AITA for looking up my friends wedding dress?

r/

I have a coworker, Tasha, that is a very close friend of mine. We were put on the same team together a few years ago and we’ve grown very close. I consider her one of my best friends. When her and her now fiancé were talking my about getting engaged, she took me ring shopping with her to try and find something that she liked because she had a very specific style in mind. Needless to say I was thrilled for her when she actually got engaged a few months later.

Her and her finance are very low key, they don’t want a traditional wedding/ceremony. They’re getting dressed up, going to the courthouse, and spending the money they would’ve used on a wedding to travel on their honeymoon. Along the way she’s asked for suggestions about where to honeymoon, what kind of accessories to wear when she gets married, etc. but early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.

Fast forward and we’re sitting in a team meeting and she mentions that she’s going to get her dress altered. Some of the team members ask for details about it, for the most part she answers semi-vaguely with some details. However she does mention that it wasn’t a true “bridal gown”, because it didn’t come from a bridal shop. The dress is listed online from a non-bridal clothing website and with a very bridal themed name. She tells everyone in the room the name of the dress, which surprised me because I thought she was keeping the dress a secret. I figured if she told everyone the name of the dress maybe she just didn’t want anyone to see pictures of her in the dress before she gets married. So I google the dress, see it, and put my phone back down. The day goes on, and hours later I text her privately something along the lines of “I saw the dress you’re getting. It’s so you and perfect.” After I tell her that, she asks me to confirm that I looked up her wedding dress, and I said yes, but I didn’t show anyone. Now, Tasha has told me that she’s annoyed that I looked it up when she didn’t want anyone to see it. I told her I’m sorry, I didn’t realize she was still keeping it a secret and that I will keep it to myself. She last responded with that she understands I didn’t mean any harm but she was going to need some time.

I’m so gutted. I didn’t think anything about looking it up, she told the name to a group of people she’s it as close with so I didn’t think she would really mind if anyone saw it. I feel horrible, we are so close I hate to think that I’m taking something special away from her big day. I truly meant no harm and I tried to make that apparent. It’s been some time now and I’m still going back and forth in my head with guilt. Am I the asshole?

Comments

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    Backup of the post’s body: I have a coworker, Tasha, that is a very close friend of mine. We were put on the same team together a few years ago and we’ve grown very close. I consider her one of my best friends. When her and her now fiancé were talking my about getting engaged, she took me ring shopping with her to try and find something that she liked because she had a very specific style in mind. Needless to say I was thrilled for her when she actually got engaged a few months later.

    Her and her finance are very low key, they don’t want a traditional wedding/ceremony. They’re getting dressed up, going to the courthouse, and spending the money they would’ve used on a wedding to travel on their honeymoon. Along the way she’s asked for suggestions about where to honeymoon, what kind of accessories to wear when she gets married, etc. but early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.

    Fast forward and we’re sitting in a team meeting and she mentions that she’s going to get her dress altered. Some of the team members ask for details about it, for the most part she answers semi-vaguely with some details. However she does mention that it wasn’t a true “bridal gown”, because it didn’t come from a bridal shop. The dress is listed online from a non-bridal clothing website and with a very bridal themed name. She tells everyone in the room the name of the dress, which surprised me because I thought she was keeping the dress a secret. I figured if she told everyone the name of the dress maybe she just didn’t want anyone to see pictures of her in the dress before she gets married. So I google the dress, see it, and put my phone back down. The day goes on, and hours later I text her privately something along the lines of “I saw the dress you’re getting. It’s so you and perfect.” After I tell her that, she asks me to confirm that I looked up her wedding dress, and I said yes, but I didn’t show anyone. Now, Tasha has told me that she’s annoyed that I looked it up when she didn’t want anyone to see it. I told her I’m sorry, I didn’t realize she was still keeping it a secret and that I will keep it to myself. She last responded with that she understands I didn’t mean any harm but she was going to need some time.

    I’m so gutted. I didn’t think anything about looking it up, she told the name to a group of people she’s it as close with so I didn’t think she would really mind if anyone saw it. I feel horrible, we are so close I hate to think that I’m taking something special away from her big day. I truly meant no harm and I tried to make that apparent. It’s been some time now and I’m still going back and forth in my head with guilt. Am I the asshole?

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  3. Gain-Outrageous Avatar

    NTA. That’s just weird. She told you the name of the dress and where it came from. If she doesn’t want people looking it up she could have just…not done that.

