I hate when people say this. Especially when it comes to important decision making. It promotes inequality in relationships if the only way you can navigate situations is by making your wife happy even if you don’t agree with what they’re doing.
I think the saying overall is toxic and it promotes that the guy in the relationship can’t make their own decisions because their wife won’t be happy if they choose to do something their way.
I asked a co worker for a beer last week and he’s like oh no I can’t and I’m like oh okay that’s alright he goes I’d love too but you know how it goes happy wife happy life which cued to me that he can’t make his own decisions if his wife doesn’t agree with it.
The saying is incredibly toxic. Relationships should be full equality 50/50 all the way through not “happy wife happy life”
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I completely understand your sentiment and yes it is true that it can be taken to a toxic degree. But often it is a way to suggest to overly stubborn men that sometimes losing a basic, nonsensical argument just to keep the peace is good for the relationship. Yes it should go both ways, but that’s where it originated from.
I think perhaps, just maybe…. The guy would rather spend time with his wife then another minute with a co-worker (you). Nothing personal mate.
Happy hubby as long as she doesn’t get chubby.
Yeah, I’m only happy when my wife is completely miserable.
What makes you think “happy wife” is the absence of equality?
I think your over thinking it. I agree men who are trodden on need to ensure everyone gets an equal amount of pleasure and compromise in the relationship.
I think most people, and this includes myself, view that saying as. Compromise on the little things so that one time you want to go on bender you have warnt your tokens
Sure but good luck finding a wife where you can ignore that lol
Happy spouse, happy house!
Happy spouse, happy house!
I like “happy spouse, happy house”, because that applies to both.
Yeah, of course it is. That’s almost the point. It basically means “I am subject to an unfair set of rules and I accept that.”
Those rules could be “I already have plans with my wife” or “my wife doesn’t like it when I drink (justifiably or not)” or “my wife doesn’t have a great reason for restricting my activities but I’m not dumb enough to start a fight with her right now.”
That’s life.
Hate to break it to you OP, but your coworker basically gave you the “my mom said no” excuse.
All I know is that through a multitude of girlfriends and a fairly happy marriage is, we’re always working on me.
The guy wanted to see his wife rather than have beer with you. The saying helps men universally get out of doing “bro” things they don’t want to do when they would rather want to be at home cuddling their wives.
I mean, in the example you provided, it’s a weighted decision:
Shallow example sure, but outside of my children, my wife is the most important person in my life. I make sacrifices for things I’d like to do all the time to spend time with my wife.
Most times, it’s not even a sacrifice, it’s pretty damn rare I want to something over spending time with my wife. But if the conflict is making myself happy doing what I want or making her happy doing what she wants, I generally go with what she wants. And she does the same for me, because we love each other and respect each other.
It’s not that deep. You should want your partner to be happy in life – wife, husband, whatever – and you deserve to be happy too.
I think it’s a minority of people who truly live by this saying, and that is to say the folks who are emotionally stunted, struggle to communicate or are outright ignorant by choice.
Maybe that is too blunt but I can’t remember someone saying the happy wife phrase who wasn’t either joking or fit one of those categories.
What you feel things should be and how they are will often be different. Also, different people value things differently; one man may be happy to sacrifice to keep his wife happy and another may not. It doesn’t make it toxic.
Also, just food for thought, it gives an easy out for something you don’t really want to do.
I used to say “My wife prefers when I do “insert action here” and because she is my best friend and this is not something important enough for me to ignore her feelings in this matter” but that then noticed “happy wife happy life” is easier.
Ha ha. Good one dude. You’re not gonna win this fight. Now go start working your way through that list your wife gave you last week, or there’s gonna be trouble.
I’ll take ‘reading too much into an expression’ for 2k, Trebek. If he wanted to hang, y’all’s would be chilling.
I never gave this saying a thought until my boss had his wife join the company I work at.
Now she’s my boss too and has come in and made a bunch of pointless changes to my job I have worked at for 10 years. The husband has always had a fairly hands off method to my work. Only bother him if needed kinda mentality.
He just keeps saying if I have any issues with her “sorry, you know how it is, happy wife happy life.”
It’s been an annoying adjustment period.
I say happy spouse happy house
The only people I have ever heard use that phrase have been the same people to incessantly complain about their wives and only be at work to get away from her. That phrase clearly produces unhappy people. It is bad advice.
Unhappy wife happy life (?) 🤔😂
Or. Maybe he is making his own decision and he decided to avoid drinking being a problem as it’s not nearly as important as his relationship with his partner? I think you could use a little change in perspective and see from outside your own narrow interpretation of the world.
The key is — how the wife is happy. And assumes you’re also happy –
I agree! Downvote
Idk man I get your point that men sometimes are expected to forgo their identities and wishes to be a provider and provide a “happy life” for their family, but most the time when that phrase gets used its because Shannon wanted the more expensive patio furniture.
