughter’s and I are relatively advanced skiers (think black diamonds and double blacks all day), while my wife is a beginner. Also, my wife will want to take days off for shopping and exploring, which my girls just aren’t interested in, they are there to ski. I agreed to this trip, as I feel it is important for me to connect with my kids as they are getting older.
While, I informed my wife of this decision (we do not share finances, so it is not a financial issue), and she completely lost it when she realized she wasn’t being included. I reminded her that she did not include my girls in our previous trip and she just doubled down and couldn’t understand why my daughters’ may want some one-on-one time with their dad.
Well Reddit, AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Not the asshole. Your kids asked for quality time, and you’re giving it to them. If your wife truly cared about ‘connection,’ she’d understand that includes your daughters too. Feels like she only wants it on her terms.
Yeah YTA. I think you could have discussed the idea with your wife first. and asked her about her thoughts rather than told her it was happening. I think your kids are a little jealous that you went on a couple’s vacation (which is odd) and are trying to get back at her. If you want to go on a trip with just your kids, by all means. But I’d have included my wife in the conversation first.
NTA. Your wife is being unreasonable. If she wanted relationship exclusivity, she should have married an orphan with no friends and worked as a lighthouse operator. Most people have multiple important relationships and you are no different. You were within your rights to have some alone time with your wife and this is no different. The 16 will not be with you for much longer and it’s important to spend time with her. Your 12 year old will be with you a little bit longer but it’s important to set the tone for her relationship with you as well. Unless there’s more information that you left out, your wife should have realised from the outset that you had other very important commitments, chief among which are your two daughters.
nta unbalanced vacations. tit for tat. if your wife can’t see a need for father daughter time, you don’t have a good partner. be well
NTA- as a 22f who lost their dad last year, you just never know how much time you have. those moments where you get one on one time or two on one times (with a sib) with your dad are some of the most important and long-lasting memories that you have to hold onto. You could offer that your wife take her own vacation with the kids at some point? Your parents are different people with different interests, it makes sense to sometimes switch things up and have the kids do different special things with a particular parent by themselves – it’s BONDING and as a daughter i forever remember those outings I had with my mom and dad respectively!!
I think there are some dynamics here that you aren’t telling us. There seems to be a real division between your wife and your kids.
Theoretically, I see no issue with this. But I think deciding unilaterally w/o talkingto your wife first is where YTA. There should have been a conversation.
Also, I don’t ski and I go on an annual ski trip w/ my family and friends. Those who ski, ski, Those don’t spend their time doing other things.
BUt, atain, I think there is more to this story
Esh.
NTA. Enjoy the father/daughter bonding time. If you feel like preserving the peace (your call!) maybe book your wife a holiday that only she would enjoy. If she likes to shop, a nice hotel and spa in a shopping area might make her feel seen.
YTA. You are a blended family but she is still your spouse. You don’t leave her at home. It is completely normal for married couples to take vacations without their kids, it is not normal for spouses to leave the other home from a vacation the other actually wants to go on. I can’t explain to you how hurt I would be if my husband did this to me.
Yta. Why wouldn’t you discuss it with your wife first?
I’m undecided as to NTA or not, it seems like there’s missing info here. I’m definitely getting the impression there’s some issues between your wife and daughters and that clarity on that might help shed some light on this particular scenario. Without that info, I can only say it sounds like while you’re not inherently wrong for wanting to take your daughters on this trip and spend time with them, you probably didn’t approach this the best way regarding your wife. As a married couple the communication needs to be consistent. I would have read her into it before deciding, and explained the rationale. But also, maybe there is a compromise to be made unless there’s something we don’t know about your wife and her personality. And by that I mean, maybe you can invite your wife but make sure she knows the trip is primarily to ski with your girls, on the slopes you’re capable of skiing, and if she would rather come along for the trip / the experience and do shopping etc, that she’ll likely be doing a good amount of that alone. That way she has a choice, at least, and it’s not like “we’re going to this, you’re not invited, bye.” Now if your wife really puts up a fight about you doing things she doesn’t want to do on the trip or argues that she doesn’t want to be left alone if she comes, then you’ll have to talk that out – but planning it without her and not inviting her was never going to be the way to avoid that conversation, just FYI.
