Seriously, I have to know. How can you be a great boyfriend/husband to your girlfriend/wife?
I’ve been single for the past 5 years and my last relationship was with a woman that had some serious mental disorders that it really threw me for a loop. I decided to stay single for a while because of it and been working on myself a lot. I lost a good amount of weight, learned some new skills, focused on my education and just overall really put a lot of emphasis on improving myself in many ways. I’ve only been in 2 relationships my whole life, the first one ended after about 6 months while the other lasted for years. Now, I’m starting to feel as if I’m ready to pursue a relationship, but my concern is that I really want to be a good partner to my SO. I don’t want to be controlling or abusive, but I also don’t want to be walked all over and have my boundaries respected.
So how do I find a good balance? How can I still make my relationships work and be healthy while still being able to be me? I understand people say compromises, but can you be specific and give me examples?
Also, I was never the popular guy and was overweight when I was younger so I lacked a lot of confidence, but I feel as if now I have changed a lot being a middle aged man now and am molding into the man I’ve always wanted to be, who I saw myself as.
I didn’t have a father figure growing up so learning everything on my own was really difficult, yet I still feel some things elude me. Like how do I handle an argument with a woman? How can I make good decisions that will benefit not only me but my SO without letting my emotions or hers cloud my judgment?
My perspective of relationships has always been that a man is supposed to be a strong leader that takes initiative, protects and provides for his loved ones. He can be funny, kind and gentle, but still strong and be a respected goal getter.
So, how do you guys do it? What is the key to your successful relationship? How long have your most successful relationships lasted? What kind of advice could you guys give me, man-to-man. I would love detailed answers with depth. Thanks, fellas. 🫡
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/FangsForU’s post (if available):
Seriously, I have to know. How can you be a great boyfriend/husband to your girlfriend/wife?
I’ve been single for the past 5 years and my last relationship was with a woman that had some serious mental disorders that it really threw me for a loop. I decided to stay single for a while because of it and been working on myself a lot. I lost a good amount of weight, learned some new skills, focused on my education and just overall really put a lot of emphasis on improving myself in many ways. I’ve only been in 2 relationships my whole life, the first one ended after about 6 months while the other lasted for years. Now, I’m starting to feel as if I’m ready to pursue a relationship, but my concern is that I really want to be a good partner to my SO. I don’t want to be controlling or abusive, but I also don’t want to be walked all over and have my boundaries respected.
So how do I find a good balance? How can I still make my relationships work and be healthy while still being able to be me? I understand people say compromises, but can you be specific and give me examples?
Also, I was never the popular guy and was overweight when I was younger so I lacked a lot of confidence, but I feel as if now I have changed a lot being a middle aged man now and am molding into the man I’ve always wanted to be, who I saw myself as.
I didn’t have a father figure growing up so learning everything on my own was really difficult, yet I still feel some things elude me. Like how do I handle an argument with a woman? How can I make good decisions that will benefit not only me but my SO without letting my emotions or hers cloud my judgment?
My perspective of relationships has always been that a man is supposed to be a strong leader that takes initiative, protects and provides for his loved ones. He can be funny, kind and gentle, but still strong and be a respected goal getter.
So, how do you guys do it? What is the key to your successful relationship? How long have your most successful relationships lasted? What kind of advice could you guys give me, man-to-man. I would love detailed answers with depth. Thanks, fellas. 🫡
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Relationships are a battle between finding solutions to conflict in two people with different perspectives on life.
None of your questions have right or wrong answers. You try your best and learn from your mistakes.
99.9% of relationships fail from communication or money. If you have those two boxes checked and it still isn’t working then it’s probably time to see a therapist.
You can start by not knowingly dating mentally ill people.
That aside, you’ve got to realize that women have different perspectives than you, and sometimes that means that their participation in something has a different end goal. When we’re upset, we usually want to find the shortest path to a solution because we don’t really get a chance to vent. When they’re upset, they usually just want you to be a witness to their emotional outburst. Similarly, the reason that men say they can’t win in arguments against women is because women aren’t interested in being right as much as they’re interested in having their feelings validated, so as long as you keep on being an oppositional voice to their own, they’re going to keep arguing regardless of how dumb their argument is.
The normal amount of bullshit that a woman will exude is an intolerable amount for a guy, both in platonic and romantic relationships, so you can’t go into a relationship thinking that you’re gonna get a partner who thinks like you. She wasn’t raised to think like you, because parents treat boys and girls differently. How much time have you spent thinking about your wedding day and what that’s gonna be like? I bet almost none. Meanwhile, they’ve been raised from little girls as being obsessed over having THEIR day as the center of attention. How much time have you spent thinking about being the hero of something, whether sports or a life threatening situation or a conflict? They spend almost no time at all thinking about that because they’re the ones entitled to be saved, not the ones doing the saving.
Acknowledge the differences, accept the differences, and accept that what I said are generalities and don’t necessarily apply to all women or couples.
I think you are focusing on a wrong thing.
Unless you have some serious issues to work on (like being abusive), you should spend your time finding a girl which suits you.
Sure, trying to change your behaviour to be a better boyfriend is good and all, but the primary focus should be dating as many girls as you can until you find the one which is perfect for you.
I’ve been married for 25 years and known my wife for a total of 40 years. There are not magic elixirs. Some of it is luck in finding the right person because people do change and/or you never really know someone until you live with them.
Of course, you also have to understand that relationships mean compromise. If you’re not willing to compromise at least some of the time, your relationship won’t work. Of course, your partner has to compromise too.
Finally, relationships are work. There is no such thing as honeymoon all the time. There will be disagreements; things will be old, and excitement fades. But the core relationship has to be based on a strong foundation. I love my wife because of who she is and what she and for. She makes me laugh, we have fun together, and of course, she’s still beautiful as ever.
Luck mostly. We all change over time. You need someone who will change with you and you with them. When the change is apart rather than together, it’s usually the beginning of the end. Sometimes you can reel it in and get on the same side if there is open communication.
communication and conflict resolution. usually if the former is on point, the latter is pointless.
Join f3nation. It’s been the most impactful thing I’ve done for my relationship
I can’t say this loud enough.
PICK THE RIGHT WOMAN
You need to stop overthinking things. Find a good partner who respects you and making a long term relationship work isn’t that difficult. I had an abusive piece of shit father, so instead of no example I had an example of what not to be.
When I have asked my wife questions about what makes me a good partner or similar her number one response is that I show up when I say I will. It’s really can be as simple as what you got taught as a kid, how do you want a partner to treat you? Treat them that way. If they don’t treat you in a similar way, don’t waste your time with them.
My wife and I will have been together for 13 years this fall. My first serious relationship lasted 5 and a half years.