My ex used to say this and it made me want to tear my face off.
My wife(F) and I(M) say “happy wife happy life” about each other and ourselves. If you’re with someone in a healthy relationship it’s not that deep. It just rhymes.
What it’s supposed to mean is something like ‘you can’t be happy if your spouse isn’t happy, so doing things that promote their happiness benefits you too’. It is not supposed to mean ‘agree to whatever your partner demands, no questions’. Can some toxic people use it that way? Absolutely. But so can many phrases be stretched into a toxic meaning by someone who wants to manipulate a situation to their own benefit.
Every decision in a marriage/relationship is a give and take. You’ll both agree on some things, but many other things one person will give in on.
For me that saying reminds me that relationships are give and take. You capitulate on some things for the sake of your wife – and that’s not a bad thing. (As long as she does the same for you)
(77m) I don’t think it means what you think it means.
It certainly doesn’t mean one partner disproportionately catering to the selfish needs of the other partner. I’ve been with my wife for 51 years. Over the years. I’ve come to understand that ‘making her happy’ has a lot more to do with listening to what it is she’s actually asking for than ‘giving in’ to arbitrary demands.
As it turns out, accommodating her needs for attention and affection have cost me very little compared to the extraordinary reward that her satisfaction has given me in return.
did you use context clues and maybe consider he’s an at risk alcoholic and can’t drink and maybe was writing off your offer in a way that wouldn’t get him judged?
Should be “happy spouse, happy house”.
If I were married to a woman that constantly told me what I can and can’t do, i will be divorcing her immediately with a lifetime restraining order
Normalize saying “I want to spend time with my wife” instead of having to resort to blaming the wife for being unreasonable to get out of stuff.
Some people actually get along with their significant other 🙂
I completely agree.
All it means is that your life will me happy when your partner is happy, nothing more nothing less
Someone needs to get married and come to the unquestionable conclusion that “Happy wife, happy life”. You will not escape the inevitable.
Of course it is. Some people just have a really compromised life and for them it’s a way to minimise the headache. Be less miserable.
You need to get some fresh air and summer sun brother.
I read all this shit and It makes me think this mf is the last person anyone wants to be around. God forbid a man keep his spouse company.
yea I’ve literally never heard the reverse. and ‘happy spouse happy house’ also rhymes but is more like an exception where the former is the rule
“Happy wife happy life” is usually said to convey the idea of ” I should compromise so that we can have a happy relationship” and not as a “I have to follow what my wife says 24/7”. 9/10 times ppl only say that to not indulge in bad habits or guilty pleasures their wife doesn’t like them indulging in. Or, they use it as an excuse when they don’t want to do something (which seems like the case with your coworker).
Umm… he probably just legitimately didn’t want to go and used his wife as an excuse.
I don’t think it’s for important life decisions, I think men are idiots and need sayings to remind them to be nice when they are upset. It’s for the arguments than don’t matter not for the ones that do. In the example you used, that guy was just telling you grabbing a beer isn’t worth telling his wife he’s going to be late. And I don’t think that’s a gender thing as most people expect their spouses to be home for dinner unless planned otherwise.
Happy Wife Happy Life does not mean she always has to have her way, it means the less drama and tension you go through, the less stress and misery you have. Some wives always get their way and are still not happy in their marriage.
If this is coming from a single guy, it’s less than meaningless, it’s sour grapes.
The problem is modern wives still want all the same traditional things from a husband but don’t offer traditional wife behavior
No one uses that phrase to avt like they have a healthy relationship. Its just one of those boomer humour wife bad jokes
He didn’t wanna hang out with you. Its that simple. Blaming his wife is just the easiest way out
So you give one example of a mate declining a beer and automatically assume guys that use the phrase are push overs in all regards? Or maybe people just like having a good relationship? Maybe its ok if more men weren’t trying to dominate the whole relationship?
This is a cheat code for men who don’t bother to understand how women in general think, feel, and navigate life. If you’re a man who puts in the work to empathize and communicate with your wife, you’d know that compromise is the spirit of this saying. Men often want and do have the last word. The spirit of this saying is to compromise more with one particular woman in your life—your wife—for marriage to be happier overall.
If you think this saying is for the man and husband to be the loser, then you’re the exact time of husband who needs to think harder about the spirit of this saying because its spirit is lost on you. Marriage shouldn’t be a zero sum game. You’re always a loser if you think it is and should be.
Sure, there are women and wives who don’t compromise and are demanding, so the spirit of this saying is lost of them as well. The purpose of wise sayings isn’t to address men and women who think and behave on the extreme anyway.
I don’t think people usually use this saying in a serious context, it seems to typically be used in a light hearted, half joking type of way
It’s a negative saying also. My happiness should be equal as well
To be honest, I think it fine to remind men to treat their wife well.
