So I originally posted this in r/nicegirls to highlight what I see as a double standard in how society treats misogyny vs misandry.
The post gained traction quickly — in about 8.5 hours, it hit 100k+ impressions, ~450 upvotes, ~450 comments, and was shared almost 100 times. Engagement was high (90% upvote ratio) (can’t post screenshots as this sub doesnt allow media), and the comments were very split. Some were supportive, others hostile. That division alone speaks volumes about how sensitive — and necessary — this conversation is.
Here’s the background:
I came across a dating app bio that read:
“ENM, Partnered, Dating Separately. Pisces Sagittarius Leo. 1 Cat Mom. Misandrist. BBW. Dating unintentionally.”
Yes — it literally said “Misandrist.”
And she listed herself as straight and dating men.
Now imagine if a man had written “Misogynist” in his dating bio. He’d be banned, flamed, and probably screenshotted into oblivion. So why the pass here?
Some defended it by saying it was “just a joke,” or “not that deep.” Others said, “Women have faced more oppression, so it’s not the same.” But if we’re aiming for equality — and especially if people claim to be against bigotry — why make exceptions?
That was the point of the original post: If we excuse hate from one side because of history, aren’t we just playing moral relativism with human dignity?
I’m not saying men are the victims of history — I’m saying bigotry shouldn’t be justified, regardless of direction.
Also — the person who had “misandrist” in their bio openly identified with communities (LGBTQ+ and poly) that tend to speak out against discrimination. Which made this example feel especially contradictory.
Would love to hear what you all think:
Is misandry just being overblown as a concept?
Would the reaction be different if the genders were reversed?
And if we say “it’s not that deep,” are we opening the door to normalize the same hate we claim to be against?
Curious to hear honest takes — especially from other men.
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/Ragnorok10’s post (if available):
So I originally posted this in r/nicegirls to highlight what I see as a double standard in how society treats misogyny vs misandry.
The post gained traction quickly — in about 8.5 hours, it hit 100k+ impressions, ~450 upvotes, ~450 comments, and was shared almost 100 times. Engagement was high (90% upvote ratio) (can’t post screenshots as this sub doesnt allow media), and the comments were very split. Some were supportive, others hostile. That division alone speaks volumes about how sensitive — and necessary — this conversation is.
Here’s the background:
I came across a dating app bio that read:
“ENM, Partnered, Dating Separately. Pisces Sagittarius Leo. 1 Cat Mom. Misandrist. BBW. Dating unintentionally.”
Yes — it literally said “Misandrist.”
And she listed herself as straight and dating men.
Now imagine if a man had written “Misogynist” in his dating bio. He’d be banned, flamed, and probably screenshotted into oblivion. So why the pass here?
Some defended it by saying it was “just a joke,” or “not that deep.” Others said, “Women have faced more oppression, so it’s not the same.” But if we’re aiming for equality — and especially if people claim to be against bigotry — why make exceptions?
That was the point of the original post: If we excuse hate from one side because of history, aren’t we just playing moral relativism with human dignity?
I’m not saying men are the victims of history — I’m saying bigotry shouldn’t be justified, regardless of direction.
Also — the person who had “misandrist” in their bio openly identified with communities (LGBTQ+ and poly) that tend to speak out against discrimination. Which made this example feel especially contradictory.
Would love to hear what you all think:
Is misandry just being overblown as a concept?
Would the reaction be different if the genders were reversed?
And if we say “it’s not that deep,” are we opening the door to normalize the same hate we claim to be against?
Curious to hear honest takes — especially from other men.
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Men aren’t seen as a protected class unless you consider race. Society deems It acceptable to punch up or punch on level. It’s not acceptable to punch down.
Because society don’t give a fuck about men, and it’s never going to change.
You want an honest take from men, so here’s my honest take: it’s because women simply don’t have the power and ability to terrorize men the way that men have terrorized women, throughout history, up to and including today.
I will never have a low-grade fear of women the way that most women have a low-grade fear of men. That’s the privilege of being male.
Because misandry is mostly perpetrated by women while misogyny is mostly perpetrated by men and in our society we hold women to a far lower standard than we hold men.
Lonely, desperate men heavily contribute to pedestals women are placed on, as well as single mothers, general societal standards and media. I think we are starting to see that shift now. The pendulum swings
Misandry is mostly annoying, misogyny more often gets violent. The odds of me being harmed by misandry is much lower than misogyny.
men kill and rape far more women than the other way around
I think at the end of the day, all you can do is clarify your values and boundaries, and stay away from people who don’t align with them. Do I think it’s a double standard? Yes. But at the same time, what I can do about it is really only staying true to myself and my beliefs. In the current climate, calling this out will get ridiculed, or worse, result in a setback of what you’re trying to change. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to pick your battles.
