I (30,f) have been broken up with my ex (25,m) since October. He was my best friend. I truly did love him, at one time.
But everything changed when he kissed another man in my car in front of me one day.
A month later he admitted to SA someone years prior.
Another girl had made allegations against him previously but he had denied them. At the time, I believe him. I always believed him over anyone.
When my stuff or money would go missing I never thought he was the reason, until I was living with him. He took what he wanted when he wanted and did what he wanted when he wanted. I was always his second thought.
The SA that he did to the other female and mental abuse that he put me through make me feel like puking all the time. Like there’s a lump in my throat I can’t swallow. I’ve also got a past of SA. Maybe that’s why he’s f*cked me up so bad. 🙁
I had been doing a lot better the last few months, not thinking about him as much. But lately I’ve been thinking about him a lot. I miss him so much. I’m so sad all the time. I don’t know what to do.
Any advice is welcome. I’ve done therapy many times in the past, I just work a lot right now so it’s not really a possibility right now.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (30,f) have been broken up with my ex (25,m) since October. He was my best friend. I truly did love him, at one time.
But everything changed when he kissed another man in my car in front of me one day.
A month later he admitted to SA someone years prior.
Another girl had made allegations against him previously but he had denied them. At the time, I believe him. I always believed him over anyone.
When my stuff or money would go missing I never thought he was the reason, until I was living with him. He took what he wanted when he wanted and did what he wanted when he wanted. I was always his second thought.
The SA that he did to the other female and mental abuse that he put me through make me feel like puking all the time. Like there’s a lump in my throat I can’t swallow. I’ve also got a past of SA. Maybe that’s why he’s f*cked me up so bad. 🙁
I had been doing a lot better the last few months, not thinking about him as much. But lately I’ve been thinking about him a lot. I miss him so much. I’m so sad all the time. I don’t know what to do.
Any advice is welcome. I’ve done therapy many times in the past, I just work a lot right now so it’s not really a possibility right now.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Hi (f50).
You deserve so much more and feel safe, truly loved and cared for!!
Please get help!
You deserve to love your life! You do not need a partner to be in your life until you’re feeling safe in your own life. This kind of dude will never care about you before himself. Remember this.
Don’t allow him to siphon your life energy and make plans to totally cutting off your ties to him.
You deserve a life in freedom!!
So much love sent your way ❤️❤️❤️
Please take care, and everytime you think you can’t live without him, remember, hell hurt you and not think twice about it. Please stay away from him, and stay safe.
I think you are use to the drama and toxicity that come with this guy. But read your own post. He is:
This is what you miss. Be brave put yourself first. You deserve all the opposite of this.
I read somewhere that you shouldn’t go back to your ex just because you’re lonely. The quote said it was like drinking poison because you’re thirsty. And he is like poison. He will destroy everything good in your life if you go back.
I’m not a psychologist, but missing a man who assaults women, who abused you mentally and stole from you suggests that the bond you had with him is a trauma bond. You’re racketing back and forth from “he was my best friend” and he “took what he wanted when he wanted” and committed SA. That’s some mental gymnastics there. You may have had therapy before but it looks like your history of SA may be why this guy was your choice, something familiar on an unconscious level.
Make the time for therapy. One hour a week. If you do it online, you don’t even have to travel.
What you’re feeling is normal. Even when we know people are toxic and dangerous, when we feel lost/lonely/etc, we want to go back to them because it’s FAMILIAR. Our nervous systems can mistake familiarity for safety/comfort.
You know better. When you feel this way, remind yourself it’s not safe just because it’s familiar. At this time, you are safer not knowing what the future holds.