Me (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for almost 5 years, we have know each other since high school.
He’s the best man, really. He makes me happy and he loves me in a way I never imagined was possible.
When I think of the definition of a“soulmate” I think of him.
A month ago we were talking about what our “type” was and if we had childhood crushes.
The thing is, my boyfriend is my type: dark hair, dark eyes, kind, and clever.
But when he told me his type he said he’s always been into blonde girls and I’M A BRUNETTE.
He even had the audacity to say “Well, when we started dating you were blonde” And let me tell you, at that moment, I felt like I wasn’t enough. I didn’t understand why he got with me if I wasn’t “his type”.
I told him this and he said that he’s with me because he loves me, I’m the right one for him, and that the hair color doesn’t matter.
But I have to say, after listening to radio shows and reading posts about people cheating, I’m scared that someday it will happen to me – and definitely with a blonde girl.
I’ve always been scared of relationships because my father cheated on my mother, and I found out about this when I was 12. Hearing my mom cry about it with my grandma broke me and broke my trust in men.
I was okay with being lonely and safe from possible cheaters until he came into my life.
I’ve always told him that I hate cheaters and that I’m 100% sure that I will never do that to my partner.
And that I need him to be on the same page because if he ever cheated on me, I’d truly be done with men.
He never gave me any reason to doubt him, but I’m scared that when he gets a real job and meets new people, there will be girls all over him – girls who won’t care that he is in a relationship and try to seduce him.
And then, yesterday we were talking on the phone, and something that happened 3 years ago came out.
Three years ago, he went to a club with his friends — his last time going out like that (he doesn’t go anymore because he never like clubs but went cuz his friends wanted to go).
I’m not the controlling type nor am I super jealous so when he asked me if he could go, I said “Yes, as long as you remember that I’m at home waiting for you”.
Long story short: a girl approached him and told him she liked him.
He told her he was taken.
She said she didn’t care that he was in a relationship (clearly not a “girls’ girl”).
He kept saying no and even told her his friend was single, but she said she only liked him.
After being rejected again, she left.
Now, even years later, I applaud his behavior because that is what I expect from a loyal partner.
But what bothered me the other night was that he added a detail that he hadn’t mentioned before.
He said “If I wanted to cheat, I had the chance to. But I’m not that type of person, we were at the beginning of our relationship and everything was going well. I knew I wouldn’t let a random girl destroy what we were building”
But what really got my blood boil was the fact that he added “And if you really want to know, she was blonde”
This whole “blonde” thing has become the elephant in the room — like every time he has a chance to bring it up, he does.
I don’t know… maybe I feel inferior, because I don’t feel like I’m his type.
But at the same time idk, maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion, maybe I’m overthinking.
Sometimes I feel insicure, I mean I tough I was his type for 5 years and now he says his type is blondes.
So excuse me if my world crumbled a little, and I’m confused.
Keep in mind, we do communicate a lot.
When something’s on my mind, I tell him.
But still, this is something I need an opinion on from someone outside our relationship.
Can you help me understand what is going on in my brain?
Because I’ve been thinking about this non-stop.
TL;DR:
My boyfriend told me his type is blonde (and I’m brunette). He’s loving and loyal, but this detail made me feel like l’m not enough. I’ve been overthinking and feeling insecure, even though he hasn’t done anything wrong. Am I overreacting?
Comments
> This whole “blonde” thing has become the elephant in the room — like every time he has a chance to bring it up, he does.
Just to clarify here: how many times has he brought it up? How many times have you mentioned it since the conversation about “types”? Who started the conversation about “types”?
What does his “type” matter if you’ve been together for five years? Obviously YOU are his type. Why you guys talking about that night again? He’s being petty by telling
You she was blonde and you sound super insecure. You should trust your man can go anywhere: gym, work, the club, the store and come home to you with nothing to worry about.