NTA.
There’s no rule that every vacation or outing include both parents, or all the kids. And since you took your wife without your daughters, it’s time to take your daughters without your wife.
ALSO: If you have a 16F that WANTS to spend time with you, you do whatever they want to do.
YTA for informing your wife of your decision. You are married and supposed to be a team. That means talking to her before making a decision.
Actually going and planning time with your daughters is great though.
YTA. So you just agreed to it before talking with your wife? First, just because you went on a vacation with you and your wife does not mean you owe your kids anything in return. It is completely normal for couples to have some alone time now and then, especially if you have kids. Second, I do not believe your kids want to exclude your wife because they think it would be best, but I think they are jealous of the fact that they were excluded from the previous vacation and want to get back at your wife. Third, you call your wife a beginner but take away the chance for her to learn. Make it make sense. Last, it is perfectly fine for you and your daughters to have alone time, but don’t make it a whole vacation where you will be gone for days. YTA, 100%, I feel bad for your wife.
There is absolutely missing information here. Not enough info to decide
YTA for simply informing your wife of your decision. You’re married. You need to be a team player. It’s ok to disagree, but to unilaterally make a decision before discussing it with her makes you TA.
YTA
Is your wife the biological mother of your daughters?
Esh because I’m getting the vibe there is contention between your wife and kids. You gotta figure that out
I feel like if there weren’t underlying hostilities here, the differences in what they want to do on vacation would work themselves out–wife can shop while daughters ski black diamonds! So there’s a lot more going on here. Was wife an affair partner? What is the day-to-day like in the household? I can’t rule anything but INFO.
NTA
But you need to encourage her and your daughters to take a girls trip, too, sometime. That way your kids see that solo time and combined time are equally important.
I can’t say if YTA or not. I’ll simply say, you need to decide if you want to be married or not. I divorced my ex for not including me on vacations and trips. I mean, if I’m going to vacation alone, I may as well be single.
NTA. Your wife excluded your children on one trip so your children have asked for you to take them on a triple they want. Fair is fair and your wife is being completely unreasonable.
NTA Explain to your wife that sometimes it’s important for a parent to spend quality time with their children in order to connect.
Yta. Come back from it buy funding a vacation for your wife.
Spouse vacations without bringing kids is VERY common and encouraged to keep a healthy marriage. Your daughters were old enough to understand that. Now you got yourself into a fun situation of your wife and daughters competing to make each feel left out going forward. This is your life now.
Absolutely NTA.
Guaranteed if roles were reversed (a mother posting this instead of a father), OP would not be getting raked over the coals.
Take the trip, enjoy the time with your daughters before they move out and start their own lives.
YTA.
I’d go mild YTA.
NTA for choosing a trip with your daughters. That’s a great idea and you should definitely follow through.
Mild YTA for how you presented it to your wife.
I get that you wanted to show your daughter you liked her idea and didn’t want to look like you had ask permission from your wife. That said, even if you don’t share finances, these are decisions that do affect your wife and you should discuss them with her before taking them. You could have told your daughter, « that’s a great idea, let me think about it and see how we can make it happen ».
Then discuss with your wife, you could still be firm that you really want to make this trip happen with your girls and that it’s a priority for you, but you wouldn’t be presenting it as a fait accompli and you would have allowed her to have input in the decision even if she doesn’t have final say.
I also think reminding her about the Mexico trip was a bit awkward, it’s almost like you’re pitting your daughters needs against your wife’s. It’s not an either or. They don’t have to be opposites, the goal is to find a way to meet all of them.
The ski trip is 100% ok, the communication was a bit lacking.
I don’t think Yta at all. As your spouse I would be so excited for you and supportive of you having a father daughter trip with your girls. Like that’s awesome. I’d also be pretty pumped for the time to myself to do my own hobbies while you have the time with your kids. Especially after just having a vacation I didn’t want them included in. I’m not understanding why your wife is acting this way. These are your kids!!!
I’m shocked at the YTAs. Of course your kids need 1:1 time with their dad. It is ok for her to be hurt but you do have every right. As a daughter, strong NTA.
