About a week and a half ago, I found out that $300 was stolen from my wallet. I know it was taken sometime between Monday night and Tuesday morning. I counted it before bed and again in the morning, and $300 was just… gone. No one else besides my immediate family (my parents and two brothers) had access to the house or my purse, which was in the kitchen.
I confronted everyone calmly and gave them the chance to return the money anonymously in an envelope with no questions asked. It was never returned. So we had a family meeting. I explained that I can’t feel safe in my own home until the money is returned or someone takes responsibility, but no one confessed.
Out of everyone, I’m most suspicious of my brothers. My older brother (19) has OCD and has compulsions around money, which is why I initially thought it might be him. He makes decent money but always seems broke or is spending impulsively. He’s told me multiple times he didn’t do it and that he would never do something like that to me. Still, I couldn’t help but be unsure.
Lately though, I’ve been more suspicious of my youngest brother (15). He hasn’t spoken to me much since the money went missing — which is unusual because he used to talk to me daily especially about our upcoming vacation. He also didn’t say a single word during the family meeting. He doesn’t have a job or any source of income, so the motive and opportunity would be there. If he did take it and already spent it, that would explain why it hasn’t been returned.
Here’s where it gets even harder: I have a 12-day road trip planned in three weeks with my boyfriend and my little brother. I invited him months ago and was really excited to take him to see the mountains for the first time, go crystal hunting, and volunteer together at a homeless shelter in Colorado. I’m paying for everything — gas, food, activities — because I wanted to give him a meaningful experience.
But after this whole situation, I feel incredibly uneasy. It’s hard to justify taking someone on a trip I’m fully funding when I have a gut feeling they might’ve just stolen from me. I haven’t accused him because I don’t know for sure, but I also can’t ignore the signs and I don’t want to reward or enable that kind of behavior either.
The worst part is I doubt I’ll find out who took the money before the trip. I don’t want to exclude him if he didn’t do it, but there’s also a very real possibility that he did. I’m planning to have a serious conversation with him soon and let him know that unless the money is returned (or unless I know who took it)I don’t feel comfortable taking him. I want to be clear that I’m not accusing him outright, but that the trust in our relationship (and honestly in my whole family) has been broken because no one came clean.
Would I be wrong for not taking him even though I promised? I feel so torn. I care about him deeply and want him to come —but I also feel like I’d be betraying myself if I just acted like nothing happened.
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About a week and a half ago, I found out that $300 was stolen from my wallet. I know it was taken sometime between Monday night and Tuesday morning. I counted it before bed and again in the morning, and $300 was just… gone. No one else besides my immediate family (my parents and two brothers) had access to the house or my purse, which was in the kitchen.
I confronted everyone calmly and gave them the chance to return the money anonymously in an envelope with no questions asked. It was never returned. So we had a family meeting. I explained that I can’t feel safe in my own home until the money is returned or someone takes responsibility, but no one confessed.
Out of everyone, I’m most suspicious of my brothers. My older brother (19) has OCD and has compulsions around money, which is why I initially thought it might be him. He makes decent money but always seems broke or is spending impulsively. He’s told me multiple times he didn’t do it and that he would never do something like that to me. Still, I couldn’t help but be unsure.
Lately though, I’ve been more suspicious of my youngest brother (15). He hasn’t spoken to me much since the money went missing — which is unusual because he used to talk to me daily especially about our upcoming vacation. He also didn’t say a single word during the family meeting. He doesn’t have a job or any source of income, so the motive and opportunity would be there. If he did take it and already spent it, that would explain why it hasn’t been returned.
Here’s where it gets even harder: I have a 12-day road trip planned in three weeks with my boyfriend and my little brother. I invited him months ago and was really excited to take him to see the mountains for the first time, go crystal hunting, and volunteer together at a homeless shelter in Colorado. I’m paying for everything — gas, food, activities — because I wanted to give him a meaningful experience.
