Im 36 years old, male. Been struggling a lot with mental and physical health (related to some health issues). Im considering moving in with my parents for support and to allow for more time to focus on physical and mental health. As a man I want to forge on and do my best but i do feel like i can benefit from mocing in with parents. I could use aome support from my dad.Thoughts?
Thoughts on a man moving in with parents?
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Do what you gotta do, man. If it affords you the ability/time to concentrate on your physical and mental health and you’re not going to be a burden on your parents, go for it.
I had to do something similar at 30. Didn’t have my head on right. Make a goals list and have getting back on your feet as number 1. Use the time to start doing some calisthenics. Give yourself prizes for completing daily goals. (I did my 50 pushups now I can game for an hour) Or something of the like. Specifically turn things you used to waste time on into prizes for yourself and give yourself time to think.
No problem with being living with parents. What is your plan to help your parents in return ?
You are never too old to live with your parents! My kids are still little, but they will always be welcome to come home at anytime when it’s their time to make their way into the world.
If you contribute and help as you work on yourself, that’s totally fine. Its your journey. All the better that you even have parents that are supportive. Many don’t have that.
Do what you need ta do, it’s the adult thing to admit when you need help and to ask for it.
You’re parents are likely in their 60’s and have their own life, retirement, financial and possibly, health issues they’re managing. Your inability to cope with your own stuff adds more hardship on them.
My parents aren’t good for my mental health but they brought you into this world it’s their responsibility to deal with the consequences. Also it’s very common to temporarily live with parents and other relatives well into your later years. In some cultures multi generational living is just the norm.
One of my friends was struggling with severe depression and did just that. It’s a win-win, because he’s doing much better and they’re old enough they need the help around the house.
How to win a war:
Step 1: identify the enemy.
Step 2: destroy the enemy.
You’ve gotten step 1 done. You have identified the enemy (your unhapiness and lack of support network)
You want to do step 2. You are letting shame get in the way. Shame is good. Shame lets us know when we’ve done something we don’t like. The purpose of shame is to identify the problem.
Shame is a tool for step 1. But shame will not destroy the enemy. Anger will not destroy the enemy. Sadness will not destroy the enemy. Only destroying the enemy will destroy the enemy.
The enemy exists only to be destroyed.
The why, is the big question.
If you’re doing it to take care of your parents, that’s good.
If you’re doing it to pay down debt, save money, improve your skills to get a better job, that’s good.
If you’re doing it so you can sit around getting high all day, play video games and party with your friends without working, that’s when it starts looking bad.
I did something similar when COVID started. My office shut down for three years because of it and the second year in I decided to move back to go remote, stay with parents and save money (while paying my rent to my parents). I say do what is right for you, but try to ease the burden on your parents in a way, do chores, help around the house, etc.
You somehow already asked this a year ago? And I am not saying this to front you but to point at something serious here: If you need help after your divorce, what is taking you so long? Sure it might not be the glamorous thing to do in your 30s but who gives a damn, do what needs to be done, if not for yourself do it before your larents have to see you fall apart completely. Work through this damned thing instead of asking for affirmation etc over and over again. DO IT.
Get well soon.