  4. Sadielady11 Avatar

    Tasha is a weirdo don’t sweat it.

  5. judgingA-holes Avatar

    NTA – I would have thought the same thing you did. Why tell the name of the dress if you didn’t want anyone looking it up, it’s a detail she should have left out of the convo if she wanted to keep it so secret.

  6. AriDiamondGold Avatar

    You should or have told her you saw the dress

  7. Major_Zucchini5315 Avatar

    I thought she meant literally looking UP her dress!!

  8. folpetta Avatar

    I can understand that saying the name of the dress to multiple people can be intended as a permission to look it up but if it had been my best friend, knowing that she previously wanted to keep it secret I would have asked her first, normally best friends talk with each other. NTA, you didn’t do anything awful, every co worker could look up the dress, but it’s the thing that you say you’re best friends so at least a doubt should have occurred to you and you should have asked before looking.
    That doesn’t mean that she has to be upset and she shouldn’t be too angry about that, I think she’s a bit disappointed from you as friend

  9. SoNoAppropriate Avatar

    Your friend is an attention seeking drama queen

  10. Fun-Yellow-6576 Avatar

    NTA and don’t give it another thought. If she didn’t want anyone to know what she was wearing she shouldn’t have been talking about it let alone mention the name of the dress. You’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t apologize again.

  11. lsp2005 Avatar

    NTA. If you don’t want people to look up the name of your dress, don’t name drop the manufacturer and dress information. 

  12. Jolly_Security_4771 Avatar

    NTA. I would have looked it up too. It’s a wedding dress, not nuclear codes. Your friend needs to get over herself.

    Maybe next time, just look it up and not say anything. But I don’t think you did anything wrong.

  13. Time-Improvement6653 Avatar

    So she also has beef with the company that makes the dress for posting it online for everyone to see? 🙄💩😅 NTA

  14. VFTM Avatar

    She’s terrible at keeping secrets, but somehow wants to blame you for this

  15. Rare-Progress5009 Avatar

    YTA.

    YOU knew she wanted to keep the dress secret. Her sharing the “name” of the dress to random coworkers is essentially meaningless information. They weren’t going to act on it. YOU on the other hand, not only looked up the dress but then essentially rubbed it in her face that you did so.

  16. Sardinesarethebest Avatar

    Nta. If she wants it to be secret dont tell people what it is. Lololol

  17. ImmunocompromisedAle Avatar

    I mean, if you’re a a nosey Nancy that’s fine but don’t snitch on yourself.

  18. wamimsauthor Avatar

    NTA. She seems like the type of person who keeps saying her birthday is coming but gets annoyed when someone wishes her happy birthday. Lol

  19. Organic-Willow2835 Avatar

    NTA. What did she think would happen? She gave you all the name of her dress and the place she bought it. Just let it go. This is a her problem, not a you problem.

  20. marlada Avatar

    I definitely would have looked for the dress online but I wouldn’t have c told her about it. However if she didn’t want anyone to see the dress, she should have kept it’s identifying name to herself. You were just curious, not meaningcany harm.

  21. Fallout4Addict Avatar

    She literally told you she didn’t want anyone seeing the dress. You went and looked it up anyway and then told her you saw it. YTA

    Just because she slipped up and said the name of the dress doesn’t mean she was then giving the okay to go against what she asked.

  22. Emotional_Bonus_934 Avatar

    Tasha is ridiculous. She can’t both tell people the name of the dress and company and not expect anyone to look it up

  23. zero_dr00l Avatar

    If she wanted it to be a secret, I feel like she shouldn’t have told everyone exactly what it was.

    What a total fucking nutjob.

  24. Hey-Just-Saying Avatar

    YTA. “Early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.” So you knew and you looked it up anyway. But then you even told her you saw it. What did you think was going to happen?

  25. TheMau Avatar

    “Going to need some time”.

    Give me a fucking break 🙄

  26. Mountain-Bat-9808 Avatar

    When she mentioned it in a meeting she wanted people to look it up online so they could comment on it. Throw her to the wind

  27. oy-cunt- Avatar

    She’s gatekeeping a dress for no reason. Was she going to prance into work and surprise everyone?

    NTA

    Your “friend” is being a cunt.

  28. Designer_Voice99 Avatar

    You’re a big AH why would you tell her that you saw her dress?