What are some “nice” things people say to women that feel more performative than sincere?
What are some “nice” things people say to women that feel more performative than sincere?
r/AskWomen
What are some “nice” things people say to women that feel more performative than sincere?
Comments
I feel like people call women “sweet” when they can’t think of any other way to describe passivity or generic niceness.
Bring a mom is so hard
I hate being told I’m “pretty” only because it feels like there’s always a “but” attached that keeps them from actually giving a compliment. “Oh you’re so pretty (but you could lose some weight)” “You’re pretty (but you should be nicer)” “She’s pretty (but she’s too loud)”
Anything along the lines of telling me that there’s someone for everyone, that I’ll meet someone someday, and so forth and so on. At this point in my life, it’s simply not going to happen, unfortunately.
I also dislike it when someone says or implies I’m “lucky” for being alone. I don’t think they necessarily have bad intentions, but it still stings a little.
When women are told they are “so smart” because they go to university or have a degree.
“you got this, momma”
Ma’am/Sir I have severe postpartum anxiety and I’m drowning, I don’t got this.
Idk if I’ll explain this well but when someone says something beginning with, “oh, it’s so good that you…”, but they mean the opposite. Like, “it’s so good that you don’t mind your boyfriend spending so much time with friends!” Or, “it’s so good that you are ok working so many hours….”
Calling them beautiful/pretty constantly. From other women it just feels forced and when men do it’s clear they’re just trying to get in your pants.
“Oh you’re not fat”
I had a coworker say this recently.
I very much am though.
i dont like much when people say a woman “looks good for her age”. i know its not always meant that way! but sometimes people say it and it feels a bit like just say you don’t see beauty in people with older bodies you know. like do you think shes a babe or not, can you just call her pretty or do you have to include that.. remark that sort of sounds like “only pretty if you compare her exclusively to people her age though” ?
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Calling senior women “young lady,” often by men in sales. It sounds so patronizing & many expect gratitude (& a sale) for the “compliment”. Yet they would never approach a prospective male client with white hair by saying “hey young man”.
When they call you “young lady”. Unless you’re actually 12 years old.
‘You’re a strong woman, aren’t you?’
‘You’re not like other girls’
‘You’d look so pretty with your hair down/with a smile/in a dress.’
‘You don’t have to pay for your own dinner often, I reckon.’
“Feisty” makes me livid. Like saying, wow look at this wee wittle person being mad, so brave and cute.
You look cute
Oh, you don’t look your weight!
“You have an old soul.”
“I like your outfit”. No one says that to men.
spicy and i hate when women say it about themselves even more. its weird its lame its overdone. what do you mean youre spicy?
Anything in the vein of “bossbabe”, “girl boss”, “mompreneur” invokes a throw-up-in-my-mouth response.
“Awwww is there anything I can do to support you?”
People who say “omg I love your ____” in a really high pitched voice about an everyday item every time they see you. Let’s either get past the surface level interactions or just call it quits.
“You’re not fat…you’re just big boned.”
The whole body positivity, “pretty girls dont judge” “eat what you want movement”. Just for telling someone they are making unhealthy decisions. First of all, they only cancel ppl for doing this when the person is really fat. They dont keep the same energy when the person looks like a strong gust of when will take them completely out. They get called skinny legend.
I went WAY off on a tangent but I’m sure y’all got the idea.
When people tell chubby or overweight women that they look like they “give great hugs! 🙂 “
oh, you look tired! oh, you seem down!
and any other snide comment meant to be a “concern” for a woman’s mental or physical state.
“You have plenty of time!”
“You don’t look your age!”
“I’m here for you.”
My friend recently sent a video to our group chat of a woman getting mad because she went on a date and at the end the guy thanked her for the date and said “you’ve taught me so much.” The woman was saying how often guys say this to her and she’s sick of it.
So my friend asked me if I’d get mad too “if a man learned from you.” I told him how what the guy was saying was performative and sounded so “pick me,” so I’d be disgusted. None of the guys in the group chat could understand my disgust, even though I explained it in multiple ways. Absolutely blew my mind.
Like you can even tell what the guy was doing by the way he worded the phrase. Totally performative in this scenario.
Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?
It was my mom’s in the ’80s.
Vintage, so adorable.
Thanks.
That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I’ve ever seen.
I hate when men, especially, call women “sassy.” It’s so patronizing. It’s a transparent attempt to diminish a woman’s intelligence, humour, and refusal to prioritize men’s needs over her own. Basically, if a woman calls a man on his bs, this is one of the ways that that man can dismiss her criticism and emphasize that she’s the problem.
“You’ll find somebody one day!” Not necessarily 🤷♀️ I hear it more now that I’m in my 30s. I think saying that makes those who don’t wish to be single feel like something is wrong with them
Only saying I look nice or pretty on the infrequent days where I’ve spent time and energy to get dolled up (makeup, nice outfit, styled hair, etc).
“you’re not like the other girls”
You are still young.
Telling women that they look young for their age. Most people say this to be polite. With rare exceptions, the vast majority of people look their age and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s also created a plague of full-grown adults on the internet who think they can be mistaken for teenagers. I see a lot of “I’m 35 but everyone guesses that I’m 10-15 years younger!” Sorry but if you are asking people to guess your age, they’re going to give a lower number than what they really think. And getting carded doesn’t mean anything. A lot of places card everyone.
Okay rant over, I’m just tired of this “compliment” and the delusion it creates, lol
“you’re so brave” is actually an active insult
You look good for your age
“She’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man”
It just sounds mocking to me.
A coworker said something like “you look so skinny, you look so good now!” (I’ve never been overweight just a bit chubby in Highschool) – The weight loss was unintentional as I struggle to keep up with eating three meals a day so I thought it was weird that the weight loss comment was supposed to be a compliment. another time the same female coworker said to me “I like your earrings you look more like a lady now” 😅
‘Good job!’ when I (or some woman) do normal tasks.
I think this is like being treated as a child.
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“Love that for you”
Always feels condescending lol
You’re so confident! She’s so confident! I’m pretty sure that means they’re fat and don’t seem to be appropriately ashamed or upset about it.
I am short-ish (163 cm). So my personal favorite is “Do you know how small you are ? I can just pick you up.”
Yeah f**k off !
Saying I look younger than I am in ‘a good way’.. weird as I’m freshly 18.
“You’re so young!” It’s a depthless comment and I’ve also gotten it as a “compliment” from creepy older men 🤮
When I say I want to work out and be healthier, it’s “you’re so cute/tiny, don’t say that!”
When I give any man sass, or bake something yummy, or just show kindness or organization or sense, it’s “you will be such a great mother!”, especially from older women lol.
And tbh calling yourself a “girl’s girl”, the more you say it, the more I side-eye you. I’ve had some poor & confusing experiences with women who feel the need to gush that (30+ women, not teenagers/YA)