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Backup of the post’s body: My husband has been tested for ADHD, but he doesn’t have it. He has the kinds of problems that are associated with ADHD, however.
He says writing lists, making a schedule, setting alarms, etc, is physically painful for him and he’d rather just deal with ocassional emergencies rather than be proactive.
The specific problem;
He often forgets to push the shower diverter valve down. You know, the little rod on the tub faucet that you push down to make water fill the tub, and pull up to make the water come out of the shower?
For nearly twenty. fucking. years. I have been asking him to push that down. Since I was literally a teenager, I have been asking him to push that fucking thing down.
At least twice a month I have a VERY unpleasant wakeup/cold shower, because I turn the water on, and I get a cold spray from the shower. And every fucking time he’s apologetic, and then a week or two later, it happens again.
He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again. He is always telling me that he’s working on it, and hasn’t he been better about it lately? But somehow he’s always working on it, always improving, but it never fucking stops.
Today I had just fucking had it. I stepped into the shower, turned it on, and had a very cold and rude awakening. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore, I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches with cold water, and walked out to where he was standing naked (he had just taken off his pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.)
Without warning, while he was looking down, I held that plastic cup firmly in my hand, and grasping it tightly, I jerked that motherfucker in a 45 degree angle to get that cold water all over his torso and face.
I told him that his apologies were worth the paper they were written on, and I was tired of listening to him congragulate himself for “getting better” when I had been asking for twenty fucking years to stop doing this shit. I told him I don’t accept his apologies, and the fact that it’s an accident does not excuse it. I told him that from now on, every time I’m taking a cold shower, so is he. That I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home any longer, and if he refuses to make changes to treat me better, I will instead make changes to treat him worse, because I will not tolerate this any longer.
I’m going to continue to surprise throw a cold cup of water on him every time I get a surprise cold shower. I’m tired of fucking *asking/begging for basic fucking respect and not getting it, with the implication that I have to fucking put up with this forever. So reddit, I know I’m probably an asshole… but am I a justified asshole?
*Edited to add the forgotten words asking/begging
*Edit to answer the questions everyone is asking;
Q: Why don’t I just check myself/why do I expect him to leave it the way I want it left?
A:I don’t expect him to leave it the way I want; what I expect is for him to leave things the way he found them. When he walks into the bathroom, it’s pushed down. That’s how I leave it. So he doesn’t get blasted with cold water. But he doesn’t leave things the way he found them. Instead, he often leaves the last 10 or 20 percent of a task for me to clean up for him.
Q: Why don’t I leave it the way I found it? Why don’t you leave it up if he leaves it up?
A: If I left things the way I found them, I would live in a sty. I would also spend a great deal of energy making things messier, as I would literally be cleaning up to make space for myself, and then UNDOING that work to put things back as a mess.
As someone who has a spouse with irritating habits … (and I know i have my own barnyard of annoying habits too)
What the fuck??
She hasn’t learned to check before turning on the shower in over 20 years ????? Don’t know about anyone else but first shower of the day will be cold until water makes it up from my hot water tank so… wtf???
She decides throwing cold water on her husband is going to break the practice of DECADES????
Way to take this situation nuclear.
I have a feeling that this might be the tip of either a marital or mental health iceberg that needs to be dealt with in a more calm and productive manner
What kind of freak gets in the shower and then turns it on?????? Isn’t the normal thing to do turn it on, let it warm up, AND THEN get in the shower??????? She’s setting herself up for failure
Dang, I sure woukdnt have padted this. It lays out how weird and dysfunctional her marriage is. She also needs to stand outside the tub, turn the water on, adjust it and then get in.
Wow, I can’t believe all the comments here calling the wife a cunt.
Her husband, for twenty years, spends his life without one considerate thought for her.
I’m gonna cycle back to “It isn’t about the yogurt” or in this case, the shower tap.
It’s about him taking care of himself and leaving her to dry (or wet and cold).
Focusing on what she can do to adjust this is certainly a take. And of course, we can all be more cognizant of our surroundings and take steps to mitigate our own discomfort. But the question here isn’t what she’s doing, it’s what HE’S doing.
I don’t know if any of you shower regularly, but leaving the tap on afterwards is an actual choice. He reaches to shut off the water and the lever is RIGHT. THERE. It’s not an extra step, it’s PART of the step to end and exit the shower.
I don’t believe for a second that it’s not intentional. It’s a half second moment that he chooses to forgo for his own comfort. How many other choices does he make in that same vein? How many times does he leave the freezer open because he can’t give it a slight push to ensure it’s closed? Or come back to his wife with a snack for him but not her? How many times does he choose himself?
I’m siding with the wife here. And to be honest, I’d make it a full cup not a couple inches.
Comments
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get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
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Backup of the post’s body: My husband has been tested for ADHD, but he doesn’t have it. He has the kinds of problems that are associated with ADHD, however.
