For me, I just feel like it’s better to live with my partner before getting married. A lot of families are breaking up nowadays and I don’t want my future kids to go through that. Living together lets you see what the person’s really like, since some things only show up when you’re sharing a home. I’d rather catch those little things early than have them ruin the relationship later.
Whenever you feel like you are there. If you think you cannot live the rest of my life without this person. That’s when. For me it was a month. Honestly I know my case was extreme I thing people who say multiple years are also extreme, if you have to wait that long and still can’t make an evaluation, you probably have multiple red flags in the relationship already that you have been willfully ignorant of. I would recommend living with each other a bit first. Uh for me, I uh never left after the first time I stayed the night 😅
2+ years but additionally I think it’s important to see your partner in different situations. Go through something stressful together. Live together pre-marriage. Spend some time apart, spend time together, spend time with other people. I’ve seen long term relationships fall apart in months because of something like sudden financial stress where one or both parties react badly and are entirely incompatible in the way they manage real stress and anxiety.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and he told me the minimum amount of time we’d date before he’d propose is 5 years. But it depends on the person and their preferences. I don’t mind waiting.
There isn’t any “should”. People are different in their needs. In my case, I married a year after meeting my husband, and eight months after he first asked me to marry him. I told him I’d consider it. I thought about it for six months, and then we got married. That was 40 years ago, and I’m still happy with that choice.
I don’t think there should be a set amount of time. I used to, until I met my husband. I knew after 2 weeks that we were going to get married. We got married officially the year after we met, but we both knew early on. If that hadn’t happened to me, I would have answered 5 years or never.
3 years. I prefer a live in relationship with that person for a year at least so I can validate that whatever they tell me they can bolster with their actions on a consistent basis.
Three years. But with intention. ie you’ve both come to the relationship valuing marriage and aspiring to it for your own reasons, whether that’s with this person in front of you or another one. I don’t think it works if one of you is waiting to be convinced or ‘doesn’t know what they want’, has commitment issues yada yada yada. That won’t work anyway.
There’s no specific amount of time that would be appropriate for everyone. People should give themselves and each other enough time to feel like they are personally ready, but whether that’s days, months, years, or never is really up to the people involved.
The amount of years doesn’t matter, what matters is if y’all have gotten to the point were any “argument” is solved through clear communication and not immature shit like screaming,name calling, silent treatment,etc.
You can be dating someone for a decade but if y’all can’t work through issues like adults and divulge into immature shit then your marriage will be just as horrible and y’all will get divorced eventually.
I only know the 6 months / 6 years rule of sociology. If a couple gets married in less than 6 months since they’ve met, they’re not gonna last because that is objectively little time to know someone that well, for such a decision, and it’s a period where butterflies still flutter, “the honeymoon phase”. If a couple doesn’t marry in 6 years since they’ve met, they shouldn’t, or won’t last, because if so long passed, it means there’s fundamental issues in one of them or an underlying incompatibility.
But it’s a rule based on generic information, life is filled with exceptions. It’s cool as a concept and makes sense to me, but I won’t discredit someone’s marriage or love story based on it. It’s none of my business first of all, haha
7 years. people change A LOT and i believe that’s why divorce rates are so high. who you meet at year 1 will be a different person by year 7. not necessarily in a negative way but ambitions, priorities, interests change.
That’s only up to the two people involved. It’s not anyone else’s place to decide that. Personally, my partner and I got engaged 8 months in and will be married at the two year mark. Makes sense for us.
At least a year or two of living together. at least. Spend the holidays/family reunions and PTO/travel together. Live through all seasons of a year together.
I don’t think I’d ever marry someone I hadn’t lived with for that amount of time beforehand. Not even getting engaged before then.
