Hey THT Fam, it’s my first time posting here! So me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half and we have never gone more than a week without having sex. I love him sooo much, I am sexually satisfied by him and I’m very attracted to him, also he’s a great guy. Now to the issue (which is pretty much the only one we have). Last week we had sex everyday for 4 days and the 5th day I wasn’t in the mood he started to pout and said things like “what you don’t like me anymore” & “you’re being lame/weird”. Another time we did it 6 times including oral and the next day I didn’t want to and he said the same thing and basically gets angry with me and it’s like he’s never satisfied. Even if we do it twice in a day and the third time I decline he does the same thing.
When I say no he’ll do things like grab my hand and put it on his boner (which he ALWAYS has one), or pull up my shirt/pants down. Anyways it feels like I can never just relax in bed or anywhere in the house because he’s constantly trying and I know he’ll be upset if I’m not in the mood. I don’t exactly know how to describe how it makes me feel so it makes it hard to address. Any advice will be appreciated! Thanks for reading.
TL;DR: my bf wants sex 24/7 literally and gets upset when I’m not in the mood. How do I address this?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hey THT Fam, it’s my first time posting here! So me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half and we have never gone more than a week without having sex. I love him sooo much, I am sexually satisfied by him and I’m very attracted to him, also he’s a great guy. Now to the issue (which is pretty much the only one we have). Last week we had sex everyday for 4 days and the 5th day I wasn’t in the mood he started to pout and said things like “what you don’t like me anymore” & “you’re being lame/weird”. Another time we did it 6 times including oral and the next day I didn’t want to and he said the same thing and basically gets angry with me and it’s like he’s never satisfied. Even if we do it twice in a day and the third time I decline he does the same thing.
When I say no he’ll do things like grab my hand and put it on his boner (which he ALWAYS has one), or pull up my shirt/pants down. Anyways it feels like I can never just relax in bed or anywhere in the house because he’s constantly trying and I know he’ll be upset if I’m not in the mood. I don’t exactly know how to describe how it makes me feel so it makes it hard to address. Any advice will be appreciated! Thanks for reading.
TL;DR: my bf wants sex 24/7 literally and gets upset when I’m not in the mood. How do I address this?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
BF needs therapy/see a doctor. This is above Reddit’s pay grade.
Your boyfriend sounds like he needs therapy
At the end of the day it may just be a thing you can either compromise on somehow, or you leave. Him making you feel bad about not having sex one day is horrible and tbh I don’t even know how you manage to keep up as is. This seems super exhausting for you so consider whats best for you, not for the relationship or him, just you.
Edit: spelling
This is not sustainable. You can’t continue like this in the long term. It’s not fair to you, and he’s using emotional blackmail to make you do something you don’t want to do. It’s disturbing that you can never relax because he keeps harassing you to have sex. It sounds like you don’t even do much but have sex. You should make it clear that his behavior is not okay and that you are not able or willing to keep doing it so often. He’ll sulk. He’ll guilt you. He’ll get mad. But don’t let him pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with, even if he threatens to leave you. You are a human being, but he isn’t treating you like one. He’s acting like you’re only there to satisfy him with no consideration for your feelings. He’s selfish.
Don’t allow him to guilt trip you. Tell him not accepting no for an answer is the biggest turn off you’ve ever experienced. He needs to see a therapist. Or jerk off by himself.
Your boyfriend doesn’t need therapy, he just has an insatiable sex drive. Does he have an orgasm? Does he enjoy having sex with you (sure as hell seems like it to me)? Then you’re satisfying him.
…Maybe too much.
He either needs to accept that you won’t want to have sex with him every single day, or you need to break up. Your partner should not guilt you into having sex. That’s not okay.
Maybe he’s just ovulating
Your boyfriend is a sex addict.
If this is a recent thing that just started happening, the first step would be to go to the doctor to find out if there is a hormone imbalance or something. Whenever your partner starts acting really out of character out of nowhere, you should get them to a doctor to see if something physical is going on.
