I (21M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (21F) for a while now, and one issue has been bothering me. She is very physically expressive, both in affectionate and playful ways, which I usually appreciate since physical touch is my love language too. However, sometimes it goes too far.
For example, she bites my lip so hard that it hurts for hours, and when I tell her I don’t like it, she dismisses my feelings and says I’m being childish. She looks down on me for not “taking the pain like a man.” Last week, she playfully pinched my arms, and the bruises turned yellow and purple all over. When I brought it up, she gave me an annoyed, forced apology rather than acknowledging the issue.
This isn’t a one-time thing—I’ve often had marks on my arms and stomach, to the point that my mom even noticed when I visited home. The pain itself isn’t what bothers me the most; it’s the way she reacts when I express discomfort, as if I’m weak for not tolerating it.
Is this kind of behavior normal in a relationship? Am I overreacting, or should I be more understanding?
Comments
This is abuse. She is abusing you.
You have asked her to stop, she degrades you for it and then hurts you again.
You are not the asshole but you do need to leave her before this escalates further.
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she have zero respect for you. either stand up for yourself or leave
No it’s abusive and she’s going to poke the lion a hundred times until you react and hit her. Then she will play the victim and you will be outed as the abuser.
This is very common abuse behavior patterns, I would dump her now for your physical and legal safety.
This is not normal, this is not affection. She’s hurting you. I have no idea what her motivation is but something about causing you pain is enjoyable for her.
This type of behavior is NOT normal in a relationship. She’s dismissing your feelings AND making it like you’re the problem.
Imo, this will escalate into other areas of your life. Huge red flag in my book.
No you are not you must make it clear to your girlfriend that you don’t appreciate pain and it has nothing to do about being a man. It’s the same as slapping your girlfriend and telling her that is the way you express love.
I’ve already come across this kind of mentally ill person who likes to mutilate you during the act, I never understood his delusion, but it was just a sex hookup and nothing more.
The fact that she is your girlfriend is different, she must take into account and respect your words and your choices, just like you are supposed to do for her.
If she doesn’t take into account what you say, and puts you down, that’s a lack of respect.
If tomorrow she tells you that you hurt her in a certain position and you tell her that she’s bad in bed, that she’s not a real woman, what will she do?
Quite simply leaving you saying “he didn’t respect me and belittled me”..
so never forget that mutual respect is the basis of a couple.
No, it is not normal. Your GF is using your body to vent and express some anger issues she has. I don’t know where that anger comes form, it doesn’t sound as if you are the cause of it, but she taking it out on you.
There are a few explanations for why. You’ll have to confront her, seriously sit her down and tell her to knock it off or you will break up.
First, she may have been bullied at home by a parent or a sibling, and she learned that causing someone else physical pain is one way to make herself not feel so alone in her suffering. Very wrong.
Second, she may not actually like you, be confused about herself, power dynamics, your relationship, and be frustrated by other things. She is using your body as a pinching and punching bag to work out those feelings. Also very wrong.
Least likely but possible is she is into S&M, she gets excited by causing you pain, and it is a kink she can’t stop, even though you’ve told her you don’t like it. Very, very wrong.
Sit her down today and hold her hands firmly in yours as you tell her that her hands have to stop causing you pain. You do not like it, and you don’t like her because of it. Either she stops completely, or the next time will be the very last time. Any sane, rational, well-minded GF would stop immediately. If she doesn’t, she is not okay mentally and you should have no problems leaving her.
You’re not overreacting. Physical affection should be respectful, and your feelings about pain and discomfort are valid. If she dismisses your concerns and belittles you for expressing discomfort, that’s a red flag. A healthy relationship involves listening to and respecting each other’s boundaries. It’s worth discussing how her actions are affecting you.
Nah, bro, you’re not overreacting—this is straight-up toxic. Affection shouldn’t leave you bruised like you just lost a UFC match. The biggest red flag here isn’t even the pain, it’s the way she completely dismisses your feelings and mocks you for setting a boundary.