If you’re like 26+ I’d say 2 years absolute minimum and live together for at least 1 of those years before engagement. Then engagement 6mo minimum so 2.5+ years before being legally married. You need to see how they are 24/7 when they’re happy, sad, angry, sick, etc. and how they take care of their space. There is no rush. I understand being excited in the beginning and I sure wouldn’t wait 5 years at my age, but I’ve seen in my experience it really takes a good couple years to know everything, even if you thought “when you know you know” after 6 months.
I think the context is more important than length of time. If you’re only seeing them at dinner or out and about the town, you aren’t seeing it all. My husband and I dated a month before we got engaged, and it was a short engagement, but I had been watching him for about nine months before that with his family, in his workplace, volunteering, etc., and I had a very good idea of his character and values. If they have a good character and your values align where it matters most, the rest is not really all that important. People change over time, and you will both change in a marriage, but usually character develops on the current trajectory. A good person will get better, a crap person might improve a little, but that’s a big gamble, and they often get worse.
At least two years, more if you don’t get the opportunity to experience how the other person handles hard things in life. Like disappointments, job loss, just bad and stressful things. You really need to know these things. Also, how they handle their family, if the family is difficult. You can’t anticipate everything, but you need to have a good sense of how this person handles stressors. If it’s all roses up to the wedding day, you are in for a rough surprise. Also, how do they disagree with you? How does it go when you have a disagreement or argument? If you literally NEVER have any kind of disagreement before you get married – you need to wait.
2-3 year after age 26. Also you should live together for 1 year and go through something crazy events and one long road trip.
The more stressful live events you go through, the better chance you will know if they are right for you.
Road trips are the best way to test things out without waiting for someone to naturally lose a job or end up in a hospital.
If you pass 5 years and not engaged yet, just pack up and leave. You weren’t meant to be; someone is forcing the relationship to work, out of fear of being alone.
If you are under the age of 26; wait until both of you hit 27 and see if you are still happy together. The brain doesn’t fully mature until age 25/26. So there a chance you might end up changing and wanting different things. Perfectly normal and healthy to end relationships due to wanting different things.
My first boyfriend ended up being a better friend than a boyfriend. We wanted different things and it didn’t make sense to force the relationship to work. We are still friends 10 years later.
As someone who has been divorced and and is now a couples therapist I would not get married unless I knew well/was dating the person for minimum 5 years
I’m in agreement with 2-3 years. That was my time frame. But ladies if y’all are living together and he’s 4-5 years in and he is still not committing he probably won’t.
Honestly, I think it depends on the people, but for me, at least two years helps. You want enough time to see how they handle life’s ups and downs not just the good moments. It’s less about a fixed timeline and more about truly understanding each other.
I think it takes less time the older and more experienced you are bc you know what you want and what you don’t want. Someone in their 20s may take more time than someone in their 30s and 40s. I was with someone in my early 20s for 6 yrs and thought he was the one. Turns out he was a compulsive liar and a cheater. I dated on and off until my late 20s when I met my now husband. We dated for 3 yrs, engaged for 1 year and traveled together, married, and then moved in together.
Comments
I think if you’re both older than 25, 3 years is enough time to know whether you want to marry someone and take steps towards that commitment.
At least 2 years
2 to 3 years at least.
It depends on the people, generally 2+ years
For me, I just feel like it’s better to live with my partner before getting married. A lot of families are breaking up nowadays and I don’t want my future kids to go through that. Living together lets you see what the person’s really like, since some things only show up when you’re sharing a home. I’d rather catch those little things early than have them ruin the relationship later.
Whenever you feel like you are there. If you think you cannot live the rest of my life without this person. That’s when. For me it was a month. Honestly I know my case was extreme I thing people who say multiple years are also extreme, if you have to wait that long and still can’t make an evaluation, you probably have multiple red flags in the relationship already that you have been willfully ignorant of. I would recommend living with each other a bit first. Uh for me, I uh never left after the first time I stayed the night 😅
2+ years but additionally I think it’s important to see your partner in different situations. Go through something stressful together. Live together pre-marriage. Spend some time apart, spend time together, spend time with other people. I’ve seen long term relationships fall apart in months because of something like sudden financial stress where one or both parties react badly and are entirely incompatible in the way they manage real stress and anxiety.