INFO – I can understand that the girls want some 1:1 time with their Dad. But couldn’t his wife tag along, let Dad and girls go skiing during the day, and then there’s family time at night? I’m not sure why the ski trip has to be an exclusionary thing?
INFO: can your wife do the non-ski days on her own and you all can keep skiing?
Not trying to be callous, but if a trip has a specific purpose, and someone wants to spend time doing other things, they can. But shouldn’t require others to give up the trip’s purpose for it.
NTA for a holiday with the wife. NTA for a holiday with his kids.
The wife however has TA.
Communication is key with blended families. Where’s the honest acknowledgement from the wife. There isn’t a strong maternal relationship with the kids which is fine. Maybe a holiday for the ladies only. Just getting to know each other. Relationships take time and can’t be forced. Allow for grace with each other. Strive to be accepting of each other first. May your journeys be blessed
Yta. Your spouse is your partner. Why didn’t you talk to her about it first? I occasionally take separate vacations with my kids, but discuss everything with my spouse first.
I can only assume that the wife is a stepmom as OP keeps referring to the kids as "my" instead of "our". YTA. OP’s marriage will be strained if he treats his wife like she’s not part of the family. A parents only vacation is not at all the same thing as leaving the stepmom behind because she’s not the kids’ biological mother.
YTA because of the way you went about it all. Having a trip alone with your daughters doesn’t inherently make you wrong, but the way it all went down, how you just ‘informed’ your wife, and how you’re responding to all of these comments insisting you’re right makes you look like a condescending jerk who isn’t bright enough to see what your daughters are doing.
You say yourself your wife doesn’t really ski. That’s even more of an argument that you could bring the wife, since you could spend the days skiing with your kids while she goes off and does stuff that interests her and gives you your coveted quality time.
NTA. If my husband came to me and said our daughter wanted to take a trip with him and he’d already booked it, the most I might ask about is when and where for logistical purposes, but I don’t see anything to be upset about there. The only thing that I raise an eyebrow at is that maybe this is a revenge plot to show your wife how it feels, and that might need a conversation, but on the surface, there is nothing wrong with spending individual time with your children. And she’s set the precedent. You got an alone vacay, it might just be fair to give your girls the same if they want alone time with you.
INFO: why can’t your wife tag along and do her own thing when she’s not up for skiing? would she demand all the attention and time is spent with her? or do your kids just not want her there? more info regarding the dynamics here is needed for me to make a judgment.
The idea of a vacation with just your kids is not AH. But making a decision about it without discussing it with your wife does make YTA.
It’s hard here because you got a choice between being a good parent and a good spouse. The spouse demanded and got her way so it’s fair that the child would ask for something and get her way as well. But this speaks to an underlying issue in the relationship between your spouse and your children
Your children should always come first. But you should’ve discussed this with the wife before making a decision.
(Am I to assume that your daughters are from a previous relationship?)
YTA, last I checked when you married your wife she became their step mother so if this is a family trip then she should have been included, YOU’RE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM! You also can’t compare this to the Mexico trip which was for ADULTS ONLY, yeah you and your wife to get some "alone time" which is normal in a marriage to keep the fire/spark going!
There’s not "my daughters" in a marriage nor "my children", they became as much as her daughters when you both said "I do", you even referring to them like that speaks volumes about the state of your marriage-relationship.
YTA. I was a step mom to two girls. It was hard. But no one ever got left out of a vacation. We were a family, and the kids went on all of the trips, and I went on all of the trips. My husband would have never left them out or me out. You should definitely spend time bonding with your kids, but a whole vacation is kind of ridiculous.
YTA. It’s one thing having a vacation for the adults, it’s another splitting the family as an “ours vs theirs”. She 100% should be included, she is your wife. Yall can ski while she goes shopping and does her own thing if that’s what you want to do but excluding your wife in these decisions is an AH move for sure.
NTA. Double standards on her part!! Crikey! The fact she’s actively asked for holidays without the kids, and then objected when you’ve said you want to go on holiday without her to connect with your kids speaks volumes…
I’ve been in relationships with people with children, and have encouraged them to go on holiday / activities sometimes without me. I feel like it’s important they connect and bond with each other without me there as well as with me there. If I want a holiday and my partners booked something with just them and the kids, I would grab a mate and go off on our own somewhere else.
