I got married in 2023 and I am still upset about what my MIL and aunt-in-law wore to my wedding. Let me preface by saying we had a “micro-wedding”. 30 or so guests (all immediate family), in my grandparents backyard, very low budget but perfect for my husband and I. I wasn’t a bridezilla by any means. I had no dress code but come on… no white is common sense, right? MIL wore a blue striped dress with an entirely white, long cardigan. Aunt-in-law wore a mostly white dress with blue flowers at the bottom and a blue, long cardigan. Anyways, my husband thinks that I’m overreacting and that he’s sure they just didn’t even consider the fact that they were wearing white. He thinks I should forget about it, but I can’t help but add this to the list of reasons I don’t like my in-laws. AITA for being upset?
Edit- okay, I see I’m the AH. To be fair- my wedding is the first and only wedding I’ve ever been to. I was under the impression that any white was inappropriate, but now I’m seeing that it’s more so when they’re trying to upstage the bride. I don’t think they were trying to upstage me, but part of me feels that it was a bit weird. This isn’t something that occupies my mind- only something that annoys me when I look back on wedding photos which results in me telling my husband and him telling me to let it go. A lot of comments said it seems I don’t like my in laws which is true. There’s a laundry list of reasons that I won’t get into. I’ve posted photos of my in laws outfits on my profile if anyone is interested in actually seeing them.
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body: I got married in 2023 and I am still upset about what my MIL and aunt-in-law wore to my wedding. Let me preface by saying we had a “micro-wedding”. 30 or so guests (all immediate family), in my grandparents backyard, very low budget but perfect for my husband and I. I wasn’t a bridezilla by any means. I had no dress code but come on… no white is common sense, right? MIL wore a blue striped dress with an entirely white, long cardigan. Aunt-in-law wore a mostly white dress with blue flowers at the bottom and a blue, long cardigan. Anyways, my husband thinks that I’m overreacting and that he’s sure they just didn’t even consider the fact that they were wearing white. He thinks I should forget about it, but I can’t help but add this to the list of reasons I don’t like my in-laws. AITA for being upset?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You’re NTA for sure, but it also sounds like your MIL and Aunt wanted to match each other, and there was a lot of blue to both outfits. I think holding on to that anger for 2 years is definitely a bit much if you haven’t talked to either of them about it. I’m probably wrong, but this sounds like being bitter for the sake of being bitter, not being an asshole.
Not enough info. If it was in 2023 why is this coming up now? Did you already have issues with them before hand? Do you think they wore white maliciously or where they just bring ignorant?
Yes, you are the AH for not letting this go. Let’s say their motives were malign and they were trying to upstage you, which is only your assumption. You are allowing your anger to put your husband in a very difficult position between his wife and family of origin. Is this really the way you want to start your marriage?
Honestly, your day still shines regardless. Clothes don’t change the love and vibes you two created 💯
YTA. Not only was it almost 2 years ago, a white cardigan is not a white dress. No one thought she was the bride in a white cardigan
I’ve been married twice. The first time 42 yrs ago. The second was 35 years ago. The point is that I don’t remember what anyone wore other than myself, my husband and the matron of honor. In the long run it’s just not a big deal.
So they were matchy matchy in blue and white and you’re still upset 2 years later? Seriously? YTA.
YTA. So no white cardigans allowed. Does that mean no white purses, no white shoes? So ridiculous, IMO. I’m sure nobody confused the two middle aged women for the bride. Get over it.
I mean, you’re really only being an AH to yourself by holding a grudge for this, but I don’t think “no white at a wedding” really means “no white whatsoever” in the way you do, and I think the more casual the wedding is, the more relaxed the rule is.
Most “MIL wore white” horror stories involve MIL wearing a white formal dress–thus, it could pass for a bridal gown. A cardigan over a blue dress just isn’t the same. Both women clearly felt they were dressing in blue and white outfits, not white.
There was no dress code, but you’re mad they didn’t follow a dress code?
It was a backyard wedding and no one wore bridal white, meaning white from head to toe.
That’s an overreaction. There’s no way those two were trying to steal your thunder at a micro wedding. Get out of your head on that one.