He says writing lists, making a schedule, setting alarms, etc, is physically painful for him and he’d rather just deal with ocassional emergencies rather than be proactive.
The specific problem;
He often forgets to push the shower diverter valve down. You know, the little rod on the tub faucet that you push down to make water fill the tub, and pull up to make the water come out of the shower?
For nearly twenty. fucking. years. I have been asking him to push that down. Since I was literally a teenager, I have been asking him to push that fucking thing down.
At least twice a month I have a VERY unpleasant wakeup/cold shower, because I turn the water on, and I get a cold spray from the shower. And every fucking time he’s apologetic, and then a week or two later, it happens again.
He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again. He is always telling me that he’s working on it, and hasn’t he been better about it lately? But somehow he’s always working on it, always improving, but it never fucking stops.
Today I had just fucking had it. I stepped into the shower, turned it on, and had a very cold and rude awakening. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore, I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches with cold water, and walked out to where he was standing naked (he had just taken off his pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.)
Without warning, while he was looking down, I held that plastic cup firmly in my hand, and grasping it tightly, I jerked that motherfucker in a 45 degree angle to get that cold water all over his torso and face.
I told him that his apologies were worth the paper they were written on, and I was tired of listening to him congragulate himself for “getting better” when I had been asking for twenty fucking years to stop doing this shit. I told him I don’t accept his apologies, and the fact that it’s an accident does not excuse it. I told him that from now on, every time I’m taking a cold shower, so is he. That I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home any longer, and if he refuses to make changes to treat me better, I will instead make changes to treat him worse, because I will not tolerate this any longer.
I’m going to continue to surprise throw a cold cup of water on him every time I get a surprise cold shower. I’m tired of fucking *asking/begging for basic fucking respect and not getting it, with the implication that I have to fucking put up with this forever. So reddit, I know I’m probably an asshole… but am I a justified asshole?
*Edited to add the forgotten words asking/begging
*Edit to answer the questions everyone is asking;
Q: Why don’t I just check myself/why do I expect him to leave it the way I want it left?
A:I don’t expect him to leave it the way I want; what I expect is for him to leave things the way he found them. When he walks into the bathroom, it’s pushed down. That’s how I leave it. So he doesn’t get blasted with cold water. But he doesn’t leave things the way he found them. Instead, he often leaves the last 10 or 20 percent of a task for me to clean up for him.
Q: Why don’t I leave it the way I found it? Why don’t you leave it up if he leaves it up?
A: If I left things the way I found them, I would live in a sty. I would also spend a great deal of energy making things messier, as I would literally be cleaning up to make space for myself, and then UNDOING that work to put things back as a mess.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
As someone who has a spouse with irritating habits … (and I know i have my own barnyard of annoying habits too)
What the fuck??
She hasn’t learned to check before turning on the shower in over 20 years ????? Don’t know about anyone else but first shower of the day will be cold until water makes it up from my hot water tank so… wtf???
She decides throwing cold water on her husband is going to break the practice of DECADES????
Way to take this situation nuclear.
I have a feeling that this might be the tip of either a marital or mental health iceberg that needs to be dealt with in a more calm and productive manner
OOP is an AH here
Wow see you next Tuesday
So after 20 years she hasn’t left him and also hasn’t figured out how to check for herself before turning the water on? Those 2 deserve each other.
Why not just flush the toilet while he’s showering?
What kind of freak gets in the shower and then turns it on?????? Isn’t the normal thing to do turn it on, let it warm up, AND THEN get in the shower??????? She’s setting herself up for failure
Dang, I sure woukdnt have padted this. It lays out how weird and dysfunctional her marriage is. She also needs to stand outside the tub, turn the water on, adjust it and then get in.
Wow, I can’t believe all the comments here calling the wife a cunt.
Her husband, for twenty years, spends his life without one considerate thought for her.
I’m gonna cycle back to “It isn’t about the yogurt” or in this case, the shower tap.
It’s about him taking care of himself and leaving her to dry (or wet and cold).
Focusing on what she can do to adjust this is certainly a take. And of course, we can all be more cognizant of our surroundings and take steps to mitigate our own discomfort. But the question here isn’t what she’s doing, it’s what HE’S doing.
I don’t know if any of you shower regularly, but leaving the tap on afterwards is an actual choice. He reaches to shut off the water and the lever is RIGHT. THERE. It’s not an extra step, it’s PART of the step to end and exit the shower.
I don’t believe for a second that it’s not intentional. It’s a half second moment that he chooses to forgo for his own comfort. How many other choices does he make in that same vein? How many times does he leave the freezer open because he can’t give it a slight push to ensure it’s closed? Or come back to his wife with a snack for him but not her? How many times does he choose himself?
I’m siding with the wife here. And to be honest, I’d make it a full cup not a couple inches.