But after this whole situation, I feel incredibly uneasy. It’s hard to justify taking someone on a trip I’m fully funding when I have a gut feeling they might’ve just stolen from me. I haven’t accused him because I don’t know for sure, but I also can’t ignore the signs and I don’t want to reward or enable that kind of behavior either.
The worst part is I doubt I’ll find out who took the money before the trip. I don’t want to exclude him if he didn’t do it, but there’s also a very real possibility that he did. I’m planning to have a serious conversation with him soon and let him know that unless the money is returned (or unless I know who took it)I don’t feel comfortable taking him. I want to be clear that I’m not accusing him outright, but that the trust in our relationship (and honestly in my whole family) has been broken because no one came clean.
Would I be wrong for not taking him even though I promised? I feel so torn. I care about him deeply and want him to come —but I also feel like I’d be betraying myself if I just acted like nothing happened.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am breaking my promise to my brother by not taking him on a once in a lifetime vacation (quite literally, he’s only been out of our state a handful of times) because he is a suspect in who stole money out of my purse. I feel awful for telling him he can’t go, but I can’t ignore this situation. I know he will be very upset with me and so will the rest of my family.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – but it’s a tough situation, but you don’t actually have any proof that he took the money. You have three other suspects and if it turns out that your little brother didn’t do it and he suffered the consequences, you’ll probably end up regretting it and unnecessarily hurting your relationship.
Even if he did take the money, publicly confessing at a family meeting might’ve not been comfortable for him. Have you considered talking to him 1-1 calmly to say that your trust in your family has been shaken and that if he did take the money it would help if he told you (even if he spent the money). That it would help to restore your trust?
Well it’s like this. If he stole it you’re NTA if not you are. I feel really bad for you because this is worse then finding out who did it. Sorry I hope you find out the truth
YTA. Yea someone took the money but you have no proof of who. You’re just guessing and even then you still don’t know because you’re blaming both of them. How do you know it wasn’t your mom or dad that took it for a bill or something and are embarrassed to say anything. You promised him the trip and now your not taking him because you don’t know who took the money. I would be quiet and would want nothing to do with my sibling after being accused of stealing.
NTA, sit him down and have a chat, let him know that who ever took that $300.00/ is the reason he can’t go on the trip, Cause that is part of the money that you were using to pay his share! See his reaction, Either way a lesson is learned here
I would just say since the money has been stolen I can’t afford to take you. Definitely NTA
You don’t know who took it! Period.
Take your brother on the trip- if it was him, you and he may have an opportunity to figure it out.
Kids do stupid things
But the truth is currently- you don’t know and going around pointing fingers just will widen a gap in a relationship.
Go on the trip of a lifetime. Let the 300$ go. Never bring it up. Never mention it. Be the bigger person and enjoy the trip. You will never be able to redo this time with him- something great could happen!!
NTA but you might regret not sharing that experience with him even if you find out later that he was the one who took it. If he didn’t take it, not going would be hard to come back from as he may no longer trust you. If he did take it, you lost $300 either way. You will also be losing the experience with your brother if you don’t take him on the trip. If you take him on the trip and he took the money, he is more likely to return it later on when he can or to admit the theft and apologize. I know you don’t really owe him that, but it would show him that you care about him no matter what which could be what he needs to start being honest. I have to say though that your parents could feel so much shame about needing/taking the money that they are willing to let your brother take the blame since he doesn’t work and has issues with money. But again, if he did take it, I think it would be good to approach the confrontation with more curiosity than anger.
Idk, you aren’t SURE it’s him, he’s a 15 year old and might’ve done something stupid. Definitely sit down with him and talk about it but I think you should take him. In 10 years you might not care about the money but you’ll remember the once in a lifetime trip with your little brother. Definitely stress to him how wrong it is to steal and all that so he doesn’t repeat it IF it was him.
Just announce to the family that you can no longer afford to take the little brother. End of point. No blame to your game, just facts.
Also get a lock for your bedroom door.