To be fair, in reality, this is not what a wedding is about. You two are coming together is what matters and not the party afterwards. What people wore is a drop in the bucket of a lifetime of experience. Stop focusing on the trivial events and focus on the life you are building with your spouse.
YTA and worse.
2 years ago and you’re still upset about this? Give it a rest.
Yta
Any chance of a pic of them in their outfits ?
YTA
You should let that go. Sounds like they did a blue and white match.
It was a back yard wedding. It sounds like they were wearing blue and white not a wedding gown.
You are being ridiculous. Get therapy.
YTA. You’re still mad about this 2 years later? That’s wild. Do you always hang on to petty shit?
ESH- but you far more.
Unless you’re leaving out a lot of reasons to believe it was calculated or malicious, it sounds like they just dressed for a festive family gathering and didn’t really think it through. Even then, they didn’t really commit a social sin to the degree you think.
The solid white cardigan was questionable judgment but otherwise, both women wore blue and white- despite the current pearl clutching about the issue, the idea has always been not to wear ALL white or anything that could be mistaken for a bridal outfit.
…and more importantly, you are making yourself look quite small and sulky by letting their faux pas loom so large in your memories of your wedding ….if some of the best pictures are marred for you by their outfits, get someone to work some digital magic to turn that white cardigan blue and the white stripes a darker or lighter shade of blue.
(And someone help me out- is 30 people really a micro-wedding? That seems to me to fall into the “intimate wedding” bracket)
Edit- typo and missing word.
Two years? Resentment is a poison you drink hoping someone else will die. Time to get the fuck over it…
Your husband is right. Two years is too long to hold a grudge. And besides, the two ladies did not wear all white. They wore blue and white. And how can two older women outshine the bride. Please relax and let this go…
Honestly it sounds as if you already didn’t like them and finding to to nitpick about. I am only being honest as to how it sounds to me.
All over itchy is a symptom of meno. However, it could be so many other things. I would absolutely advise you to visit an allergist first though. Rule out everything else before you move to meno specialist.
A white cardigan is not a white wedding dress. Get over it.
You’re only going to torture yourself over this. At the end of the day be content that they came dressed nicely and not in something entirely inappropriate like jorts or a club dress.
At my wedding, one female guest showed up to the reception in a chalk white body con dress and I just ate it lol. It looked poorly on her, not me, and my dress was incredible so there was really no loss.
Honestly, no one is mistaking a woman in a cardigan for a bride. Plus they weren’t wearing pure white.
I think you don’t like these women for other reasons and you’re choosing to read into these outfits for that reason.
Holding on to this grudge is only doing yourself a disservice.
You need to move on. They didn’t show up in anything that was remotely bridal.
It’s been over a few years ago, just let it go.
You will feel so much better when you are able to let this perceived slight go. It’s ruining your memory of what should have been a special day-don’t let that happen!
Do what some redditor did. Have your photographer edit the pics, so that both of their dresses are a color of your choice.
Might be time to put it behind you. You can’t change the past so do yourself a favor and move on.
Two older women wearing blue and white is not in any way something to be upset about for even one minute, much less two years. I’m guessing that you have more issues with them than just what they wore to your backyard wedding. I think it might be good for you to talk to someone to sort out what’s really going on here.
You’re overreacting and being unreasonable. It sounds like you already don’t like them and are looking for more reasons to justify how you feel. For you to say it’s common sense not to wear white, but then include that they didn’t wear all white and there was no dress code, is weird. You’re reaching
You’re wasting energy on a total nothing burger. YTA.
Omfg. Did either of them wear a solid white dress? Doesn’t sound remotely like that was the case. Get over yourself.
It doesn’t sound like either lady looked remotely bridal, which is what that “rule” is about. It means “don’t come to a wedding dressed like the bride, or in an outfit designed to upstage the bride.” I don’t think that a white cardigan, a dress that has some white in it, a white purse, or white shoes violates the rule (nor does a young child dressed in white).
Get a grip! You obviously don’t have any real problems if you’re still obsessed over it two years later, and/or you want to have something to hold against these ladies.
