So every month we have a college alumni meet to watch sports at a bar. The lady that runs it always seems to be negative and finding the bad in everything. I thought it wasn’t much but the longer I’ve gotten to know her the more she just reeks of negative vibes. My gut just tells me something is wrong with her. I’ve known her for a long time and I’ve been trying to figure out what her issue is. I know for certain she’s insecure in some fashion but I don’t know about what. This is what I notice:
- She never says hi and is like “oh where have you been?” I’m like ok nice to see you to I haven’t seen you in a month but ok. Thanks for letting me know you’re in a bad mood.
- When we watch the game she’s always thinking the team is doing bad and is like “why can’t you score?” I’m just chilling in the background knowing its not that serious and there’s still a lot left to play.
- When I don’t sit with her she says “oh you don’t want to hang out with us?” I’m like I can sit wherever I want!
- She runs the social media page and is obsessed with trying to post during the entire game. She wants me to do things and look happy and I’m like” put that thing away nobody cares about how many likes you got!”
- I’m 32 and someone thought I was her son and she got so upset that someone said so. Couldn’t laugh at all. She calls herself a grandma and I’m like you’re not even that old!
- She says she’s fine being single with no kids but sometimes I feel otherwise or like she really needs a man to take care of her. Whether she wants a man or not I can see why no man would want her.
- She’s super bossy and is never satisfied with anything. She’s the rude customer at the restaurant telling the waiter “why are you taking so long?”
- There’s a lot of young people in the alumni group and when she references something from a long time ago she gets mad that nobody knows what she’s talking about. Says “you young people don’t know anything.” I’m like “of course we don’t and who cares what happened 20 years ago? Is that supposed to be common knowledge?”
- Complains all the time about her teaching job like its the worst job ever. Doesn’t get paid enough, and school district is out to get her.
Basically she can never find the good in anything and is constantly in a bad mood. It’s gotten to a point where people stopped showing up because she ruins the vibe and of course she can’t see why because she blames everyone but herself. Sometimes I think she’s just looking for attention but for certain she’s definitely throwing a 24/7 pity party and thinks nobody has it worse than her. I’m just wondering if this sounds like she’s not handling aging well but if you have some other ideas I’d really like to know. I’ve never met a person like her before.
Comments
I remember my 48th year. That was about the time my mortality hit me like a brick. 50 was months away and I hadn’t done all of the things I had wanted to do in life and was not where I expected to be at that point. I could have become embittered, but instead I redirected my life, moving more in the direction of achieving the things I hadn’t yet. I did not look any different than I did at 35 so the physical aging was not a factor for me, but knowing I was nearly half a century old kind of hit hard. She’s probably feeling all of that and could use some encouragement.
I wouldn’t spend to much energy trying to get to the why. People are complex, there are a good many people like her. Take your good vibes to like minded people
Is it possible she’s got a blind spot to how she’s coming across? I had that problem and only realized how negative I was being after noticing a few people drawing away from me. It served as a wake up call and I’ve worked to change that through meditation and being conscious of how I think about things. I have to add: being enmeshed in social media is no one’s friend when it comes to developing a positive mindset.
Now as for your friend the way I’d approach it (depending upon how open and honest she is) would be to draw it to her attention, in a helpful “I want to be by your side” sort of way.
If you think she’d resent that approach then is re-think being her friend at all. Some people suffer from mental stress but others appear to enjoy it.
I’d just start a conversation with “How ya doing Oscar?” 😂