20 ys and even then when shit hits the fan you realise you never did..
4 years, two of those years they need to be living together
i moved in with my fiancé within a week of dating him. 2 months later he proposed last night and i said yes. very excited for this next chapter for us
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and he told me the minimum amount of time we’d date before he’d propose is 5 years. But it depends on the person and their preferences. I don’t mind waiting.
There isn’t any “should”. People are different in their needs. In my case, I married a year after meeting my husband, and eight months after he first asked me to marry him. I told him I’d consider it. I thought about it for six months, and then we got married. That was 40 years ago, and I’m still happy with that choice.
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However long it takes to live with someone and go through something hard like losing a job, grieving a loved one, a serious illness of some kind.
IMO you should probably live together for at least a year before getting married. That’s a good chance to see how your lives really mesh together.
I don’t think there should be a set amount of time. I used to, until I met my husband. I knew after 2 weeks that we were going to get married. We got married officially the year after we met, but we both knew early on. If that hadn’t happened to me, I would have answered 5 years or never.
3 years. I prefer a live in relationship with that person for a year at least so I can validate that whatever they tell me they can bolster with their actions on a consistent basis.
Three years. But with intention. ie you’ve both come to the relationship valuing marriage and aspiring to it for your own reasons, whether that’s with this person in front of you or another one. I don’t think it works if one of you is waiting to be convinced or ‘doesn’t know what they want’, has commitment issues yada yada yada. That won’t work anyway.
I don’t care as much about the actual length of the relationship, but I’d want to live with someone for 2-3 years before I’d consider marrying them.
There’s no specific amount of time that would be appropriate for everyone. People should give themselves and each other enough time to feel like they are personally ready, but whether that’s days, months, years, or never is really up to the people involved.
The amount of years doesn’t matter, what matters is if y’all have gotten to the point were any “argument” is solved through clear communication and not immature shit like screaming,name calling, silent treatment,etc.
You can be dating someone for a decade but if y’all can’t work through issues like adults and divulge into immature shit then your marriage will be just as horrible and y’all will get divorced eventually.
I only know the 6 months / 6 years rule of sociology. If a couple gets married in less than 6 months since they’ve met, they’re not gonna last because that is objectively little time to know someone that well, for such a decision, and it’s a period where butterflies still flutter, “the honeymoon phase”. If a couple doesn’t marry in 6 years since they’ve met, they shouldn’t, or won’t last, because if so long passed, it means there’s fundamental issues in one of them or an underlying incompatibility.
But it’s a rule based on generic information, life is filled with exceptions. It’s cool as a concept and makes sense to me, but I won’t discredit someone’s marriage or love story based on it. It’s none of my business first of all, haha
7 years. people change A LOT and i believe that’s why divorce rates are so high. who you meet at year 1 will be a different person by year 7. not necessarily in a negative way but ambitions, priorities, interests change.
That’s only up to the two people involved. It’s not anyone else’s place to decide that. Personally, my partner and I got engaged 8 months in and will be married at the two year mark. Makes sense for us.
At least a year or two of living together. at least. Spend the holidays/family reunions and PTO/travel together. Live through all seasons of a year together.
I don’t think I’d ever marry someone I hadn’t lived with for that amount of time beforehand. Not even getting engaged before then.
If you’re like 26+ I’d say 2 years absolute minimum and live together for at least 1 of those years before engagement. Then engagement 6mo minimum so 2.5+ years before being legally married. You need to see how they are 24/7 when they’re happy, sad, angry, sick, etc. and how they take care of their space. There is no rush. I understand being excited in the beginning and I sure wouldn’t wait 5 years at my age, but I’ve seen in my experience it really takes a good couple years to know everything, even if you thought “when you know you know” after 6 months.
