I am biologically male and I call myself a man, but I mostly identify that way because that’s what people call me and that’s how I get treated in the world.
I don’t have any innate sense of my own gender. I have mild body dysphoria at times (I often feel a bit weirded out by how big I am, physically), but nothing major that causes me any problems.
But if I try to identify anything internally that “feels” male, I can’t. I’m not a very stereotypical man, either, in terms of my behaviour or interests, but I’m also not predominantly ‘feminine’ in my interests and behaviour. I’d say it’s kind of 50/50.
I have male and female friends, but I often feel quite disconnected from other men and I generally prefer the company of women.
I’m interested to hear from men who have a strong, internal sense of their own “man-ness” or identity as a man, and to understand better what that might feel like. I understand that might be challenging to describe, though!
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/OrnamentalHerman’s post (if available):
I am biologically male and I call myself a man, but I mostly identify that way because that’s what people call me and that’s how I get treated in the world.
I don’t have any innate sense of my own gender. I have mild body dysphoria at times (I often feel a bit weirded out by how big I am, physically), but nothing major that causes me any problems.
But if I try to identify anything internally that “feels” male, I can’t. I’m not a very stereotypical man, either, in terms of my behaviour or interests, but I’m also not predominantly ‘feminine’ in my interests and behaviour. I’d say it’s kind of 50/50.
I have male and female friends, but I often feel quite disconnected from other men and I generally prefer the company of women.
I’m interested to hear from men who have a strong, internal sense of their own “man-ness” or identity as a man, and to understand better what that might feel like. I understand that might be challenging to describe, though!
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Eh. It just sounds like you aren’t very masculine, which is okay. I think for most, it’s just a deep seated sense of self confidence, determination, humility, and positive self image. You feel more aligned with dominant and protective roles, and find yourself naturally steering towards or filling those roles. It feels very secure in one’s self, and unapologetically so. It feels strong too.
I don’t know if this helped imagine it at all, I’ve never tried answering a question like this but doing my best to
For me it mostly manifests when I watch Indiana Jones. I see that guy and I’m like “hell yeah, be like that guy”.
Huh? 🫤 😕 🥴 🥴
Your post pretty much articulated my internal experience! I too look at all these men around me who seem so comfortable being “masculine” and wonder how that feels like, sometimes with a bit of envy.
I don’t have an innate sense of “being a man,” I have an innate sense of who I am. It’s not as if I go around thinking, “Oh, boy! I am a real man here! Look everyone! I’m a man!” I don’t feel anything like that. I just feel like the person that I am. I am very attracted to my beautiful wife and I enjoy having sex with her; and by all reports, she is also attracted to me and enjoys having sex with me. I don’t know if I feel masculine or feminine, I just feel like me. There are men who are way more macho than I am, and there are men who seem more effeminate, but none of that matters to me because the way other people are has very little to do with my own sense of self. I am simply me, nothing more, nothing less.
I have no idea what you mean. I’m just me.
I pretty much have the same experience as far as not being a stereotypical man in some of my interests and choice of friends, but I’ve never even thought to question it, I don’t know how to describe feeling like a man, I just am 😅 what sparked this question for you?
I guess the only thing I can say is that it just feels natural. I have never questioned the fact that I am a man or the body I am in. I’m not particularly tough or stereotypically male. But I see that as just my character rather than questioning my gender.
Not really an answer to your question, but this is something I struggle with as well. I dont really feel like anything on the inside. But I do know that I’d rather be a man than a woman. But if there was a world where it is possible to be assigned neutral at birth, I might have wanted that.
Do you laugh when you see people falling off bicycles? Yes? You’re a guy.
I don’t think “I’m a man” i think of myself as a person who does whatever he wants. I only use he/him pronouns because that is what i was trained to use. Masculinity varies throughout the centuries, so i rather than having an innate sense, i just accepted the fact that i am a man.
Also i too prefer the company of women over men
I own a penis therefore I am a man. The rest is bull shit.
Leaving this here because I like the philosophical nature of the question but I’m too tired to answer right now.
Nothing unmanly about preferring the company of women..
I’m a trans man and I feel more comfortable with my body after transitioning. It just feels correct this way, like it’s supposed to be. I don’t feel like there’s some sort of social stereotype I’m supposed to live up to, just the way my body feels and the way I move through society is better this way
I mean I get the strong urge to do traditional masculine activities. I want to stick my dick into random wet holes. I secretly believe I could survive alone in the woods( which is a lie). I have an overwhelming urge to solve problems for people.
“Stereotypical man” their it is right there, you don’t have to like sports and grills and blah blah blah to be a man, I’ve known men from many many backgrounds that all act very very differently. You don’t need an “innate sense of being a man” to be a man, you just are, for better or worse. Best thing you can do for yourself is to learn at the very least how to not care as much about how others are thinking about you.. “If theirs no enemy inside, the enemy outside can do us no harm”
To me there isn’t really an innate feeling.
