Small talk has to go.

r/

I feel like small talk has absolutely no value to a relationship between two people other than to recognize each other’s presence. You gotta either learn how to be comfortable in silence or connect through meaningful and interesting conversations.

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

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  2. molten_dragon Avatar

    Not everyone is as socially awkward as you. Most of us don’t mind small talk.

  3. bigmustard69 Avatar

    Reverse uno – You gotta learn to be comfortable small talking to get to the meaningful and interesting conversations.

  4. ActualCucick Avatar

    yes. It’s either absolute silence or ‘what are your deepest fears?’

    it’s staring contest or ‘how do you know you’re in love?’

    no contact or trauma sharing

  5. F1DL5TYX Avatar

    Strong disagree. I like in particular discussing the weather. It’s a great way to share a moment with another person you don’t know.

  6. JJJSchmidt_etAl Avatar

    Not unpopular on reddit.

    Here’s why small talk exists: not everyone always wants to get into a deep discussion. You start a conversation with it so you can judge if indeed that is what the person is looking for, or if they are busy, or simply not in the mood to talk.

    You have to think, how would people be able to judge whether you personally are in the mood for a deep technical discussion, or don’t want to talk at all? Small talk is how.

  7. diamondmind777 Avatar

    small talk is a good ice breaker tho

  8. StevenSaguaro Avatar

    I learned to cut my own hair to avoid small talk.

  9. No_Swan_9470 Avatar

    YES! Let’s get all our social life advice from reddit!!! They are at the forefront of healthy sane habits.

  10. stargirlllllllllll Avatar

    It’s pretty weird to have meaningful conversations with someone you’ve just met and you know absolutely nothing about💀. There are steps

  11. qam4096 Avatar

    I feel like such rigid barriers stifle your own relationships.

  12. New_General3939 Avatar

    I totally disagree. You build trust and rapport through small talk. Skipping that process just leads to trauma dumping. Plus, it’s important to know if you have enough chemistry with somebody to have fun just talking about little insignificant things. You spend most of a relationship talking about small things, you need to have enough chemistry to do that comfortably before moving on to real things.

    Plus, if you can only be interesting when talking about heavy topics, you’re probably pretty boring.

  13. CommercialWear5040 Avatar

    Good relationships are built on successful (acknowledged and reciprocated) bids for attention. Small talk is the grease that keeps human connection going.

  14. revanite3956 Avatar

    “Hey babe, I’m home”

    “Hey! Do you think there were valid legal grounds for the Nuremberg Trials?”

  15. Kittiemeow8 Avatar

    Should I just yell “I recognize your presence!”?

  16. Next_Plankton3557 Avatar

    Weirdly having a complaint about where you’re at can start a fruitful small talk conversation. 

    ” I hate their bathroom. It’s so gross.”

    “I know. But you know who has really nice bathrooms…”

    “Oh I love that place! They have such great…”

    “And you know what else they have…”

    Voila! Small talk and you probably learned about two new places to go to. 

  17. practicallyaware Avatar

    i don’t wanna get into a deep discussion with someone i don’t know. we start talking about the mundane stuff and then we gradually get to know each other, then we can talk about the deeper stuff

  18. Pelli_Furry_Account Avatar

    I really like small talk.

    Deep conversations are important, but I think it’s also pretty nice to just talk about, like, something funny that happened. How coffee affects you, a book you just started, how much you like graffiti art and where you saw a cool looking mural yesterday. How you’ve been observing the crows and noticed some interesting behaviors.

    The little things in life are important to people. And learning about that gives you a little peek into their world while keeping the mood light.

  19. Yuck_Few Avatar

    Small talk is natural and it’s weird to complain about it

  20. BoozeLikeFrank Avatar

    My only complaint is how basic some of it is. “Hey how are you?” “Good how about you?” Is the most repeated greeting ever and I wish we as a society were more creative with opening sentences.

  21. Samael13 Avatar

    Small talk has tremendous value in a relationship between two people. Not every conversation should be about life or death matters. Having casual, light conversation about things like what books you’ve read recently or about a tv show you really liked, or about how your day was, or about a weird thing that happened at work builds rapport and helps you explore shared interests. Small talk is not just “that weather, huh?” It’s light conversation about unimportant matters. It’s “Oh, did you try that new restaurant? They make a fantastic Manhattan” or “what are your vacation plans?”

    Being able to be comfortable with silence is important, too, but if you’re incapable of making interesting small talk, that’s not because small talk is inherently uninteresting.

  22. edwadokun Avatar

    It’s not hard to turn small talk into a meaning conversation.