If she actually cared about you, she’d listen when you say “this hurts” instead of doubling down. You’re not weak for wanting a partner who respects you—you’re just dating someone who doesn’t. 🚩🚩
Might be time to rethink this relationship before it gets worse.
Nta this is straight up domestic violence
Hi, woman here. 👋
While sexual preferences will differ, it is not normal for your partner to degrade, dismiss or be inconsiderate of your preferences and feelings.
You should feel safe and heard and she’s clearly not providing that which can get scary! If she can’t understand to lighten up the biting or pinches, what else is she going to dismiss and ignore? How much pain is too much pain? What is the cut off line for pain for a man?
This can easily turn into an abusive relationship so please proceed with caution.
For her to dismiss your preferences and feelings because you’re “a man”, is wild. If the roles were reversed, how would you be perceived?
Nta, she needs to keep her hands to herself. This is abuse, and it needs to end.
You’re not overreacting, her behavior is abusive (leaving bruises, mocking your pain) and her refusal to respect your boundaries is a dealbreaker; no healthy relationship involves dismissing your partner’s discomfort as ‘weakness’ or ignoring their ‘no.
NTA. Love taps shouldn’t require a first aid kit. If someone dismisses pain they’re causing, that’s not “playful,” that’s just disrespectful.
LOL…………What stops you from biting her back?
You is a willing victim. Not normal. Grow up. Grow some balls and walk away from this maniac.
She likes hurting you….alot.
Move on.
I am someone who likes to give my bf little nips and tickle him but if in the moment I nip too hard and he says ouch I immediately apologize make sure he is ok then continue with what we are doing and lighten my nips on him. That is basic respect and if she cannot give you the very bottom rung of respect then you need to leave the relationship
NTA-this is abusive and not ok. When you tell your partner that you don’t ‘like something they are doing and that you want them to stop they should listen to you.
She’s abusive get out.
If she is a sadist, it is what it is. But she needs to find a masochistic partner (which clearly isn’t you) and learn about consent/boundaries. Downplaying your discomfort and boundaries is a big no in any relationship, even a bdsm type relationship. As others have said, she’s an abuser. Run, bro. Fast
It sounds like she is testing your limits to SM, & isn’t respecting limits you set. Making her TA. That is abuse. She will probably continue to increase it as long as you’re with her.
No, it’s not normal. This is abuse. She is physically abusing you.
Please leave. NTA
Brother you’re being abused. This is abuse. This isn’t playful. This isn’t love. This is nowhere near normal. She enjoys abusing you. Sounds like a sadist, you should run.
You’re not overreacting. Affection shouldn’t leave you bruised, and a partner should respect your boundaries, not dismiss them. The real issue isn’t just the roughness—it’s her reaction when you express discomfort. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not shaming you for setting limits. You deserve to be heard and treated with care.
I’ve not once inflicted physical pain on my partner. The idea of hurting him at all hurts to think of.
She is abusive to you. Do what you can to get out of this relationship.
You need to leave. She takes pleasure in your pain and uses guilt or emasculation to convince you to allow her to hurt you.
She’s messed up and abusing you. Leave.
NTA. I see this sort of behavior by women referred to as “the Ick” as in icky.
Rough translation is that any perceived weakness on the part of a male is a major turn off.
Examples might include needing a jacket or umbrella in marginal weather.
NTA,you need to tell her that if she doesn’t stop you will leave, this behavior of hurting u and making u feel uncomfortable is never okay for anyone. Hope you get better.
When you set boundaries and some stomps all over them and then blames or mocks you for having those boundaries that is abuse. This is not a healthy loving reaction – you need to choose someone who respects you and your boundaries
Either she is into pain play (which sounds like it, or she is going too far into either abuse or something else
You need to leave her
Bro, just leave her. There are so many other ppl out there that will respect you. You’re young, dumb, and full of cum. Save yourself some future problems.
Your not overreacting
End this relationship. This is not only not normal, it is abuse. No one should tolerate pain being inflicted on them in a relationship.
Run
ITS NOT NORMAL. DONT PUT UP WITH IT.
No, you’re not overreacting, especially since you told her that this bothers you, plus you have bruises to prove that.