I check with my wife before I decide to go out after work because it’s unfair for me to make the kids her sole responsibility for hours outside of work without checking that she’s cool with that in advance. Even if you don’t have kids, it’s a simple courtesy to check with your spouse first before going out so he or she is not wondering where you are. And if you have plans together, even if it’s as simple as a sit-down dinner at home, it’s nice to check before blowing off those plans.
Be respectful to your spouse or don’t expect to stay married long. Being married is a partnership. My wife and I are a team, and I don’t let the team down by blowing off my partner.
I absolutely agree because it’s supposed to be a partnership, not a royal attitude
Happy husband, happy substrand.
Being married allows for easier excuses when you don’t want to hang out with co workers. Sorry man yall work friends
Cute saying but hopefully it’s pretty common sense how such thinking would be toxic in present day.
Honestly yeah in my personal experience it’s one of those sayings that people who refer to their partners as “the ol’ ball and chain” use. Like, oh I gotta appease The Shrew before she starts screaming!!! It’s kind of exhausting.
Obviously the face value sentiment is alright… relationships should have all parties trying to make the other happy within reason. I’ve definitely seen it used to excuse some controlling and shitty behaviour.
Happy wife, happy life. No wife, awesome life!
Any wife who says this out loud has a dummy for a husband
Agree 100%, when my lesbian friends say it I cringe so hard.
I want my wife to make a decision because she either understands where I’m coming from and trusts me, or because she agrees with me and we are doing it together. “Happy wife happy life” basically says “don’t blame me, I’m just a helpless spouse who doesn’t have any responsibility for my actions”.
If you can’t stay at the bar because you have plans with your wife, say so. If you can’t stay at the bar because you have to take care of your kids, say so. Own your life or divorce your wife.
Happy life happy wife means if you make your wife happy she’ll make you happy, it’s about how self sacrifice benefits marriage.
I agree I’ve heard this countless times while working that it’s shocking. A lot of it is because some guys feel as though it’s just easier to do what she wants than to have to hear about something for the next three hours, or deal with the pettiness that is bound to happen. It’s a shame if the roles were reversed women would be posting about it on TikTok 24/7
Or maybe he uses her as an excuse not to hang out with you
It’s not that toxic of a mindset to try your best to make your spouse happy. If both spouses have that mindset they are probably both set for a long happy relationship.
Why would you want a relationship where your partner isn’t happy?
Also maybe that man just wanted to go home😭
“Doing things my significant other like is good and doing things my significant other does not like is not good”
That’s just how relationships work when your close to your loved one man
My dad used to say this all the time. Now, they can’t stand each other. Lol
It’s pathetic is what it is
Dude that’s what marriage is
Yeah, this is why i refuse to date 99.9% of people. You dont get to control my habits and tell me what to do.
Of course it’s also possible that the guy is actually an alcoholic when he DOES drink so the boundaries are set to be so controlling to stop THAT from happening again, so…that’s possible too.
Men use this saying as an excuse to NOT do something they don’t really want to do anyway. Or as an excuse to do something healthy for them that they think looks uncool.
For me, it’s just a reminder to have work-life balance.
My partner says “I’m wrong until she calms down to discuss it”
Says the guy with a miserable wife lmao. Just kidding. When I look at the average hetero relationship, this saying doesn’t seem to have weight at all. The women do the bulk of the work at home and have jobs outside the home.
Boomer humour, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
So long as you can afford the divorce, you get to make your own decisions no matter what your wife thinks. And that goes both ways. You do you.
It’s almost broke me.
Accurate. Asf.
Are you single?
Narcissistic wives benefit from happy wife, happy life. (As it should be important for both).
Its sort of true sort of not. I know plenty of men who are stupid and make stupid decisions to the determent of their wife and kids.
Good wives and husbands think about the family as a whole when making decisions.
But even with good husbands and fathers men can be tunnel vision and not see the 10 steps ahead about what decisions are best for the kids and wife. So in this perspective consulting the wife first is a good idea. It why women make better leaders then men.
No wife, happy life
It’s not that deep
Same people who think justifying shitty behaviour of their sons by saying “boys will be boys”. Horrible toxic attitudes.
Sounds like you don’t have a wife
I always thought it was satire.
I know for a fact that a lot of people use their wife as an excuse for getting out of things they don’t want to do but are too chicken to just say so, therefore making their wife look like the dickhead. If anything its disrespectful to their wife, but I digress.
Anyone that I’ve met that says that phrase is usually very clearly being abused and controlled by his wife. Usually it’s uttered with sadness and a desperate coping.
this person has not been married to a woman. come back after 5 years of marriage and you will realize. “Yes dear”
Dude, do you how many men USE that saying to get out of crap!