Honestly OP, let it go. There’s nothing to be gained by holding a grudge
YTA. Sounds to me like you’re looking for an excuse to be upset with your ILs. Why?
YTA
They weren’t “wearing white.”
They were wearing a blue dress with a white cardigan and a floral dress with a white background.
For the sake of your husband, please grow up.
YTA and absolutely overreacting
What is your goal? What is the outcome you hope to achieve by expressing your feelings of upset?
Yes, you are the ah. It’s as simple as that.
Let it go already. Yes, YTA.
YTA. I can’t see anything at all wrong with what they wore.
Were either one of them mistaken for the bride? Did they look nicer than/outshine you?
Yes, YTA. What they wore clearly didn’t make them look like they could be the bride or distract from the bride. You’re making a big deal out of nothing and should move on with your life.
I feel sorry for your husband, he must chew through packets of headache pills!
YTA. Simple as that.
Backyard wedding with no dress code rules, none enforced, an event that took place 2 years ago, and you’re still miffed about it?
WHY???
In laws weren’t wearing solid white. It was, white + blue + floral print and wearing a cardigan — not a solid white formal dress.
Instead of moving on, you choose to focus on something so trivial and use that as an excuse to hold a grudge for two years and ongoing.
If you’re this petty and shallow, I’d be surprised if your marriage lasts another 2 years.
Let it go and move on.
It was in 2023 let it go.
I’ll never understand why women feel the need to grab attention like that. It’s embarrassing and cringey.. give the bride 1 damn day before you try to ruin her happiness. NTA
I’m going to go against the comments. For all that say it’s a backyard wedding and dismissing you….It was still your wedding!! And I’m pretty sure that it’s common fucking sense that only the bride wears white. To me this seams like a passive aggressive move. Have these women been kind to you since then? If yes, then let it go and maybe they are truly clueless. If not, then you should have a talk with your husband about your feelings.
You sound like a child. They didn’t wear white, or could even be mistaken as the bride. Do yourself a favor and let it be, you’ll ruin your marriage. YTA
The only people I remember what they wore to my wedding were my bridesmaids because I picked their dress and made sure it was a cost-effective choice.
Your husband is naive.
Is this ridiculous thinking how he approaches every awful thing his mother and aunt do?
YTA- a print dress is not white. Give me a break. While you’re at it give them a break too. You sound exhausting.
Omg get over yourself.. it was 2 years ago. Let go of anger that is not serving you. Did anyone confused them with them being the bride? I don’t think so. Just let go of this stupid grudge, you are nor right
YTA, this is nothing to get upset about and definitely nothing to hold against them for years.
How long do you want your marriage to last?
Do you want to be happy in your marriage?
This has already happened. You cannot go back and undo it.
You are going to let this eat you up when they then win and they weren’t trying to win anything.
You may not like your in-laws, but let them live in your head, rent free, it’s hurting you and no one else. Well, your marriage.
NTA, it’s common knowledge to not wear white to a wedding. They did it on purpose. Of course your husband wants you to forget about it. It’s his family that disrespected you. Don’t expect much from a man that doesn’t have your back when his mother disrespects you on your wedding day. Just wait until you get pregnant. Your husband will really show you how much you mean to him vs his mother and his family. Good luck.
Is this just a pin in the pile of things they have done over time? If so I can understand but I would breathe and let it go. It’s colouring your relationship with your husband, and is it worth that to you? If you have fish to fry but it’s one more thing they did let it go because you have other concerns that are on going not a one off event.
Just because a print dress has white it doesn’t mean they wore WHITE to your wedding! The whole white issue has been one totally corrupted. It relates to the idiots who wear all-white wedding gowns or wedding gown-like dresses. That, and only that, should cause an issue at a wedding not someone who wore an outfit that contains white!
Well past time for you to get over this. I personally don’t think they did anything wrong. Even if you had stated no white, what you described that they wore don’t sound inappropriate. White used to be the color for virgins to wear on their wedding day but these days how many are truly virgins. If you were married before, even if the marriage ended thru death you were supposed to wear ivory instead of pure white.
Early in the 20th century it was very common for brides to wear a pale lavender dress.