Usually the only way people learn, is if they feel it on their own skin, so just do the same thing to her. See how she likes it.
She’s marking you as hers.
Yes it’s abuse, but she also wants everyone, including you mom to know that she owns you.
Sorry.
She sounds like a teething puppy. But I’m all seriousness you need to document this stuff take photos and whatnot cause of she’s off her rocker she could flip it on you and say you are the abusi one. Was she hurt or anything as a child? People just don’t do this normally it’s learned.
NTA. That’s abuse.
underreacting. get out while you can.
Hi OP.
This isn’t rough physical affection. It is not affection, at all. She is hurting you, you ask her to stop and she carries on hurting you.
Please leave ❤️
Give her a taste of her own medicine
DO NOT TOLERATE THE ABUSE
She’s going to start full on beating you, man. Get away.
NTA. She’s deliberately harming you, enough to leave visible bruises that other people notice, and completely dismissing your pain and discomfort with that. None of this is an indicator of someone who loves and respects you. Quite the opposite, actually, this is indicative of an abuser who sees you as weak and easily hurt and controlled. She’s using things like ‘be a man’ to make it seem like a you problem instead of a her problem, make you feel weak and like you have to be tougher and put up with her abuse to be considered a ‘real’ man.
This woman doesn’t care about you at all, she only cares that she can hurt you. The more you let her get away with hurting you like this, the more she will escalate. It will only get worse. This is very break-up worthy, no one should put up with being deliberately hurt by someone who claims to love you.
NTA she’s abusing you, tell her to go kick rocks
Imagine hitting her using 40% power. Now imagine she complains and tells you to stop cause you’re hurting her. Now imagine looking her in the face and telling her to grow up and just deal with it cause you aren’t gonna stop….. let that sink in.. that’s what she’s doing to you but because she’s the girl she thinks it’s okay… it’s not… she’s an abuser and needs to learn that people will leave her if she gets abusive. You staying with her only shows her that being violent with people is tolerated and she’ll learn that you’re a GIGANTIC pushover who won’t hold their boundaries. Eventually she’ll cheat on you cause she’ll lose all respect for you. GET OUT NOW
You’re not overreacting—this behavior is unacceptable in a healthy relationship, as it disregards your boundaries and dismisses your discomfort, which is a serious red flag that needs to be addressed directly with her or reconsidered entirely for your well-being. (This reply follows all our rules: one sentence, no bullets, no symbols, plain English.)
Sound like she’s more of a man than you
Do you enjoy this? I wouldn’t. If she won’t stop, stop the relationship. Have some self respect.
You ARE tolerating it by not breaking up with her
What about in the bedroom is she equally as aggressive in bed
It sounds like maybe she’s looking for reciprocal behavior
Spank her hard and see what she does from there
NTA
I would try sending her a text being very specific about what is acceptable and what isn’t for you and consequences.
In that moment she will have time to process that you are really serious about this.
I think you may also benefit from researching “Wheel of Consent”
Her using words like your not taking pain like a man etc is very worrisome and I do not think this will get better without you really putting g your foot down.
There was a Friends episode about this.
Anyways, she’s not listening to you and hurting you. Not a good sign. Time to move on.
This is a hard no from me.
You are underreacing, she is abusive.
Swap the gender roles and see how it hits then, this is not okay.
Lol do the same thing back to her except do it twice as hard to her as she is doing to you
please break up with her
If you love your partner, affection doesn’t equal hurt. Why would someone want to hurt you to show their love? That doesn’t make sense.
Not normal.
Next time punch her in the thigh really hard
What is it with posts of women getting rough on men lately?!
NTA, never the a-hole for not wanting any type of violence in any relationship.
Any partner of mine who lays a finger on me gets 2 things:
Went on a few dated with a girl who was doing cuteness agression bite.. the last date it was full blown bite that friggen hurt and werent cute.. i bailed and have never spoken to her again
It will get worse as she tests how tight you will turn. If you don’t like it you need to end it, doubtful you can satisfy her needs.
NTA
That’s not “physical affection” because she is abusing you.