If he has stolen it, maybe he has some problems. I started stealing as a teenager as a cry for help (I was being groomed)
The trip will be the perfect time to check if he is ok, I’m not saying interrogate him but just talk to him about his life
You could just announce the trip has to be tabled because the money for for the trip.
YTAH: you can’t punish him by leaving him behind snd not keeping your promise when you don’t know for sure he took the money. The truth will eventually come out and you can handle what to do at that time. My daughter stole from me a few times. You can have family meetings, but you aren’t going to get confessions in front of the others. What I did was say, whoever took the money, return it, no questions asked, even if you don’t have it all, return what you can. The behavior, the way it was returned, I know exactly who did it so I handled it then. I know it’s hard, but what if you leave him behind snd find out afterwards he didn’t do it?
I don’t think you should withdraw the offer of the trip without knowing for sure. I realize it doesn’t feel great to be treating your bro to a trip all expenses paid by you when he might have stolen, but I’d rather do that than punish someone who is innocent.
Also, it’s $300, which is a lot, but he’s 15, and ultimately I’d conjecture your relationship with him matters far more than this. OF COURSE it’s alarming if he is stealing from his family and getting away with it, but are you really ready to harm your relationship over holding this line, ESPECIALLY when you don’t know for sure? To me, YWBTA if you decide not to take him. If it comes to light that he did steal it…well face that when you get there.
NTA, but you also don’t know that your brother is, and by uninviting him, you risk changing your relationship with him for the worse forever. This is especially true if he didn’t steal it (but honestly either way, people take punishment poorly even when they deserve it).
Ultimately it’s your call if you want to risk that in this situation, but the decision to invite or uninvite anybody from a trip that you’re paying for is entirely up to you and can be made for any reason. Just know what the consequences of that might be and if you think it’s worth that risk.
YWBTA. You don’t know who took the money. You thought it was your older brother at first
INFO
And it’s info you don’t currently have. If your youngest brother did steal the money, then you can’t and shouldn’t take him along, and he will have no one to blame but himself. But if you kick him off the trip and it turns out he didn’t do it, that will destroy your relationship with him.
Are your parents helping you find out who stole it? If not, why do they condone their daughter being stolen from, or did they even do it themselves? If you think the money was spent already, cash has to be spent (or deposited) in person, so did your brothers (especially the 15 year old who can’t legally drive by himself) have an opportunity to do so? Did you see anything new in the house recently?
Did either of your brothers, or even your parents, have anyone else over the house during the time the money went missing? If the money was unattended in your purse could someone have gotten in and out without being noticed? I mean, your family are the most likely suspects, but unless someone comes clean, you might never find out. I personally try to never accuse someone of stealing something without pretty strong evidence…I have seen people do that, then turn around and find what they were looking for. Not saying that would happen here. But you really don’t know for sure. If you decide not to go on the trip, I would suggest saying that you just can’t afford it right now, but don’t accuse anyone in particular
Sleep with your purse.
NTA. Make sure he and everyone knows, the fault he can’t go lies in the thief. No need to specify who the thief is.
Just cancel the trip. Say you can no longer afford it. Do not make it about your suspicions. You can’t really know who took the money, so avoid trying to punish anyone.
Plan something else with your bf, no need to tell your family all the details, it’s none of their business.
Do be careful about your belongings from now on and move on. Leave no temptations anywhere to avoid repeat thefts. And consider moving out when possible.
NTA
NAH. You sit him down. You ask him directly. You take his answer. If later you learned he lied, you deal with it them. You would be AH to punish him based purely on this suspicion.
Don’t do that. You aren’t sure who took the money and it would be so unfair to promise him something and then not follow through if he didn’t do it. Chalkboard this up as a life lesson. I’d get a nanny cam or Google Nest or similar device for your room so this won’t be an issue going forward.
Have another family meeting where you state that because your trust has been violated, and because you’re now out a significant chunk of money (this wasn’t $20!), you cannot take anyone on vacation with you. Both because you need space given the situation, and also because this directly affected your pool of funds to go in the first place. Say you’re sorry that it has to be like this, but the theft straight up ruined being able to share this trip.
