Basically my life fell apart about a year ago. I lost a remote job that gave me the opportunity to travel and live in Europe for a year. I’m 26, took me 9 months to get a job paying $20/hr, so I work two part-time jobs on top of my full time job. Live with two roommates.
My friends fortunately are doing much better. All have businesses, are in relationships, happy, all that. I don’t have jealousy towards them because they’re my best friends and I’m happy for them, but every time I hang out with them, I’m so pissed off and disgusted with myself that I don’t know what to do with that anger. Can’t get out of this head space the last months. I’m trying so hard to get ahead and it’s been falling through so far. If my circumstance doesn’t change, I understand that being furious and wanting to punish myself will make it even worse, so how does one not feel like this about themselves when the circumstance might not change soon?
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Basically my life fell apart about a year ago. I lost a remote job that gave me the opportunity to travel and live in Europe for a year. I’m 26, took me 9 months to get a job paying $20/hr, so I work two part-time jobs on top of my full time job. Live with two roommates.
My friends fortunately are doing much better. All have businesses, are in relationships, happy, all that. I don’t have jealousy towards them because they’re my best friends and I’m happy for them, but every time I hang out with them, I’m so pissed off and disgusted with myself that I don’t know what to do with that anger. Can’t get out of this head space the last months. I’m trying so hard to get ahead and it’s been falling through so far. If my circumstance doesn’t change, I understand that being furious and wanting to punish myself will make it even worse, so how does one not feel like this about themselves when the circumstance might not change soon?
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I’m happy for my friends when they do well. I don’t really compare myself with them at all. I compare myself to the past me and see if I’m doing better or getting closer to whatever goals I have.
What’s funny is, in some ways, your more successful best friends are probably jealous about you.
I have a kid brother, owns a house, beautiful wife. Was a cop. Retired veteran. Lives in a suburban culdesac.
Me? Lower middle class blue collar, wife and 5 kids. House is messy, not poor, but not even close to rich. Just about comfortable.
You’d think this ex cop veteran who’s beloved by his neighborhood wants for nothing. But actually, I’ve heard through the grapevine (our mother) that he feels very insecure around me because he feels that I have a more fulfilling life (surrounded by family and children) than he does.
“The grass isn’t always greener” is more than just a superficial quote about not knowing what’s on the other side and romanticizing it. It also implies the people on the other side of that field often feel the same way about you.
I focus on what can be better. If it’s rock bottom, you can only go up.
In a few years, when you have cancer, you’ll look back and wonder why you let things like this bother you.
No one has it perfect. Thats what I have learnt.
Stay focused on your journey – that way you will be happier and have more pride in you 🙂
it’s not a race, you and your friends are on VASTLY different paths. it might look similar at first but you are on 2 different paths. Be kind to yourself, and walk on your own path.
Competition is fine, but maybe not all the time.
You have to start comparing yourself to who you were yesterday instead of to who someone else is today.
When you compare yourself to someone else, you are taking one or two very positive aspects of their life and comparing them to your entire life. No one can win that competition.
You have to try to be kinder to yourself, believe me I know it’s hard but it starts with cutting yourself some slack. You’re not a superhero and life isn’t a movie, and others don’t walk the same road as us. You have to start recognising how far you have come and how much you have done despite such arduous conditions. You are already incredibly successful and have shown such strength for being able to work through all that and still have enough strength to push for more. So be proud, you may not have the life of your friends but they haven’t had to do what you have.
If it helps, people start finding success at different parts of their lives for various reasons. My friends were way ahead of me when I was your age, now I’m way ahead of them 14 years later.
I struggled with this in my early 30s, seeing friends posing in front of SOLD signs, overseas business trips, weddings, babies.
Then I thought of the hard work behind the scenes that we don’t see, the late nights, early starts, etc, that they likely put in to get to where they are.
It’s not about discrediting your own hard work or ignoring the bad cards you were dealt but more about applauding the achievements of those you care about. It just dulls that feeling of inadequacy a little.
5 year plan.
Put your head down, work, and fuck FOMO. Things will be a lot different in 5 years.