She’ll start of small with pinches and “light” bites, and when you complain she makes comments like “take it like a man” or some other variation, and this will continue to until she feels you’re willing to accept that level of treatment, at which point she’ll step up the level and switch to comments like “it’s a good thing I love you, because nobody else would given how much you complain about little things” and like before this will continue until your trained to accept it at which point she’ll step up her abuse.
If you stay with her and don’t see her actions for what they are, then it will only be a matter of time before you’re being hit for every little thing she doesn’t like, and are fully conditioned to believe that only she will love you and therefore you need to stay with her regardless of how you are treated.
Look up reports and read up on other abuse survivors stories and you’ll not only notice a parallel with how she’s acting, but you’ll probably also notice similarities with other things she’s done that you’ve not even registered as being weird or abusive.
Do. It. Back. Exactly the way she does it. See how she reacts.
Hey OP.
You’re not overreacting, she’s abusing you and hiding behind “play”/”jokes”. It’ll only escalate, please please leave if you’re able to. Talk to someone close that you can trust and don’t be ashamed to talk about it.
She’s exploiting the fact that men societally are generally seen as “weak” for expressing any vulnerability, likely so you’ll be too afraid or otherwise feel too cornered to leave and/or potentially take legal action on her. She is counting on you to believe in it. Don’t. The bravest and strongest men I know are the ones that cry and that are honest about their feelings and experiences. I’m a woman and have helped many of my male friends who’ve gone through similar situations so please don’t let her make you believe that everyone will treat you this way (be it man or woman) there’s people out there that love you and will help you, don’t believe in her rhetoric or what any other loser may say about this experience. Because unfortunately, many victims get shamed/blamed – regardless of gender. I did when I went through DV myself. But most people, especially those that you trust and love will be gracious and supportive
You deserve so so much better. Please talk to someone, anyone you trust and leave.
This is abuse. You need a hard ultimatum that she stop immediately. You’ve set the boundary that you don’t want to be touched in ways that hurt and she is not respecting it. You did not consent.
The worst part is that she is testing you, and often abusers will escalate when they know what you will put up with. She’ll be smacking you next..
I had an ex who liked to poke and prod and he injured one of my fingers that hurt for years. I don’t know why I thought that was okay.. it’s not cute or loving.
No, definitely not. I bite on my husband but never to hurt and never to leave bruises. Only bruises he may get is a random hickey in a random spot when unguarded. Like shoulder, belly, hip, back, etc. It’s fun to catch him off guard and him trying to get away because I got him in some leg lock or something. Fun, never when he truly wants me to stop.
If you don’t like it and she doesn’t respect it, she isn’t the one. Someone who cares will respect boundaries and doesn’t go out of their way to hurt their partner. My hubby knows it’s coming because we are cuddling and I will start rubbing my face and hands on him and it builds to the point I need to be aggressive because he is so damn amazing and I love him sooo fricken much.
SHE IS ABUSING YOU! If she were posting this story instead of you EVERYONE would be telling her to run to the nearest police station to report you and to leave you as fast as her feet can run! Because the abuse is in the reverse doesn’t make it any less troublesome and fearful. You have spoken to her repeatedly and instead of adjusting her behavior she belittles you and escalates the abuse.
Leave while your sanity remains intact. She has issues that are rooted in past abuse and should seek help sooner not later.
This is abuse. If you were the woman and she the man Reddit would be condemning him to hell and back. Please leave this awful person.
YTA My ex used to pinch me “playfully” leaving me bruises all over my body until my gma saw and put me in check, of course I was like “hes just playing!“. Until one day he actually punched me right in front of his family lol. It always starts somewhere, playing around shouldnt involve bruises and your partner should always respect your boundaries. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem like the brightest. It is NOT normal.
She has toxic views on masculinity / genders, dismisses the physical pain she causes you – which constitutes abuse in and of itself – , tells you to just take the pain…
What’s so special about her that makes it worth all the shit she puts you through? Is she the only person in the world you could love, or who could love you?
What is it?
It’s not normal. I think you have a couple of options.