Because men have largely been silent about their abuse out of a misplaced sense of duty towards people that don’t appreciate them.
Most of these people don’t view misandry as harmful. While it’s true that throughout history misogyny has led to the subjugation of women, it’s a myth that misandry is harmless. Misandry only serves to increase misogyny and lack of sympathy amongst men. It corrodes any good will that has been established over the years and most definitely has a negative societal impact. However you can boil this down very simply, hate is hate and it’s all ugly. There is no equity or value in it.
Honestly, because men don’t speak up enough and they don’t support other men when dealing with this shit.
Unfortunately, men are more likely to engage in misandry than speak up against it.
99% of the time ‘misandry’ gets mentioned it’s in the context of sheer whataboutery.
Yes, it’s a thing. Yes, some women partake in it. But honestly who cares? It’s not affecting us for the most part.
Leave them to it and hit the ignore button.
Especially in the context of this dating profile that triggered your trail of thought. Take out the ‘misandrist’ and there’s still absolutely nothing about the bio that makes me think she might be worth a shot.
don’t know what ENM means.
partnered but dating separately tells me even her partner doesn’t see anything special enough in her.
star signs = no personality
cat mom, probably stinks and house / clothes are covered in hair
BBW, nah you’re just fat
misandrist, insufferable and can’t take misogynistic banter
dating unintentionally? Again, you’re an insufferable cunt that nobody’s prepared to claim.
Because men haven’t spoken up enough about it.
Misogyny gets more attention so it’s an uglier word.
Just swipe left and move on.
I’m going to actually go against the grain here and say it’s because women generally don’t take misandry to the extreme. Sure some women will make huge generalisations about men based on a few bad men they dated. However unless the woman is evil they are unlikely to start abusing men just because they don’t like them.
It’s more like passive snarky comments, being rude, nagging and just generally having a bad attitude towards men. Less violent usually. However it still isn’t nice to be on the receiving end of it as unfortunately there isn’t really anywhere you can go to talk about misandry.
It’s because fundamentally punching up in comedy is fine, and punching down is not.
Making a joke about rich old white mens penises is fine, they are up for most, they have power. Making the equivalent about poor men is not, because they don’t have power, so it’s perceived as heaping on to their problems from a place of superiority.
It’s a fundamentally good rule: as it opens societies ability to criticise and attack those with power, while defending those without.
Misandry is seen as socially more acceptable, because it is an attack on power (men). Ultimately we need balance so that neither occurs, but there is still a long way to go.
Men are more violent than women, so women need physical protection from men. Men far exceed women in murder, rape, assault, etc. So, for example, women’s shelters make sense compared to men’s shelters. Men are just more dangerous.
Misandry is real, though. Women just harm men less violently; they are more subtle in their attacks. Our society doesn’t really punish lying, deceit, manipulation, verbal abuse, etc. The non-violent methods of hurting people are essentially not punished by criminal law very harshly — unless financial harm occurs.
If I were to guess it’s because there are no laws about men’s health or voting access or rights in general being put under consideration and never have been.
I think it’s safe to say that when one sex is widely threatened and the other isn’t, it’s a bit silly to go on about equality and how unfair misandry is.
Like someone said, ‘Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will rape or murder them.’
Quite honestly while I don’t approve of misandry, but I’m surprised it’s not more common. Almost every single woman is sexualized by adult men when they’re still actual children. Most of the women you know are groped, harassed, or assaulted more than once before adulthood. And in an election, around a third of the country’s men heard a candidate talk about getting away with sexual assault and still voted for him.
You shouldn’t be asking ‘Why is misandry ok’ and should instead be asking why it’s not even more common. They’re safer as misandrists than they are as egalitarians. That’s just an objective fact of reality. It’s hard to argue that it’s wrong when the ones you want to argue with have to have a dozen different tricks in mind on how to avoid getting raped during their daily routine.
It’s like…
Imagine living in the 1950s segregation era, and asking why black racism against white people is ok but white racism against blacks is wrong.
It’s not that racism is ever good. But it’s a damn fool question to ask given the social, legal, and cultural conditions of the time. Like… fix the real problems first, then maybe ask how to fix the resentment of the oppressed.
Misogyny kills. Misandry is just online debates.
I do find a lot of the misandry talk online unreasonable or just mean, but it’s not like I’m under real threat from it, so I just quit taking to those people.