  23. NoahtheRed Avatar

    You’re young and entering into the real world, so it’s easy to misread the situation. The truth is that most of your life, relationships, and just day-to-day aren’t super deep experiences. There’ll be moments and times where those deep conversations come up, but most of the time you’re not in that mode. I’ve been married for 13 years (together for 17) and small talk is part of the package. Sometimes we’re just talking about the weather, or what we saw at the grocery store, or whatever other mundane stuff is happening in the space between bigger, more engaging events. The small talk is the ambient communication. Sure, it’s not terribly meaningful unto itself, but as you grow and develop as a person, you learn that there’s layers to it. Moods and feelings can be sussed out in small talk. Bigger questions and discussion can come from it, too. By excluding it, you’re essentially stripping the color way from a relationship in favor of black and white.

    And sometimes, there’s interpersonal relationships that don’t go beyond small talk…and that’s okay. I’ve got friends that I share interests with, but I’m not getting into deep philosophical discussions with them either. We have our shared interests and that’s sufficient.

    You’re looking min-max your life when realistically, that’s not how it works.

  24. RollTheDice94YaKnow Avatar

    Ehhh it’s gonna be a no for me lol. I’m more of an introvert, so I do a lot of “analyzing” through small talk, and that helps me determine if a person is basically worth my time or not. Imagine finding yourself knee deep in a “meaningful conversation” only to suddenly discover horrible lol

  25. ZeeepZoop Avatar

    Even with my absolute best friend who I have had extreme deep and meaningfuls with, we have conversations like ‘ it’s raining today. I got a new umbrella. What are you going to have for lunch?’

    This is still meaningful because it’s evidence of a shared experience of the world in a moment together, which can be just as valuable as ‘ I think my childhood really influenced my expectations for affection. What happens when we die?’

    Also, if the latter conversation is they style you have with everyone or everywhere, they are no longer ‘special’. There’s a difference between what you discuss walking to class, and drinking vodka with berry cordial in a mutual friend’s living room when everyone else has fallen asleep . Life has to be lived in multiple registers so you appreciate each one.

    Also through conversations about incidental stuff, you often learn something new and have opportunity for deeper connection than a contrived ‘let’s talk about something serious so we aren’t boring’. I love to know what people are reading, where they like to eat lunch, what they thought of that new movie etc. Then maybe you suggest you go have lunch there together sometime etc thus creating the foundation for deeper talks down the line

  26. chelseaspring Avatar

    I would rather spend two minutes in small talk with someone than be in an hour long conversation with them.

  27. Living_North_4231 Avatar

    I’m torn. I hate chatting about traffic and weather with the normies, but at the same time I think it’s a bad idea for people to distance themselves from others in an increasingly-lonely age of technology and personal social bubbles.

    This morning, my boomer co-worker got a phone call while we were carpooling in where his friend literally just asked him where he was, and they both spend a few minutes describing exactly which leg of which highway they were on, which direction they were going, and what the traffic was like. Made me want to vomit, but if that’s their idea of a conversation, then okay.

  28. yaboichurro11 Avatar

    You need the small talk in order to build a relationship with someone you don’t know at all.

    Do you jsut randomly start talking about your deepest secrets, aspirations and traumas to someone you don’t know well enough? People find that strange.

    If you don’t feel comfortable talking about those things so you just sit there in silence, people will think you are either a strange person or that you don’t care about building a relationship with them.

    Small talk is good. You need to get over whatever social anxiety or ineptitude you have.

  29. catchmycorn Avatar

    I nominate this post as the most reddit brained of the 2020s

  30. Procyon4 Avatar

    I actually think that’s the exact reason for small talk; it is a gateway into meaningful conversation. I don’t mean shit like “How about that crazy weather?”, but talking about the basics like hobbies and interests can lead to much deeper, personal conversation. I’ve started lots of small talk that has led into pretty crazy opportunities.

    Now I completely agree with you if all you do is small talk with no attempts to break out of it. That shit is soul sucking.

  31. Majestic-Salt7721 Avatar

    no small talk, no big talk -Kevin

  32. Ayeronxnv Avatar

    Sounds like a tism problem. Small talk is just an opener.

  33. Ok_Jump_4754 Avatar

    I hate small talk. Maybe it’s because I’m introverted, but it feels superficial like it’s scripted. I’m tired of talking about the weather and weekend plans. It feels forced just to full silent moments.

  34. MundaneMeringue71 Avatar

    I don’t mind small talk – if it about something other than weather or football. Unfortunately, where I live – that is the only two things most people want to talk about. I’d rather talk politics. Seriously.

  35. Desol_8 Avatar

    Who hurt you?

  36. kwink8 Avatar

    Are you an introvert? I’ve read a lot of explanations for why introverts dislike small talk and I think it makes sense. I’m pretty introverted and can tell a difference in how I engage with small talk depending on what other socializing I’ve had to do that day. I definitely notice myself getting irritated with it if my social battery is drained.

    https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-5-hacks-to-turn-small-talk-into-meaningful-conversation/

  37. oceanwtr Avatar

    I fear this is the dumbest fucking statement ive ever heard on this sub.