The children should always come first, and I would question the emotional maturity of any parent that would not do that. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing.
And if you have a 16 year old that actually wants to spend time with you – grab that chance!
NTA. What am I even reading in these comments?? Has anyone considered his daughters (the *children*) in this scenario? This is NOT their mother – but their dad’s new wife. OP mentioned in another comment that their mother is deceased. Dad should have been making an effort from the very beginning to ensure that his daughters don’t feel pushed out by his new wife, or that his new wife is replacing their mother in any way. There’s some information missing here re: how long his late wife has been deceased, how long he’s been married, and how long after his first wife’s passing did he meet/marry his second wife….BUT given the age of the daughters, it’s likely that they don’t see his wife as any type of mother figure, and should not be made to feel bad that they want alone time with their dad. And the fact that his wife is MAD that he wants to spend time bonding with his daughters??? OP is certainly allowed to move on and marry who he chooses, but his wife is absolutely TA for having no regard for the fact that his daughters have been through an awful loss and have every right to spend one-on-one time with their dad. Forcing the daughters to "bond" with the new wife by including her in everything is asshole behavior.
NTA, but you should have talked about it before agreeing.
I think it’s perfectly fine to take a trip with just your kids. They will be adults soon
YTA for not discussing it with your wife. Separate finances are not the only issue here. But there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to go somewhere with your kids.
I will say this, though, I know I guy who wound up divorced because he insisted on using almost all his vacation time on trips with his sons only, leaving his wife at home. She got fed up and left him.
Nope. NTA. Every relationship needs togetherness and separation. It is a drag and a half to do mixed ability sport vacations. Enjoy your girls n don’t listen to most saying YTA. I’m divorced, partnered and have older children. I now take them one at a time. Her scuba diving. Him skiing. You need to connect in different constellations, not just en masse.
NTA Taking non-skiers or much lower ability skiers on a ski vacation that then expect you to spend time with them defeats the purpose of a ski vacation.
I have taken my kids on multiple ski vacations. My husband has joined a couple. The 1st time- he sat in the lodge bored and was then disappointed when I went to sleep just after dinner so I could ski again the next day, and the next, etc. The 2nd time- he now realized he could come if he wanted to entertain himself and he researched the area and made a nice time for himself while we were out skiing. The rest of the vacations were just me and the kids, sometimes meeting up with my relatives who are also skiers.
My kids love both the beach and skiing. I also love the adventures I get to have with them that absolutely wouldn’t happen if I was babysitting my husband on the bunny hill or at the bar in the lodge and sticking my kids in a group lesson.
Let stepmom be pissed at home. Or let her tag along with the understanding that she will need to entertain herself because you will be skiing the tough stuff with your kids (if you trust her not to spoil your plans with your kids with her neediness).
YTA. You should’ve talked to your wife before agreeing to this. Also, if you know your wife will want to spend some days shopping why not let her go by herself and use that time to connect with your girls.
The fact that they used to”just our family” also speaks to a bigger issue. Your wife is part of their family. Sounds like they proposed this trip to get back at her for wanting an adults only couples vacation. There’s something off in the relationship between your kids and your wife.
yta. Your wife is your family, you ass.
NTA…..but you should have spoke to her before planning.
It sounds like there is a battle for your attention between your wife and children.
she would prefer if it was just "our" family (i.e. my two daughters and myself)
For me, this is what puts you in asshole territory. Is your wife not part of your family? I get a vacation with just your spouse; reconnecting is important. However, to exclude your wife so that it can just be "our family" as your daughter put it, is stating that your wife is not part of your family. That can’t be healthy.
Also, you really should have talked to your wife before you made a decision. I have to imagine she felt pretty unimportant to you. Do your daughters have an antagonistic relationship with her that they don’t consider her family?
YTA
How long have you been married? I’m guessing it won’t be much longer. Especially since you seem to be living in a house divided and let your girls dictate how they want to vacation with your money while excluding the love of your life. You definitely need to decide who is more important to you. My solution would be to vacation as a family and spend quality time alone with the girls while wife does some alone time while on this shared vacay. Your daughters are testing their manipulation skills on you. Good luck. May the odds be ever in your favor.
