I broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago.
Before that I told my boyfriend that I made a reddit post about the whole situation and he disagreed with basically every reply I read to him. He kept circling about how he said many times he agrees that it was wrong to wait until the end to fix anything, his problem is that I worded it wrong. I said it’s wrong to try at the end when you didn’t try before. Therefore I am saying he should have walked away. And when I said that’s not exactly what I am saying, my focus is on the point that it’s too little too late – yeah he doesn’t care. He says I should have not worded it that way if I did not mean it.
I waited all day for him to send me some sort of meaningful message where he realized he made a major mistake. Something like hey I’m really sorry I treated you so terribly and made an argument. You were clear in what you were trying to say and I cared too much about winning. I truly am sorry I hurt you and want to fix this.
But no I did not get that. Nor a phone call later when he got home. He let hours pass by until I contacted him. And it does hurt. But I know that just means he doesn’t truly love me or at least not in the way I want to be loved. And I would be a fool to stay with someone who wants to hurt me in this way.
He says he cannot possibly stay with someone like me who is stubborn and cannot admit when I am wrong. He would rather be with someone who can agree and even said his ego isn’t the issue but mine is. He truly seems to believe that the issue is that I was being stubborn and didn’t want to agree with him .
I actually remembered something he said during the argument. He said he wanted me to validate him. He admitted that himself. And I didn’t want to validate him because to me that meant I would be going against my own beliefs.
He also says he would rather be alone than be with someone he wants to swear at and be so mean to. He says he didn’t do that in his last relationship but he is doing it with me and he doesn’t know if it’s an incompatibility or he is just an asshole.
He was telling me that he doesn’t need to reflect upon that relationship anymore because he did a year ago. He says I wanted reassurance and he doesn’t need to give me that about his past relationship because it has nothing to do with us. For one I was simply just stating how I feel about trying at the last minute and how it means nothing. And for two I think if you learn from behaving that way you wouldn’t mind reflecting over it a bit with your current partners to show that you have learned from it and it would obviously make you look good to your partner.
And it would give a chance to connect emotionally about that sort of thing. “Like yeah I did that but I learned from it and I don’t wanna do that to you”. Just ONE example of the many things he could have said instead of focusing on the semantics of the way I worded shit. But that goes way past his head. He in fact says he does not need to say anything of that sort to me! He does not understand. It’s just sad really.
I am actually sort of shocked that this is how our relationship is ending. He’s done some mean things before. I certainly have not been perfect. But I never expected him to have a long drawn out argument over the way I worded something even when I clarified myself many times. I don’t even know what to think. I thought he loved me more than that.
But he told me a bit ago that he just doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate and doesn’t understand him and basically knows how to use English correctly. That supposedly is all worth what he said and did. And I definitely understand wanting a partner who can communicate but I feel I was communicating just fine.
Also before I broke up with him he was getting all angry and saying can we just break up already?? So supposedly he thinks that’s the best idea anyway. The only thing he said in text was that he’s sorry he was an asshole and can we just drop it. But that wasn’t enough for me and doesn’t feel like much of an apology. So I am just going to move on.
Thanks for all of the replies to the original post. It does hurt but I know it’s for the best.
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Backup of the post’s body:
I broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago.
Before that I told my boyfriend that I made a reddit post about the whole situation and he disagreed with basically every reply I read to him. He kept circling about how he said many times he agrees that it was wrong to wait until the end to fix anything, his problem is that I worded it wrong. I said it’s wrong to try at the end when you didn’t try before. Therefore I am saying he should have walked away. And when I said that’s not exactly what I am saying, my focus is on the point that it’s too little too late – yeah he doesn’t care. He says I should have not worded it that way if I did not mean it.
I waited all day for him to send me some sort of meaningful message where he realized he made a major mistake. Something like hey I’m really sorry I treated you so terribly and made an argument. You were clear in what you were trying to say and I cared too much about winning. I truly am sorry I hurt you and want to fix this.
But no I did not get that. Nor a phone call later when he got home. He let hours pass by until I contacted him. And it does hurt. But I know that just means he doesn’t truly love me or at least not in the way I want to be loved. And I would be a fool to stay with someone who wants to hurt me in this way.
He says he cannot possibly stay with someone like me who is stubborn and cannot admit when I am wrong. He would rather be with someone who can agree and even said his ego isn’t the issue but mine is. He truly seems to believe that the issue is that I was being stubborn and didn’t want to agree with him .
I actually remembered something he said during the argument. He said he wanted me to validate him. He admitted that himself. And I didn’t want to validate him because to me that meant I would be going against my own beliefs.
He also says he would rather be alone than be with someone he wants to swear at and be so mean to. He says he didn’t do that in his last relationship but he is doing it with me and he doesn’t know if it’s an incompatibility or he is just an asshole.
I am actually sort of shocked that this is how our relationship is ending. He’s done some mean things before. I certainly have not been perfect. But I never expected him to have a long drawn out argument over the way I worded something even when I clarified myself many times. I don’t even know what to think. I thought he loved me more than that.
But he told me a bit ago that he just doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate and doesn’t understand him and basically knows how to use English correctly. That supposedly is all worth what he said and did. And I definitely understand wanting a partner who can communicate but I feel I was communicating just fine.
Also before I broke up with him he was getting all angry and saying can we just break up already?? So supposedly he thinks that’s the best idea anyway. The only thing he said in text was that he’s sorry he was an asshole and can we just drop it. But that wasn’t enough for me and doesn’t feel like much of an apology. So I am just going to move on.
Thanks for all of the replies to the original post. It does hurt but I know it’s for the best.
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Original post – https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/Onf9rAwSom
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/MU3JAGko3L
He straight up admitted he doesn’t make changes until there’s no other option, and then argued with you about it. It sucks that you’ve broken up, feelings-wise, but I think you will realize you are doing much better down the line. Someone who functions like that will never be a good long term partner.
Your ex is an idiot. You did the right thing to break up. If he couldn’t learn from where he went wrong with his previous relationship, he’ll never learn. That and he was so spiteful and vicious towards you. All couples argue and disagree but once it goes below the belt, that’s not a relationship worth having.
I hope he stays single forever. He’s such an abusive asshole.
He sounds like a total AH. Good thing you dumped him.
>He said he wanted me to validate him. And I didn’t want to validate him because to me that meant I would be going against my own beliefs.
Validating someone means you heard them, understand their perspective, and it is OK to feel what they are feeling even if you 100% disagree. Think Empathy…
That being said, if he 100% has to be validated, and you just can’t validate his feelings, it is a good thing it is over, no matter how long it took…
OP, you did the right thing. You should never be with someone who wants a yes woman. He wants someone to validate his every word and feeling whether he is right or wrong. That is completely toxic and one sided, if that’s what he wants, then he needs to build himself a submissive robot to stroke his ego. Or just live alone away from other people who have their own thoughts and opinions. NTA. I know it hurts right now, but you would soon start to feel relieved and happy.
Congratulations on making a sound decision.
It’s absolutely rich that he “can’t be with someone who’s stubborn and can’t admit they’re wrong” because that’s exactly what he’s been doing.
Updateme!