Keep your calls home with updates to yourself while you’re gone, and enjoy your trip! You deserve it. Clear your head while you’re gone in the safety of s person you can trust.
In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for any signs of new things in little bro’s room / new clothing / service subscriptions / his friends mentioning him paying for something. Maybe set up a camera in your room.
NAH. Yes, Your money and rightfully you have every reason to feel mistrust, betrayal and distance with all members within your family.
But that’s the issue here…without hard proof of anything, its not your just whole family being punished, its your little brother specifically. If he is truly innocent, then he will be missing out on something huge for no reason whatsoever, and that’s unfair to him.
The best thing to do, would be to call a family meeting again. Explain that unfortunately the trip has to be cancelled. Not because of little brother being a potential thief, but because that money was specifically to cover the costs of the trip and now you are short.
I’m hoping this leads to one of two things. Little brother coming clean, or the actual thief feels remorse that this is the outcome and they come clean as to not make little brother be falsely punished. Issue here is that you’re dealing with someone who’s Moral compass is out of wack if they already stole, they may not feel guilt about the trip either.
I would also keep an eye out for signs of anybody spending a little more anywhere. $300 isnt a small amount and hopefully you can spot the purchase/purchases. Best of luck. Its a very tough spot.
You only have circumstantial evidence. There is a reason we don’t convict people based on it in court. Don’t make a mistake of punishing him, just in case you are wrong. But like others have said, it’s a chance to really find out if it is him and help him work through whatever reason he stole it.
NTA. Better safe than sorry. If he’s acting way different and downright suspicious, chances are it’s probably him.
NTA
You can’t prove it was him, but you also don’t have the extra money to pay for this trip either.
I think the way to go about it would be to tell him because you lost that money you aren’t able to afford to take him on that trip anymore and you’re sorry. This is different than assuming guilt because you’re not punishing him. You just can no longer afford to do something for him because of probably his actions. This way you don’t need to accuse him but if he is guilty he will definitely feel even more so.
NTA.
“Sorry, everyone is a suspect in the theft of $300 from my purse, including you. I’m not taking a possible thief with me anywhere.”
Idea: you don’t KNOW who took it. Take brother on trip. Eliminate $300 worth of the plans & let him know how sad you are that X had to be eliminated bc of the theft. Leave it at that. He’ll see the consequences. Perhaps you both learn to protect yourselves a bit better. Got your credit frozen? Learn together.
If your youngest brother did take the money, he might be involved in something that he needs help with. The trip gives you the opportunity to spend quality time with him and build trust between you. If he didn’t take the money, leaving him behind could really damage your relationship.
I’d rather err on the side of grace. Worst case scenario, you never get the money back and your younger brother thinks he got away with something. That’s not much different from where you are now. Why risk inflicting harm when you can avoid it?
You know that little fucker took it. NTA, say you can’t afford to take him since the $300 went missing. He may come clean, or may know if older bro took it.
NTA but I would pose it as, since my money was stolen by a family member, I do not have money for a trip I promised so and so.
Also, lock up your valuables. You have one sibling already prone to overspending.
And don’t ignore your parents either. One of them could be doing something super sketchy in their lives.
This is a situation where you will treat them all like possible suspects until your money is returned and the person confesses.
Also. Work on moving out.
Info: Maybe your younger brother took it or he knows who took it but has been told to keep quiet.
Honestly, if I were you, I’d talk to your parents first. They may not be suspects 1 and 2, but what if one of them did it, thinking they could replace the money before it got out of hand? Don’t approach them by accusing them. Just feel them out first, letting them know about your plans to not take your bro on the trip because you think he took it. Maybe they know who did and are just keeping mum? Could be they know your other brother took it and are protecting him. Are you positive one of the brothers or your parents didn’t have someone over in that time frame?
You could be TA if you went solely on your assumption and you were wrong. Talk to everyone first before you decide. Your relationship with your brother is on the line.