Wtf
Gross. That sounds really annoying. He needs a doctor and a therapist. It’s okay to ask if you want to have sex. It is never okay to act out when you say no. You’re allowed to say no!
He needs help to calm his farm before he ends up arrested.
This is sexual assault.
If no doesn’t actually mean no in your relationship, things will get worse.
SIX times a day?! No thank you lol I love my man and am super into him and think of jumping his bones constantly. But I could never physically handle that many times in one day. How are you still standing??
You’re dating a sex addict
I would rather walk into traffic than have to have sex multiple times a day every day in order for my partner to maintain a good attitude
With therapy. He needs professional help. He cannot fill the emptiness in himself with an orgasm. All he is doing is reinforcing the law of insanity.
When you say you don’t know how you feel about him pressuring you into sex, you are feeling violated and disrespected. I can’t speak for you, but that’s the outcome of pressuring into sex. I think something in you can’t quite grapple with the reality of what’s going on, so you don’t want to reckon with it.
He isn’t respecting you. A reasonable person does not repeatedly pressure their partner into sex with immature whining and guilt tripping. You should be able to feel safe and respected in your home.
Discuss how you feel when he pressures you, and how you don’t feel like you can relax. He needs to respect you and make sure there are two willing participants when you have sex.
I don’t know how to completely right this situation because it feels so unstable at the moment. Maybe see about posting it in a sub that’s focused on healthy sexual relationships? I’m sure plenty of people have dealt with similar situations.
I’m surprised that hardly anyone has mentioned that your boyfriend is basically sexually harassing you when he’s trying to put your hand on him, or touching you sexually when you’ve already said no. That is NOT acceptable, and where I live could lead to charges. You can’t address this, except to tell him to see a doctor and a therapist. It’s not a problem to WANT sex all the time; it’s a massive problem to try and coerce your partner into having sex either verbally or physically.
Therapy and support group for struggles w addictions
BF is a sex pest.
You should probably be looking for a way out. The scenario you set up sounds like it could lead to something more serious. He’s already disrespecting your boundaries, and lowkey has assaulted you. Multiple times. Please, this really worries me that you don’t feel safe in your own home. It’s not normal for him to get upset at you for not being in the mood, given how much sex you already have. OR AT ALL.
You don’t owe him sex and if he’s really that needy and if you’re comfy, he can always “self sooth” assuming you continue with this guy.
He needs therapy, and I think after this, it wouldn’t hurt to look into it yourself.
Tell him to see a therapist first off and second there is no way bc I would have done set some boundaries serious ones at that and he could kick rocks if he didn’t like it…you’ll never be enough to for fill that demand,not in any reasonable sense
Fucking hell that sounds exhausting….
He should seek some professional help, but also, you need to stand your ground and continue to say no. Tell him it feels like he’s not making the actual relationship or your feelings a priority and that he only wants you for sex or to satisfy his needs because that’s exactly what he’s doing and that’s not fair to you.
If he truly cares then he will address the issue and make the effort. The fact that you say no and he’s pressuring you anyways isn’t ok either. It behavior that he’s been allowed to get away with and the sooner you stop it the better. If he doesn’t make the effort then clearly he doesn’t value you or your feelings about the matter, especially since you can’t even relax in the same room as him.
Yuck, the pouting and whining is so unatractive. He’s killing his own relationship with it. I hope he sees that before it’s too late.
He might get closeted gay
You need to draw some hard boundaries, or he’ll keep acting like this, and it’ll keep getting worse. This is not sustainable. Sex and the sexual advances will start to feel like a chore to you, and this annoyance you’re currently feeling will develop into resentment. If you love him, you need to tell him to give you space, or this just won’t work long term.
Aside from the therapy/doctor comments you’ve already addressed, you need to tell this guy to get a damn hobby. 6 times a day and still asking for more is crazy. He needs other activities to supply him with dopamine because he’s an addict. I have bipolar disorder, and he sounds like how I feel when I’m in the middle of a manic episode.