Example: you ask a buddy to go for beer. He doesn’t want to make you feel bad by saying No. He says oh can’t happy wife happy life! Putting the blame on her for not going takes the pressure off of him.
Wives do it as well. They say they cannot do something because of or before they ask their husband. Thats their way of “not being the bad guy.” I know plenty of couples who have even agreed to put blame on each other in this way so they dont have to pull up their big girl and boy pants and say No to someone.
Spoken like someone who doesn’t have a wife!
I hate to tell you this, OP, but happy wife happy life is usually used as an excuse for not doing something you dont want to do.
It’s not toxic at all. What it says is that a marriage takes work and both the husband and wife need to make concessions to keep the other happy. We compromise when we love each other. Just bc there’s no saying to depict the happy husband doesn’t mean the wife doesn’t do all she can to also make him happy. It goes both ways. I’ve made many concessions for my husband and he the same for me. We’ve been married for 36 years. It took a lot of hard work but we’ve got a good marriage bc of it.
My ex used it a few times that I know about. About half of those times was when he didn’t want to do something but didn’t want to tell the person no so he blamed me. Lucky me.
The other half was literally when he knew there was no way in hell I’d be ok with it. In EVERY single one of those cases, it had to do with drinking. He was an alcoholic and there was no way on earth. No. If you’re away, whatever, you’re responsible for your own mess you create. But when you come home drunk out of your mind and obnoxious as hell and throwing up and I have to deal with you being a mess for the next two days and going through some pretty horrible side effects because you want to drink again — no. Just no. So in those cases, he was being legit and it wasn’t going to happen.
So, it depends on the circumstance.
But in the situation you mentioned, you literally touched on both. His justification of he “really wants to” could be like “I’m parking the bus on her cuz I really don’t want to” or “she will kill me cuz I’m not a decent person to be around when I’ve been drinking.”
The saying itself is actually a fairly obvious red flag. Its not different than a women saying “i make my husband a sandwich or he yells at me”. It isnt a healthy relationship on either end for one side to feel like if they act in a way that their spouse doesn’t like, it means their marriage or normal household peace is in danger. Getting married means accepting that your spouse is going to like things you dont, do things you dont like, have hobbies you dont enjoy etc. Now you probably shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with if you dont have enough points of common interest but the idea stands. Using “happy wife, happy life” as an excuse, or as a saying in general isnt something a man in a healthy relationship should be doing, unless its done for humor. You are literally implying your wife will make your life suck if you dont toe her line. Thats no way to live.
IME (having used the phrase before) “happy wife happy life” means “I don’t want to do that thing but I also don’t want to hurt your feelings”
Is it a remnant of a toxic past culture? Probably. Does it actually hurt anyone? Not in my experience.
Op, you shouldn’t have used the analogy. Gave everyone here a way to intentionally miss the point and ignore the valid point you’re making.
Life is a toxic environment.
Maybe the dude doesnt want to spend time with and is using a very common excuse
To me this saying is sage wisdom about being selective about the hills you choose to die on. Being amenable to certain requests your partner makes is part of a healthy relationship. If you make her happy or solve issues she raises then reciprocation from her side is the next logistical step.
The people who say that are always the exact kind of people you’d expect to say that
Toxic femininity is rampant and totally accepted in our society. It’s terrible.
I mean people don’t consider the validity of this until you point how toxic it would sound if a woman said “my husband said i couldnt”. People would start callin the dude abusive & controlling
I use it jokingly,I also say moderately irritated wife, amusing life. Maybe im an asshole, dont really care…
Would “Happy Spouse, Happy House” be better?
Not only is it toxic it implies the other doesn’t matter and is extremely sexist…
I hate when guys have to ask their wives for permission to do shit like they are a 12 year old kid. But I think that 90% of the time they just use it as an excuse to get out of doing shit.
It also implies the wife is a giant toddler that throws a fit if she doesn’t get her way.
This version of the saying is an archaic throw back to when the only thing women had any semblance of control over in her life was the house; men were advised to let her run/keep/decorate the house as she liked because it was her place. “Happy spouse, happy house” makes much more sense these days.
I think your colleague was using his wife as an easy excuse/scapegoat instead of flatly telling you no, he didn’t want to go for drinks.
Yes, whatever you say dear. Is the footy on?
You’re overthinking this. We all make compromises in a marriage. There is shit I do that my wife doesn’t agree with, because it’s important to.me. Things that are super important to her, I’ll defer.
Unhappy husband, happy GF. Lol 😂
Yeah, such expressions don’t age well. We’re getting married soon and I remember my fiancee shutting down my uncle when he gave some of those dated expressions like “when you’re having an argument, she’s always right”. I think she replied w “our relationship isnt like that”
It’s a common saying, because it’s true.
I agree, OP. To me, it amplifies the notion that a man is expected to sacrifice his happiness for his partner’s satisfaction.