I have a huge need to nurture but that doesn’t mean I feel like I am a woman, it’s a human quality.
We just have habits that are common among men that even women do.
I grew up in an environment where women were providers and men were also providing but more nurturing.
Even women were more abusive then the guys I have met in life. But that to me tells me that what feels man or woman is something we decide in our own heads as what is man or woman.
I do feel like I am a man by how I was raised and how I am treated.
But an innate feeling, to me there is only testosterone and that’s based on physical body needs.
What we like to equate feeling like a man by our personal accomplishments. Like getting buff, building shit, breaking shit, dumb stuff like that.
That all starts from a need to just do something.
So I guess now that I am talking about it, the innate feeling of a man is to do soemthing, anything physical or fix or make happen.
I would assume for a woman, would be to talk about what needs to be done, how and what could be. But even then I don’t fully believe that.
7:30 AM’s. The lion’s yawn.
I run on primal roar first that echoes through my apartment walls. 🦁☕
I literally never think about my gender unless prompted somehow. That’s how innate it is. It’s like breathing; it’s a constant for me, but not one that I even need to consciously think about.
I think innately it makes sense to me because of all the wars I’ve been through. I developed a condition called Hydrocephalus (water on the brain), a hole in my heart and multiple seizures in the incubator and I survived that. I grew up with learning difficulties, was bullied for the size of my head and was projected with poor grade outcomes-but I overcame all of that. I’ve been down and out and rallied back so many times and I’m an extremely caring and compassionate person who’s so strong and able to be himself.
I think that it has been a real struggle for me and everything I’ve been through, but I know that right now I feel like more of a man than I’ve ever been because I am able to be myself, and although women don’t really know about me, I know that I’d do everything I can do to be who they need if they need someone with a blazing inferno for a life force. I used to think I wasn’t good enough for women, but I think life is trying to say to me that there aren’t women good enough for me. I know the latter point sounds like arrogance, but when I’m as genuine, upfront, kind, caring and straight-up real as I am, then anybody less than that isn’t for me and my life informs me of this.
The inherent issue with gender is that there’s no objective answer to this. Historically, “man” = “dressing/acting masculine” = “being biologically male” and often = “being attracted to women”. All of these came in a package. There have always been people who deviated from this obviously, but we only recently are deciphering actual language for these nuances.
I’m a transgender man, meaning I was born biologically female. For me, I’m a man because I want my body to be male and culturally, someone with a male body = a man. I have been on testosterone for a decade, had surgery to remove my breasts, and blend in like any other guy. If I only wanted to dress masculinely, I would’ve stayed a butch-presenting woman. But when I tried that, it still felt awful because I hated the way my body looked. Really, all I cared about was being male physiologically, but I call myself a man becuase that’s how I’m treated by the world. Idk that I’d say I have an internal “man” feeling (bc what does that mean??), just a strong male feeling for my body.
Overall, I don’t think there’s a way to define what a “man” or “woman” is because they are categories defined by nothing besides stereotypes. Obviously biological sex is not so mutable, but “acting like a man”, (i.e. dressing in men’s clothing, liking beer, gait leading with your shoulders, being dominant, etc) has nothing to do with having a dick. It’s social.
Good luck figuring this out – i can relate, it’s a mess!
-Sincerely, a psychology of gender teacher who struggles with this topic every year lol
you’re overthinking this bro. just do you
Honestly, I have no idea how to answer this, because anything I can say is a “manly sense of being,” is something a woman can feel too. Like, it feels manly to hit a heavy deadlift pr, to protect and comfort your child or spouse, to defeat someone in a combat sporting event… but those same experiences and associated feelings can be had by a woman.
If you are really unable to shake the feeling that something isnt quite right, and being labeled as another gender is what would give you some peace, then by all means, make that change… but, if you’re not having any sort of real gender dysphoria and this is basically just wondering for the sake of wondering- I’d say dont overthink it for the sake of overthinking.
I’ve had this discussion with quite a few younger people, including my own niece.
I am mid to late 30’s. Never once in my life have I sat there wondering if I’m a man, woman or anything in between. Not even 1 second. What does it feel like to be a man? Who the fuck knows. What does it feel to be a woman? Who the fuck knows. I only know what it feels like to be me. I am me, that’s all that matters.
Why the fuck do primarily younger people concern themselves with “feeling” like something. Why do you NEED to label yourself something? Stop wasting your life/time confusing yourself trying to figure out what you “feel like” and just be YOU!
The definition of a “Man” will change between individuals.
The definition of a “Woman” will change between individuals.
Just be you.
I’ve always struggled with masculinity as well and felt I didn’t match up with what the stereotypical male role is. It can be hard but if you just focus on being a good human who cares what society thinks. Lift weights, crack open a beer, and build something then see how you feel lol
Funnily enough, it Sounds like you’re doing the most manly thing ever by being yourself and not conforming to whatever your local society says being a man should be.
