My “ugly girl” experience is so embarrassing. I’m not necessarily ugly, but I’m not attractive either. You might see me and think, “Oh, okay, cool,” with nothing behind it. Or maybe even think, “Ew.”
The main pain I feel from being unattractive isn’t really about my looks. I honestly think I’m pretty, and I like my face. But my reality doesn’t reflect that at all.
What hurts the most is being invisible, unwanted, or overlooked. If I were getting all of my emotional and physical needs met, I wouldn’t care about being seen as ugly. I would still feel loved and important.
But when you are completely starved of love and attention, it starts to make you feel crazy. Then comparison starts to come in.
I have very attractive friends. I want to talk about their experiences with guys, but I stay quiet. Everyone always talks about how much guys like them or want them. I’ve hung out with guys I liked, and they ended up liking my friends instead. Even my own brother is obsessed with how beautiful my friends are.
I know that comparison steals your joy. But if you are constantly being ignored, and you see someone else getting everything you wish you had, it makes you feel worse, even if they do not want all the attention. It is just human nature.
The way people treat me makes me feel terrible. It would be one thing if I were just invisible and no one talked to me. But people do notice me, and they only use that moment to pick on me.
When I try to be social, I usually get left out or embarrassed. People look at me like I am disgusting and treat me like I am gross. It hurts.
The way guys treat my friends compared to how they treat me is unbelievable. Guys are so kind and sweet to them. But to me, it feels like they treat me like I am a threat or like something is wrong with me.
It also doesn’t help that I am Black, tall, and a girl. I feel like I have already been left out of dating and social life completely. I have never gotten a taste of what it feels like to be desirable or wanted. I have never met a man who I didn’t have to beg him to have a crush on me. Never
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The bloom falls quickly off the rose for those who peak early. Go to your 10 year reunion. 👍🤗
Hey, I just read what you wrote, and I want to say that I get how tough that can be. It’s hard when you feel like you’re always on the outside looking in, and it’s easy to get caught up comparing yourself to others.
The truth is, though, that you can’t let other people’s shallow views define how you see yourself. You are your own person, and you deserve respect and love just like anyone else. When you start to focus on yourself, your health, your mind, and your confidence. you’ll see how much that can change the way people see you too.
Confidence is one of the most attractive things a person can have. Hit the gym if it makes you feel better. Learn new things. Challenge yourself. Walk with your head held high and a smile on your face. People notice that energy, and it draws them in way more than looks alone.
Remember, you’re not unlovable or broken. You’ve just had some rough experiences with people who didn’t appreciate you. The right people are out there, and when you believe in yourself, you’re more likely to attract them.
You’re strong. You’re enough. Keep working on yourself, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve love and happiness.
You’re young, and a lot of guys your age (and well beyond, honestly) are horribly superficial. How they’re treating those girls will, for the most part, likely not last once the thrill of bagging a “pretty” girl wears off. Once you’re away from high school, your world will open up to men who will like you for your looks AND the brains and personality you also have. Those are real relationships. It sucks now, but hold on.
If the mirror is telling you that you are pretty, but you’re getting socially rejected, I highly suggest looking into autism. That was my experience and I am autistic.
I had no idea because I was in gifted in school, I never had stims, I made eye contact, I thought I picked up on social cues. But our society’s understanding of autism is based on male symptoms, exclusively. Autism in women is different. And the biggest sign is social rejection and exclusion.
It took me until a guy straight up told me he was rejecting me because I was dorky. I had no idea. I don’t look dorky in the mirror. I am hot, I dress hot, I don’t have dorky hobbies, I’m not a nerd. But autism reads as dorkiness and there is nothing I can do about it.
I’m 6ft tall, plus-sized, white but I have curly hair (iykyk). I spent my childhood and teenage years being made to feel like a monster by my peers, at university I was more accepted but things about my appearance were always pointed out. I wasn’t “fat” but I was big, I wasn’t “ugly”, but I wasn’t desireable, I had a great “personality” but that didn’t make me attractive. Men liked to look at my assets, but they didn’t want to admit that they were interested (that’s their insecurity.)
Do you know what did make me attractive? Spending time alone until I figured out who I was, what I wanted, and then finding someone who wanted me and desired me for exactly who I am. No begging, no compromise, no pulling myself apart desperately trying to be loved and valued by someone who didn’t want me.
Seeing myself through their eyes made me realise that I am beautiful and desired, by plenty of people, not just one person, and that did wonders for my self-esteem, helped me embrace my femininity and accept my physical traits as unique and desireable. Now I can tell the difference between a glance on the street being surprised at a tall woman, and a glance that says a little more.
Find someone who desires YOU, I guarantee they exist.
Confidence and kindness is the sexiest thing in the world, anyone who disagrees hates themselves.
And don’t write off a partner just because they’re shorter than you, it means nothing (the partiarchy just wants women to feel small).
Please see a therapist.
You are so young. How you look (and feel, more importantly) now is not what you will look like for the rest of your life or even in a few years. Personally I was a later bloomer. I wasn’t considered attractive until I was 21 or 22.
But guess what else? Being attractive won’t last forever either. Life happens. Medical issues, stress, depression or even if we’re lucky, just aging. If you define yourselves by your looks, or more specifically by the amount of male attention you receive at age 18, you will suffer also when you’re older.
If I could make one recommendation it would be to focus on how you feel. In other words, do things that make you feel good and strong. For me and many others, that’s exercise, or other physical hobbies like dance, hiking, sports, whatever floats your boat. Focus on eating foods that make you feel healthy and strong. As others have said confidence is also very attractive.
The final thing is that male attention is a very cheap and unreliable currency. It means almost nothing, and most of it is worth almost nothing. Your friends who are thriving on it now may end up in unhappy relationships, or used and discarded (of course we don’t wish that for them). But don’t confuse it for real worth. Seek meaningful connection with the right man and don’t settle for less.
You put too much value into the opinions of literal teenagers formed by social media, advertisement and influencers. From what you say, they are sweet to your “attractive” friends – doesn’t it sound like their motives to be kind and sweet are not so kind after all? Is this a type of a person whose opinion you want to value?
Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfectly fine. And super young, too. You are still growing and finding yourself. 18 is hardly even a begining of life, and tbh, attraction is NOT a scarce resource. Among women over the age of 25, I see more complaints about getting too much of unwanted attention than too little, especially when happily partnered/married and not seeking anything at all. More so, so many women regret their early relationships because the people you find hot at 18-19 often seem pretty gross when you get to your 20s.
There’s more love than romantic love. You have friends, but it looks like you let someone having or not having a crush on you impact how you see the friends you actually have. Is it worth letting it impact your friendships?