  38. leegcsilver Avatar

    Definitely an unpopular opinion but it’s pretty dumb so no upvote.

  39. rex72780 Avatar

    Depends on how you approach or initiate it. Don’t just randomly use it as an icebreaker out of nowhere. Follow the narrative, lean on it, the slide that sucker in. Took me years to figure that out cuz I used to be bad at conversations so don’t be shy! Experiment, and have fun with it. Don’t limit yourself to thinking you’re an introvert just because you’re bad at conversations, you might be in fact an outgoing person and you just didn’t know it. Anyway, /rant.

  40. bugsy42 Avatar

    What an cringey edgelord. lmao. Who did you discussed the meaning of life today?

  41. MaybeMaybeNot94 Avatar

    THIS 100 PERCENT

    Small talk absolutely destroys any interest in socializing.

  42. x3whatsup Avatar

    This is a super lame antisocial opinion lol. Upvote for being unpopular.. grow up lol

  43. robz9 Avatar

    A truly unpopular opinion.

    I feel people really don’t understand or know how to go from simply hello to more meaningful discussions.

  44. Imaginary_Dot_8953 Avatar

    I just want to be able to leave my apartment in the morning without my roommate trying to make small talk. I want to come home without her trying to make small talk. I don’t understand why people have to talk just to talk. If a little bit of silence before and after I work 8+ hours makes you uncomfortable that’s your problem

  45. WatchStoredInAss Avatar

    Research shows you’re completely wrong.

  46. GarbageBoyJr Avatar

    You must be one of those people that think they’re super deep and mysterious but everyone around you just thinks you’re a total weirdo

  47. TheSupremePixieStick Avatar

    Small talk is how you start to create connection with another person.

  48. GreatPlainsAquarist Avatar

    It’s the seed to frost conversation.

  49. seven_unickorns Avatar

    I’m convinced that anyone who holds this opinion has zero social intelligence and thinks it’s perfectly fine to trauma dump someone they met minutes ago and then wonder why they have no friends.

  50. warmsmile8971 Avatar

    Jumping straight into deep topics will just be interpreted as trauma dumping.

  51. TaliskerBay22 Avatar

    People lately drive this unpopular opinion subreddit hard.

  52. Stevieflyineasy Avatar

    Without small talk how would you have big talk 

  53. here-to-help-TX Avatar

    I think you have to start with small talk to understand people’s interests. It could be that you don’t have a lot in common or anything to discuss and it ends there. Maybe you find you do have common interest as well and something meaningful to talk about. But you just can’t start with this stuff with someone you don’t know much about.

  54. maybebaebea Avatar

    I’m not going to talk to my clients at work about their trauma and greatest fears while checking them out. That’s just weird.

  55. Vapid_Realist Avatar

    This is typically a sign you have ADHD. We scenario the way things will play out so much that after so many “small talk” scenarios its a meaningless and pointless to us. Its the same regergitated contentless crap over and over.

  56. Sawgirl Avatar

    So how are you ever going to meet anyone?

  57. PSFREAK33 Avatar

    I back this…it’s not that I can’t do it or im uncomfortable. It’s just fucking filler words that neither party gets much out of. Everyone in the comments saying you need to be more comfortable with socializing and I say that you need to be more comfortable with pauses and silences. Nothing wrong with it.

  58. Jack_of_no_trades__ Avatar

    It’s meant to act as a segway to more meaningful convo

  59. TotallyKyleXY Avatar

    I just wanna know how my wife’s day was dude holy shit

  60. Tagin42 Avatar

    I definitely agree when it comes to strangers. But not just small talk. I have no interest in any conversation with casual strangers.

  61. NordicNugz Avatar

    I feel like people who dont like small talk dont actually have very good communication skills, and dont understand the place or value of small talk.

  62. Complete_Aerie_6908 Avatar

    I can see how an introvert feels this way. I’m an extrovert and I lick it just fine. I’m the one you would hate to sit next to in an airplane.

  63. majesticSkyZombie Avatar

    This, especially with people who are close to you. I get that many people don’t want to talk about their deepest thoughts with total strangers, and small talk can help break the ice. My problem is that many  conversations between family and close friends are nothing but small talk. And then when you try to do something deeper, they use small talk as a cop-out. Real social connection needs more than just small talk.

  64. Something-2-Say Avatar

    Redditors when another human being tries to have a conversation with them.

  65. No-Perspective3453 Avatar

    As long as it’s more meaningful than some bullshit about the weather, it’s not terrible😂

  66. BenitoUzumaki Avatar

    Tomorrow at my job i’m gonna ask to the 60 years old tourist if they ever wonder about death and afterlife