I think it’s fine to have trips with just your children, trips with just your wife, and trips altogether (if yall can manage that). Maybe it’s the delivery? But in all families splitting up time — vacations, outings etc., is important. The same way it’s important to have hobbies/experiences solo, and time with all the girls individually. I think even outside of vacations — maybe special trips/outings with your 2 girls both together and separately is important. Just like spending time with your wife is important for your relationship, spending time with your girls is also important.
Of course YTA. It’s perfectly normal for couples to have a holiday without the kids, that happens in lots of families and is good for everyone. It is not normal for a married man to make plans for a holiday without involving his wife and then tell her she’s not welcome. You could find ways to spend quality time with your daughters without disrespecting your wife if you wanted to, and if you want your marriage to last you need to start acting like you and your wife are a team.
given how you talk OP i worry your kids are also entitled and dodgy with info. you don’t "inform" your SPOUSE of choices that involve the family and finances. you discuss it and then come up with a plan of action for everyone. also, adult vacations and family vacations are different. if you’re "balancing" are you perving on these kids? you shouldn’t have balance between your wife and kids, they should be DIFFERENT DYNAMICS. YTA for how all of this is presented and for clearly being and unreliable narrator
NTA. She excluded your children from a vacation because she wanted you to herself (which is fine), but now she’s mad that you want to take a trip to spend time with your children? If you include her on this trip because she’s making a fuss, be prepared for your girls to go NC in the future because you will show them that they will never be a priority for you anymore. Anyone marrying someone with children should always be prepared that there will be times that they aren’t part of something because of that parent/child relationship, even if they get along well. I disagree with other people saying you should have discussed it first because if you had, this trip would never have happened. If she can’t realize she needs to "share" you with your children, then she doesn’t have any business being married to someone with them. I don’t know if you’re divorced or widowed, but the only way her reaction would be valid is if you were taking a trip with your girls and their mother but not inviting your current wife.
Take wife on vacation, put her in ski lessons. As a ski instructor, I teach a lot of spouses who have remarried into a skiing family and are trying to catch up.
Soft YTA. It’s totally fine for unblended families to have solo parent trips, so it should be fine for blended as well.
I think since your kids are teenagers and they WANT to spend time with you is a small miracle.
I really think it’s how you pitch it to your wife. It is your job to mediate and handle the emotions of your kids and wife while navigating this. Your wife needs to be somewhat on board and if she isn’t, you need to figure out some sort of middle ground.
There is value in you spending alone time with your kids that has nothing to do with your wife, but you need to make your wife understand it and make sure your girls aren’t removing her from all activities.
Balance quality time with just your kids with quality time with the four of you.
ESH. One on one time with your kids is important, but this has the undercurrent that your kids have now "gotten back" at your wife for the earlier vacation.
You and your wife are a TEAM, or should be. So making such a big decision with your daughters and not including your wife in the discussion is shitty. She should also be open to you giving time and energy to the relationship with your kids.
Imo, NTA, it’s important to have father-daughter quality time. People assume your daughters are being petty because they were upset about being left out, and maybe that’s part of it, but it’s also extremely likely that they truly want father-daughter time and didn’t know a trip without her was a possibility until you guys took a trip without them. Now there’s a precedent that trips don’t always include every single person so they asked if that was an option. Sure you could have had a conversation with your wife before saying you’d definitely do it, but if she told you not to go I would think you were TA if you just let her decide that because it’s so important that your kids don’t feel pushed aside or less important than your wife. My family did stuff like this all the time. My mom would take us somewhere that my dad wasn’t all that interested in going and vice versa, or my dad couldn’t get off work and my mom would take us for a trip on school break. It wasn’t a big deal. Your wife chose to marry someone with kids and should understand that you guys still having quality time is important.
NTA your girls come first, your wife had her trip without them, what’s the difference!
I feel like it is completely acceptable for you to take your daughters on a trip without her. Those are memories that will be cherished forever that you will not get again once your daughters are older and having boyfriends/girlfriends. If your wife cannot handle that, that is on her. It’s about your kids and the kinds of things they want to engage in with their father. I do not believe you are the asshole.
lol clearly YTA first you don’t include your daughters and you think that by now not including your wife that makes up for it somehow?
