Hi all. I am a 30M married to a 26F for 2 years and we were together for 2 years before marriage. My wife told me that she does not feel any connection when I touch, kiss, hug or have sex with her. This is not a first time she complained about this. I listen to her, I try my best to fix the issue and after few days, she says everything feels good now, but after some months, she says she is feeling the same again and she has been feeling like it for few months. Basically meaning, the issue was never resolved.
I think this started when she got accidentally pregnant back in August 2023. The gynaecologist gave her some pills to get rid of pregnancy. She was in dire pain at that time. After 2 months, my sister told some lies about my previous girlfriend, stuff like me and my ex were in physical relationship, which we were not. We come from a conservative background and intimacy before marriage is still a taboo for some people. I did everything to assure her, comfort her and do whatever I can, to a point that I started ignoring my sleep to comfort her. At that time, I was working in another country while she was in my home country. She joined me in August 2024.
I tried everything to comfort her, did whatever she asked for. She went to therapist for tackle this issue, she asked for trips and we went on multiple trips which she enjoyed. Yet the problem still persists. Yesterday she told me that she does not feel anything from my physical gestures. She is now saying that maybe that’s hormonal problem and we are going to get her hormones checked in few days. She also says she just feels hollow. I do not know what to know to fix the issue. Every other aspect of our marriage is really good. I listened to her, i read stuff on the internet to get ideas to make her feel good and it seems to work in that moment, but after some months, she says she still feels the same. Did anyone went through something similar to this? How did you guys fix the issue? I really love her and want to fix this aspect of our relationship as well.
PS: Apologies for bad English. Not my mother tongue.
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Hi all. I am a 30M married to a 26F for 2 years and we were together for 2 years before marriage. My wife told me that she does not feel any connection when I touch, kiss, hug or have sex with her. This is not a first time she complained about this. I listen to her, I try my best to fix the issue and after few days, she says everything feels good now, but after some months, she says she is feeling the same again and she has been feeling like it for few months. Basically meaning, the issue was never resolved.
I think this started when she got accidentally pregnant back in August 2023. The gynaecologist gave her some pills to get rid of pregnancy. She was in dire pain at that time. After 2 months, my sister told some lies about my previous girlfriend, stuff like me and my ex were in physical relationship, which we were not. We come from a conservative background and intimacy before marriage is still a taboo for some people. I did everything to assure her, comfort her and do whatever I can, to a point that I started ignoring my sleep to comfort her. At that time, I was working in another country while she was in my home country. She joined me in August 2024.
I tried everything to comfort her, did whatever she asked for. She went to therapist for tackle this issue, she asked for trips and we went on multiple trips which she enjoyed. Yet the problem still persists. Yesterday she told me that she does not feel anything from my physical gestures. She is now saying that maybe that’s hormonal problem and we are going to get her hormones checked in few days. She also says she just feels hollow. I do not know what to know to fix the issue. Every other aspect of our marriage is really good. I listened to her, i read stuff on the internet to get ideas to make her feel good and it seems to work in that moment, but after some months, she says she still feels the same. Did anyone went through something similar to this? How did you guys fix the issue? I really love her and want to fix this aspect of our relationship as well.
PS: Apologies for bad English. Not my mother tongue.
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You can’t fix her.
Might talk to a specialist and see if she might benefit from antidepressants. Marriage counseling might help as opposed to solo therapy. It can help to have a third party try to broach difficult subjects or change up the dialogue. It can also make things worse or hasten the end… Really can’t say.
Marriage counseling
Seems like you are the only one trying to find a solution while all she does is dump a lot of negative thoughts without trying to find an answer with you. No matter how hard you try unless she is in on the solution seeking this won’t work. Seeds of doubt have been planted in her mind thanks to her sister and trust me that festers and grows, and with the imagination of some people they would create multiple scenarios in their heads which then makes them fall deeper into that delusional reality they created in their mind where it almost feels like your a cheater. This causes a hollow feeling inside them where they feel betrayed. No matter what happens, the past is the past and I would never go digging about my partners ex’s just to see who they were or compare myself to them or imagine what they did together because that’s very unfair since you’ve let all that go and is now fully committed to her. Keep in mind women who go through abortion never really get over it completely since it’s traumatizing and excruciatingly painful for them mentally and physically as well which require time to heal. Your doing an extremely good job by being proactive and actually seeking for a solution but now you’ve hit a wall and it’s time for the talk, and when you communicate make sure you tell her that while you understand her frustration, you too are frustrated and want to find a solution so help me help you. Do you feel like you fell out of love and not want me in your life anymore? Do you suspect that I’ve been unfaithful or heard of things about me from someone? Please open up to me and I promise we can get through this together.
If this doesn’t work, and therapy too then this will eventually die..if she doesn’t try atleast 1% instead of just complaining and throwing this load on you. I hope you find true happiness.
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