He either needs therapy or a toy and porn.. tell him to back off on the comments when you say no. You are allowed to say no and not be guilted for it.
Ngl, half way through this, I expected to reach a paragraph that says: “can never relax in bed or anywhere in the house, no where in the house is safe from his boner, for example i just saw him coming and hebasjrbt dbdhshe g g g g g ott t t t t me andbensrbsnbonking me ahsnshrksndhelp”
Damn, that’s insane. And I’m a guy with what I used to think was a high sex drive.
Spray bottle, “down boy! Down! Bad!”
6x a day is not healthy at all, he’s an addict and needs help ASAP
I’d also like to add for someone this addicted and not satisfied the likelihood he is cheating is incredibly high so you need to get tested as your health matters above everything else here.
Anatomy is delicate and 6x sex per day is most certainly going to injure you, not to mention sex addicts tend to compulsively sleep around and so he could be risking giving you stds if this is the case
Theres obviously a chance he’s not so don’t jump to conclusions, I just think you need to quietly get tested just to be on the safe side.
He needs to see a doctor yesterday as this sounds like a severe sex addiction
Big yikes. This sounds like coercion with his remarks when you say no. He needs to learn to respect your differing level of drive and your boundaries. And I really think he should look into therapy to work through this addiction. Tbh its a huge red flag that he tries to manipulate you into having sex when you’re not in the mood for whatever reason.
I’m a horny dude, but I read the room. He’s immature and selfish.
By him a pocket pussy tell him to enjoy
By the way, that behavior may be typical for a 19 year old. Doing it at 31 is a really bad look. He should act his age. Feel free to tell him that if it comes to it.
I really hope he sorts his shit out so you two can build a happy life together. Good luck!
Your bf is on something.
Coercion is assault. Relenting does not equal consent. You address this by realizing that to this guy, his boner is higher in importance than your feelings, comfort, and consent. He probably has porn brain. But that shouldn’t be your problem. That’s between him and his two hands. Men like this aren’t for dating. They’re to be run from and reported.
Boy friend needs to grow up.
This isn’t normal . Is he jacked? Use any kind off meds that would cause him to want it this often?
Never stay with a man who makes you feel bad about not having sex. This will be the same man who cheats on you when you’re pregnant or get cancer. Leave. There’s no fixing him.
It’s not okay that he is treating you like this. You aren’t a tool to be used whenever he feels like it. You also shouldn’t have to say no multiple times, or be manipulated into sex by guilting you. It’s abusive and manipulative. I had an ex who did this to me and I didn’t see it clearly until he was out of the picture.
Coercing you into having sex is actually a form of abuse, and it’s really unhealthy for him to be manipulating you this way. I want you to know it’s not okay the way he is treating you when you don’t want to have sex with him. He might be a great guy in many other aspects, but this really is not okay in the slightest.
Honestly, this kind of behavior might end up causing sexual trauma for you—especially if you feel like you don’t have the agency to say no. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I couldn’t fully relax around my partner. Life can be really hard sometimes—job stress, health issues, mental health struggles, etc.—and many of those things can affect your desire to have sex. You need to think long and hard about whether this is something you can truly accept if it doesn’t change. You’re still early in the relationship, and if it already feels like an issue now, I promise it’s only going to feel like more of one later.
This is gross behavior and I hope you feel safe to leave or at least set boundaries. If it isn’t about sex to him then he’s grown enough to prove it.
The thing about it is that when you mention something is lacking or needs to be toned down there shouldn’t be a fight or taking it as an insult. It’s supposed to be just two adults discussing needs and expectations. I personally would not feel safe with your boyfriend OP but if you want things to work it will require he demonstrably match you in that effort.
Boring 6times and every day the same cunt and asshole
and titts,he should have 4 or 5 girls to fuck and no be overused.