And then to top it off you don’t even talk about it you just “inform” her. I wouldn’t be surprised if none of these women if your life aren’t talking to you in 5 years time
NTA – you were their dad before you were her husband. Your daughters deserve this time with their biological parent.
Also, good for the goose is good for the gander. Your wife should understand this and if she doesn’t, she’s not the best stepparent for your girls.
NTA for wanting to do the vacation without the wife. Especially after you explained the dynamics further in the comments.
YTA a little for agreeing before talking to her. Not that you require her permission, but this is something couples should at least have a conversation around first.
It doesn’t sound like there’s a very healthy relationship between her and your kids. Have you considered family counseling?
YTA
Parents get to vacation alone.
Kids get to have both parents involved in the family upbringing.
If you daughter’s want alone time with you take then out to dinner and bowling sometime.
ESH
As a husband, it’s important for you to work on & maintain your marriage.
As a father, it’s important for you to continue to bond/spent time with your children as they get older.
You are TA in this situation because you unilaterally made the decision without talking to your spouse. It’s not just about money, it’s about making decisions as a team.
Your wife is TA as well because of her response to a vacation without her. As a stepmom, she needs to understand that sometimes it’s going to be just you & the kids. Not everything is about her. If you had discussed a ski trip with her before greenlighting it & she still blew up, you would not be TA.
NTA you married someone that doesn’t exactly mesh with some if not all of their lifestyles/ hobbies. So it’s on you to carve out one on one time with them. Your wife doesn’t have to like it but your girls are a priority in your life. It could be an easy thing, but i would reflect on the relationship with her and how she treats people who are important to you if she’s making a fuss about it.
NTA. You don’t need permission to spend one-on-one time with your kids.
NTA – My husband and I both have a kids by a previous marriage. There’s nothing wrong with going on a vacation with your kids without your spouse in a blended family. Especially with older kids. Of course, it’s important to talk about stuff like that before you get married or at some point before you actually plan the vacations. Your wife sounds like she is pretty insecure and the fact that she insisted on a vacation with just you sounds a little like she’s trying to compete with the kids for your attention. However, if you want to keep the peace and be considerate of her feelings, you really should talk through stuff like this before you plan the vacation. But, yeah, not a damn thing wrong with going on a vacation just you and your kids.
ESH – sounds like your wife doesn’t want your kids around, your kids don’t want your wife around, and you’re not actively blending 2 separate families.
YTA for agreeing to this with the children before running it by your wife. Your children have successfully triangulated you from your wife. Bad idea and you owe your wife an apology.
INFO: is she the step mom of your kids? It’s not clear in the post
NTA. We are a blended family. I have taken a trip with mine and he has taken them with his. We have also taken all of them together. (And various other combo depending on who was available.) It’s important to stay bonded with your children if you want to have a relationship with them when they are adults. Sounds like your wife doesn’t have any children so she just might not understand how it works. This is why some people think blended families are difficult. But they don’t have to be if both parents make an effort.
NTA for wanting to go on a dad, daughters trip. It is more than reasonable for you to go on solo trips with just your kids. Blended family or not they are still entitled to one on one time with their dad. Maybe the way you approached it with your wife is why she is upset? I get a sense of entitlement from your wife, like it’s ok for her to want a one on one trip with you but it’s not ok for your daughters to want a one on one trip without her? I have a step dad and he’s the most amazing man in the world but me and my sister still like to just do some things one on one with our mom.
NTA it’s absolutely reasonable to spend some quality time with your kids without step mum. You can just do a trip all together next time.
ESH except your daughters. You should have discussed the trip with your wife before unilaterally deciding it was going to happen. While you don’t share finances, you do still share a life and presumably a home together so you don’t really get to decide you’re going to leave for an extended period of time without her input.
Your wife sucks for pushing back on you having one-on-one time with your daughters. My parents are divorced, and once my stepmom came into the picture I almost never got dedicated time with my dad. I love my step-mom and am grateful to have her in our family, but I needed one-on-one time with my dad. Going to the movies just the two of us was out of the question, never mind a whole trip, and our relationship suffered because of it; and it still is not great to this day.
