I created a reddit account for some advice and would really appreciate some. I know I was wrong but I really need advice to move forward.
I (16 f) have been with my boyfriend (16 m) for nearly 2 years. We have a very strong and stable relationship, we never shout at one another, set boundaries when we first started dating and go over them every once in a while so the other feels heard, we get along great always laughing, both of us are hard workers and we are just overall really close.
A few months ago I was put on the pill due to personal reasons and we ended up having sex. I know it was wrong but it was something we both wanted and honestly was just an escape for me, I know its wrong but thats just how I felt at the time.
I ended up coming off of birth control due to the side effects it had on me and in hopes it would stop us from doing stuff. It didnt so we brought protection.
Today I was round his house and my mum suprised and came picked me up (whilst we were doing it), She called my phone saying she has been waiting for 20 minutes, (I did check her location time and she was waiting for about 5). I quickly got dressed and rushed down and she said it took me 3 minutes, she asked if i was getting dressed and i said I was packing my bag.
As we drove home we did not speak at all.
I dont know what to do, I dont want to tell her Ive been having sex because I know she will judge me or im scared she wont let me see him anymore. He isnt just my boyfriend he is my best friend, we do literally everything together and whenever there are arguments in my house he always calms me down. Does anyone know what to do?
I was thinking I could either tell her we were doing stuff (but not sex), but im scared she will judge me because I always hear her judging other girls my age. Or I could tell her we had an argument.
Does anyone have any advice?
I forgot to mention why I don’t want to tell her: my only problem is which I should have mentioned is that shes asked me to not do it before im 18, and to talk to her before I do it. Which I have not done, my mum can be really judgemental and is going through alot of stress right now (work, family) which she has often taken out on me and I really dont want to add to the fire additionally I dont know how she will react and it completely depends on her mood.
She always talks badly about my friends who do it, or her friends when she was my age and took alot of pride in the fact that she didn’t do it before she was 18.
Do you think this makes a difference?
*edit Thank you so much for all your support I am very grateful for it all
Comments
Your 16 of course your bangin. You’re mums just surprised by her own emotions about it, probably spent time avoiding thinking about until now
Who the hell tells their parents they have had or are planning to have sex? Nobody? It’s between you and your boyfriend. Omg, I would die of embarrassement if I told this to my family. I don’t even tell to my friends. I’m 30+.
Don’t tell your mum… You will never be allowed to see him again
Oof. Your mom is not creating a safe space for you to be authentic and with her going through other stressful stuff, now is not the time to be honest with her. She would probably blow her lid and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! The bf relationship seems healthy and you are using protection. I would not say anything. If she really presses you, I would start with explaining that all of her stories and pressure made you feel very insecure about her love and acceptance of you. It seemed like she would only love you if you didn’t have sex and because you have ( and it felt very natural for you and you have a great relationship with your bf), you didn’t want to disappoint her.
It’s legal, it’s consensual, it’s your body, and it sounds like you are in a healthy and stable relationship and are using protection.
I would try a different type of Pill, there are different types, and less risky than just using condoms. Get a Drs appointment and discuss your contraception options.
Talk to your mum, remind her about the level of stability in this relationship and that despite her request you are now sexually active (just blame hormones!) She is likely struggling to adjust that you are no longer her baby anymore and are becoming a young adult that will make your own life choices irrespective of her options. Try not to let it drive a wedge between you, I’m sure she’s just wanting the best for you.
She’s just making assumptions on what you’re doing if she didn’t physically see you doing anything. Take it to the grave.
Having consensual sex isn’t wrong
Just gonna put that right here
Don’t tell your mum. She may act like she knows, but she really doesn’t. Just don’t confirm her suspicions. My parents always used to try to trick me into telling them that my ex and I were having sex, but I never fed into it and eventually they left it alone. It’s none of her business and so long as you’re being responsible and safe, there are zero reasons you should feel bad about this. You did nothing wrong.
Don’t say anything trust me my bfs grandmas walked in on us making out in the bathroom which is how he came out as gay and how I came out as as definitely more than a friend to two Orthodox Christian 70 yr olds (who oddly enough got rlly happy abt it) and also in the bathroom has my bfs brother caught us doing more than making out…
Why did both of you post in the same sub about it? lol using the same account too?https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1l5y8lq/i_think_me_and_my_girlfriend_have_been_caught/
At this point, I would only get into a conversation about it with her if she brings it up. If she doesn’t, wait a bit, let the dust settle and then have an open conversation with her about your experience, your feelings and your worries. As your mum, she naturally wants to protect you, but if you are open and candid with her you will be fine. Please DO NOT feel guilty or ashamed. Your desire for physical intimacy is perfectly normal at your age, and at least you seem to be going about it responsibly.
Why do you want to tell her? Based on what you’ve said concerning her approachability and judgemental attitude, keep it to yourself unless you have an infection or need other care. Just keep quiet about it. It sounds like she’s already playing the judgement guilt trip a lot of mom’s do. Just be strong, careful (use good protection), and self assured. Please don’t feel guilty.
I’m 22f, so from someone who understands… don’t tell her. It’ll only complicate things. I lost my virginity around the same time and said nothing. My mom only found out bcuz I had a hickey on my neck. You’re doing things that normal woman do. Just be safe and know the red flags. You shouldn’t feel obligated to tell anyone anything about your personal life, not even your mother. Some things are just for you to know and enjoy. Your body your choice it’s not her decision.
just tell her you guys were having a serious convo abt something, i wouldn’t tell her you’re doing anything tbh.. only cuz i grew up with a kinda judgy mom. regardless PLEASE keep using protection, stay safe you’re so young.