Get him a sex toy to masturbate, sounds like he has some really high libido
Also seek help for both of you – his addiction is causing him to be violent towards you and it sounds like you’re being abused cause of his addiction
Idk girl he has an addiction and you need to distance yourself because he is not seeing you as a person but more of a n object to use. 6 times a day is insane. I have medium distance and only see my man maybe twice a month. Even then, we can only bust down one time in 24hrs. Sometimes even one time in the whole weekend. This behavior is not healthy for neither of you.
Keep it going. We’re all growing old and tomorrow isn’t promised. Breaks are good, but…. Love each other and get as sexy as your comfort lets you! Hahahaha love it! My love and myself try to take breaks and sleep separately if we have to but sometimes never work and soon as I get in bed, we’re at it. Take joy that your relationship is like this. It’ll slow down naturally, but when it does, you’ll be taking or posting about ways to speed it up or keep it going. So just enjoy it through the throbbing pain and fatigue.
Me looking for “the great guy” you speak of 🧐
Does he do drugs? Coke? Meth?
You address this by leaving. He’s treating you like an object, like you’re some sort of robot or sex doll. You have a right to bodily autonomy, and that includes not having your hand picked up and put on his genitals. I suspect what you’re feeling is disrespected, not valued, powerless with a bit of degradation.
Leave. Him. Getting him to change means getting him to change his personality. That’s for him to do, not you, and it won’t happen if he doesn’t want it to. It means he has to learn to not put his wants first. It means he has to learn to respect others in all things. It means he has to stop objectifying people, especially women. He has to learn he is never owed sex or any sort of gratification from anyone, even if they have provided that to him in the past. Until he not just understands, but cares that what he does is wrong, none of this is going to happen.
It’s not your job to teach him how to be a decent human being. It’s not your job to fix someone that’s broken. You deserve someone who treats you with basic decency and he doesn’t.
Does he have bpd?…
It’s called sexually incompatible. People shaming him for having a high sex drive is lame af. That said it’s not her duty to always be dtf either
He needs a gf with the same sex drive.
If a man said his gf constantly wanted sex you’d all say she was so empowered or some feminist bs that glorifies hyper sexual behavior. You defend women who bang several randoms a week and use abortions as birth control, bitch about men always watching porn but now are putting down a man whose just incompatible with her.
Tell him to jerk off alone.. that’s it
This is manipulation and sexual abuse. Just because you relent and say ok does not make it ok. This is not love.
Ew i couldn’t finish reading the 2nd part of this post, that’s really messed what he’s doing to do. He’s literally manipulating you to get you do sleep with him whenever he wants even if you don’t want to, this is predatory behavior. 😦if you ask me. you should dump him before it gets worse. he’s definitely satisfied already he’s just playing the victim to get whatever he wants from you.
Relationships are about both sides. Sounds like this guy doesn’t give a shit about what you want. Dump his ass.
He is just using you as a cum dumpster at this point
Ah. So he’s repeatedly assaulting you when you say no?
It’s sexual coercion
hes treating u like a sex doll and u deserve so much better
also him making comments like “dont u like me” when ur not in the mood is very much giving coercion, its upsetting cuz u dont want to think ur partner is thinking like this but u have to put urself, ur health and ur needs above his
This is gross. You need to review your idea of what makes a guy great because this is not it. The man is a sex pest, and I use that term generously.
He gross and abusive. Calling you lame cuz you don’t want to what sex?? that’s such a turn off. I’d tell him his dick is lame and take it elsewhere.
Buy him a blow-up doll, then break up with him. I was married to someone like that. It gets worse, believe it or not.
Does he have addiction issues in other ways? Emotional issues he’s avoiding? Possible ADHD?
He sounds very insecure and is making it your problem. He may also be using sex as a tactic to avoid things in his life.
But he sounds like an addict of some kind. This is not normal, and you don’t need to put up with it. He can jerk off, but he really should be going to therapy and maybe a shrink. His sex addiction is not your responsibility. You can let him know that his attitudes and approach to sex are killing your attraction to him and that he’s being unreasonable to the point that it’s becoming a deal-breaker. His behaviour is selfish. You’re not a piece of meat and he’s treating you like it.