You need to sit down with your wife and apologize for making a decision that impacts her life and schedule but also emphasize why it’s important for you to spend time with your daughters alone. Maybe you compromise on this trip by shortening the length of time you’re away or your wife comes along and does her own thing while you and your daughters ski and then you all hang out as a family in the evenings. Maybe you even dedicate one day to doing an activity that everyone likes.
Regardless, your daughters are asking you to spend time with just you and you should grant them that and protect that.
NTA. Step-family dynamics are tough and a trip with just your girls is a great idea. I routinely recommend d my husband have one on o e time with his son as opposed to a whole family vacation, we have 2 younger kids together. Do it. Your girls will appreciate it.
NTA. Fathers need to spend one on ones with their children. I don’t know why this seems to be an issue for a some. The wife popping a gasket because she’s not on this vacay seems a but spoiled. I’m having a problem with someone who doesn’t understand children wanting time with their father. It kinda speaks to what her relationship may be with her family.
Ehhh you should have told your wife but I understand you wanting to spend time with your girls. Idk why everyone is mad about that.
NTA. It sounds like your daughters would like a trip with their dad wherein they don’t have to cater to stepmom’s opinions on how to spend their time. It does sound like they are all competing for your time and attention so at some point, that might get worse. Do your daughters like your wife? Does your wife like your daughters? It doesn’t sound like it.
YTA – primarily because you didn’t discuss it with your wife first. My parents got divorced when I was around your daughters’ age, and my dad pretty immediately had a new partner. I *totally get* your daughters wanting alone time with you. Hundred percent. It was a hard adjustment for me, and not super comfortable to have my step-mom around at first. But I’d suggest that the better way to do this is have ski days with just your daughters on the more advanced slopes, maybe take them out to a nice lunch or dinner at the lodge, while your wife has a solo shopping day or two. My step-mom always comes on vacations, but she always encourages my dad and I to have a day just the two of us, which I really appreciate. It’s a balancing act between solo time and bonding time for everyone. You need alone time with your daughters, absolutely, but not even talking to your wife about whether she’s comfortable with THAT much alone time isn’t great.
I think it’s super understandable that she’s feeling upset, particularly because your daughters said they’d prefer if it was just "your" family. How is your wife supposed to feel besides left out and not accepted as part of the family? Joining any family unit as a step-parent is always going to be super difficult, and I’m sure this isn’t helping. I’d encourage you guys to sit down and have a larger conversation about how to handle bonding time with your daughters.
I’m also concerned that your responses feel defensive and not super open to critique. Did you recognize your wife’s feelings when you had this disagreement? If you reassure her that everyone wants her there, you just need some alone time, I can’t imagine she wouldn’t support you having bonding time with your daughters.
NTA, but why stay with somebody who doesn’t work with your kids to the point you can’t enjoy travelling together?
I’ve read your responses to other comments and YTA big time. You’re married. Married people make choices together. That’s it. Everything else is BS. Go on your ski trip but if your wife was my friend or family I’d recommend that you come back to an empty house just based on the lack of respect.
Wife ≠ Children.
You have every right to have an alone time vacation with your children. The same way she did for yourselves. But she discussed it with you first. You simply agreed without discussing it with her at all. You should know better.
NTA 💯
If you do not go with your children on this vacation, they will feel that they are not a priority anymore. And since they are CHILDREN, you must have bonding time with them.
Your wife is an adult, and she needs to understand and accept the fact that you need to bond with your children. The fact that she doesn’t want to bond with your children and your children consider her only as your wife shows that they are two separate groups. Soo, just go on the vacation with your wife. Else you will regret it when they don’t want to visit you in the future.
Please remember, feeling unwanted by parent socks, and it leaves a permanent print on children’s memory. And as you said, your children are your priority, and they should be because they need love and affection and feel of security more than an adult.
My father took my older sister and I on vacation without our mom a couple of times, when the younger siblings were really too small to enjoy Disney. It was a very special time, so I have to say OP is NTA.
YTA. You sound like u don’t even like your wife