Get a safe, save up your money and move out. But in the mean time I would say you should sit him down one on one and ask him straight up. I think it’ll be harder for him to lie when the spotlights on him. If he really didn’t do it/doesn’t come clean, have one on ones with everyone else, it’ll make it easier to spot the liar. But only after you talk to him privately would I decide to cancel the trip for him.
YTA Why would you leave your purse in the kitchen??
I’d just say that since the money is gone, you can’t afford to take him. Say sorry and enjoy your trip.
Suggesting that you won’t take him because he might have taken it; IS accusing him. There are 4 people it could have been; what are the other 3 losing. Not taking him on this trip can NOT be taken back. Wouldn’t you feel shitty if you penalize him then find out it wasn’t him after all…..
I think you should have another family meeting, or perhaps at the dinner table and just announce that you are really sorry but since the $300 went missing, you can no longer afford to take your brother on the trip. If the younger brother was covering for someone, he might spill the beans. If he took the money, he’s then getting the logical consequences for stealing.
Easy.
Tell your family the following:
“That money was saved up for me to be able to pay for food, lodging and activities for [little brother] during the road trip.
With the money being stolen, I can’t afford to take him on the trip. I am sorry, [little brother] maybe you can come next time.”
That way he can either be only mad at himself or, if he knows something, he will rat out whoever was the culprit.
Maybe he took it. Maybe he’s avoiding you because he knows who took it and doesn’t want to tattle.
Have a meeting and tell them “hey that $300 was for this trip. Since it disappeared, I can’t afford to take anyone else anymore.” Go have a fun roadtrip and see who cracks.
This is heartbreaking because to me it means someone likely was in a bad situation to steal that much at one time. I don’t think accusing one person and punishing them without proof is the way to go. Maybe the younger brother knows who did it and that’s why he’s acting weird. Until you actually know, get a safe and lock up your important paperwork and valuables until you can move out. Try talking to everyone again and see if anyone is in trouble and needs help. Take your brother on vacation-it’s not worth the damage you may do by singling him out unfairly.
Op posted this else where excluding info about the trip and was pretty convinced it was their older entitled ocd brother. They were advised to call the police and make a report and give the family a heads up first so the money would be returned. I’m guessing op didn’t do that. Op primarily stays with the boyfriend and only occasionally stays with the family. Money has gone missing before. I’d be not taking the younger brother and telling everyone that with money missing you can’t support another person on the trip. I’d also not be going to visit and stay over at the house anymore.
NTA but I would strongly consider still taking him on the trip. You can find a quiet time to talk to him about it, and ask if he actually did take the money, or if he needed the money for something. Show him that he means more to you than $300 and he could come to you when it’s important or he is feeling guilty.
You can get more money, but a new brother is a lot more work.
$300 is a lot of cash for one person to take. Just my personal opinion but based off the amount I’m less inclined to think it was the 15 year old, but that’s just my personal opinion.
Now the real question here is: is $300 worth ruining your relationship with your little brother? Even if he did take it? If you found out who it was what then? Do you cut that person off? How are you planning to handle it once you know for sure?
Then there’s the obvious: You don’t actually know he is the person who took it. You suspected your other brother first and said that he has a know compulsion around money. It also could have been someone you least suspect: one of your parents. You have no proof either way here, it’s all speculation at this point. Of course you’re wondering who it is and it makes sense you’d be suspicious of both brothers (I’d be suspicious of everyone) but at the end of the day you don’t KNOW which one did it.
Now, it is your money and it is your trip and you can do whatever you want around that. But I would tread very carefully. If you’re dead set on not taking him on the trip, it needs to be framed as being because the $300 is missing, but WITHOUT accusing anyone specific of taking it. And if you’re going to do this to him, you need to keep the same energy for everyone else who could have potentially taken it. Don’t single him out and have him be the only one to suffer the consequences of something three other people could also be guilty of. Cancel plans with all of em. That seems fair.