Do yourself a favor and let go. It sounds like this is just one of the reasons you don’t care for your in-laws. It’s going to be a long life and potential lilies with your husband over family stuff. Marriage is challenging enough than to hang on to some hurt over wedding attire from two years ago at a very small, intimate wedding.
Let it go. I’m sure they meant no disrespect but your resentment will grow a bitter root in you and poison your relationship with them even further.
YTA
YTA. They didn’t where white dresses for godsake, they wore dresses with white IN them. This is ridiculous.
So you’ll pulling at straws in order to keep adding to this list of why you don’t like your in laws? You can just not like them for no reason instead of whatever this is…
So, they dressed for a summer garden party. That sounds delightful! Exactly what I’d expect for a garden wedding. I’ll bet they didn’t intend to offend. That is, unless you have a history of overreacting and looking for reasons to be offended.
If you hadn’t read stories of bridezillas being offended by guests wearing dresses that were partially white, would you have thought you should be offended? MIL hasnt read those stories, so she doesn’t know modern brides are offended by partially white dresses. It’s a 2020’s trend. Before that, no one took offense at guests in partially white dresses.
Let me put this in a way you’ll understand it: MIL isn’t smart enough to know her outfit would offend you. Think about it. You know it’s true.
No, get over yourself and apologize to your husband.
Your in-laws are living rent-free in your head. Enjoy your present life and also focus on your future, not a past that can not be changed.
In the words of Elsa, “let it go, let it goooooo.”
NTA for being upset then. YTA for continuing to let this fester. How do these in-laws treat you? If this is some kind of pattern, maybe talk to your husband about it. If this was a one-off, and you are still upset, get some therapy. It will do you good.
You need to find something else to tie your obsessive thoughts to.
NAH. You really should just forget about it. Did them wearing white take anything away from you as the bride? Did anyone else really notice or care? Why dwell on this?
Honestly, I once wore a long white cardigan to a wedding. I had no idea I was committing a faux pas. No one even told me to rethink it. I felt like an ass, but then again they only stayed married for a couple months… so…
FFS. The “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule means don’t wear a white/cream dress that looks bridal. It doesn’t mean that people can’t wear clothing that has any white on it. Get over it.
YTA you didn’t describe either dress as all white or bridal. White with another color is fine.
You had a small outdoor wedding, which to be honest I prefer, but they do tend to be more casual.
Let it go.
Sounds like you just want to be mad. YTA
They were wearing blue and white, not bridal white.
Updateme
It’s been 2 years.
Get over it and yourself already.
You desperately need to grow up.
I think you’re over reacting. White cardigan can in no way be mistaken for bride wear. And probably both dresses were fine too. Just because they had white on them? Come on? Time to let it go.
You say you had a “micro wedding,” 30 guests, all immediate family.
Not only were their outfits not inappropriate, but I’m pretty sure everyone attending knew exactly who the bride was. Everyone knew who MIL and your husband’s aunt was. What the hell is your beef?
There may be other stuff going on to cause you not like your in laws, but you’re adding this to your mound of dislikes for your husband’s family? Are they all inconsequential nothing-burgers, or do you seriously spend your life looking for ways to be offended?
Life is too damn long to waste it on petty grievances. You are going to wear yourself out, and eventually your husband, as well, holding grudges over this kind of trivial bs. Stop looking for insignificant things to be offended about. Your life will be more peaceful, and your marriage might actually last.
YTA…. a white cardigan, a blue cardigan? Really???
I don’t consider a white cardigan as breaking the rules. I’m about to wear an ivory cardigan over my sleeveless dress on Sat because it is going to be cool and rainy. I would look stupid wearing a black cardigan over a green floral dress.
Not an asshole but you need to get over this.
Those pieces of clothing wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact, unless somebody was wearing an actual wedding gown, I wouldn’t care if they wore white.
Let it go. There is nothing you can do to change the past. You are only harming yourself by allowing them to live rent free in your head.
I just don’t understand what’s wrong with other people wearing white
Most women know that only the bride is supposed to wear white to their wedding, they knew and did it because they wanted to feel special too.