A Man provides. A Man steps up. A man protects A Man works his ass off
Sounds like its time for u to MAN UP
It doesn’t feel like anything. I am what I am … if that makes sense.
Answer #1: “Why do you have to like…label everything maaaaaan? Why can’t you just like…BE? Why can’t everybody just be a non-binary free-floating fluid interstitial ambivalent blah blah blah?”
Answer #2: “You need to man up maaaaaan. Gender identity goes deeper than what you wear or what you do. It’s an innate sense of blah blah blah.”
Answer #3: “It’s the most manly thing of all to not conform to people’s gendered expectations! Please ignore the fact that I am still assigning certain behaviors as male!”
I don’t know what it would feel like to not feel male. It’s part of everything I do, really.
I can’t answer you because I have nothing to compare it to. A fish doesn’t know what it means to be wet. You need to find someone whose experienced both states.
>I am biologically male and I call myself a man
I think that’s all there is to it. I’ve never thought of any internal identification nor have I ever heard of any guy thinking that.
I feel like I still have the testosterone of a teenager and all I want to do is fight and fuck
I know I am a man because I am male. That’s really it. I don’t really have this feeling of manliness. There are moments where I feel masculine, and then there’s moments I feel feminine. When I do things that raise testosterone like heavy lifting and such, I feel masculine. If I’m walking down the beauty products isle or gossip with lady friends, I feel feminine.
I can’t really say for certain tho. All I know is most everyone is capable of feeling both masculine and feminine.
When I think about this, it’s responsibility, ownership of things you do, good or bad and a responsibility to protect people around you.
I don’t understand what you mean. Nothing inside me feels masculine or feminine I’m just me.
It’s pretty hetero male to prefer the company of women over men, imo. It feels mildly homo when a bunch of good ol’ boy types are hanging out all the time. That doesn’t mean I want to go shopping, tho.
I mean I look and act like a man. I’ve learnt how to be one from my dad. I want to fix and protect.
Full disclaimer: I don’t really have an ‘innate sense of being a man’ (at least, I don’t think I do?). I am telling this story because it’s about my perception of my own manhood. I presume most cis men don’t have this kind of experience (or hell, maybe it is common, who am I to speak for all cis men).
For the longest time (basically the first 2 decades of my life), I was very much like this too. I’ve always outwardly identified as a boy/man, but never really felt strongly about it on an internal level. I was generally more in agreement with the sentiment that ‘I am not a woman’ than ‘I am a man’. I had some body dysmorphia as a teenager, but as I lost weight, they lessened, and I started to like my body more and more (in fact, recently it’s gotten to the point where sometimes I can actually perceive myself as desirable, which is a huge improvement for me). The physically masculine features of my body have never bothered me, things such as my facial hair, androgene hair, the size of my body (I’m 6′ 0″, 190 pounds) have all been things I was very comfortable with (in fact, I’ve actually desired to have such masculine features since I was like 13~14, though it didn’t have anything to do with the ‘masculinity’ of those features, I just wanted to have them), and being called a boy/man has never bothered me (in fact, I love being called ‘sir’, something about being called that word makes me very happy). While I definitely didn’t shy away from things that would be called masculine, there were interests that I liked, that while I didn’t perceive them as feminine, I knew they were associated with femininity (reading romance, trying to mediate problems, generally preferring hobbies that are absent of competition). However, I didn’t perceive myself as feminine for enjoying them (though neither did I view myself as particularly masculine for enjoying more stereotypically masculine hobbies). I was very much not a “man’s man”, I didn’t enjoy talking about sports or girls or any of that stuff with my male friends (or with anyone, for that matter).
Very recently however (like the last 20 months or so, don’t remember exactly), I felt self-compassion for the first time in what seems like forever, and for a moment I saw what I presumed was some part of my inner psyche looking at me and smiling, as if I had finally learned something about myself for the first time. And this inner psyche manifested as an old, bearded man clad in plate armor, and he had the kindest smile on his face. The kindness and compassion I could feel emanating from him brought me the purest tears of joy I’ve ever felt in my entire life. In that moment, I was truly happy with myself (Even to this day, when I think about it, it brings a tear to my eye). Thus, I saw that if my inner psyche was a man, then I must be a man too. That is why I now see myself as a man, not just to others, but to myself as well. I don’t understand how my mind connected self-compassion to masculinity, but it’s fine with me. I feel like I understand myself better than I did when I was 15, which brings me a great deal of comfort, to finally be able to really know who I am. I’m not sure if this is actually some subconscious ‘sense of being a man’ that finally manifested, or if it’s something else. I just don’t know at what point it stops being ‘innate’, and starts being something else, and I’m not sure anyone could ever explain it to me. Oh well.
Stands naked in front of mirror:
Looks up, looks down.
Has cock. Has balls.
Is male.
Beats chest and grunts.
Goes to work to provide food and shelter for family.