Date 1 year, live together 1 year, engaged 1 year, if both over 25.
I think the context is more important than length of time. If you’re only seeing them at dinner or out and about the town, you aren’t seeing it all. My husband and I dated a month before we got engaged, and it was a short engagement, but I had been watching him for about nine months before that with his family, in his workplace, volunteering, etc., and I had a very good idea of his character and values. If they have a good character and your values align where it matters most, the rest is not really all that important. People change over time, and you will both change in a marriage, but usually character develops on the current trajectory. A good person will get better, a crap person might improve a little, but that’s a big gamble, and they often get worse.
Happily married 11 years now.
2-3 years with part of that time spent living together. I see so many people rush and many times it doesn’t end well.
5-7 years
At least two years, more if you don’t get the opportunity to experience how the other person handles hard things in life. Like disappointments, job loss, just bad and stressful things. You really need to know these things. Also, how they handle their family, if the family is difficult. You can’t anticipate everything, but you need to have a good sense of how this person handles stressors. If it’s all roses up to the wedding day, you are in for a rough surprise. Also, how do they disagree with you? How does it go when you have a disagreement or argument? If you literally NEVER have any kind of disagreement before you get married – you need to wait.
I think 5 years and at least 2 of them living together
2-3 year after age 26. Also you should live together for 1 year and go through something crazy events and one long road trip.
The more stressful live events you go through, the better chance you will know if they are right for you.
Road trips are the best way to test things out without waiting for someone to naturally lose a job or end up in a hospital.
If you pass 5 years and not engaged yet, just pack up and leave. You weren’t meant to be; someone is forcing the relationship to work, out of fear of being alone.
If you are under the age of 26; wait until both of you hit 27 and see if you are still happy together. The brain doesn’t fully mature until age 25/26. So there a chance you might end up changing and wanting different things. Perfectly normal and healthy to end relationships due to wanting different things.
My first boyfriend ended up being a better friend than a boyfriend. We wanted different things and it didn’t make sense to force the relationship to work. We are still friends 10 years later.
A lifetime 😂
I don’t know but I feel like if you don’t know after two years it’s probably a no it most cases
As someone who has been divorced and and is now a couples therapist I would not get married unless I knew well/was dating the person for minimum 5 years
10 years
It depends on someone’s experience.
Minimum, for people who know how relationships work, one year is perfect.
“Normal” people, two and a half years.
Other people, more than three and a half years.
I don’t know if length of time matters as much as how much you experience together.
I’m in agreement with 2-3 years. That was my time frame. But ladies if y’all are living together and he’s 4-5 years in and he is still not committing he probably won’t.
at least 3 years for me personally
At least 2 years. It’s wild to me how going a year with no proposal is a deal breaker for some women!! 😵💫
Honestly, I think it depends on the people, but for me, at least two years helps. You want enough time to see how they handle life’s ups and downs not just the good moments. It’s less about a fixed timeline and more about truly understanding each other.
I think it takes less time the older and more experienced you are bc you know what you want and what you don’t want. Someone in their 20s may take more time than someone in their 30s and 40s. I was with someone in my early 20s for 6 yrs and thought he was the one. Turns out he was a compulsive liar and a cheater. I dated on and off until my late 20s when I met my now husband. We dated for 3 yrs, engaged for 1 year and traveled together, married, and then moved in together.
Rather then a time you should be comfortable with each other to know the answers to these questions based on evidence of action not words
does my partner handle money in a way that aligns with my values and their said values.
does my partner communicate with me in a way that aligns with their said values
is their commitment to community (family, friends, etc) align with my values and do they act on said values
if you want kids:
are their values ones I would want my child to have (again based on actions not words)
would this person be a good coparent?
If you don’t have enough evidence based on how long you have known them to answer these questions then it hasn’t been long enough.
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