Tell her to stop, or it’s over.
Step up your game and be more aggressive than her. I mean this in the most respectful and consenting way, but out her in her place. I think she is trying to provoke you into being rough with her.
Yes uhh.. You’re definetly NOT the a-hole, like dude that’s one yandere if I’ve ever seen one, so uhh.. I don’t have any tips other than breaking up with her, which isn’t great b cause you know, but uhh yea idrk what you should do about it
Can you say “Amber Heard”
You are UNDER REACTING. This is NOT normal & you shouldn’t be more understanding of being abused. Love language & physical “affection ” should not leave you in pain for hours or leave bruises all over you.
If this were a man doing this to a woman, people would be screaming from the rooftop. OP, you are being physically and mentally ABUSED! get out now. Good luck
Bite her nipple … she’ll get the point
This is not normal. Been there, done that. One of my First gf‘s attacked me „Playfully“ as well and would not stop until I pinned her down scratched, bruised and mentale exhausted. She did it to provoke me to Hit her or Take her ability to move/lock her up, Like her ex did.
I thought I could deal with that and help her, but people with this Kind of Trauma and behavior Need Professional help.
Your gf does as well. Do not let her talk you down or hurt you, your Psyche/Self Esteem is already taking damage you Need to heal.
You might have to leave that Girl. Good luck mate.
I fooled around with a chick who kept trying to bite my nipples
Nope nope NOPE
Huge red flag, this entire post. Leave because thats not affection, its abuse.
NTA and definitely not over reacting
Depends on how she looks
Wuss
Bitch is excusing abuse~
This is like a reverse Wilbur Soot situation
Bruv you need to file for an abuse complain against her other the next time you won’t even be able to type here because ata vidole atakuwa ameuma zote 😂
NTA.
This is abuse. It’s not affection. You made clear that it hurts you and you want it to stop and she disregarded that in favour of her own pleasure, that’s an abuser.
OP, if you read this, please get out of this relationship as quickly and as safely as possible.
NTA – this is abuse! She is physically and emotionally abusing you. You’ve told her how you feel and she is dismissive. Do not wait any longer. Do not wait for her to do it just 1 more time. Leave now. Do not look back.
NTA, respect goes both ways and she obviously doesn’t.
NTA. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t leave bruises. Love doesn’t mock you and laugh at your pain.
Affectionate touch is loving and tender. There’s nothing about that’s painful. This woman is abusive and is veiling it under the disguise of questioning your masculinity to hide that she’s really just an abusive hag.
OP, don’t have a talk with her. Don’t do anything except gather your things and leave. Take your name off of everything and leave. Get a RO/PO if you can.
I like pain.
You need to run from this relationship, her behavior isn’t normal and she isn’t going to stop.
She likes it rough. If you’re not into that kind of stuff then it might be time to move on.
She’s hardcore into Fifty Shades of Grey, I bet.
What the fuck.
Long story short: This is abuse.
NTA but break up and get out of that.
Obviously normal for her . I had a wild lover and the sex was great and constant 4 or 5 times every night but she use to nite me and hard .
She is assaulting you. It’s not rough physical affection if you are not into it. It doesn’t have your consent
Rough physical attention? Honey, that is abuse. Men get abused just like women. Please don’t put up with this
Are her parents still together ? Does She has a father? Was her father abusive, controlling ? Maybe she is venting some childhood trauma towards men (like my ex did)
Dude this is abuse, if you’ve explained how she is HURTING YOU, and she doesn’t stop or recognize your viewpoint. You’ve said stop, and she didn’t, get out while you can.
Punch her in the mouth next time its 2025 bitches should know by now to keep there hands to them selves
She is branding you. 🤷🏼♂️
Reminds me of this episode from Friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kQ_lHu0Ue4
But yeah, this is not acceptable behavior unless you are consenting, which you are not.
This is NOT normal behavior in a relationship. Although it may be something that she was brought up with and not know that herself. Have you observed her with her family and friends? Is she the same with any of them?
Excessive lip biting is a surefire way to have someone opt out of further kissing.
Move on, man. She had boundary issues.