Hello all,
As the title says, how do I stop feeling guilty over enjoying simple life when my brother is going through tough times?
Some background:
Me and my brother (We are twins and we have been close since childhood) both work for the government but different departments. However his is more stressful job working in high security environment.
Like last 2 year everything was going really good for him. He went to visit Japan and he was going on all paid work trips twice a year. He was making good money and enjoying life. I was doing ok at my job and there wasn’t much career progression for me.
However, until last year in Fall 2024, things started to went downhill. He had a substance abuse issue during his work trip and it was very hard time for us. Luckily nothing happened to any of his coworkers. He was mainly unavailable for the whole time of work trip. And recently, in beginning of this year, he broke up with long time girlfriend. It was because of his substance abuse and addiction.
Now he has been put on Admin leave from his work pending investigation and we don’t know what will happen with his job in coming weeks. He could be fired or worse.
Another thing to note is that since Fall 2024, my career started to progress better. I got 2 promotions within 6 months and doing a really good at my job. Everything is going awesome for me. I also got engaged recently in beginning of 2025 around the time my brother broke up with his gf.
Now I feel like our destiny has been swapped and I feel guilty for seeing myself succeed and him going through hardship.
I just can’t seem to enjoy stuff as I keep thinking in mind that he won’t be able to join our friends group as if he loses his job he won’t have money to spend. I think of my future and feel shitty knowing that my brother is suffering and I am here enjoying life.
Is there a way to deal with this feelings and thoughts?
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/daddylove03’s post (if available):
Hello all,
As the title says, how do I stop feeling guilty over enjoying simple life when my brother is going through tough times?
Some background:
Me and my brother (We are twins and we have been close since childhood) both work for the government but different departments. However his is more stressful job working in high security environment.
Like last 2 year everything was going really good for him. He went to visit Japan and he was going on all paid work trips twice a year. He was making good money and enjoying life. I was doing ok at my job and there wasn’t much career progression for me.
However, until last year in Fall 2024, things started to went downhill. He had a substance abuse issue during his work trip and it was very hard time for us. Luckily nothing happened to any of his coworkers. He was mainly unavailable for the whole time of work trip. And recently, in beginning of this year, he broke up with long time girlfriend. It was because of his substance abuse and addiction.
Now he has been put on Admin leave from his work pending investigation and we don’t know what will happen with his job in coming weeks. He could be fired or worse.
Another thing to note is that since Fall 2024, my career started to progress better. I got 2 promotions within 6 months and doing a really good at my job. Everything is going awesome for me. I also got engaged recently in beginning of 2025 around the time my brother broke up with his gf.
Now I feel like our destiny has been swapped and I feel guilty for seeing myself succeed and him going through hardship.
I just can’t seem to enjoy stuff as I keep thinking in mind that he won’t be able to join our friends group as if he loses his job he won’t have money to spend. I think of my future and feel shitty knowing that my brother is suffering and I am here enjoying life.
Is there a way to deal with this feelings and thoughts?
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It’s not your fault, your brother put himself in that situation. He knows how to get out, but he’s too weak to do it.
I have a younger sibling who’s into drugs as well. He still doesn’t feel like he’s done anything wrong to deserve the way I treat him. I no longer consider him a brother and he’s dead to me. I don’t give 5th chances.
You can enjoy your life and also do what you can to support him. They aren’t mutually exclusive. Added bonus is that being there for him should also make you feel better.
Perhaps your feelings of guilt are misplaced, maybe you feel like you should do more to help but have been enjoying your life. Honestly having a new love in your life is one of the best times in life and you’re right to enjoy it and be in that moment.
And the other half of my point is it’s not your fault they are having troubles and guilt shouldn’t arise from things that you have no control over.
My advice would be to try and help as much as you can without risking your own situation, even though you are twins, you’re two individuals with independent free will.