I have gone through similar, and although I love my fiance and we are growing, his past tendencies have left scars on our relationship that are still healing. Your bf either needs to get his shit together and never pull this shit again or the relationship is doomed.
Is he maybe a sex addict?
Manipulation is such a huge turnoff. Tell him that.
6 times a day and he’s not satisfied? Are you sure you guys are doing it right?
i fully agree with everyone else here that this is absolutely sexual assault.
one thing i’d like to bring up – are you planning on having kids with this man in the future? after giving birth, there’s a window your doctors will give you where you are not able to have penetrative sex. this window is not a suggestion and can seriously hurt or kill you if you ignore it. do you feel safe with this man if you had to abstain from penetrative sex for weeks? would he continue to pressure you or even attempt to violently assault you?
i’m just a person scrolling on reddit, so i do not know you or your partner, but please ask yourself these questions
INFO: how long have you been dating ? Is his hypersexual behavior a recent development compared to his sex drive when you first started dating etc ?
It’s possible that he just has an incredibly high sex drive if he’s been like that the whole time you’ve known him, but 5-6x a day is definitely a mind-boggling amount for most people lol..
If he only recently started pushing you for this much sex that seems like a sign of an underlying psychological or hormonal trigger that he should seek professional help to identify.
Tell him to lay off the VIP honey
When a man treats you like you owe him sex, when he treats you badly when you don’t have sex with him, when nothing you do is ever enough and he demands more even when you tell him you’re not into it, he’s not a safe man.
He will pressure and coerce you when you don’t want sex. He will sexually harass you and make you feel icky just being around him. He will destroy your sex drive, and give you the ick.
Don’t try to fix this. He needs to figure his own shit out on his own. Dump him and find better.
Holy shit. SIX times a day?! That’s insane lmao
6 times a day??????
How exhausting that must be.
Your bf needs help, fr.
My wife and I have completely different sex drives. It took a few years of learning how to communicate about it. It goes in waves, but I’m 40 and just the other day jerked it twice in a day.
We each had to get to an understanding of the others feelings and accept both can be valid. But, don’t be a juvenile bitch about it. Full stop. Be an adult, and you’ll live.
Yeah boys who want to fuck all the time? Ask him if he was a SA victim. Tough ask I know. But yeah.
He might have a sex addiction. This is absolutely something he needs to sort out
Don’t have a baby with this man.
hi so this is sexual assault. i’m sorry babes
We understand what you wrote. I’d say it’s a bit more likely that you’re not seeing his words for what they are. All of us see that he’s just flat out making sure you know that he can move right on to the next girl in no time.
What happens if you’re sick and can’t have sex with him at all for days? Is he going to treat you like a loved partner and be supportive? Or is he going to mope around a complain about how he can’t get any? Or maybe he’ll just hope you’re going to let him do it any time any day he’s around?
Idk if you’ve thought out the long game yet, but idk how it looks good if this is how he acts when you’re only fucking him 5 times that day.
Good luck. You deserve have a partner who not only respects your decisions but who also doesn’t throw it in your face that he can go get some other woman easily.
That’s not what partners who love and care about their gf do.
This will sounds dramatic, but I speak from experience.
My ex is a sex addict and basically did the same thing for the first half of our relationship. Then he (sort of) matured and realised how disrespectful he was being. He was sexually coercive, which is what your boyfriend is (he pouts and calls you lame/weird for not wanting sex multiple times in a day). Coercion is a form of abuse.
My ex eventually went on to cheat on me multiple times and justified it by saying that we weren’t having sex as often as he wanted.
It will only get worse, I’ve been there.
Your boyfriend needs therapy and you need to stick to your boundaries. You have the right to not be in the mood and your boyfriend pouting about it is literally manipulation.