First, two things. English is not my first language so sorry if I don’t always make sense. Second, I’ve never been told this to me personally but often especially on the internet anytime I see good behaviour, there are comments like these.
When someone a bit younger seems intelligent, self-aware and polite etc. it seems as though often many strangers almost automatically come to the conclusion that it’s at least partly thanks to the person’s parents and upbringing.
I’ll be honest. I hate this so much. People, even young people who have horrible childhood trauma and shit parents don’t automatically mean that they can’t learn everything by themselves and start behaving the complete opposite of their parents. This goes the other way too, just because you have good parents doesn’t mean that the young person can’t be a piece of shit, however this one seems to be more common knowledge.
But yeah, parents can do fuck all but that doesn’t mean that the child can’t become something good. Are parents responsible for their child? Sure, that’s how it should be.. but it doesn’t always seem to be the case. Young people, sometimes even kids can think for themselves.
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I guess we should stop blaming the parents for kids who shoot up schools then, right? 🙄
Well people don’t see children as complex, intelligent human beings. they see them as extensions of their parents who don’t really have their own thoughts or feelings. that’s why this exists. As a survivor of extreme child abuse I would be very annoyed if someone gave my parents any credit for how I turned out because everything is in spite of them, not because of them.
In the same vein, the opposite of this annoys me a lot as well. Anytime you have a badly behaving person, adult or kid, people just regurgitate the same shit about “never being told no as a child” or being “spoiled” when in reality people who had crappy childhoods are more likely to have emotional regulation and behavioral problems
I learned what kind of person and parent I don’t want to be from my parents, so I understand what you’re trying to say
Tbf- two of my most well put together and smart friends had fuckin shit addict parents and just got lucky their community essentially adopted them. So I could see that. Their parents didn’t put in any of the work to make them good people. They did.
There is definitely something to it though, Especially in “younger” people as you say.
I didn’t have a good upbringing, and I think I’m a good person, but when someone has been raised well there are things they do that do not come naturally in the “teach yourself” way of life. It’s the timing of politeness, the standing up straight, the neatness and tidiness of their rooms, the way they present themselves. (But Intelligence doesn’t come into it).
There are definite tell tell signs.
First, your English is fine, the post is clear 🙂 I partially agree, a person can be an asshole even if their parents tried their best to teach them how to behave and, on the other hand, can be a nice person even if their parents were bad. On the other side, parents have a crucial role in the first part of a person’s life, so I don’t think that it’s that strange for someone to assume that if you are a good kid, your parents did a good job. Tho reality is more complex than that, totally agree on this
Hard disagree… Because simple reality is, most “Bad people™” are bad people™ as a direct result their upbringing/environment and parental influences (or lackthereof)
Is there a certain %, probably in the decimal range, that are TRULY just borked from birth, some sorta wires are crossed and they’re going to be an evil goblin serial-killer even if Jesus and Mary Magdalene themselves raised the child from birth? Yes, they definitely exist… But don’t act like they’re most “bad people.”
I understand what you’re trying to say. It’s not as black as white as “their parents raised them well”, or “their parents raised them poorly”, it can depend on a whole bunch of factors.
The data is pretty clear here.
Parenting has ‘some’ impact on the child’s outcome.
But genetic and environmental factors are at play too.