If you’re determined to dislike someone, you’ll always find a way to do it. They could have worn dark green, and you’d make a comment about how it was close to black.
I’m not saying that your dislike is invalid, but this is a strange reason to pile on.
Life is too short. Let it go. Try and find common ground and things you appreciate about them.
I have a question that I want you to try to answer (to yourself) honestly: It seems like you don’t have a great relationship with your in-laws. And I’m sure there are legitimate reasons. But if you and she were very close, if she was a great MIL that always treated you with love and respect, how much would what she and her sister wore to your wedding actually bother you?
As others have said, she didn’t wear a white gown that could have passed as a wedding dress. It was a faux pas, but I’d guess it was more out of cluelessness than any malicious attempt to outshine you. There’s a saying—Holding a resentment is like punching yourself in the face and wanting the other person to feel it. If there are real issues to work out with her, maybe over time you’ll be able to work on your relationship. But this doesn’t seem worth the space in your head. Space that should be filled with great memories and feelings of love. Don’t tarnish that by hanging onto something that just isn’t worth even associating with that wonderful day.
Lol you are overreacting, no white means no full on white dresses that can be confused with the bride. Also it was 2 years ago, get over yourself.
No offense but YTA it was a backyard wedding, you said no dress code and they weren’t in gowns. sounds like they had dresses with patterns and then a long cardigan on top
I think people go overboard with the whole “is this dress too white” BS. Being pissed off TWO YEARS AFTER THE FACT over what somebody wore to some wedding is just looking for reasons to hate on your in-laws. Get over yourself and stop giving them just one more reason not to like you. For the love of all that is holy, let it go and btw a white sweater paired with a blue & white striped dress or a white dress with blue flowers is okay.
No one was mistaking those women for the bride. You mean you thought “don’t wear white” means not even any pattern containing white or any white accessories? I think you are misinformed and I’m a little embarrassed for you but you are being an AH. You have no reason to be upset imo.
You are overreacting.
No solid white or ivory is the only rule of proper etiquette. Anyone telling you otherwise is repeating made-up nonsense.
Both women were fine with their choices. Let it go.
My MIL wore a mostly white maxi dress with blue flowers to my wedding. Honestly, I was less upset about the white than the fact that she wore a summer garden party dress to a formal evening affair even after I had offered to go shopping with her, had sent her links to dresses she might like, and told her what my mom would be wearing (formal cultural dress). TBH I think her daughters did her dirty because she’s kind of oblivious and she said she would ask her daughters for help and… they’re not very helpful.
YTA. You’ve been holding on to this for two years? I bet neither one of them even still have those dresses. Let it go.
I’m actually thinking that your husband and marriage are not being what you thought or want, and this is your way of distracting.
After this long yes, YTA!!!
Ye, you are the AH. Get over it.
It’s that last line that shows the real issue:
> I can’t help but add this to the list of reasons I don’t like my in-laws
You don’t like your in-laws. Your reasons could be totally valid, but just from the framing of this post, it sort of reads as you’re looking for any reason to validate your dislike of the in-laws.
As a 2024 bride myself, I do think you’re overreacting. My SIL wore a short ivory lace dress to my wedding. Sure, I noticed but no one was going to mistake her for the bride and I know it wasn’t done with malice. The no white “rule” was created so everyone is able to distinguish the bride from the rest of the guests. Wearing any white at all isn’t off limits, and blue floral prints or white cardigans certainly aren’t going to confuse your guests. Do yourself a favor and let it go.
At this point, you’re just making yourself miserable. No white at á wedding doesn’t mean no white in any shape or form. You say you weren’t á bridezilla but really? A BLUE dress with white cardigan and white dress with blue flowers with blue cardigan is still upsetting you?
Get a grip. If you really wanted everyone to avoid white entirely on their outfits, you should have made that clear.
Yta
sorry, YTA.
YTA and frankly, you’re an idiot. Those dresses are beautiful and perfect for a wedding. They aren’t flashy or trying to upstage you. They aren’t wedding dresses trying to compete with you. They’re just nice dresses. You need to get over yourself and grow the F up.
Are you upset about men who wore a white dress shirt with their suit?